59. Moms who want control, time to lean into influence

What would make your life better right now? 

It is a wonderful thing to long for change, we can listen closely to that part of us that sees room to explore another way, maybe a better way. 

We all have change in our lives – some of it is a change we don’t want, some change we do want, some changes we want but we don’t know how to accomplish. 

Our relationship to change can look a lot of ways but it will always be met by this hurdle: knowing and accepting what is in our POWER to change? 


Today’s bonus episode is part of the free Making Change Challenge that I started in February. You can still join in at any time and get those lessons emailed right out to you. There’s a lesson emailed each week for four weeks.

This lesson is on what you can control, what you can influence and what is your concern. It’s really important that we pay attention to the things we’re trying to change, but we actually don’t have control over.

A huge hurdle many women have every single day is that we want to change things we really don’t have control over. So I want to talk about this more today – how to come alongside things that we want to change. It’s so important for us to know what we have control over and what we don’t. 


And if we want to be proactive about making changes, we need to interrupt our brain.


Stephen Covey’s circles of concern and influence from his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People plus one more circle  – the circle of control, can help us distinguish what areas of our lives to focus on when it comes to change we can actually control.


Concern – Everything that concerns you or worries you goes into your circle of concern. Things like the education system, your nation’s laws, traffic, the health of your family, etc. The key is to become proactive, instead of reactive (expending lots of emotional energy in worry and anxiety). Redirect your energy into practical actions you could take to improve your situation. You then get these areas into your circle of influence. 

Influence – We cannot control what other people think, feel or do. But we can influence those things. If we are nagging, steamrolling, stonewalling or complaining, these are a very poor use of our influence.

If we want to influence change over things we can’t control, all we have at our disposal is how we show up:

  • Ask how you can be supportive
  • Praise efforts and reinforce positives rather than grumble on the negative
  • Listen more in order to learn about their side
  • Pick your battles
  • Stay in your own lane and do my own work
  • Change the subject
  • Set boundaries
  • Step back


Control –  We can come from a belief that everything is out of our control which makes it really hard to take responsibility for what is actually in our control – our mindsets and behaviours. Both our mindsets and habits can be stuck on autopilot. It’s hard to see where we can change because we don’t question our thoughts and our behaviours have become habits. However, you have the responsibility and right to take control of your thoughts and your actions. 


On the flip side, you can feel stressed about managing all the things and all the people in all the situations and feeling like nothing you do works. In this case, you have to work on separating what you can control from what you can influence. And again, the only things you can control are YOUR thoughts and actions. 


In the worksheets for this week, you’re going to be led through listing the things that are in your circles of control, influence and concern. And there will be some places for you to reflect on how you’ve been showing up and acting when it comes to these different areas, and then setting a new direction on how you want to show up and act. 


I hope that was helpful to you guys.


The Life on Purpose Academy is my monthly group coaching program for moms who want to show up for their actual lives. 


Maybe you want a taste of what it’s like to be in the program. I am offering the monthly topic lessons as a little mini-course that you can buy to get an idea of the lessons that we’re teaching. We talk about thought traps, we talk about mindsets. We talk about the myths that we believe when it comes to these topics. 


Links mentioned:

  • Making Change Challenge – 4 weekly audio lessons and worksheets to help you make mindset shifts and take simple steps towards CHANGE in your life
  • Episode 48 – Being brave with your life 
  • The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (affiliate link)
  • Episode 46 – Listening closer 
  • Circles of control, influence and concern worksheets 
  • The Life on Purpose Academy My monthly group life coaching program for moms who want to show up for their lives with more peace, presence and purpose
  • Monthly Topic Lessons Mini-Courses (The Hard Things Lessons, and The Stress Lessons)
  • The worksheets for that accompany this audio lesson (download it here)
  • The transcript of this audio lesson (download it here)




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