Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting https://simpleonpurpose.ca/simple-on-purpose-podcast/ When the clutter, motherhood, relationships, and life seem too overwhelming. When you have resentment and frustration every day – this is a sign you have been living on auto-pilot- letting life happen to you instead of living it ON PURPOSE. I’ve been there. Three kids under 4 and I decided to declutter my home and realized I was living my whole life on autopilot. I wanted more. I wanted to take action, be more present, have more fun! Enjoy my kids! I’m Shawna, You might know me as your Nerdy Girlfriend. I am a Certified Coach Practitioner, a Transformational Life Coach, and Registered Professional Counsellor-Candidate (RPC-C). I use the Enneagram, Faith and CBT as tools in my life coaching approach. I teach moms around the world the tools they need to set values and vision for the 9 areas of their lives so they can take the right steps towards living life ON PURPOSE. Find my books, course and blog at simpleonpurpose.ca Thu, 24 Nov 2022 17:19:17 +0000 en-CA hourly 1 Blubrry PowerPress/9.7.3 When the clutter, motherhood, relationships, and life seem too overwhelming. When you have resentment and frustration every day - this is a sign you have been living on auto-pilot- letting life happen to you instead of living it ON PURPOSE. I’ve been there. Three kids under 4 and I decided to declutter my home and realized I was living my whole life on autopilot. I wanted more. I wanted to take action, be more present, have more fun! Enjoy my kids! I’m Shawna, You might know me as your Nerdy Girlfriend. I am a Certified Coach Practitioner, a Transformational Life Coach, and Registered Professional Counsellor-Candidate (RPC-C). I use the Enneagram, Faith and CBT as tools in my life coaching approach. I teach moms around the world the tools they need to set values and vision for the 9 areas of their lives so they can take the right steps towards living life ON PURPOSE. Find my books, course and blog at simpleonpurpose.ca Shawna Scafe clean episodic Shawna Scafe shawnascafe@gmail.com shawnascafe@gmail.com (Shawna Scafe ) Shawna Scafe by Shawna Scafe, Intentional Living for Moms Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting https://simpleonpurpose.ca/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Intentional-Living-and-Parenting-for-moms-who-want-to-simplify-and-live-on-purpose-1-1.png https://simpleonpurpose.ca/simple-on-purpose-podcast/ TV-G Canada Canada Bi-weekly 172. Tips for having more than one kid (mom of three asking for advice) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/tips-three-kids/ Thu, 24 Nov 2022 17:19:17 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13452 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/tips-three-kids/#respond https://simpleonpurpose.ca/tips-three-kids/feed/ 0 As much as we might want it to exist, there just isn’t a magical list or routine we can implement to make it an easy transition to have a second or third kid. And once they are here, it can quickly become overwhelming and seem impossible. Today I share some tips and advice to help make parenting more than one kid a little easier    In this episode I discuss:  Prepping your first-born for a new introduction in the family Some of my own tips and ideas, as a mother of three Managing sibling dynamics and conflict Lessons from the Playroom: Sibling Rivalry My commentary on some crowd-sourced advice   All the fun links you might enjoy  Emotional Intelligence (and improving relationships with your kids through emotion coaching) What moms of toddlers need to hear How to deal with the emotional struggles of being a mom of babies and toddlers Real-life advice on having two kids under two years old (blog post) Planning the day (reactive vs proactive) Four steps to manage overwhelm in motherhood When motherhood can change you but you can’t change motherhood Settling in motherhood Is a third baby harder than the second? Enneagram + Motherhood Series 11 things that make my mom life simpler More posts on motherhood   Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)     FULL TRANSCRIPT 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your Nerdy Girlfriend and counselor from simpleonpurpose.ca. Welcome to another episode of The Simple on Purpose podcast. 0:18 If you are following me on Instagram, you know that this past week I went away for a work retreat. Do you remember back in the day, if you've been around for a while I used to go on work retreats quite often, I used to also go on work retreats with a community that I had started with one of my besties called a little late. And we used to do them with a great group of women, we'd rent an Airbnb, we'd get food brought in. And we would just all hunker down and do work and kind of brainstorm together. Some of my favorite memories are those work retreats. And then in this, since then I've gone on my own, I've gone with a bestie. And I haven't done it for a few years. So I thought, I have this big deadline coming up to move my email service. So I'm just going to send myself away for a couple of nights, you might have read about it in the sublime purpose, or the simple Saturday's email. 1:04 So I went away to work on my email, my email service, and then sent out that week's simple Saturday's and the email was broken, the email program is not working. So I'm still working with tech support to get that back up and running. And either way, I spent a lot of my time prepping for this, you know, this email to be moved over. 1:26 So whew, all right, the work retreat was still a really valuable experience. Because I could just be selfish with my time, which I think it's a bad thing. I think we need to do that sometimes, if I'm working from home, which I always do, and the kids come home from school, and even though I say I'm gonna keep working till like maybe four or five, they're coming in, they're asking questions, I can hear everybody out there in the hall, talking about things and I'm like, oh, I should go like, tell them this or tell them that. And it's just it doesn't work, right. And then I don't feel like I can ever come back into work once I've gone out and you know, been with the fam. But when I'm alone in this hotel room, and I go from my computer, to the bathtub, back to my computer, again, to a snack platter of cheese and crackers, back to my computer. It's just a time where I don't have to be accountable to anyone but me. And I can just be all in on whatever I need to get done. So it was a really like, I didn't just hang out and watch Netflix the whole time. I was getting my work done. And then watching some Netflix for fun. I'm all caught up on love is blind if anyone wants to tal... As much as we might want it to exist, there just isn’t a magical list or routine we can implement to make it an easy transition to have a second or third kid. And once they are here, it can quickly become overwhelming and seem impossible. Today I share some tips and advice to help make parenting more than one kid a little easier 

 

In this episode I discuss: 

  • Prepping your first-born for a new introduction in the family
  • Some of my own tips and ideas, as a mother of three
  • Managing sibling dynamics and conflict
  • My commentary on some crowd-sourced advice

 

All the fun links you might enjoy 

 

Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)

 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

0:00
Hey friends, it’s Shawna, your Nerdy Girlfriend and counselor from simpleonpurpose.ca. Welcome to another episode of The Simple on Purpose podcast.

0:18
If you are following me on Instagram, you know that this past week I went away for a work retreat. Do you remember back in the day, if you’ve been around for a while I used to go on work retreats quite often, I used to also go on work retreats with a community that I had started with one of my besties called a little late. And we used to do them with a great group of women, we’d rent an Airbnb, we’d get food brought in. And we would just all hunker down and do work and kind of brainstorm together. Some of my favorite memories are those work retreats. And then in this, since then I’ve gone on my own, I’ve gone with a bestie. And I haven’t done it for a few years. So I thought, I have this big deadline coming up to move my email service. So I’m just going to send myself away for a couple of nights, you might have read about it in the sublime purpose, or the simple Saturday’s email.

1:04
So I went away to work on my email, my email service, and then sent out that week’s simple Saturday’s and the email was broken, the email program is not working. So I’m still working with tech support to get that back up and running. And either way, I spent a lot of my time prepping for this, you know, this email to be moved over.

1:26
So whew, all right, the work retreat was still a really valuable experience. Because I could just be selfish with my time, which I think it’s a bad thing. I think we need to do that sometimes, if I’m working from home, which I always do, and the kids come home from school, and even though I say I’m gonna keep working till like maybe four or five, they’re coming in, they’re asking questions, I can hear everybody out there in the hall, talking about things and I’m like, oh, I should go like, tell them this or tell them that. And it’s just it doesn’t work, right. And then I don’t feel like I can ever come back into work once I’ve gone out and you know, been with the fam. But when I’m alone in this hotel room, and I go from my computer, to the bathtub, back to my computer, again, to a snack platter of cheese and crackers, back to my computer. It’s just a time where I don’t have to be accountable to anyone but me. And I can just be all in on whatever I need to get done. So it was a really like, I didn’t just hang out and watch Netflix the whole time. I was getting my work done. And then watching some Netflix for fun. I’m all caught up on love is blind if anyone wants to talk about it.

2:37
So while I was on my work retreat, I had this really amazing checklist in my notes app of everything I needed to pack. I was adding things to it throughout the week. And I was so proud of how proactive I was, and how I wasn’t going to miss a beat. And I get a whole bunch of my work done at this work retreat. And I’m like, Okay, now I have time to record a podcast episode. I go to record it. And they realize because I have my laptop, I don’t have a USB port to plug in my microphone. So that was game over for me. So this is coming out a little bit later than I wanted it to. But let’s just jump in.

3:10
I have a question that was sent in through the simple Saturday’s email. This is the question. I’m having a third baby in January. So I’d love any advice around that hacks, helpful routines anything. And I think this is a great question. It’s one that I had myself when I was welcoming in baby number two and Baby number three. But before we kind of get into this, and if you’ve read the title of this, and you’re wondering, like, is this gonna just talk about having three kids? No. And yes.

3:37
But one thing as I was writing this episode that was just coming into my heart was I need to acknowledge that the motherhood journey doesn’t look the same for everyone. So I aim to honor all caregiver journeys, all motherhood journeys, maybe you wanted three kids, or two or none. And it didn’t look that way for you. I don’t want to use the premise of this episode to exclude any certain motherhood journey, or to exalt any motherhood situation we find ourselves in. So I don’t want the title of this episode. I don’t want this episode to feel exclusive, because I think you are a mom or a caregiver or grandma or whatever. But there’s just ideas here that could work regardless of the number of kids you have. So let’s talk about some of those ideas, some of those strategies.

4:22
And I’m going to start by sharing some strategies that I tried. When I had, my first baby was eight months old, and I found out I was pregnant, and that my kids would be 16 months apart. And my first reaction and the reaction that actually stayed for a long time was panic, panic, lots of panic, because I just figured out one baby, I don’t know how I’m gonna do too. And I started Googling all of the things that I would need to do to make sure my transition was seamless. I joked at the time that I went to the ends of the internet and back but you know, it was 2011 so I probably did. Pinterest made that pretty easy. Back in the day. I googled I pinned I listen to podcasts. Because I’m an OG podcast listener, I was going to find the answer to make having two kids look and feel easy. Ha ha, joke’s on me, because there’s no magic routine, there’s no magic strategy. And I had a baby who cried all the time. So even if I did have some magical agenda, forcing that onto us all, would have just been such a defeating exercise, in my ultimate lack of control over other people. And circumstances. PS, I did try it didn’t work. I did try to force that agenda, I did have that defeating exercise.

5:38
I was reading back on a blog post, I wrote about preparing for having two kids under two and I wrote it 10 years ago. And I was rereading that I’ll, I’ll share it in the show notes. But I think one big takeaway from that, that I would still promote is this idea of prepping your firstborn, or your only child to become more independent. And some ways is just having them wait a bit longer for you to come to them, encouraging them to play more independently. And one thing that I did with my oldest at the time was we I started to try to think of games, I could play with him that were hands free. And we would practice, like just play these games so that once I had a baby in my arms, like once I delivered, and I’m holding a newborn, that these games felt normal to him. And we could just like kind of pick up, in my opinion, the transition from zero to one kids was hard expectedly.

6:28
So the transition from one to two was the hardest. Adding a third one, for some reason was not as hard for me, I saw this as well echoed in the Facebook group. And I think a reason for that is I felt like, you know, if you have one kid, you can give them a lot of attention, anticipate their needs, support them, engage with them, and then they go have a nap, or they go to bed, and you kind of like exhale, when you have another baby in the mix. And you’re dividing this up, you never feel like you’re doing it really well. And I’m pretty sure if you have more than one kid, they’re having secret baby meetings, planning whose turn it is to go on a sleep strike for the next three days, going from two to three kids was less hard. It was like we had this flow as a family. We knew it was our last we probably parented with a lot more grace and grit, and wisdom.

7:20
But to prepare you for how things change when you were our family of five, when you bring in that third good, here’s some things I want you to be aware of that are going to change in your life. The first one, you need to pay your babysitter more, because part of the battle is finding a good babysitter, and finding a good babysitter who’s willing to take on three kids, if you find this, pay them well, they are hard to find, cherish them. And then the next thing depending on the age range, you’re probably going to need a bigger vehicle. I know for us, we had a small SUV, we could not fit three car seats in the back of that. So that was a little bit of a bummer. Like oh man, now we think it was another vehicle. Another pro tip from moms with three kids, if you cannot book a standard hotel room, if you put in we have three kids with us, I always put down, we’re a family of four. And then I find us a room and we just figure out how to make it work. If you put in family of five, you might not get any rooms showing up in your search results. So put in family of four, see what’s available and figure out a way to make it work floor bed, sofa bed, you know, a travel God, the older they get, the more you’re going to have to get creative. Another thing that changes as you bring in a third kid is you’re never going to get a family photo anymore of everyone looking and smiling at the camera at least with out extensive bribery. This was another point that was made in the Facebook group. When I asked for advice on this topic. I can think for us personally my youngest son, he went about a whole two years, refusing to be fully engaged in a family photo. Like our last Christmas photo is me my husband, my two older kids in front of our Christmas tree, and we’re holding up my youngest son’s hockey picture. So he can be in the photo, we’re all standing in front of the Christmas tree holding up his photo and he’s actually on the floor at the bottom of the tree. He just refuses to be in these family photos. And then a final thing that I’ve noticed having three kids is you can expect to become an HR manager in your house. So instead of two relationships between two kids, you now have six relationships between three kids to consider. And here’s what I mean by that every kid has their own relationship with their sibling, they have their own thoughts, experiences, feelings, judgments towards that specific sibling, and it’s different than what their sibling feels towards them. So each of these relationships matters and each of these relationships needs to be paid attention to. I think it’s really helpful to be aware that the third wheel dynamic does come out. And I find it personally helpful to try different pairings of kids so that they get to be alone with the different sibling from time to time without the other one around.

10:03
I feel that sibling dynamics has taken up the majority of my parenting in this kind of stage where they’re transitioning from toddlerhood into childhood, managing conflicts and grievances. That has been a majority of my parenting work the like this past maybe decade. And for years, this really ate away at me seeing sibling conflict, stressed me out. So, so much. I know this is a type nine problem. If you listen to the Enneagram episodes, I’ve lived most of my life as a type nine thinking that conflict was poison, instead of opportunity. But over the years, I listened to a really great podcast on how conflict between siblings actually grows our children and, and that there’s benefits to it. So I’m going to link that episode in the show notes. Because it really changed the way that I viewed sibling conflict. I think I’m very passionate about creating a really supportive sibling bond. I don’t want them growing up thinking that they are in competition with one another in any way. Because I felt that growing up and I hated that feeling. I think it made me anti competitive. It really like the type nine to me, was really just like, No, we’re not competing.

11:18
I personally like the idea of my kids being collaborative, being partners in crime, and some sibling advice that has helped me over the years that I think maybe if you have three kids might be something worth thinking about is don’t compare, ever. Even if you think you’re being nice, or helping them understand something when you compare your kid to another, it tells them you’re not acceptable at this stage being them being you, you need to be a version of your sibling, you need to be over there, you can’t be where you are right now. I personally don’t make my kids share with their siblings. Really, I have two rules about sharing. One is if you share with one sibling, you need to share with the other like we’re not playing favorites here. And the other rule is you’re always allowed to say no to your siblings, you’re allowed to say no, that they can’t use your stuff or sit beside you or come in your room, you’re allowed to say no here.

12:14
And finally, as they get older, I tried to let them hash out more things. I know smaller kids, they need guidance and how to resolve the conflict together, we need to lay that groundwork, we need to give them the language, we need to give them the framework for what it looks like to resolve a conflict. But then for me, the next part is to step back and let them practice those skills and start doing that work on their own.

12:35
So those are some of my takeaways, my experiences, I know, I’m still early in the parenting game. My oldest is 11. My middle is 10. My youngest is eight. But just from what I’ve experienced so far, those are some things that have helped me in parenting three children. I personally really like the idea of crowdsourcing parenting advice, because I think what works for one might not work for another. It’s kind of like cooking, I like to look at maybe five different recipes. I’ll look for the themes, the techniques, and then I just make my own version. My husband teases me a lot like why do you even have? Why do you have recipe books? What are you looking at a recipe for? I also think that I have a skill that I can eyeball measure things. So it’s just like, why are you Why do you even have recipes? Why do we have measuring cups, and to me their ideas, right? I’m brainstorming, I’m just getting ideas. And then I’m going to, you know, add limit as I go.

13:25
So I did this here for you. I asked the Facebook group, I asked some Instagram friends for their advice on managing life and parenting more than one kid. So here’s some rapid fire advice with my unsolicited commentary. The first one, teach your kids independence, help them learn to dress themselves and help themselves in praise them for this, praise them for their independence. Great getting those kids set up so that they don’t need you or turn to you for every little thing. And I would caveat this with something I’ve learned by coaching for sports, what I observed in my eldest. And also in myself, being someone who grew up to be very independent is don’t swing too far. One way here. I think it’s helpful to encourage the independence but still help them out still step in, still do things here and there so that they can learn that they can ask for help that it’s okay to ask for help. They don’t need to become hyper independent, because we all know people or we are people who struggle with this later in life. But I still think this is really valuable to encourage independence in our children.

14:26
The next tip is to try to carve out time for a special date with each child rotating months, and some one on one time daily if you can make that work. This was the biggest game changer for us. There was a season of my parenting where my oldest was mad at me and not working with me. And just so mad at me all the time. And then I became mad at him. And eventually, I was able to realize that he just missed that one on one time with me. He missed me. And we started spending more one on one time together and it made a world of difference. I’m going to link a couple episodes in the show notes about that and about emotional intelligence because that was a big factor of the conversations that we were having in light of this.

15:11
The third tip is overwhelm is very normal and very real with three small kids at home. I, me personally, I get overwhelmed, so easy, when there’s over talking when there’s questions when there’s more than one person talking at one time. So I find comfort in hearing other moms say, overwhelm is normal. Overwhelmed, doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it just simply means you’re probably doing it. So if you are overwhelmed, let’s normalize it. Let’s stop and acknowledge it and have compassion for that part of you. I think, when overwhelm comes up that emotion, we kind of panic, we or we ignore it. But if you can stop in those moments of overwhelm, and just validate it, feel your feelings, guys, that’s what they’re there for, then it doesn’t scream so loud at you. And you can maybe just clear your head a little more each time. So check in with yourself more often. How am I feeling? What do I need, don’t let overwhelm build up to where you snap. But also know that sometimes you will snap because there’s overwhelm you can be proactive about and then there’s overwhelm that’s going to happen as part of living life.

16:18
The next tip is hang in there know that it gets easier as the older ones become more independent. And yes, oh my goodness, babies and toddler years are so hard. They’re hard. I mean, older kids are hard in a different way. But you’re getting sleep, you get your body back, you personally have more tolerance and emotional resilience. I’m going to link an episode in this or a blog post in the show notes about what moms of toddlers need to hear if you want to hear more about that.

16:45
The next tip is sometimes you have to triage their needs. And that’s okay. This will challenge you as a mom, I think especially if you feel the responsibility of meeting all the needs of all the people, then you have given yourself a job that will be an uphill battle. So don’t give yourself that job. I love that they use the word triaging hear like a nurse in the ER, like, who’s the most injured? Let’s start there. Not only will this kind of mindset give you the skill of prioritizing. It also helps our kids understand that we live in a world where sometimes we have to step back and help out those who have some big needs. Again, a caveat with this is to watch for patterns where someone’s needs are overshadowing the family. And then we might need a new approach for handling that person’s needs.

17:34
Tip number six put them to bed at the same time. Lots of cuddles one on one time. This is something we do in our house too. Like I told you, my kids ages they range by three years, but they’re all getting tucked in at the same time. There was a time when they were like We want justice for age, we want a later bedtime. And we were doing like staggering their bed times like five or 10 minutes. But then eventually they forgot about it. And we’re just like, Okay, everyone has time for bed. And what’s so helpful about that whatever age your kids are, is bedtime is bedtime, and then the rest of the time is your time. I think that’s really important.

18:07
Which brings another good point about bedtimes is to have a bedtime routine. Anytime that you do the work of putting a routine in place, you have freed up your future self, a lot of headache, because the kids know the routine, the parents know the routine, the cues for sleeping time are there. And another really good point that a parent made is this. Sometimes we have one parent for all three kids. So we can’t be doing this huge, big, elaborate bedtime for each kid, we need to have a routine down. That allows us both one of the parents to go out and continue to do something that they need for the night. And the other parent at home can be putting the kids to bed because there’s the routine in place. I think it can be tough if you set up the parent, like a certain parent locked into the bedtime routine. So I thought this point was really really valuable. Because if both parents can step in and do the routine, ideally, then that frees up the other parent and it frees up a lot of emotional and physical and space and time for you guys.

19:05
The next piece of advice is to get a sitter and cleaner sometimes. Yeah, your energy is precious your energy and time is precious. When I was having number two, I was struggling with this idea that Why does it feel so daunting? Why does it feel so hard? Because modern moms have it’s so much easier than moms back in the day used to have it like we we can just press the microwave and cook everyone dinner. We have water in our tap, like everything is so easy, but there are unique expectations on us as mothers that generations never had before. I remember asking my husband’s grandma when I was expecting the second I was overwhelmed by this idea and I was like how am I going to make it work? And she so sweetly said something to the effect of I never had it as hard as you modern mums do – yeah, I was bringing up water from the well and I was boiling diapers in the basement. But the kids were just off doing whatever you mom’s now you are expected to be with your kids, playing with your kids and just engaging with them all of the time. So I think that’s worth thinking about the amount of time and energy that we’re spending on all of the cultural expectations of us. And just give yourself a little break, like you can outsource some things sometimes.

20:22
The next point of advice, each person of the family has their own color for the calendar. The lady nerd in me sees the lady nerd in you. So you know, I’m a big fan of the Google Calendar, I’ll link the planning episode where I talk about the Google Calendar. Color coding is just like, it’s, it makes you not have to think so hard, you just see the colors and you know what they mean? So helpful. Moving on, treat each child according to their age, they are they their own person at their own time of life.

20:52
I really liked this one, it felt really deep to me, like when I hear it, I feel like I need to step out of this chaotic presence and step back and look at these little people in my life and ask, what is it like to be them at four? At seven at 10? What’s it like to be a 10 year old right now? What’s going on? With them being 10? How can I meet this tiny person where they’re at right now really like that question, just keeping it in the back of your mind.

21:22
Another helpful approach that was shared is embrace the joyful chaos, lower your standards, then lower them somewhere, let go of the guilt of not being able to be enough or do enough. This is the work in progress, paying attention to what you think should be happening versus what is happening. Because that disconnect between the two is what causes us pain and suffering. So there’s the work bringing these two things closer together. And I think this piece of advice has some really tangible ways to do that. So thank you for that.

21:55
And a final nugget of truth. It needs no explanation. It just needs reckless faith. And this is just decide you are going to be okay. I needed this one I needed to remember I needed to remember, this is the long game. This is the puzzle that we haven’t finished putting together yet. I need to remember that I’m going to mess up some things. I’m going to aced some things, there’s going to be highs, there’s going to be lows, but if I don’t think in the long run, if I don’t have faith and hope in this entire experience, that we’re going to be okay, then I’ll just be operating in fear and doubt. So it sounds simple, not easy. Just decide you’re going to be okay.

22:40
Looking back on all of this advice that was submitted, I noticed there wasn’t like use this routine and this plan and this checklist and life will be fine. And then you’ll have time to shower and make full meals and go to the thrift store and to the exercise class and read all the books. And I think it’s worth acknowledging two things. On one hand, routines help, there are ways to simplify your life. But on the other hand, we need to also acknowledge that we can do anything but we can’t do everything. And even saying that some of us really don’t want to believe that we don’t want to admit that. We don’t want to have to make choices, we don’t want to have to we just want to be that person who finds the trick, or finds the willpower or finds the time strategy that allows us to do all of the things. But motherhood is really a crash course in having to choose and prioritize the important things. And it will be messy and it will be hard.

23:32
For me and my own opinion. I think so much of what I do as a mom comes down to understanding how I want to show up right now what my values are. As a mom, this is where I can make the shift into intentional parenting to being a parent on purpose, and not reactive parenting, which I’ve spent many years and still find myself doing. It’s all about being intentional, showing up on purpose. You know, that’s really the whole existence of this podcast, and specifically the content of this episode. So if it needs its whole podcast, and it needs it’s a whole platform, it should tell you something. It isn’t easy. Like I said it’s simple but not easy. So let’s keep working on it together.

24:14
I would love to hear your thoughts, your takeaways, any strategies that I’ve missed, bring them into the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community, that is a group that is there for you. There are hundreds of you in there, and I hope that you will use it and share your ideas, your thoughts, your tips and your takeaways there. Also, make sure to check out the show notes. There are always a lot of helpful links that I aim to put in the show notes that just branch off on all of these different topics. If you can’t find the show notes go to simple and purpose.ca click listen and all of the episodes they’re all the show notes are there. If you scroll to the very bottom of the post, you’ll also find transcripts of the episodes. If you prefer to read sometimes people like that too. Alright friends thanks so much for joining me for another episode. Have a great day.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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As much as we might want it to exist, there just isn’t a magical list or routine we can implement to make it an easy transition to have a second or third kid. And once they are here, it can quickly become overwhelming and seem impossible.
 


In this episode I discuss: 

Prepping your first-born for a new introduction in the family
Some of my own tips and ideas, as a mother of three
Managing sibling dynamics and conflict

Lessons from the Playroom: Sibling Rivalry


My commentary on some crowd-sourced advice

 

All the fun links you might enjoy 

Emotional Intelligence (and improving relationships with your kids through emotion coaching)
What moms of toddlers need to hear
How to deal with the emotional struggles of being a mom of babies and toddlers
Real-life advice on having two kids under two years old (blog post)
Planning the day (reactive vs proactive)
Four steps to manage overwhelm in motherhood
When motherhood can change you but you can’t change motherhood
Settling in motherhood
Is a third baby harder than the second?
Enneagram + Motherhood Series
11 things that make my mom life simpler
More posts on motherhood

 

Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)

 



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

0:00
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your Nerdy Girlfriend and counselor from simpleonpurpose.ca. Welcome to another episode of The Simple on Purpose podcast.

0:18
If you are following me on Instagram, you know that this past week I went away for a work retreat. Do you remember back in the day, if you've been around for a while I used to go on work retreats quite often, I used to also go on work retreats with a community that I had started with one of my besties called a little late. And we used to do them with a great group of women, we'd rent an Airbnb, we'd get food brought in. And we would just all hunker down and do work and kind of brainstorm together. Some of my favorite memories are those work retreats. And then in this, since then I've gone on my own, I've gone with a bestie. And I haven't done it for a few years. So I thought, I have this big deadline coming up to move my email service. So I'm just going to send myself away for a couple of nights, you might have read about it in the sublime purpose, or the simple Saturday's email.

1:04
So I went away to work on my email, my email service,]]>
Shawna Scafe 25:10
171. Making home a place where your kids want to hangout (with you, and their friends) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/how-to-hangout-with-kids-at-home/ Tue, 01 Nov 2022 20:41:43 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13302 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/how-to-hangout-with-kids-at-home/#comments https://simpleonpurpose.ca/how-to-hangout-with-kids-at-home/feed/ 2 Whether your vision is to be the hangout spot on the block, or a place your kids still come to visit after moving out, small changes can be made to create a cozy, comfortable, and welcoming home for the quickly growing and ever-changing family.   Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.    In this episode I discuss:  Having a vision for the kind of home you want to have Creating a peaceful house is not just simplifying and decluttering  Ep 69. Will a Simpler Home Bring Me Peace? Creating spaces in your home to foster certain activities and atmospheres for your family and friends  What makes kids think that a house is a good place to hang out at  Getting your kids to still hang out with you as they grow up and creating spaces that foster that connection Hygge and how to add this to your home  Three ways to bring hygge into your daily life 30 ways to hygge when it is cold outside Hygge vs minimalism    All the fun links you might enjoy  The Simple Christmas Planner Simple pleasures: Puzzles (side-by-side activities) Mom on Purpose Be the mom you are: how this one list can empower you to be the mom you are Ep 166. How to find confidence in being the mom you are Setting your Values and Vision The Life on Purpose Workbook The Live your Vision worksheets The Live your Values worksheets  The Perfect Moments Project Emotional Intelligence, for Moms (the podcast playlist) Ep 162. Hard and Awesome FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:09 Hey friends, welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. Around here we talk about all the ways all the ideas, all the mindsets and approaches that you can take to simplify your life, your home and your heart, kind of the inner experience as well, and show up for your life on purpose. So I am Shawna, if you are new here, and I am a mom of three kids, my kids are 11,10 and eight. And over the years, you guys have termed me to be your nerdy girlfriend. That's a nickname given to me in the simple Saturdays, email. So I proudly wear that name as a badge of honor. I am your nerdy girlfriend, your counselor and your life coach. And hey, I'm in small town, Canada. So here we are preparing for the winter, as fall is going to be wrapping up soon. And winter, hey, I did some Christmas shopping on my lunch break today, ordered some things and I want to make sure they get here in time. So I'm gonna put that out there. It's kind of like those reminders, go pull me out of the freezer for dinner, go order some things that you need for Christmas. And if you want to really get intentional about your Christmas this year, I have something called the simple and Christmas planner. I'll link that in the show notes if you're interested in that. So today I'm going to be sharing another question that was sent in through the simple Saturday's email. Let me toggle over to the right window to read it to you. All right, I would love to hear another episode on making small changes in our home to make it more of a haven for the quickly growing and ever changing kids, and how to keep it a safe and cozy place that they want to be in. Oh, I just love that idea. All right. So before I get into this, sometimes I get a stuckness with getting the podcast recorded. And I know there's a lot of different factors that go into that. But sometimes that stuckness is about me, really second guessing what I'm sharing. So something that just helps me to say upfront is all of this is just my, my opinion. These are my ideas. I don't believe that motherhood is prescriptive that life, how it should look for you should look the copy of someone else. Like I believe that you need to tap into your own values, your own strengths, your own passions, your own quirks, and live into motherhood from that place be a mum on purpose. Whether your vision is to be the hangout spot on the block, or a place your kids still come to visit after moving out, small changes can be made to create a cozy, comfortable, and welcoming home for the quickly growing and ever-changing family.

 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

 

In this episode I discuss: 

 

All the fun links you might enjoy 

FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)

0:09
Hey friends, welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. Around here we talk about all the ways all the ideas, all the mindsets and approaches that you can take to simplify your life, your home and your heart, kind of the inner experience as well, and show up for your life on purpose. So I am Shawna, if you are new here, and I am a mom of three kids, my kids are 11,10 and eight. And over the years, you guys have termed me to be your nerdy girlfriend. That’s a nickname given to me in the simple Saturdays, email. So I proudly wear that name as a badge of honor. I am your nerdy girlfriend, your counselor and your life coach. And hey, I’m in small town, Canada. So here we are preparing for the winter, as fall is going to be wrapping up soon. And winter, hey, I did some Christmas shopping on my lunch break today, ordered some things and I want to make sure they get here in time. So I’m gonna put that out there. It’s kind of like those reminders, go pull me out of the freezer for dinner, go order some things that you need for Christmas. And if you want to really get intentional about your Christmas this year, I have something called the simple and Christmas planner. I’ll link that in the show notes if you’re interested in that. So today I’m going to be sharing another question that was sent in through the simple Saturday’s email. Let me toggle over to the right window to read it to you. All right, I would love to hear another episode on making small changes in our home to make it more of a haven for the quickly growing and ever changing kids, and how to keep it a safe and cozy place that they want to be in. Oh, I just love that idea. All right. So before I get into this, sometimes I get a stuckness with getting the podcast recorded. And I know there’s a lot of different factors that go into that. But sometimes that stuckness is about me, really second guessing what I’m sharing. So something that just helps me to say upfront is all of this is just my, my opinion. These are my ideas. I don’t believe that motherhood is prescriptive that life, how it should look for you should look the copy of someone else. Like I believe that you need to tap into your own values, your own strengths, your own passions, your own quirks, and live into motherhood from that place be a mum on purpose. So these are just my ideas. Also, on the other hand, I really appreciate hearing ideas. So just take what you like and leave the rest as we say for dinner, try your bite and take what you like, you might not like it. Alright, so this question, I really, really love this question because it’s a passion of mine. Years ago, I read an article about making home a place that your kids want to come home to like the idea of hey, when your kids are older, are they still gonna want to come home and hang out with you? And so that’s been in the back of my brain for a number of years. I think about it a lot. The other reason why I really like this question is because I know it’s a passion for women out there, maybe they don’t directly connect that just yet. But when I do coaching specifically, we go through a person’s vision and values and a portion of that exercise in setting the vision is setting a vision for your home. How do you want your home to feel? How do you what do you want to use it for? The most common answers that I hear are, I want my home to be peaceful, inviting, welcoming, I want my kids to feel safe here, I want it to be there like a safe place. I want it to be cozy I want people feel at home here. And I think we could dig into the reasons why we crave these things. Maybe we didn’t really have that when we were growing up and we crave to make that in our own in our own home. Now, maybe we want to entertain, maybe we want to be a safe place to others and, and others could be like your kids and their friends or your own personal friends. Maybe you want to host people in your community. Maybe you like being like the family drop in center.

4:05
Maybe we just personally as people, we want our home to feel like a peaceful oasis from the world. And then there’s many of us who just associate that word home with this sentiment of it being a nest a haven. So we have different ideas on what a home should be. And for some of you, you know that it means creating this kind of Haven space. So this question is specifically about creating that safe, cozy and welcoming place for your kids a place they want to be. And so if this is part of your vision, and really having a vision is so so important for all the areas of your life, right? This is kind of a big basis of the life on purpose workbook. If you’ve checked that out at all our use and use and it’s not even a word or used the free worksheets. I’ll link both of those in the show notes as well. So a vision is knowing what you want like big picture, what do you want to feel? What do you want to do? Like what do you want things to

5:00
be like and it’s helps you direct your energy, your money, your time into working towards this big vision, instead of just like going day to day and being really reactive to your space your life. So knowing your vision is really important. So you can ask like, do I want my kids and all their friends hanging out here? You might not, you might not really want that. Or you might think it’s wonderful. So just know where you stand on that. Do I want my home to be like, efficiency, your place for pitstop? So we can just go out and keep doing all the things? Do I want my home to be like an entertainment zone? Do I want to kind of build up my space, my living area for that. And then when it comes to making our space, what we want it to be? The first step most of us think about is decluttering. That’s fair, right? If you stand in your living room, or your kitchen, kind of a main area, and you ask yourself, Is this welcoming? Is this cozy, maybe you’ll say yes. Or maybe you might start noticing the laundry baskets on the couch, the stacks of papers on the table, and so on. So decluttering is important. It’s important because it makes space for people. And if you grew up in a cluttered place, like I did no disrespect to my parents, it just is what it is. But if you grew up in clutter, you felt like there was never really a space for you. And you probably didn’t feel like there was space for you to have friends over. I don’t think we notice our clutter. I know I get so used to things just in my space. Like I can get used to shoving the laundry basket down to the end of the couch or moving piles of paper and books. I can make myself at home amongst my stuff, but others probably won’t. And maybe even sometimes our kids won’t want to do that as well. So decluttering it’s important. It’s important to make space for your people, and maybe the people that they want to have over or you want to have over. But with one caveat decluttering won’t make your home peaceful. And if you listen to that OG episode number, I think 69 Well, a simpler home bring me peace? The answer is yes. And the answer is no. So yes, simplifying, decluttering your space it, it changes how you use it. And it can just generally reduce your amount of stress when you reduce your amount of clutter. But also know, simplifying, tidying, decluttering organizing will not make your space more peaceful. If your house doesn’t actually feel peaceful to be in, you know what I mean? Like the emotional atmosphere around the house, if you’ve done all that work to clean and organize. And then it becomes this whole big thing. You have to control rules and pressure and expectations or just any of that in general like shame, frustration, guilt, for things not being a certain way, your house won’t feel peaceful. And then all of that piece that you craved, you still haven’t gotten it, if you know what I mean. Anyways, go listen to that episode as well. I’ll link that in the show notes too. So when we’re making space for our people in our home, we’re also thinking about making space for activities to happen for life to happen. Maybe you might want a place for games or puzzles could just be your dining room table and you can just move things around to eat when the time comes. Maybe you want to place for rowdy games, maybe you have like kids who want to play mini sticks and stuff. And maybe you’ve got a carport or a basement where you aren’t really worried about something breaking. Or maybe you just simply want a place to hang out making space to just be together. For me personally, I think this has been a big focus for us this past year as we finally had the chance to do some big renovations to our space. And we ended up adding three new seating areas really to our living spaces. We’ve got an island which we never had before. We have this like dining banquette that’s also in our dining room. And we have an outdoor patio space. These had never been here before, it was kind of an eat in kitchen. So it was really like, once the kids were done eating, they were out because it was so cluttered to have everything cleaned up and all that they’d go hang out on the couch. But now when we’re cleaning up dinner, or making dinner, or just kind of in the kitchen, there’s almost always a kid sitting at the island chatting to us or just at the couch, chatting to us from there. The summer was really cool to see how that porch space got used, because it had these kinds of comfy seats on it. And I would sit there almost all the time. And if I had a girlfriend over or we had some snacks out, it just became a place that people naturally congregated. So creating space for activities to happen, even if that activity is just hanging out can be really, really helpful. And then we think about making home just a place where your kids want to be like what will they like? I asked my kids this what makes home a place you’d like to be. And my my older son who’s 11 He said he likes having stuff to do, whether that’s mini hockey in the basement or road hockey in the yard, and he also said it’s really important to him that he can just relax and watch TV so he’s kind of that like work hard play hard kind of get my daughter said crafts that’s what that girl

10:00
On Sean’s crafts, and I can kind of think to myself like, what would I have wanted in my own house as a kid, what would have made it kind of a cool place that I would like to hang out? So you can even ask yourself that, like what would have made you enjoy your home more as a kid, and we can think about what our kids would like we can ask them and it might feel like we have to fill our home with the funniest things like an arcade in the basement, a giant gumball machine never runs out. Kids love those, that would be fun, right? But it really doesn’t have to be that extreme in my opinion. So in just my observations of parenting, and my still really short parenting career, it’s it’s short, I acknowledge that they’re not teenagers, I haven’t gone through that. But what I’m noticing the three things that the need or want, it seems, is one is a place to hang out, right. And we see kids congregate in the weirdest places like in on curbs on the side of the road in Arena lobbies, like they don’t need a lot, they just need some space. The second thing is they also want a place where they can just be themselves, which to me is acceptance, and a bit of like freedom, a place to just like laugh and be silly, tell stupid jokes, do fortnight dances, play their music, play many sticks without worrying that everything will be broken, and they’ll get in trouble. Just a place they can be themselves. And snacks. They just they want snacks. And don’t overthink it, though, popcorn is really cheap. So before I talk about a place where your kids want to hang out with you specifically, like hanging out with the parent figures, I want to talk about their friends. Because I don’t know about you, my kids are kind of getting into the age where they really just want to hang out with their buddies. So if you think that you kind of want that house where friends come over, maybe it’s the place where kids kind of congregate to then here’s some things that I’ve noticed for myself. So, so storytime. years ago, we had a kid who lived down the road from us, and I knew them I knew their home life was hard. And they would come and play with my own kids. They kind of just come up whenever Hey, can I play? Sure. But it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t always easy. I had to supervise a lot I had to listen in, I had to redirect them, I had to also learn how to say no and set boundaries and know that it was okay for me to ask a kid to hit home. Eventually, when things were just, you know, everyone’s kind of just done. But it also was really working on my heart because I learned that I felt this really deep desire to be a safe place for this little person, even if it’s just four afternoons, a few times a week. But I also had to commit to that I had to commit to being that place, even when it was hard even when I’d rather not have more people in my house even when I’d rather not make another bowl of popcorn, and go to the store for extra bananas. Like even when it meant me kind of being on supervision mode a little bit. So if this is what you want, it doesn’t mean kind of checking in with your heart. So you can keep it open to the kids that are coming into your home to make sure that it is still being a safe place. So that’s kind of been my personal mission. And it’s turned into something I really enjoy. My kids are older now they bring their friends over. In generally, I’d say it’s an open door policy. All of the time, you can bring friends home whenever we do kind of protect Friday night family movie, so we will send kids home. So Friday night goes on, or Saturday afternoon. That’s kind of family time as well. But I’ve learned that I really like having kids over I like being the Hangout house. I love getting to know these kids and their parents. I just love hearing their laughter and their fun. Even if it gets like crazy noisy enough to shut the doors. I love that generally all three of my kids are included in the play. Even though they’re three years apart in age, everyone generally plays with one another. And I really love that this also allows me to hang out with my kids a little bit longer because they are getting to that age where peers Trump parents, they prefer their friends. And part of it is hard because they get a little bit older and they’re like, getting chill, and they’re kind of getting really fun to hang out with and have conversations with. I don’t want them to just spend all their time away like I want to know is them. So bringing in their friends, it also lets you be involved in just being able to just hang out with them still. So I asked my kids what makes them think yeah, I could have my friends over. This is a nice place to have my friends over. My older son said having a lawn in a basement so he really likes that space to play. My daughter said again crafts which I rarely say no to her and her friends pulling out all the crap stuff. Making like I don’t know, glue gun shapes out of melted glue, painting faces whatever. But you know what they didn’t say they didn’t say all Mom, it’s because you you buy snacks and you offer food to our friends. Because I’ll tell you if I was a kid and came to my house I’d be like look

15:00
Get the snacks, I would never want to leave, I open my cupboard and I’m like, I’m rich. I have individually packaged things and kids can eat them. And it just makes me feel like, this is a cool place to be. I don’t know if you guys know, this is cool. I’m just going to hang out in this kitchen and revel in it. My kids also didn’t say, because you and dad are welcoming, and you talk to you to our friends. Like they didn’t say that. But that’s something we kind of make sure we’re checking in with these kids. asking them some questions like just seeing, going, showing interest without interrogation. And that’s a fine dance for conversations with all children, but they don’t see that they just see that we have the space and we kind of have permission to play. So that’s bringing your kids friends into your home and in your life, I find a lot of value in it, I enjoy it. But if you want to do it, you kind of need to be okay with that extra noise, that extra mess. Sometimes that extra drama, you need to be okay with setting boundaries and asking other people’s kids clear your dishes or wear your helmet or telling them screentime is up like go outside and play. Which by the way, my my son did say one thing he likes better about other people’s houses is there’s no screen time limits. I don’t really blame him, I would have felt the same. So let’s kind of move into getting your kids to hang out with you. And this is kind of where the question is more going. Because as kids get older, I think it can be pretty common where everyone just kind of goes to their own rooms and does their own thing. On one hand, I think it’s helpful to not get freaked out by this because I think it’s really helpful for kids to want that downtime, that alone time, especially being in school and socializing all day, it can be really draining. I also think it’s healthy to learn that skill of being alone and learning to enjoy your own company and maybe like flex your weirdness a little bit safety of your room. burn some incense get all emotional about the new Fiona Apple album, I don’t know, it’s good to let your weirdness have a space to play. But if you want to get a little more family time where you’re in each other’s space and making eye contact once in a while, I think some things can help. Here’s a list of ideas. The first one is to have some routines where connection naturally happens like movie night family mealtime. Because when the routines there is just part of the routine. It’s not like you need this big pitch. Oh, you should leave your room and come hang out with us tonight. And we’ll watch a movie. Rather than that. It’s just routine. And I think I have an episode on family rhythms and routines. I’m going to link that in the show notes as well. If your kids hanging out alone in their room, I think it’s really nice sometimes to just stop by and see what they’re up to. I know, my kids are still young, where I can just kind of come in and sit on their bed and be like, what’s up? What are you doing, and they don’t roll their eyes at me yet. So I’m okay with that. I’m going to see how long I can ride that wave for. I think it’s really great to have some communal activities. Maybe you guys bake together or just have a deck of cards like one game that everyone knows, listen to a podcast series together, watch a TV show together, we have family shows, to me TV is social. And I think that it can be a bonding experience as well. That’s one of my favorites. Maybe turn off the Wi Fi. I don’t know, maybe I have this sometimes unpopular opinion that kids shouldn’t have smartphones or tablets, just like free range. That’s just my opinion. So it’s personal, my experiences my thoughts. But getting back to your kids to be hanging out with you. I know if I was a teenager with a cell phone, it would be really hard for me to leave it,

18:36
turn it off. So maybe some unplugged hours of the week, your kid might just be bored enough to like linger into the kitchen and see what you’re up to. Another thing I’ve talked about in the past that I find really helpful are side by side activities. I’ll try to link that in the show notes. I think it was one of my simple pleasures puzzles, particularly because those side by side activities of walking puzzles where you’re just beside each other. It creates a low pressure to communicate, but the opportunity is there. So I think puzzles are really great. Even just having something out on a table, like a snack or something a fidget with it really encourages people to just sit down for a minute and be there. And really if we want our kids to be more social than we need to be social with them, modeling it, putting down our phones making conversation and not like forcing conversations, right but just being available for it showing an interest in it. I love the idea of just normalizing hanging out. Can you hang out with someone your house, your partner, another kid and just create like an atmosphere where you’re just together you’re just hanging out chit chatting like low pressure because I think that’s something that kids are more likely to adopt in and join with. There’s many nights I’ve noticed over the past year or so, where we all kind of just end up sitting in the living room. Maybe one kid is like playing music and dancing

20:00
into the Alexa, maybe another one’s trying to do handstands on the floor. Maybe one is just like sitting and watching it all if you know my three kids, you know.

20:08
But there’s no pressure, there’s no agenda is just like, small talk and inside jokes in I catch myself in these moments and I’m like, this isn’t perfect moment, I really am reveling in those, which also have a blog post on perfect moments. So I’m going to link that in the show notes as well, the show notes, you got to check them out, they’re gonna be full of good stuff. Finally, I think the most important thing, in my opinion, is to be a place where your kids want to hang out with you to be an emotionally safe place for them. And this is hard, this is hard. I think a lot of us didn’t have an emotionally safe place growing up. And it is hard to be that emotionally safe place, it’s hard to not snap when they do something that’s out of line, like, even if you’re just hanging out together, maybe they do something to their sibling, that’s not okay. And it’s hard to correct them and then still come back into this like cozy connected environment. It’s hard not to nag them when they share a story about doing something you don’t agree with. It’s hard to validate their emotions or thoughts without telling them, they’re wrong, or they shouldn’t think that or they shouldn’t feel that way. It’s hard to just listen and accept and be curious without lecturing and correcting. All of those things can make an emotionally safe or unsafe place. And I really tried to approach parenting with thinking like, I want them to keep coming back and talking to me, I want them to feel like they can be honest with me, I’m going to help them through it, I’m going to coach them through it, I’m going to get curious with them, I want to help them understand the situation in themselves and how they can get what they want. But I don’t want to punish them for their honesty, I want to keep them coming to me with whatever is happening in their life. And that starts with a really small, simple little things of them being toddlers and the things they come to you with. And the issues get bigger and bigger as they get bigger. But if you create that emotional safety early and consistently, then they can know that they can rely on that. But it is a lot of work from parents. I’ll say that much. So I want to bring it all back to the concept of Heuga, which the questioner asked about. And who that is the Danish word for that idea of things being cozy and connected and content. And we might think like candles and cozy socks and like cute tablescapes. But really the sentiment of it and I have some posts and episodes on that I’ll link to I want to bring it back to the three main parts of this concept cozy. Is our space physically welcoming, you might want to declutter, you might want to make space for activities to happen, you might want to make spaces for people to just hang out connected, do we make time to connect with one another and you don’t have to have like scheduled activities like this is games night. This is this time. But just to make sure that there’s chunks of time in your day and your week that you are generally available to connect with to hang out with and contentment content, don’t pressure it, let it be a little bit messy. Let them come and go let them let it be a little bit hard. Because hard and awesome. Everything has hard and awesome in it. So the awesome will show up when you can ride the waves through the heart and also emotional safety, right? Like contentment has a big component of just acceptance, right accepting them accepting you accepting this whole experience that we’re all having together and validating it that we are still going to be each other safe place. So I really love this question. It really made me think of a lot of different aspects. So I know I’ve covered different kinds of ways to approach it. If you want to hear more about one of these specific points, please come to the Facebook group and share it there. If you have specific questions for me. Come into the Facebook group and share them there as well. Alright friends, have a great week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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Whether your vision is to be the hangout spot on the block, or a place your kids still come to visit after moving out, small changes can be made to create a cozy, comfortable, and welcoming home for the quickly growing and ever-changing family. -  
 


Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

 

In this episode I discuss: 

Having a vision for the kind of home you want to have
Creating a peaceful house is not just simplifying and decluttering 

Ep 69. Will a Simpler Home Bring Me Peace?


Creating spaces in your home to foster certain activities and atmospheres for your family and friends 
What makes kids think that a house is a good place to hang out at 
Getting your kids to still hang out with you as they grow up and creating spaces that foster that connection
Hygge and how to add this to your home 

Three ways to bring hygge into your daily life
30 ways to hygge when it is cold outside
Hygge vs minimalism 



 

All the fun links you might enjoy 

The Simple Christmas Planner
Simple pleasures: Puzzles (side-by-side activities)
Mom on Purpose

Be the mom you are: how this one list can empower you to be the mom you are


Ep 166. How to find confidence in being the mom you are
Setting your Values and Vision

The Life on Purpose Workbook
The Live your Vision worksheets
The Live your Values worksheets 


The Perfect Moments Project
Emotional Intelligence, for Moms (the podcast playlist)
Ep 162. Hard and Awesome


FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
0:09
Hey friends, welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. Around here we talk about all the ways all the ideas, all the mindsets and approaches that you can take to simplify your life, your home and your heart, kind of the inner experience as well, and show up for your life on purpose. So I am Shawna, if you are new here, and I am a mom of three kids, my kids are 11,10 and eight. And over the years, you guys have termed me to be your nerdy girlfriend. That's a nickname given to me in the simple Saturdays, email. So I proudly wear that name as a badge of honor. I am your nerdy girlfriend, your counselor and your life coach. And hey, I'm in small town, Canada. So here we are preparing for the winter, as fall is going to be wrapping up soon. And winter, hey, I did some Christmas shopping on my lunch break today, ordered some things and I want to make sure they get here in time. So I'm gonna put that out there. It's kind of like those reminders, go pull me out of the freezer for dinner,]]>
Shawna Scafe 24:06
170. Planning the Day (reactive vs proactive, tools and approaches I use) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/reactive-proactive-planning-the-day/ Tue, 18 Oct 2022 16:46:42 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13289 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/reactive-proactive-planning-the-day/#respond https://simpleonpurpose.ca/reactive-proactive-planning-the-day/feed/ 0 Planning the day can be an overwhelming chore that you are constantly behind in. Sticking to that plan can be frustrating and seem impossible. I want to share a few ways that I keep myself on track and having a proactive day, rather than a reactive day.    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.    In this episode I discuss:  The crafty form of planning, bullet journaling  How to get started bullet journalling  The three planners that I found worked the best  Moleskin Weekly Planner Passion Planner Ban.Do Planner  The crown jewel of planning apps, Google Calendar, and how I use it to plan effectively  How to organize and use your To-Do list to check things off How I prioritize my To-Do list, shiting from a should-do to a could-do mindset  Planning a proactive day rather than having a reactive day, especially with chores Cognitive distortions and how to get out of that All-or-nothing thinking  Meal prepping    All the fun links you might enjoy    How to get started bullet journalling  Planning the day for moms The freedom you can gain from planning your day Procrastination tips for moms Does your to-do list overwhelm you? Do you trust yourself to show up for you?  How to move from ambivalent to ambitious    Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)     TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:09 Hello friends welcome back to the simple on purpose podcast. My name is Shawna, you guys know me as your nerdy girlfriend and life coach and counselor. And if you are new here, if you found the podcast over the summer, welcome, I'm so glad you are here. At simple on purpose, we talk about ways to simplify, simplify your home, your heart, your life, and do things on purpose, do life on purpose, turn off the autopilot, turn off the default mode, that we're just living in life reactively to life and letting things happen, like letting life happen at us and moving into an intentional space, being really proactive with who we are, how we want to show up our lives and what we want to get out of our life. So that's the premise of what we talk about here. I'm really glad you're here. I let you know earlier that I had taken the summer off, I was finishing up my schooling to become a registered professional counselor. And now I'm on the other side of that I've gone through certification, I am working on my supervision hours with my supervisor. And I just really had no idea what I would come back to in terms of what simple on purpose was going to look like. I think I still don't know, people are asking me am I going to open up and like on purpose Academy again, am I going to keep the podcast going like all these plans, and I'm just like, I don't know, I don't know what I'm doing. But I am really enjoying the connection that I have with you guys over podcast, I love getting messages from you on Instagram over email letting me know that it's something that's part of your life part of your day. And it's something that's helping you, which is really my whole goal, right. And my whole goal is to empower moms to empower women to empower you guys to live simple on purpose. So I don't know what the future holds. I'm really open to it to where my life will take me and where these career plans take me. But let's keep digging into the podcast, I asked for suggestions on podcast topics I've asked in the simple on purpose, email, what you guys would like to hear about. And so today I'm going to talk about one of those suggested topics. And by the way, if you guys are not on the simple Saturdays email, that's an email that comes out twice a month. So it's not overwhelming. And I try to make that a place that's just fun and connected. And I share pictures, I share pictures of what I'm decluttering I share links to things I'm loving, Planning the day can be an overwhelming chore that you are constantly behind in. Sticking to that plan can be frustrating and seem impossible. I want to share a few ways that I keep myself on track and having a proactive day, rather than a reactive day. 

 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

 

In this episode I discuss: 

  • The crafty form of planning, bullet journaling 
  • The three planners that I found worked the best 
  • The crown jewel of planning apps, Google Calendar, and how I use it to plan effectively 
  • How to organize and use your To-Do list to check things off
  • How I prioritize my To-Do list, shiting from a should-do to a could-do mindset 
  • Planning a proactive day rather than having a reactive day, especially with chores
  • Cognitive distortions and how to get out of that All-or-nothing thinking 
  • Meal prepping 

 

All the fun links you might enjoy 

 

How to get started bullet journalling 

Planning the day for moms

The freedom you can gain from planning your day

Procrastination tips for moms

Does your to-do list overwhelm you?

Do you trust yourself to show up for you? 

How to move from ambivalent to ambitious 

 

Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)

 

 

TRANSCRIPT

(unedited)

0:09
Hello friends welcome back to the simple on purpose podcast. My name is Shawna, you guys know me as your nerdy girlfriend and life coach and counselor. And if you are new here, if you found the podcast over the summer, welcome, I’m so glad you are here. At simple on purpose, we talk about ways to simplify, simplify your home, your heart, your life, and do things on purpose, do life on purpose, turn off the autopilot, turn off the default mode, that we’re just living in life reactively to life and letting things happen, like letting life happen at us and moving into an intentional space, being really proactive with who we are, how we want to show up our lives and what we want to get out of our life. So that’s the premise of what we talk about here. I’m really glad you’re here. I let you know earlier that I had taken the summer off, I was finishing up my schooling to become a registered professional counselor. And now I’m on the other side of that I’ve gone through certification, I am working on my supervision hours with my supervisor. And I just really had no idea what I would come back to in terms of what simple on purpose was going to look like. I think I still don’t know, people are asking me am I going to open up and like on purpose Academy again, am I going to keep the podcast going like all these plans, and I’m just like, I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m doing. But I am really enjoying the connection that I have with you guys over podcast, I love getting messages from you on Instagram over email letting me know that it’s something that’s part of your life part of your day. And it’s something that’s helping you, which is really my whole goal, right. And my whole goal is to empower moms to empower women to empower you guys to live simple on purpose. So I don’t know what the future holds. I’m really open to it to where my life will take me and where these career plans take me. But let’s keep digging into the podcast, I asked for suggestions on podcast topics I’ve asked in the simple on purpose, email, what you guys would like to hear about. And so today I’m going to talk about one of those suggested topics. And by the way, if you guys are not on the simple Saturdays email, that’s an email that comes out twice a month. So it’s not overwhelming. And I try to make that a place that’s just fun and connected. And I share pictures, I share pictures of what I’m decluttering I share links to things I’m loving, you know, whether it’s books, or podcasts or recipes, or just generally items that I’m loving in my life insights about as I’m going along insights about life on purpose. So you guys call it your virtual coffee date with your nerdy girlfriend. And I love that I love that you gave it that name. So if you are not on the simple Saturday’s email, stop by the website simple on purpose.ca. And find a signup box there and put your email in. I’d love to have you join us there. Alright, so I was asked to share on how I plan my date. And I know if you listen to enough episodes and read enough of my blog posts that you can put all this together. There’s a lot of bits and pieces throughout that give you a general idea of how I do this. But I also think I’ve changed a little bit of how I approached this. And so I think it’s kind of nice to just give you an update on what’s working right now some ways I approach planning. And I hope they can help you. I hope that can be helpful for you, as you aim to plan your day, give it more purpose, but also give it more presence and peace and actually enjoy your life. So first, I’ll talk about planners and apps that I use. And then I’ll talk about my approach to planning. And we can’t talk about planning without talking about the hobby that planning has become in the very crafty form of bullet journaling. Have you heard about bullet journaling? It had its heyday like maybe a decade ago when I started doing it. It’s also short form known as BuJo Vu J. Oh, clever. So this is taking a blank notebook. And in the notebook, you create calendars in there for yourself. You choose the layout that you like. And it’s a place where people are creative and as colorful and as cursive and whimsical as they wish to be. So this journal that you have you put your calendars in, it’s also aware a place to keep all of your ideas all of your lists is just this mega book of all your little brain nuggets stored in one place. And you can even look up on like Pinterest, bullet journal list ideas and you’ll find so many ideas of lists you could be keeping. The nerd in me can’t even do like

4:40
I think I short circuited when I started bullet journaling because it can be fun. It can be beautiful, but it can also suck you in on one hand. There’s just so many ways to use it. I think there’s also a very minimalistic way that you could use it and just use it to manage list and manage to dues but there’s also this other way that

5:00
It’s approached where it’s almost an Instagram performance art. And I was personally overwhelmed by all the ideas I saw on Pinterest and Instagram. It actually, I didn’t realize it, but it was deterring me to make use of it because I realized I had this pressure that I had to make each sheet each page look a certain way. So I wouldn’t get around to doing it, because it would just be so overwhelming. And it wouldn’t look how I wanted it to. But once I realized that I was kind of operating under that false sense of pressure for myself, I let that go. And I really enjoyed bullet journaling for years,

5:37
specifically creating different calendar layouts that worked best for me, because my husband has worked Shipwire since we’ve had kids, so that traditional weekly layout, it’s not very helpful to me in planning my days, especially when the kids weren’t in school and a week to me look like a Wednesday to a Tuesday. So having that layout was just really helpful for my brain to plan things without having to be like, Oh, who’s home this day, and what’s happening. The other thing about bullet journals that kind of drifted me away from them was the upkeep. I mean, after all, I was at home with all three kids. And that felt like a luxury to draft some calendars into a notebook, set up the weekly layouts and all of that. So that was something I found myself doing like, week, after week, like I could only keep up by one week. So it in the long run, it wasn’t really making my life easier. So I started to use paper planners, I planner hopped, trying different planners with different layouts and different features. And of all the planners that I tried, there was about three of them that I preferred the most, I’m going to link those ones in the show notes. And these ones in particular, were ones that I would use the entire year. So I wasn’t like switching halfway through the year. And they were ones that I bought, again into the next year, which I think says a lot when you’re a planner hopping around. One thing I think, though, from doing the bullet journaling that helped me pick a planner was the ability to try different types of layouts. So if you think you want to get into planning, but you’re not really sure you don’t want to commit the dollar bills to a planner is try just get some paper and just try different weekly layouts for about a month and see what helps you what helps you plan your day, what what do you like to visually lay out? How do you like to look at it? So I would take what I learned about myself in the layout that I like, and apply that into my planner search, because planners can be overwhelming. There’s like just countless types. It’s like standing in the drugstore and looking at all of the face washes and be like, I don’t know, what kind of face wash I need. Alright, so I also will say with planners that some years you want more structure in detail, and some years you want less. So it’s okay to try new things that that was my approach to planners, that was my experience with planners. But I don’t use a planner as much now. I do I just do still use one. But now I mostly rely on the Google Calendar to manage my schedule. And you might have heard me talk about this in the past episode I shared about it before and even my friends were like, Yes, stop talking about the Google Calendar. But the Google Calendar is like my personal assistant. I just love the Google Calendar. And if you are using the iPhone calendar, and you’re like, Oh, it’s great, no, Google Calendar is better. You can zoom in, you can zoom out, you can look at different views, different layouts, the iPhone calendar is just so limited. For all of their amazing technology, they just can’t make a planner that really kills it, you know? Alright, so my husband has the Google Calendar app on his phone, I have it on my phone, our calendars, talk to one another. I color code things I color code, work the kids stuff, appointments, because why not. It’s just another way to visually check your day really quick. I also set reminders for so many different things. And with most planning, calendar apps on the phone, you can go and set reminders for different intervals. So if you’re like, I want to remind myself a day ahead that I have this thing tomorrow. And then I want to remind myself an hour before like go send, go set multiple reminders. That’s the beauty of it. Really, I think the biggest benefit, though, is how it’s synced. It just it’s like a living document that we’re both updating. So if Connors Out and About for the day, or if I’m out and about for the day, we can just look at the Google Calendar and we can know who has what plans without it being this big back and forth and checking in with one another. We just have like the same like it leaves in the Google Calendar. It’s there and I just love having it on the go like I haven’t on my phone. I add things into it all the time as I think of them, even if it’s an important reminder, sometimes I put important reminders in my phone in my Google Calendar and I have it pop up like it’s so and so’s birthday or go and buy the thing you need to do the thing the next day. It’s and it’s really helpful for me in this job where I have clients booking sessions all the time and that has its own color code.

10:00
So I don’t get double booked. Alright, so I love the Google Calendar. I hope you love it. There’s so many, I think YouTube videos on the Google Calendar, and how to use it if you want to really nerd out about it. But I still use the paper, I really love to write things down in a notebook. And right now I’m using a weekly planner, but I found myself just using it as a notebook more often that I’m by myself relying on the Google Calendar. So I’ve got a blank notebook, it’s got more space for ideas, and notes and reminders, which is what I find myself writing down often. So how I use these tools, here’s a quick rundown of how I use these tools, the Google Calendar, alright, it has everyone’s schedule in it, like all three kids, me and Connor and the cap, joke about the cap, things are color coded. And I also have a widget on the home screen of my phone, which is so handy because it’s a little bit larger. So it shows what’s next in my day. And it’s just always there, I can just quickly check it out. Like all that’s next I got it, you know, prep for that this is making my life sound a lot more high level, maybe high.

11:08
I don’t know highly scheduled than it actually is because my life is a series of routines that I just know are going to happen. Like I know what happens on Mondays and Tuesdays. So it sounds like I live a really well planned and intense life, but I don’t. So my strategy in using the Google Calendar is to put what is happening, I put what’s happening like work or dentist appointment or counseling or coaching session, I don’t put specifics, it’s not my to do list. It’s not my errands or my tasks unless I put an errand or task in if I know I’m going to be in like in town. And then if I’m going to be in town dropping kids off, then I’ll put in a reminder, go pick up paint or something like that. I’m gonna tell you about my to do list in a sec, though, I wanted to say just a second more, a little bit more about the calendar. A calendar is only good for you if you use it. And so make it easy to use it some ways that I use it is having that widget on the phone that I can check I reviewed in the morning, so it’s just bookmarked on my computer, I can check it in the morning. I also copy it out onto the calendar on my fridge. So it’s there. Also in hardcopy, and I don’t know why I could not live without a fridge calendar, like we’re renovating the kitchen. And I don’t want anything on my fridge. So I’m looking for the most pretty calendar I can find and really small. So I can still have a fridge calendar, and everyone can see it, the kids can look at it and they know what’s happening. And then another way we make sure we’re using our calendar is Connor and I go over the calendar together. And we used to have weekly calendar meetings when the kids were a lot younger. And we had to really balance out who was using what time, I’ll link a post on that in the show notes. But over the years, it’s become more of a situation where we’re just like sitting on the couch, or we’re like sitting at the dining room table. And something is like oh, what’s happening this week, and we’ll open up the Google Calendar, we’ll just run through it together. It’s a lot more informal. But I find that we are often looking at it together just to kind of get on the same page about how the week is going to flow. All right, so my to do list. So we’ve got the calendar, we know what is happening, like the chunks of time. The To Do List is like how am I what am I going to do in that time. So if I’m traveling around in again, my life is not that exciting. But you know, I’m going to the city for some appointments or something. I use the Notes app for everything. I will put packing lists in it, I’ll put shopping lists in it. It’s also where I keep a list of gift ideas. And especially for shopping lists, the Notes app is really helpful because then you can share it. So if we’re doing a big Costco run or Connors going shopping for some stuff for us at Costco, I will make a big notes list in the Notes app and then share it with him. If I’m at home my to do list it lives in my notebook, my planner, and you’ve might have heard me talk about brain dumps if you’re an OG reader, because brain dumps I think are one of the best ways to mentally declutter what’s in your head. And a strategy I like for brain dumps is I divide a sheet of paper into two. One side is home stuff and one side is work stuff and I brained up all the things that I know I need to do, maybe I’ll look at the calendar to like I need to prep for this or prep for that. And now this is my to do list and I’m gonna keep it handy for myself. And this relates to a question I did get on how I keep myself on track. I think one big thing is just keeping that list handy. It kind of follows me around the house into my office into the kitchen. And it’s just there the book is open and I can just refer to it. I also try to block out time on my calendar for things that I want to make time for. I think this is another way to keep yourself on track is making time for the things that you want to happen. Scheduling it ahead of time and just keeping it in the calendar. Whether it’s like a counseling appointment you want to make sure you go to I have to schedule mine in advance a month in advance so I know it’s there. I have time for it coffee with my friends.

15:00
maybe kind of a bigger project that I want to be working on around the house, I put it in there in my calendar in a place, I give it a chunk of time of where it’s going to work. And I know there’s so much more involved in keeping ourselves staying on track. And I think this is where we need to develop the muscles of motivation, focus, determination. These are not skills I had years ago, I have been building them over the years. And I wouldn’t really take the time to do things unless they were easy and exciting. But I have become someone who does the harder and less exciting things routinely as I’ve developed those skills. And I just share that. So you don’t beat yourself up. If you think you’re not motivated enough, focused enough, determined enough, have enough willpower. All of those are skills, we need to develop muscles that we need to strengthen over time. So give yourself time and the ability to practice it. I was also asked about how I handle things if plans change, or how to handle things if plans change if there’s a disruption in the schedule. And I think this is more of a question of how I handle that list. Like how I handle what’s getting done, what’s not getting done. To me, I look at my to do list of the day, my outline of the day as not as should do. But more of a could do. Like I don’t have to do any of these things. And if we’re going to get really super meta about it, everything is it could do. But of course there’s higher priorities and lower priorities. Like the other day I was driving, and I had dropped kids off somewhere and had to go pick them up at a certain time and stores were about to close. And I had three errands that I had to run before the store shut and I had to go pick up my kids. So I’m driving and thinking about the three things. One of them was get gas, and I’m like, it’s pretty important, but I can push it just a little bit. And then the other one was order paint because I’m painting the upstairs with their kitchen, Reno. And then the third one was to go drop a package off for return to the office. So I knew I wasn’t going to have time for all three of these things within the 15 minutes that I actually had. So I had to prioritize that deprioritize on the go. And I’m like a first second. Third, we’re just going to focus on the first day that we get to the second grade. And then the third is probably going to happen tomorrow. And I don’t know, I think it’s from the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, it talks about the Eisenhower matrix, and it has us divide our tasks into four quadrants being urgent, non urgent, important, not important. And I think that I’ve gotten a tendency to view my tasks as this I practice this a lot, assessing the urgency and importance of things. And I feel pretty confident in how I choose my priorities. I’m okay with some things not getting done at this point in my life. I know this isn’t always how others feel. Maybe it’s the type nine in me. But I think a few things can really help with just prioritizing what you’re actually going to be doing. So the first one is, is knowing what’s important to you, my values guide how I’m going to spend my time, my energy, my money in that moment, when I have to make a decision. Another helpful thing is to not buy into that false sense of urgency, whether it’s generated by others who want you to do something for them, eg your kids, or yourself, like I gotta get this done, I gotta get this done. That’s an sense of urgency that you’re putting on yourself. And the other one is accepting the fact that I must make choices, this is hard for us, because maybe there are some of us who think Yeah, but if I could just find out how to have more energy, more motivation, I could do all of the things like there’s a code, I can crack it, I can find out how to do all of the things. But my reality, what I’m seeing, what I’m experiencing is, we have finite energy, we run out finite amount of time, a finite amount of motivation. And that doesn’t mean we just throw up productivity of the window. But it pushes me into this level of acceptance that I have to make choices, I have to choose, I have to choose what’s the most important, all of this can’t fit into one container of my day. It’s like decluttering your life, the metaphor, it gets deeper. So just a bit more on the to do list is that as I’m brain dumping all of the chores and tasks, and I kind of find myself just sharing like my inner monologue of how I’m planning, I find myself looking at this brain dump of a list. And I am thinking about when I’m going to get it done. Like I’ll do this today. I’ll do this on that next work day. I’m probably gonna do that next week. And I’m kind of sorting out mentally when things will get done. And that can go for chores as well. Chores are so helpful to plan out whether it is looking in the morning around your house and saying, I’m going to fold that laundry out. I’m going to take some meat out for dinner and take out the trash like, I keep that bar low. That feels good. And then I do it I actually do it. Because what’s happened when I’ve made this plan, even if it’s simple, is I’ve turned the chores from being something I do reactively to something I do proactively. So reactive chores are when you walk through the house and you’re like oh, there’s a pile of laundry there. I’m gonna go put it in the wall.

20:00
And then you realize there’s some the dryer or bring it upstairs, then you get upstairs and you’re like the the gross in here, I got to vacuum it before I try and fold this laundry here. And then a kid calls you and now you’re making snacks in the kitchen. And the whole day just feels reactive, like you’re putting out fires, it is an emotional experience, operating from stress, isn’t it. And over time, I know I did, I developed the perception that there’s never enough time, everything’s a burden. Everything’s out of control, just putting out fires, versus proactive chores, whether it is saying today, I’m gonna vacuum and bring up the laundry, or Mondays or laundry day, Saturdays or bathroom days. And both of these are ways to be more proactive. And the whole reason of thinking ahead of time, what I’m going to get done is that you feel more in control of your space and your time and your energy, it’s not in control of you, now, you have a cent less urgency that you’re buying into less panic, it changes the whole emotional experience of your day of your life. And it shifts your perception into like, Oh, I’ve got a bit of a system, it doesn’t have to be perfect, right? Like, you’ll see some things that come up that oh, I need to take that box to the thrift store or someone will call you something, things will come up. But just give yourself one or two things a day that you can be proactive about, even if you’re just in the morning, looking around your house, I’m gonna do that I’m gonna do that. Make that commitment to yourself, and you will feel differently about that chore. Another part of the question about how to handle disruptions and not writing off the day is a failure was the other parts of the question. And that deserves another answer. Because all or nothing thinking is what’s happening here. And I would recommend exploring that all or nothing thinking so that all or nothing thinking looks like if I didn’t get 100%, I failed. If I can’t go to the gym for an hour and a half, I won’t even bother or I blew the budget by $100. So whatever the whole budgets out the window, whenever you find yourself living with these kinds of rules, also called cognitive distortions. Some self inquiry can really help you get to know this aspect of yourself and get to know it, asking yourself questions like, how do you measure success in a day? Where did you learn that measurement from? Most of us learn it from what we grew up with? What do you expect out of yourself when your day is disrupted? What do you make it mean about you when your day isn’t 100%? What it should have been? How does this expectation impact your life? I think we can free up a lot of rules around how we think we shouldn’t be living in start to think about the ways we want to approach the day. And it sounds like in this question, you want to give yourself a bit more grace, you also want to acknowledge the progress that you’ve made instead of ending it all in a state of defeat. And now that’s your emotional experience of the day. So practice acknowledging the progress, practice letting go of the expectations that things have to be 100%. Just let yourself breathe for a minute. And I think just talking about planning, we also need to talk a little bit about planning food. Because this is a big task on our list. That’s almost every day. And I personally I didn’t plan anything until the head gets. But go on Pinterest, go find the countless ways that you can plan your meals, a monthly plan, a weekly planet template, even if you just spend a second in the morning, look in your cupboards and decide this is what I have. This is what I’m going to blackbox challenge for myself today or run to the store. That’s still a form planning start there. And I was asked to share about after school routines, which is where the idea of food came from. Because we’re also planning for the times of day when people will be hungry. It’s good to plan for right. So what works for your family. Do you want to have snacks right after school and a big dinner later? Do you want to eat dinner early? Like what what’s going to work for you? I know for us, we’re going through this right now we have something happening every day, every afternoon, every weekday. And so I have just found myself guiding the kids into the kitchen and having them make their own snacks. And some kids eat a little some kids eat a lot like the oldest who’s 11 eating the equivalent of a second lunch, but I like them to take care of that for themselves. There is an odd day though, where I will prep snacks for them. And I’ll lay them out on this big platter, put them on the table. It sounds like I’m doting on them. And I hope they think that but really, it helps me control which snacks are being eaten in the house. So they don’t eat all the school snacks when they get home. And I can just say here’s what’s what I would say yes to here’s everything you can eat. And then if you don’t like it have a carrot. So those are kind of my main approaches to planning. I think the conversation is really interesting. And if you do have more questions about it, I would love to hear them. You can share them with me on Instagram at simple on purpose.ca or in the Simplon purpose Facebook group if you’re a part of that. And if you are part of that group, I encourage you to post your questions your before and afters, your struggles, your tips, your ideas, your insights, your thoughts on the episodes. That group is there for you to have a community so make sure you’re using it. I do want to wrap up and say that I think planning well. comes down to a few

25:00
Everything’s getting good at prioritizing one of them. Learning how to self motivate, and growing the skill of showing up for yourself. We are really good at showing up for others, but we struggled to do it for ourselves. I know maybe when you’re listening to these thoughts and strategies on planning, you think Yeah, but I never follow the plan. And that’s the skill to develop is showing up for yourself putting something on your calendar and following through with it. I have an episode on that too. In fact, go check out the show notes for all of the links. I’m gonna put a lot of links in there that relate to planning the freedom you can gain from planning your day. Procrastination Tips To Do List overwhelmed so stop by the show notes. If you can’t find them in your podcast player, head on over to someone purpose.ca Click listen, you will find them all there. Alright friends, have a great week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

 

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Planning the day can be an overwhelming chore that you are constantly behind in. Sticking to that plan can be frustrating and seem impossible. I want to share a few ways that I keep myself on track and having a proactive day,
 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

 

In this episode I discuss: 

The crafty form of planning, bullet journaling 

How to get started bullet journalling 


The three planners that I found worked the best 

Moleskin Weekly Planner
Passion Planner
Ban.Do Planner 


The crown jewel of planning apps, Google Calendar, and how I use it to plan effectively 
How to organize and use your To-Do list to check things off
How I prioritize my To-Do list, shiting from a should-do to a could-do mindset 
Planning a proactive day rather than having a reactive day, especially with chores
Cognitive distortions and how to get out of that All-or-nothing thinking 
Meal prepping 

 

All the fun links you might enjoy 

 

How to get started bullet journalling 

Planning the day for moms

The freedom you can gain from planning your day

Procrastination tips for moms

Does your to-do list overwhelm you?

Do you trust yourself to show up for you? 

How to move from ambivalent to ambitious 

 

Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)

 

 
TRANSCRIPT
(unedited)

0:09
Hello friends welcome back to the simple on purpose podcast. My name is Shawna, you guys know me as your nerdy girlfriend and life coach and counselor. And if you are new here, if you found the podcast over the summer, welcome, I'm so glad you are here. At simple on purpose, we talk about ways to simplify, simplify your home, your heart, your life, and do things on purpose, do life on purpose, turn off the autopilot, turn off the default mode, that we're just living in life reactively to life and letting things happen, like letting life happen at us and moving into an intentional space, being really proactive with who we are, how we want to show up our lives and what we want to get out of our life. So that's the premise of what we talk about here. I'm really glad you're here. I let you know earlier that I had taken the summer off, I was finishing up my schooling to become a registered professional counselor. And now I'm on the other side of that I've gone through certification, I am working on my supervision hours with my supervisor. And I just really had no idea what I would come back to in terms of what simple on purpose was going to look like. I think I still don't know,]]>
Shawna Scafe 26:00
169. Moms Simplifying Q+A: Toddler MomLife, Procrastination and Decluttering https://simpleonpurpose.ca/momlife-simplifying-home/ Tue, 28 Jun 2022 16:54:05 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13217 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/momlife-simplifying-home/#respond https://simpleonpurpose.ca/momlife-simplifying-home/feed/ 0 Answering decluttering, simplifying and momlife questions that were sent in through the Simple on Purpose community group. Covering topics including organization, procrastination, decluttering kids' clothes, showing up well for momlife.  Make sure to check out the show notes for more related links on these questions     Questions that were sent in: I'm reworking a room in our house soon to be an office/media room and trying to figure out a system for office supplies, books, devices, charging cables etc. It wants to turn into a catch-all space... If you have any thoughts on that? Thanks! What Pinterest Doesn’t Tell You About Home Organization 5 common mistakes moms make when organizing their homes, and what to do about it (+ cheatsheet of 5 more) 157. How I tackled decluttering my office and kids craft drawers + how I handle the resistance to decluttering The old basement home office Adding a desk to my (upstairs) home office Tips for vehicle/trunk organization Considering a bin/bag system Simplifying kid's shoes A question to start with to know what next steps you need Seasonal declutter: Keeping track of what is in storage Do you have any on simplifying kids' clothes? (big, wearing, grew out of) Decluttering with Kids Guide I’m moving in the next few months and have been working on all the decluttering and packing etc. I have 2 kids under 5. What I notice is that I have a hard time getting started on the jobs involved until the last minute when there is a big push and looming deadline. I’d love to work on a more peaceful and gradual approach to get it all done  How I found myself procrastinating this morning Questions to ask yourself when doing self-inquiry into your own procrastination 153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower) 154. What to do now that you are motivated (simplify getting started) 135. Procrastination tips for moms 15 Practical Tips for Moms to GET STUFF DONE 164. How I am finding balance in my life this year How To Plan Your Day As a Mom (3 Simple Steps) More on mom life - especially toddler mom life, being purposeful and present, enjoying it. The frustration of attaining freedom and independence, for parents and toddlers   Good enough mother (parent)  If I could go back and talk to myself about 7 years ago when I had two toddlers and a baby: Happiness is still available to me  Allowing every day to be hard and awesome 87. Why it is hard to be a present parent, and what to do about it 138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM, stop withholding fun from yourself 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions What Moms of Toddlers Need to Hear 73. How to deal with the emotional struggles of being a mom of babies and toddlers 74. Show up for momlife with these empowering mindsets 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them) Finding Joy In Your Every Day (#theperfectmomentsproject) Summer wrap-up! Thank you for all the reviews and messages and emails you have sent, I am here for the COMMUNITY! Please do keep in touch! Expect an Instagram hiatus this summer, but please do make sure to USE the Facebook group  - and declutter it if you aren't going to use it.  Make sure you are on the Simple Saturdays email to get the bi-weekly newsletter to keep getting Simple on Purpose inspiration through the summer.  Save your favourite Simple on Purpose podcast playlist on Spotify to listen to this summer   FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:00 Yes, I'm taking a summer break kind of at least a break from the podcast, which I'm sad about, I really enjoy the podcast. It's a place for me to just bring up what are the what other topics are on my brain are being discussed. Answering decluttering, simplifying and momlife questions that were sent in through the Simple on Purpose community group. Covering topics including organization, procrastination, decluttering kids’ clothes, showing up well for momlife. 

Make sure to check out the show notes for more related links on these questions

 

 

Questions that were sent in:

Summer wrap-up!

Thank you for all the reviews and messages and emails you have sent, I am here for the COMMUNITY! Please do keep in touch!

Expect an Instagram hiatus this summer, but please do make sure to USE the Facebook group  – and declutter it if you aren’t going to use it. 

Make sure you are on the Simple Saturdays email to get the bi-weekly newsletter to keep getting Simple on Purpose inspiration through the summer. 

Save your favourite Simple on Purpose podcast playlist on Spotify to listen to this summer

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)

0:00
Yes, I’m taking a summer break kind of at least a break from the podcast, which I’m sad about, I really enjoy the podcast. It’s a place for me to just bring up what are the what other topics are on my brain are being discussed. And it’s just a really fun place to unpack that and share some stuff with you guys that helps us all dig deeper into this simple on purpose life. So I know it’s going to be a little bit uncomfortable for me to go through the summer with that, in the back of my mind, oh, you should be doing the podcast, you should be doing the podcast that would make a good podcast episode, I can’t even tell you how many drafts I have have started of podcast ideas. So I’m gonna just have to put that mentally on the back burner. As much as I love to do this.

0:58
And I know I’m going to be filling up my summer with time with the kids. Another job I have with environmental health and finishing school if Are you sick of hearing about this yet? Are you sick of hearing about how school is taken over my life? You either way, I am in the homestretch of finishing up my training to become a registered clinical counselor, and just handed in one of my courses today. So I’ve got two left the finals, the certification exams, who I am just so ready to be on the other side of this. It’s been such a great experience. I’m sure I’ll share all about it in the fall.

1:35
But here we are last episode for the summer. And I asked in the Facebook group for questions, questions that we could talk about topics we could talk about. And I have some really fun ones. Overall, I encourage you to stop by the show notes for this episode, because I’m going to reference a lot of other episodes, or maybe blog posts and articles. And I’m going to put all those links in the show notes. So you can have a lot to dig into if you want to take any of these topics further. If you ever cannot find your show notes in your podcast player, simply go to simple on purpose.ca. Click listen, and you will find all of the episodes there, you can listen to the episodes there, you can read the transcript of the episode, I often put that at the end of the post, and all of the links that I can think of that relate to what we’re talking about. I fill that up there. I also encourage you to bookmark the podcast playlist page that is also on the page where you’ve clicked listen. And I have created Spotify playlists about different simple and purpose topics. So you can go pick whatever topic you’re interested in, whether it’s marriage or habit change, emotional intelligence, minimalism, and you can just kind of pick the episodes you want to listen to throughout the summer on that topic.

2:46
Okay, so let’s dig into the questions. And first of all, thank you so much to you, ladies who have sent in these questions. I really appreciate you bringing up these topics because I know that most all of us have this situation in some way in our life. And so by you bringing forward the issue, you are also helping people who have that issue as well in their life. So the first question is, I’m reworking a room in our house soon to be in office slash media room, trying to figure out a system for office supplies, books, devices, charging cables, it wants to turn into a catch all space, if you have any thoughts on that.

3:22
So one thing I’m going to share that I’ve learned is to not rush it. So you before you go and buy furniture, and drawers, and drawers and shelves and put things in permanent places. Try as much as you can to just use what you already have and and live in that space for a while. See how you’re going to use this space, see what’s going to work for you. I did this when we moved my office into the basement years ago. And I took time moving my desk around different spaces moving kind of this cabinet we had around, I wanted to take time to settle on how I wanted to move in this space, how I wanted to use it settle on a layout. And then I looked at what I needed, how often I needed it, where I could store it, that kind of thing.

4:06
It’s not necessarily a negative thing to have a catch all space. I know my office is a bit of a catch all space right now. There’s wrapping paper and crap supplies and photos. I’m just looking in the closet right now. And the sewing machine stuff. And there’s lots of books everywhere and filing cabinets for all the kids stuff. So this is a catch all space for me. But my kitchen used to be the catch all space and that wasn’t working. So maybe make a little bit of peace with the fact that sometimes we need a catch all space to get all of those miscellaneous things in our house. As I said my current office, it’s actually upstairs. It’s a much smaller, smaller space than I had before. And I have made changes to it. Over the years that I’ve been upstairs. I added a big long desk into it which was going to be just for painting. But then I started working casual for Environmental Health and now I use that space for that work. I also took out a dresser I had in the closet for storage. And I put in these big, my husband put them in plywood shelves, they are not pretty. If you open the curtain to my closet and you look in there, it is not pretty, but it is so functional. It’s not Pinterest where the things are stored in boxes in bins and big zip locks, and nothing is consistent. I’m sure I could make it pretty. But I’m probably not going to why it works though is everything is visible and accessible. Things aren’t stacked behind each other or on top of each other. These are just a whole bunch of open shelves, wide shelves, and I can see everything. So that’s what’s working for me in that space.

5:43
Overall, I would say take your time with it. Don’t worry about making it really pretty, but focus on what feels functional to you. I hope those help as a starting point. And as you’re going along, if you feel stuck on something, I really encourage you to share pictures of the space in the Facebook group if you want to crowdsource different ideas.

6:01
The next question is on vehicle and trunk organization and I I’m not going to have a good answer for you. First of all, I don’t have a trunk if I did, there would be a lot of junk in my trunk, I can assure you because I am the type of person that wants to keep stuff in my vehicle. I want it like a garbage system, I want water, I want supplies, I just want to basically be prepared and moving on my wheels. But my husband is the opposite. And isn’t that funny in a marriage, sometimes the person, it feels the opposite that you do. And he empties the vehicle he’ll go in and empty everything out. That’s really important. Turns out, I feel less passionate about how the vehicle is kept. So I just tried to help him out with that.

6:41
And something that I have adopted in response to that is to make bags for myself. Summers kind of the best example because we go on a lot of outings, go into the beach, going to friends houses go into parks. So I keep a big picnic style bag full of our summer stuff. It’s got sunscreen and band aids and goggles, there’s some emergency snacks, emergency water, and I just pack that in and out of the house whenever we are going. Bringing it in the house also helps me clean it out too. That’s something that is a benefit.

7:12
What is kept in the vehicle are the first aid kit and Kleenex, you know, got Bill you know if you got a pm zero sometimes. So those are in their hand sanitizer, stuff like that. Everything else comes in and out. And if it works for you get a bin system get a bag system of stuff that you want to bring in and out of your vehicle. I hope that helps. Again, if this isn’t as deep of an answer as you want, I encourage you to bring pictures of it ideas of it to the Facebook group because I’m sure there are women in there trying to simple on purpose, their own vehicles as well.

7:45
The next question is about simplifying family shoes. So to start my answer, I’m gonna ask you a question. And it’s gonna sound like an oversimplification. But I think it’s worth asking. What about your family shoes right now? makes it not feel simple? Is it that their shoes everywhere is maybe storage the problem or routines of putting shoes away? Is it that everyone has too many pairs of shoes? So maybe we should look at reducing the amount of shoes per person? Is it that all of the seasons of shoes are are all in one place? Do you need to start a seasonal rotation and I look at my shoe situation. Currently we have all of these problems in our house because I haven’t taken out the winter gear from the mudroom yet. So in response, we all started using the front door and now we have shoes all in the front door all in the bedroom all over the place. And I know I also haven’t decluttered my kids shoes, so I know that they have extra pairs that they aren’t wearing.

8:45
Ideally, here’s what ideally happens. We declutter each season. Well, summer and winter. We Declutter. So as summer comes, we try on the winter gear that’s left in the mudroom, pack up what’s going to fit next year. And then we pull out the summer gear that we packed up and people try that on and we just declutter what’s not gonna work. So it is kind of a process where we’re bringing everything out of these spaces going through it as a family and then decluttering and putting it away.

9:11
One thing that has really helped me over the years and I’ve shared this on Instagram, and maybe in the simple Saturday’s email, is to keep track of what you end up putting back in storage, I would find that I would forget what’s in storage, I would go by everyone’s snow boots or gloves or whatever. And then I would have these duplicates or I would be missing something. So in my notes app on my phone, I keep track of the date we packed it back in and who has what so who has snow boots, who is no pants who has gloves. So then in the fall, I can go and prepare ahead of time and buy that stuff without having to tear out the storage closet and not buying repeats.

9:50
Kind of along the same lines as the next question. Do you have any tips on simplifying kids clothes? And we’ve got about three categories of clothes that are too big for them. The clothes are currently wearing in the clothes they grew out of. So here is my strategy. The first thing I aim to do is declutter my kids clothes with them about every season ish. And I don’t make this a big deal a big to do. I just kind of come and hang out with them in their room. And this, it’s not like it’s a lot. It’s like shirts, pants and pajamas, right? So we just pull the stuff out of the drawer, and I hold it up for them kind of like quick fire rapid fire, does it fit you? Do you love wearing it? Do you want to even keep this. And that’s the sort we do. I toss things into one pile that they don’t want anymore. And I put things in another pile that they want to keep and then we just put them all in the in the spaces. I will also declutter things for them, when I do the laundry, if I notice that something that’s worn or not fitting them well or really stained, I’m just going to pull that out of their laundry and put it in the declutter pile.

10:52
And in terms of keeping track of all these different piles, I tried to have a spot for these different piles. So the clothes that will fit them, these are generally Hami downs, each kid generally has a spot in their closet on the very top shelf, you know, like that super top shelf that goes up into the abyss and it’s like dark and too big, I will put the clothes that are too big up there and try to bring them down every season and look through them. And then there’s clothes they are done with. And I have one big bin in my son’s closet because there’s space that I put all of those clothes that they are done with. And really it’s my youngest son’s clothes, and my daughter’s clothes because I pass down the older son’s clothes to the younger son of you know all the heavy nouns everywhere. So a couple of times a year, I will pull out that big bin that I’ve filled over time with the clothes, they’re done with it, pack it up and pass it on.

11:43
Kids clothes and shoes and gear can feel really overwhelming to manage if you have multiple kids. And if you live in a place where you have multiple seasons. My best advice in all of this when we’re considering how to organize things and store things is to not see coat the Pinterest picture perfect system. Those are out there. We’re seeing images of it. And we’re often trying to replicate that. But really find a system that works for you and your life. It doesn’t have to look beautiful. It doesn’t have to function perfectly. Every any system you put in place, you are going to have to do the work to manage it. Hence why I have a mudroom full of winter gear and it’s June. So really, I’m part of the system. I need to work on that part as well.

12:28
The next question, I’m moving in the next few months and working to declutter and pack etc. I have two kids under five and what I noticed is I’m having a hard time getting started on the jobs involved until the last minute. When there’s a big push and looming deadline. I would love to work on a more peaceful and gradual approach to get it all done. Okay. So you aren’t alone first of all and procrastinating. procrastinating is, is does not make us morally superior or inferior to date alone.

12:56
I mean, it’s only 11 o’clock, but I’ve met spent some of my morning procrastinating. My first task this morning was to proofread my school assignment and turn that in. Really, this is something that I could just buckle down and get it done. But you know what I found myself doing it. I found myself wandering to my bathroom and putting self tanning lotion on my legs. I made a coffee. I went through all of my text messages and I created new contacts for anyone I had texted but didn’t have a contact set. So that gave me kind of a false sense of productivity.

13:30
And I just share that with you to let you know it’s so normal to procrastinate. Our brain thinks it’s actually helping us by directing us to something more pleasurable to do with our time than something that feels hard. And our brain wants us to avoid the hard things really. I did an episode unpacking the reasons we procrastinate when it becomes a problem, what we can do about it. That’s episode 135. And I’ll link that in the show notes.

13:53
I’d encourage you to listen to that one and reflect on why you might be procrastinating with this in particular, do you feel overwhelmed and not really know where to start? What it helps you to start with a list of all the things that you want to get done and just pick one. Is it harder to do small things over time because you struggle with all or nothing thinking like just wanting to all in getting it all done? What about the actual decluttering and packing feels somewhat undesirable? Because we often avoid things because of how we think we will feel when we are doing them? Do you need to plan it and stick to your plan? Do you let quote unquote, urgent things take over your schedule? Is it hard for you to prioritize your time and stick to that? Do you feel like you need some skills? Are you missing some skills and actually getting the tasks done? I’m gonna link some more episodes in the show notes that might help you dig into this and uncover the reasons the hurdles for you that are keeping you from making this gradual, routine thing in your life. And I encourage you to bring that back into the Facebook group share with us what you find you’re struggling with there, and we can talk more about it there.

15:03
The final topic I’m going to cover today is the request to talk more about mom life, especially toddler mom life being purposeful and present and enjoying it. And I think this is a topic I could expand on maybe more in the fall, because there is a lot to say. One thing just to open it, though, I want to encourage you don’t judge yourself, if you find it hard to be present and enjoy it. Because you aren’t alone.

15:28
First of all, and it is hard, it is hard to be present and enjoy it. My kids are older now. But I remember the frustrations of the toddler stage. On one hand, they want independence, but they still need you. And they get frustrated by this. For instance, they want to buckle their own seatbelts, they want to brush their own teeth. And we just we know we can do it faster, we know we could just get it done. So we can keep moving, keep the day going. And it’s hard to step back and have patience. Well, they are practicing these new skills.

16:00
Likewise, we as parents want to see them become more independent, we want them to start doing things on their own, we want a bit more freedom from meeting every single need like we’ve had to since they were babies. So we do push them a little more. And you know what they do, they push back, because maybe they’re stuck on the playground and they’re calling for you for help. You just want to continue that first adult conversation you finally had in your day, and they’re screaming at you that they need help getting down, you maybe know that they know how to get down. You want them to learn how to get themselves down. But in that moment, they’re panicking, and they’re making you the solution. So there is this kind of tug of war at this age, neither of us really feel like we’ve got it sorted. And that’s a really natural frustration at this stage for one for our toddlers because they don’t have the awareness or even the words for what the problem is. And for us because we feel this push and pull between wanting to guide them and mentor them and support them, but also wanting to encourage them to become independent and doing things on their own.

17:05
As you learn that this stage is kind of navigating this territory, I encourage you to consider the term good enough parent. And this term was coined by a pediatrician and child psychologist named Winnicott. His research over the years led him to conclude that it is not possible for a mother to be perfect to be a perfect mother who’s available and attentive to every single situation with your kids. Nor does it help them. Nor does it help them to be attentive and available to every single situation with your kids. That this is part of the process of them learning their independence, I’m going to link an article that explains it much better, because the context isn’t just abandoning them, or just making them do it on their own. The process is very nurturing and sensitive. And honors the fact that this is a frustrating process for the child to learn to not rely on us for every single need. And for us as parents to have the patience while they learn those skills.

18:09
If I could go back and talk to myself about five, no, seven years ago, when I had two toddlers and a baby, I would say, first of all, it is frustrating. Let’s validate that. Let’s not try and talk ourselves out of that. Let’s make space for that feeling. Let’s feel that feeling well. Looking ahead, deciding I’m not going to let this hamper my whole day I remember needing to tell myself, happiness is still available to me, happiness is still available to me today. It is important to keep moving forward and seeking out the good. And acknowledging the reality of life, that every single day has some heart in it, and every single day has some awesome in it. And the more resistant we are, the more we fight the hard the more we get upset by it and judge it, the more we stay stuck in that place, we actually make the hard thing harder. And we experience less of the awesome. I expand on this concept hard and awesome in Episode 162. That’s just really a model that we’ve adopted in our family hard and awesome. Everyday is hard and awesome. I asked my kids everyday What was your heart and awesome today.

19:19
If I could also go back and tell myself when you find yourself stuck in the negative stop and honor that. It is hard, whatever kind of self care and I don’t mean bubble baths, and Nietzsche retreats, but actually just taking time to take care of your personal needs. Eating, drinking, taking quiet timeout, having some time alone, going for a walk, whatever you need to do to provide that for yourself is really important.

19:44
But when you are in that moment, you’re kind of stuck in this negative space. Stop trying so hard. That’s what I would say to myself. Stop trying so hard and go do something fun. This is supposed to be fun. I mean, it’s not all fun. But fun is available to me. That’s what I would go tell myself because that’s what I am still telling myself, how can I make this fun. And I’ll be maybe driving with my kids somewhere and they’re fighting, and I’m giving them a lecture on how they need to act. And I just need to stop and decide how can I make this fun. I’m going to turn up the music, I’m going to start joking with them. I want to have fun.

20:21
As a mom, I want to have fun. I talk about this a lot more in my episode about having fun with my kids. It’s episode 163. And there’s a blog post. That is one of the most visited blog posts on this website, because people are searching for this topic in that post is, when did I stop enjoying my kids, I’ll link that post as well in the show notes if you want to read that. That’s about me realizing I’m not enjoying my kids anymore. And my journey on finding my way back to that to enjoy them.

20:51
So as we wrap up for the summer, I just want to thank you for being here with the simple and purpose podcast, I want to thank you if you’ve left a rating and review, I want to thank you if you’ve emailed me back in this simple Saturday’s newsletter, if you’ve shared on Instagram with me, if you commented on Facebook, this community matters, this community is why I’m here. Otherwise, I am just talking into the internets and leaving it out there into the abyss. But when it goes to a person and back at me, that’s when the connection happens. So thank you for that. You might have noticed my Instagram hasn’t been updated in for ever. I’m sharing stories here and there, but I’m not posting and I feel that I went on an unintentional hiatus, I would kind of sit down to draft up my posts that I wanted to post for the week, I just would be overwhelmed by this feeling of oh, I have to do this. Again. I think the idea of content creation and feeding that content machine has just been wearing down on me. So I’m going to explore that this summer where that ugh feeling is coming from and what it is telling me.

21:56
I do encourage you most importantly to use the Facebook group this summer. These questions that you brought to this episode. They’re also great for the Facebook group, bring questions like this into the group. Bring your photos, bring your questions, your struggles, things you want to crowdsource ideas on, I would also love it. If you shared your thoughts on different episodes. If you started a discussion around that. My loving encouragement my loving challenge to you is if you are someone who is sitting on the sidelines of this group, and there’s hundreds of you so raise your hand if you are one of them. So if you’re sitting on the sidelines and you are not planning on actively engaging in the group, then I encourage you to declutter it from your Facebook, declutter it from your feed. Declutter it from your groups. Unless you are going to be an active participant in it don’t sit on the sidelines anymore. The purpose of that group is to give the members a space to talk about simple on purpose topics. So I really encourage you to use that group this summer. This summer. That’s a great way to stay in touch with me.

22:57
Also, stay tuned through the simple Saturdays email. If you’re not part of that, stop by the website and sign up for that. I send out an email every two weeks and I’m going to be including a lot of posts and episodes from the archives that I think are still relevant, still helpful, and going to help you live more simple on purpose. Alright, friends, I will see you in the fall. With love. From Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend. Have a great summer

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

 

]]>
Answering decluttering, simplifying and momlife questions that were sent in through the Simple on Purpose community group. Covering topics including organization, procrastination, decluttering kids' clothes, showing up well for momlife.  -
Make sure to check out the show notes for more related links on these questions

 

 
Questions that were sent in:

* I'm reworking a room in our house soon to be an office/media room and trying to figure out a system for office supplies, books, devices, charging cables etc. It wants to turn into a catch-all space... If you have any thoughts on that? Thanks!

* What Pinterest Doesn’t Tell You About Home Organization
* 5 common mistakes moms make when organizing their homes, and what to do about it (+ cheatsheet of 5 more)
* 157. How I tackled decluttering my office and kids craft drawers + how I handle the resistance to decluttering
* The old basement home office
* Adding a desk to my (upstairs) home office


* Tips for vehicle/trunk organization

* Considering a bin/bag system


* Simplifying kid's shoes

* A question to start with to know what next steps you need
* Seasonal declutter:

* Keeping track of what is in storage




* Do you have any on simplifying kids' clothes? (big, wearing, grew out of)

* Decluttering with Kids Guide


* I’m moving in the next few months and have been working on all the decluttering and packing etc. I have 2 kids under 5. What I notice is that I have a hard time getting started on the jobs involved until the last minute when there is a big push and looming deadline. I’d love to work on a more peaceful and gradual approach to get it all done

*  How I found myself procrastinating this morning
* Questions to ask yourself when doing self-inquiry into your own procrastination
* 153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower)
* 154. What to do now that you are motivated (simplify getting started)
* 135. Procrastination tips for moms
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Shawna Scafe 23:36
168. Teaching our kids contentment, on purpose https://simpleonpurpose.ca/teach-kids-contentment/ Fri, 10 Jun 2022 19:43:16 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13190 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/teach-kids-contentment/#respond https://simpleonpurpose.ca/teach-kids-contentment/feed/ 0 How do we teach our kids contentment? I want to unpack this question from all angles. From why it is hard for us as parents, how we teach them reactively vs on purpose, where the emotion of contentment comes from, the purpose of discontentment and growing our tolerance of discontentment.      Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.  Topics covered in this episode: The difference between being happy vs being content Happiness as a parenting goal can be very defeating and maybe even counterproductive Should happy kids be our parenting goal Recognizing that we live in a culture that is obsessed with happiness The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris  66. Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness? Finding contentment in momlife Teaching our kids contentment, how we do it reactively and without intention Pretending you're happy Parenting Book: Review for Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child 120. Teaching our kids emotional intelligence Guilt and deprivation The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset) Consider how we learn contentment in our own lives  How to really start showing up for your life How To Find Your Enneagram Type (and how it has changed my life) Hard and awesome (from Think The Best of Me) 140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom? Finding Joy In Your Every Day (#theperfectmomentsproject) How to get that feeling (why values matter + free LIVE YOUR VALUES worksheet) How Simplifying Your Home Can Teach You Who You Are Comparing where your kids are to where other kids are. The pitfalls of using what you see, socially, to determine where you and your kids *should be* Understanding your own motivation on why you want your kids to be content How we measure success as parents The Baby That Always Cried (Our Story With Esophagitis) God’s Grace Through Difficult Parenting 166. How to find confidence in being the mom you are, intentional motherhood What is hard about seeing your kids feel discontent 119. Tolerating tough emotions in our kids (and ourselves) The CBT framework: our emotions come from our thinking  76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood) What We Say About Ourselves (and why it matters) I Think, I Am! By Louise Hay Big Life Podcast (growth mindset for kids) Making Change: Do you have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset? (growth mindset for adults) Our natural discontentment Enjoying the simple pleasures (why it is hard and how to do it) The purpose of the emotion 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions 123. Myths about emotion coaching our kids [LIVE]  Seeing the good, intentionally Contentment and knowing our values Happiness that is marketed to us, versus what we crave for contentment Addressing how our kids use comparison and how we can teach them about comparison in the context of contentment   Teaching our kids to look internally rather than externally Showing, rather than telling, our kids about the different life experiences in the world The role we have as parents to model contentment and honour the times our kids feel discontent  Room to make mistakes while we learn    Stop by the Facebook group to share your thoughts and ideas or tag or message me on Instagram   FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend from simpler purpose.ca. Welcome to Simple on Purpose podcast. So today I am doing one of the last posts until I wrap up the podcast for the summer. I'm going to spend my summer just balancing the two jobs that I have on the go. Finishing up school, How do we teach our kids contentment? I want to unpack this question from all angles. From why it is hard for us as parents, how we teach them reactively vs on purpose, where the emotion of contentment comes from, the purpose of discontentment and growing our tolerance of discontentment. 

 

 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

Topics covered in this episode:

 

Stop by the Facebook group to share your thoughts and ideas or tag or message me on Instagram

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)

0:00
Hey friends, it’s Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend from simpler purpose.ca. Welcome to Simple on Purpose podcast. So today I am doing one of the last posts until I wrap up the podcast for the summer. I’m going to spend my summer just balancing the two jobs that I have on the go. Finishing up school, I’m almost at the end of my program and being with the kiddos, of course, they’re all going to be home.

0:30
But when I come back in the fall, I’m going to be Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and therapist. See, you’re never too old to find out what you want to be when you grow up.

0:39
So to wrap up these episodes, I wanted to get really into what you guys are wanting to hear about what you are wanting more information on more discussion on. So I asked in the Facebook group and on Instagram for topic ideas. And I’ve got some great topic ideas. And the one I want to talk about today was one that I felt deserved a whole episode. Because it’s one that I have thought about so so much in my own life. And the topic is how to teach contentment to your children.

1:08
And I have three kids that really run the spectrum depending on the season. And the kid that can either be easily content to make the best of things or easily discontent and struggle to see the good and things. And really, it’s easy to deal with the kid who’s content, right? That’s easy. And if I’m honest, I crave easy, I want it to be easy. Man is coming into a lot of trouble earlier on in parenting, just wanting it to be easy.

1:37
So I think when we’re talking about contentment, we really have to start with a conversation between what’s the difference of being happy or content, because they are two different things.

1:48
Happy is a reaction to having the conditions around you that you want happy is having what you want. Things are going how you want them, you’re getting your way you’re happy. Content is more of an intention. It’s finding satisfaction, despite getting what you want. I really like the comparison, that happy is having what you want and content is wanting what you have.

2:13
And in the past, I’ve addressed this idea of raising happy kids, because there were so many years where I just wanted, I would say I just want my kids to be happy. And I think we say that a lot. I just want them to be happy. I think we actually really just want them to be content. I feel like happiness as a parenting goal. It’s very defeating, and maybe even counterproductive. Because happy happens when the conditions are ideal. That makes happiness subjective, right? What makes my kid happy is not always good for them. But it’s happiness to them. What makes me happy, is not happy, like conditions to my kids. To me, I will be really happy if everyone was super chill in the house. And we could like snuggle up on the couch together, watch the amazing race eat popcorn, but to them, all three kids, they all have different definitions of happy.

3:04
And some of them are not healthy definitions either. The other thing to remember about happy is that happiness is temporary. Because as the situation changes, the emotions will dissipate. And if we’re spending our life just trying to be happy, we spend our life chasing that chasing that emotion.

3:21
A problem that we have is that we live in a culture that’s obsessed with happiness, we think and even maybe you think it deep down and you don’t acknowledge it, that happiness should be a default state. And it’s the ideal state that if I’m not happy, something’s wrong with me. And if you want to dig into this, one of the best books I’ve ever read on it is called the happiness trap by Russ Harris. I also talk about the hustle for happiness. In episode I think 66 I’ll link it in the show notes, whatever episode it is.

3:51
So this question of teaching our kids contentment? How do we teach our kids contentment? Like what are you doing to teach them contentment? And I’ve asked myself this question, because it’s something I want my kids to learn. But I see that I teach them in ways that maybe I don’t really want to teach them. One way that can be really common, and I was doing it a lot in early parenthood is invalidating their emotions and just pushing them to be happy, like just slap on happy, it wasn’t processing, what was upsetting them, I wasn’t validating their emotions and walking them through them. I was essentially telling them pretend to be happy. Like that’s a solution that we turned to as a culture, just pretend you’re happy.

4:31
Another one that I think lots of us grew up with is guilt. If you’ve ever heard about the kids in the world who didn’t have this or that you should be grateful. And then another one we think is going to work is deprivation. We think that if we withhold from our kids, and we give them kind of scarcity, that we’re going to teach them to think with contentment and abundance, but it actually does the opposite. It actually keeps them in a scarcity mindset. I’ve only ever found that showing up and offering contentment and abundance just perpetuates that.

5:04
And then I think about how I have learned contentment. How have you learned contentment over the years and maybe we need to think about this a bit more before we tried to teach it to our kids. I don’t really remember if I was content, younger, I think I just denied a lot of my own needs and desires and it looked like contentment on the outside. I started to learn contentment about when I first went out into the world, and kind of saw what it was like to live on your own and live life.

5:32
I think I learned later in my 20s. That contentment was something I could find. When I stopped avoiding discontentment. I was I really had the mindset that it wasn’t okay to be unhappy. So I would wrestle with the idea of discontentment a lot, that there was something wrong with me something wrong with my life. In the you know, just over the years of coaching people and talking with people and especially learning about the Enneagram. I think that some of the most discontent people are the ones who struggle with allowing themselves to feel discontentment. They don’t ever want to feel negative emotions. So they’re in a constant pursuit of what they think is going to make them feel better. But it’s also a constant avoidance of their actual life and their actual motions. And that it never addresses life, they never can process it. It never acknowledges that life is actually hard and awesome. Both things, right, just like I talked about, in Episode 162.

6:31
I definitely learned contentment a lot more into my early 30s, when I realized I was forcing a lot of idealized views onto what my life should look like onto what the people in my life should look like. And letting go of my version of Happy helped me develop an appreciation for what was right in front of me. Right, that was the hurdle realizing I had these checklists for everything and everyone, and then letting go of that checklist in sake of what was right there in front of me. I learned contentment as I started to get rid of things in my home that I didn’t want anymore, I learned that I didn’t need all these things to make me happy.

7:10
I learned contentment when I became willing to do hard things because they were things that mattered. They were things in line with my values.

7:21
So maybe we never just get there. Maybe it’s something we’re constantly learning. And maybe it’s also something we have to learn as we become adults, and our brain fully develops and we engage in the world. And I really think maybe we learn contentment by learning that it’s okay sometimes to not be content to struggle with that. So I do think it’s tricky to teach our kids about contentment.

7:44
As you know, what makes it even trickier is if you see a kid socially who seems content, and you’re like, what are their parents doing right? What am I doing wrong? And you know, I have three kids that run the gamut. So sometimes I compare them and I’m like, what, what’s the difference here. And anytime as a parent, you use what you see socially as a marker of where you should be. Anytime you do this, as a parent, I want to encourage two things. One, remember things are not what they may seem. Because this may be a kid who denies their own desires, their own ideas, has become conflict avoidant and compliant. That’s how I felt as a kid growing up. And you know, maybe I even see it and one of my kids, the one who can find contentment most easily is more likely the one who’s going to dismiss their own emotions for the purpose of keeping the peace.

8:35
The other thing that’s really important to remember when you’re looking at other kids and thinking their parents are doing it right, and I’m doing it wrong, is that every kid has different lessons to learn at different times in their life. There’s no, like standardized testing for contentment, and 11 year olds, there’s no milestone chart. And it doesn’t make you inferior as a parent, it doesn’t make your kid inferior. It just means your struggles look different than theirs. Because I guarantee you every parent and child is struggling in a different way.

9:05
I really liked this question that was brought for this topic. How do we teach my kids contentment? Because I think we have to ask why. Why do you want your kids to be content? This is important because this is your motivation, right? So often the answer to that why do I want my kids to be content? Is because when your kid is content, what do you get to feel? This is why we want anything because of how we think it will make us feel and I’m not shaming you. Because I do the same thing. It is human.

9:35
As a mom, if my kids are content, I get to feel satisfied. Like I’m doing it right. And I think I have felt this since they were babies if they were content, I did all the things a mother should check check check guy was successful. And I think that becomes a marker of success for us as parents is if our kids are content. But I also quickly learned with my second child who was discontented Baby, that it wasn’t that straightforward, because this baby cried all the time she had reflux. And I eventually went off gluten and dairy to help ease their symptoms. But she had been crying for so long, 20 minute naps on me, I’d have to rock her constantly through the day.

10:16
And if I was measuring my success as a mother by her contentment, which I was, then I was a failure, which I constantly felt like a failure. And over the years, really, that experience has helped me to redefine how I measure my success as a parent.

10:33
Instead of measuring it on maybe what others say about me, I talked about that in the confidence episodes, or how my kids are acting, how content or happy they are, those can’t be my measurements of success, I need to transfer into me what I’m in control of, and I’m want to measure success by me showing up with my own values as a mum. So I have this baby who always cries, am I a successful Mum, I can view myself as a successful mum, when I show up for her in a way that I feel is genuine to me and in line with my values. I can’t solve what she’s going through. I can do as much as I can to ease it. But all I can do is show up with patience and love and compassion for her and be there through it.

11:21
Another question we ask alongside this topic, how to teach our kids contentment is what is hard about seeing your kids feel discontent? Why is it hard as a parent to tolerate that, and I used to have a very low tolerance for discontentment in my children. This was definitely passed down to me from my parents. And it’s important for us to pay attention to as parents, our tolerance for our kids negative emotions, their discontentment because it changes how we parent.

11:50
That’s why we need to pay attention to it. When our tolerance is low. For any emotion, your kid might struggle with it, maybe it’s discontentment maybe it’s anger, maybe it’s jealousy, whatever emotion your kid goes through, that is a struggle for you, your tolerance is low. Notice how it makes you act.

12:07
And I know it makes me panicky, I feel an urgency just make them content, make them happy again. And this takes us out of being intentional with how we show up as parents. And it makes us parent this issue from a reactive place an urgent place a panicky place. So to deal with this discontent kid with that kind of low tolerance and panicky feeling inside of us. We’re going to just jump to things like guilt on how they have it’s so good and they should be happy. We’re going to deprive them of luxuries to show them what it’s like. We’re going to nag them to just be happy. Push it down, put on a happy face. And what’s happening when we do that is we’re being discontent about their discontentment. We’re mirroring it right back to them. Essentially, we’re doing the thing that we’re telling them not to do. We do this all the time. By the way, in all relationships, we mirror people’s bad attitudes, right back to them. Have you ever yelled at your kid to stop yelling? Like, do that all the time? And like, here we go. I’m mirroring. But it’s because we are coming from a place where our tolerance is low. And why is our tolerance low because we make it mean we’re unsuccessful if they’re discontent, and because we also don’t know how to sit with that discomfort because it is uncomfortable, right? When your people around you are unhappy, it is uncomfortable to sit and hold space for that.

13:32
I think a really important shift that can be helpful is to decide to teach your kids contentment intentionally instead of reactively. So I want to talk about some things to consider when you want to teach your kids about contentment. One thing that is really helpful is to understand where this emotion of contentment comes from. This helps you keep this in mind as a parent and then you can start teaching it to your kids as they get older. And the emotion of discontentment or contentment either. The emotion comes from our thinking.

14:05
This is the cognitive behavioral therapy framework. I use it for coaching. It’s a really powerful framework to use and it is evidence based as a treatment that can produce change. I do have some past episodes on that. I’ll make sure to link them in the show notes as well. So I want to give you an example of understanding where emotions come from as a parent and then as a kid, so I want to give you the situation where your kid says I don’t want this for dinner. If we think about this situation, my kid is so ungrateful. How do you feel? You’d probably be feeling resent or frustration. Essentially, you’re ungrateful about them being ungrateful now, if you thought my kid says I don’t eat dinner and you thought of course you don’t want like, I would rather want all my favorite foods too. How are you feeling now? For me when I think that about my kids because I have to do this work myself too. Is I feel more accepting maybe even amused? Like, of course you don’t want all these foods done? Like, who would who wants to eat vegetables? Now as a kid, imagine your kid is looking at a room full of their toys. And they have to thought I want new toys, or I want the toy they have? Or I want a toy that does this. How do they feel they feel dissatisfied? If they had a thought of, oh, that’s my favorite toy, I’m gonna go play with it. Or, hey, I have a friend over we can play these toys together. They’re feeling differently. They’re feeling engaged, maybe excited about their toys.

15:33
So one thing to think about, though, especially with kids is how realistic is it for my child to think these thoughts, because some of them feel pretty mature, right? To get to that point where you are choosing contented thoughts. Because that’s really not the default operation mode of our brain, the default operation mode of our brain, avoid pain, seek pleasure, be efficient, but it’s also scanning for what could go wrong in the environment. It’s scanning for what needs to be fixed.

16:02
There is a natural discontentment in us, especially for kids, and sometimes they want to be discontent. And maybe it’s not a bad thing, right? Every emotion has a purpose. And feeling discontent has the job of telling us that things aren’t up to a standard, we desire something more or different. So if we allow for the discontentment and we decide, we can get curious about what this emotion is telling us. Maybe we could see areas in our life that we want to improve. Maybe it could serve our kids in some way. If they can use this discontent motion in a healthy way. Does that make sense? What I’m trying to say is that there are no wrong emotions.

16:47
Our kids feeling discontent doesn’t make them wrong, or bad or make us failures as parents, because every emotion has purpose. And if we can teach our kids to pay attention, okay, you’re feeling discontent, you longing for something more you longing for something different? What’s that about? Do you think you could get it? Do you think it’s attainable? That that emotion could actually serve our kids right to make amazing changes in the world? Of course, it swings the other way where we get stuck in the spiral. And it’s hard for our brain to give just as much airtime to the things that make us happy, right? This is a human experience that we need to consciously think positively. And engage the good things is why gratitude journals exist for adults, right? This isn’t just something we’re naturally inclined to always see the good, that would not be self protective. We would not be looking for all the dangers around us and all the ways we aren’t meeting the social standard.

17:43
So discontentment. It’s a natural state. It can be useful for us. And as kids, sometimes they just want to be cranky about things. Sometimes they do, right? Whenever my kids are upset, and I try to help them figure out what emotion they’re feeling. Okay, you’re sad, you’re this happened or you’re angry that happened? Do you want to just be sad for a little bit longer? Or do you want like some help? And that’s how I opened up the conversation to them. Do you want to feel this a little longer? Or do you want help, because I want to show them, there’s no wrong feelings. There are unhealthy actions you can take for those feelings. So let’s process these feelings and work on the actions because in my opinion, it’s the actions that need standards and limits how you treat people, how you treat our physical space, how you treat your environment, how you treat yourself even. But the feelings don’t need limits. You can feel that feeling.

18:36
All this to saying teaching your kids about the power of their thoughts is very helpful. them understanding that their thoughts can create their emotions. It’s really important as a parent, not to just tell them what to think. But instead, let them notice the connection and get curious about that. There’s a great book that I came across, was just left at my church actually, and I brought it home and read it to my son and it was really, really helpful. I’ll link that in the show notes by Louise Hay. And there’s a great podcast that I listened to with my kids. And it’s called the big life podcast all around teaching your kid teaching kids how to have a growth mindset, paying attention to their thoughts, thinking that things are possible, they can be resilient. It’s a great podcast.

19:19
Okay, I know we’re gonna go over time in this episode, but let’s see it through. Another thing is you’re teaching your kid about contentment that is worth considering, is contentment really comes from living a life that we value, right? It’s not from having what we want, but from having what we value certain. So encouraging our kids to start thinking about what is important to them, and to see the difference between the happiness that’s marketed to them the happiness, we’re told by the world that we need, what happiness needs to look like. And you know, as an adult, we start to shed those layers and shed those beliefs and stop chasing everyone’s definition of success and happiness. And we start to turn it In Word and get to know ourselves, and what we personally value and this is where contentment is. And it takes time, right? Remembering It is natural for our kids to be discontent, and even adults, they are still forming their model of what the world looks like.

20:17
A lot of you moms shared with me that you notice your kids are most discontent, when they compare when they notice what other kids have that they don’t have. And comparison is a natural part of socializing to a culture. We know that if we want to be part of this social network, we need to see where we stand with others. We need to see how we’re supposed to do it, especially as a kid, we’re looking around the world and thinking, How are we supposed to do life.

20:43
So it is so natural that they’re comparing, it’s so natural for them to look around what their friends have what their friends are doing. And that kind of creates this mental model of the world, and how it should look and what they need to do, to not just be part and fit in. But this is what life should look like. I mean, any culture you go to, you’re creating children that look within the culture on how that life should look like. It’s comparison is just a natural part of socializing yourself.

21:10
And as adults, we’ve learned comparison has its limits. And that is what we need to start teaching our kids not be content with what you have, as much as comparison will steal your joy. Comparison will make you forget what you do have. So encouraging your kids to know what the value contentment isn’t about having what we want. It’s about having what we value.

21:34
Minimalism really taught me this, I mentioned that before, keeping what I wanted the most, and removing the distractions, removing the stuff. And I’m left with just the things I like the most. And I think my closets just the simplest example. I have gotten rid of things that don’t fit things I don’t love to wear. And now when I look at my closet, I’m like, I love all of these things. I can just wear anything, and I’m going to like it. That’s a physical example. But going through the process of minimalism and doing that physically, it also changes your approach to life and to relationships, where you focus on what you value, I value connection, I value fun, I find contentment in those things, even when they’re hard. And as parents as families, and in this culture, we clutter up our lives. We clutter up our homes, and we just have so much stuff and activities that are just so so they’re fillers almost for some of us.

22:26
So getting your kids to inquire within having these conversations, what toys do you love the most? What activities? Do you find the most enjoyable? If you had to just pick one thing? What would it be? What about your friendships are important to you? What do you love about your families start to really help your kids tap into what’s important to them? What are their values, and there’s they need to look inward for this rather than externally. And this is the struggle, because they are still children developing models of the world. They do look externally to answer these questions. So they’re not going to get it, they’re not going to get it right away. But it’s a gradual conversation, like a seed you plant. And slowly the plant grows slowly, slowly.

23:09
Another consideration when we’re teaching contentment is that we learn to be content with what we have, we start to view it as maybe something really special, even when we can see different life experiences when we can see that some people lack the things we take for granted. Most parents could say we know how good our kids have it. We want them to know how good they have it. But how we teach it really matters.

23:33
How many of us grew up hearing about the starving children, and we’re at the dinner table and your parents are talking about starving kids. It didn’t make us suddenly grateful for food. Probably not it probably created this shame based culture around how we approach food.

23:49
And I’m so bad for this. If we’re watching a TV show, I started to make comments about oh, notice how their life is and how their life is. And I kind of hope my kids will have an epiphany. But the only epiphany they’ve had so far is that I try to force life lessons and morals onto them in every TV watching experience. And I’m really trying to stop that because my own has called me out on it. But this is a matter of letting them view the world and start to question it and start to notice it rather than telling them what to think.

24:21
The other day, my oldest came home from school and said they had learned about the birth rates and the death rates in the world. And there’s this website where you can see the population constantly changing and adjust every second. And they were learning about the different causes of deaths and the different births. And my oldest said, Did you know people in the world still die of starvation. And part of me was like, yes, we’ve talked about this many times over dinner, you know this, but the other part of me realized he learned this in a context that felt relevant and poignant to him and that is the best way for him to learn it. And instead of me starting to drill into him how good he has it. I want to talk to him about how he feels about that instead.

25:02
So I’m teaching myself to take more of a backseat approach. Other great things do show different life experiences, volunteering for things, getting involved helping others, giving back to others, watching different shows where there are different life circumstances, doing donation days having, I do lots of donating and declutter a lot. And I encourage my kids to do it. And they also like the idea of passing on their stuff, to the idea of like, it goes to another little buddy in town who could use it. Another great way to teach contentment is to have them earn things save up for things do chores in order to get luxuries in order to get the above and beyond, we talk about ways that they can earn that. And sometimes it just feels great to treat them to just give them a gift out of love. But I think just the foundation of them understanding the value that has to go into getting what they want, is something that they’ve experienced, and I think it draws out more contentment in them naturally.

26:00
Some takeaways in all of this, be intentional with the ways you want to teach it be intentional with how you teach contentment, rather than it being a reactive thing. And in order for us to start doing this, we need to start to tolerate discontentment in our children, when we can stop needing them to feel content. In order for us to feel like we are successful parents if we can kind of take that job away from them, and look inward for a measurement of success. And allow the space for them to have an emotional experience for whatever reason they’re choosing to have that emotional experience. And sometimes they have good reasons to be discontent.

26:41
Let me just say that we often demand contentment in situations that even adults would have a hard time with. How often do you pout when you don’t get your way? I know I do. I’m just sneaky about it. How often do we feel gross and uncomfortable when we’re hurt by a sibling, or reprimanded by a parent or we feel off with our friends and we feel gross and uncomfortable? How hard is it for us as even adults to override our dissatisfaction when we aren’t just not feeling it? It is hard for us to recover. When we’re upset at our partner or upset at our kids or something tough is happening. It is hard, contentment is hard, even for adults. So let’s be careful about not demanding our kids perform content contentment without really understanding that we struggled to.

27:30
And it’s also our job to model it for them. If we want our kids to do it. Don’t you hate this realization that you have as a parent, that we have to model it to them. We have to practice contentment ourselves. Talk to your kids about what your content about let them hear that narrative. Let them hear where you struggle with discontentment and how you would like to learn how to be content. Tell your kids you’re content with them, express contentment towards them, let them know that they are a source of contentment in your life. And they don’t have to be perfect in order for you to enjoy them. Because that’s the thing, right? situations don’t have to be perfect in order for us to feel that satisfaction.

28:07
Finally, in all of this, and this is a lesson that I feel like I struggle with as a parent, and I keep coming back to it in my brain is it’s the long game, give your kids the opportunities to practice, know that they’re going to screw up, they’re not going to get 100% right away. Every time. They are going through the prep the processes of training their brain, they’re going to make mistakes, they’re going to make the wrong choice. Sometimes they’re going to choose the wrong thing sometimes. All of this takes time you are planting the seeds and watering it and hopefully they will tend to that plant as they get older.

28:43
So thank you so much to my Instagram friend who asked this question. I will be doing the next episode on the rest of the questions that were asked in the Facebook group. If you wanted to add some there. You can stop by the Facebook group and put in your questions on the post thread for that.

28:58
Stop by the shownotes if you want more resources, I’m going to try and list as many books as and as many podcasts as I can think that are related or support this topic if you want to dig deeper into that.

29:10
Alright friends, as always, I love sharing this time with you guys. Please leave a rating and review if you’re so inclined. And have a great week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

]]>
How do we teach our kids contentment? I want to unpack this question from all angles. From why it is hard for us as parents, how we teach them reactively vs on purpose, where the emotion of contentment comes from,
 

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

Topics covered in this episode:

* The difference between being happy vs being content
* Happiness as a parenting goal can be very defeating and maybe even counterproductive

* Should happy kids be our parenting goal


* Recognizing that we live in a culture that is obsessed with happiness

* The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris 
* 66. Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness? Finding contentment in momlife


* Teaching our kids contentment, how we do it reactively and without intention

* Pretending you're happy

* Parenting Book: Review for Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
* 120. Teaching our kids emotional intelligence


* Guilt and deprivation

* The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset)




* Consider how we learn contentment in our own lives 

* How to really start showing up for your life
* How To Find Your Enneagram Type (and how it has changed my life)
* Hard and awesome (from Think The Best of Me)
* 140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose
* 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom?
* Finding Joy In Your Every Day (#theperfectmomentsproject)
* ...]]>
Shawna Scafe clean 29:30
167. Mindful parenting through the struggles, and letting go of perfectionism in motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/mindful-parenting-and-perfectionism-struggles/ Fri, 27 May 2022 21:30:12 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13164 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/mindful-parenting-and-perfectionism-struggles/#respond https://simpleonpurpose.ca/mindful-parenting-and-perfectionism-struggles/feed/ 0 Being a mom on purpose means stepping into your strengths as well as stepping into your struggles.  This means letting go of perfectionism and the chase to be the ideal mom and have the ideal kids.    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.  This episode covers: What is conscious parenting Parenting on auto-pilot, why we do it and how it is different from mindful parenting When our kids are difficult we try to 'out-difficult' them, and what we can do instead How conscious parenting challenges our western parenting culture and how many of us were raised Quote from Dr. Sheflai Unless we address why we can’t embrace our children for precisely who they are, we will forever either seek to mold, control, and dominate them—or we will allow ourselves to be dominated by them.Tsabary, Dr. Shefali. The Conscious Parent (p. 54). Namaste Publishing Inc.. Kindle Edition. How our kid's struggles bring us face to face with our own struggles When our kids aren't easy, they are challenging the things we have conditioned ourselves to be uncomfortable with Letting go of the notion that we are meant to be perfect parents The messy relationships and the struggle matter as much as the peace we crave Hard doesn't mean you are doing it wrong, it often simply means you are doing it   Related links and episodes mentioned 53. Change your motherhood experience by changing how you make memories The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali The key elements of Conscious Parenting Never Say No by Jan and Mark Foreman Three Books That Changed My Mothering Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month) Join me on Instagram      Full transcript (unedited) 0:07 Hey friends welcome to simple purpose. I'm here to girlfriend Shawna. And this is a follow up episode to episode 166. So I encourage you to stop by and listen to that one versus 13 minutes pretty quick. In that one, we talked about understanding that you can be a mom on purpose because you were made on purpose. It's not a checklist you have to make. It's something that's already inside of you everything you bring into motherhood, your strengths, your struggles, they all matter. They all help your family and you learn and grow together. And I think we can hyper focus on giving our kids this idyllic childhood, I think we can get caught up in all of the Pinterest requirements on how childhood has to look. But the motherhood experience matters just as much it matters. Motherhood matters as much to us as childhood matters to our kids. So our experience matters. This is important. If you want to dig in a little bit into that, check out episode 53 Change your motherhood experience by changing how you make memories. I'll link that in the show notes. So as we talk about being a mom on purpose, having confidence in the mom you are made to be. I want to also match that with the topic of conscious parenting because this is another layer that I brought into my own parenting over my parenting journey. And I'm aware, I'm a newbie in terms of my parenting career. But this is what I've learned along the way. And this is what I want to share. So conscious parenting Dr. Shefali, literally wrote the book on it. And I'll link that book in the show notes. I've read it, I have lots of highlights in it. It's really, really great. conscious parenting in general is a philosophy that says, our kids are reflecting things to us that we need to be conscious of that we need to be aware of. Because we spend our days living and parenting on autopilot from that subconscious, automatic programming that's running the show. Because how often are you really mindful? How often are you thinking about every decision, every thought, every reaction, every emotion that you're having? How often are you consciously in that rarely, right? Being a mom on purpose means stepping into your strengths as well as stepping into your struggles.  This means letting go of perfectionism and the chase to be the ideal mom and have the ideal kids. 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

This episode covers:

  • What is conscious parenting
  • Parenting on auto-pilot, why we do it and how it is different from mindful parenting
  • When our kids are difficult we try to ‘out-difficult’ them, and what we can do instead
  • How conscious parenting challenges our western parenting culture and how many of us were raised
  • Quote from Dr. Sheflai
    • Unless we address why we can’t embrace our children for precisely who they are, we will forever either seek to mold, control, and dominate them—or we will allow ourselves to be dominated by them.Tsabary, Dr. Shefali. The Conscious Parent (p. 54). Namaste Publishing Inc.. Kindle Edition.
  • How our kid’s struggles bring us face to face with our own struggles
  • When our kids aren’t easy, they are challenging the things we have conditioned ourselves to be uncomfortable with
  • Letting go of the notion that we are meant to be perfect parents
  • The messy relationships and the struggle matter as much as the peace we crave
  • Hard doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong, it often simply means you are doing it

 

Related links and episodes mentioned

53. Change your motherhood experience by changing how you make memories

The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali

The key elements of Conscious Parenting

Never Say No by Jan and Mark Foreman

Three Books That Changed My Mothering

Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)

Join me on Instagram 

 

 

Full transcript (unedited)

0:07
Hey friends welcome to simple purpose. I’m here to girlfriend Shawna. And this is a follow up episode to episode 166. So I encourage you to stop by and listen to that one versus 13 minutes pretty quick. In that one, we talked about understanding that you can be a mom on purpose because you were made on purpose. It’s not a checklist you have to make. It’s something that’s already inside of you everything you bring into motherhood, your strengths, your struggles, they all matter. They all help your family and you learn and grow together. And I think we can hyper focus on giving our kids this idyllic childhood, I think we can get caught up in all of the Pinterest requirements on how childhood has to look. But the motherhood experience matters just as much it matters. Motherhood matters as much to us as childhood matters to our kids. So our experience matters. This is important. If you want to dig in a little bit into that, check out episode 53 Change your motherhood experience by changing how you make memories. I’ll link that in the show notes. So as we talk about being a mom on purpose, having confidence in the mom you are made to be. I want to also match that with the topic of conscious parenting because this is another layer that I brought into my own parenting over my parenting journey. And I’m aware, I’m a newbie in terms of my parenting career. But this is what I’ve learned along the way. And this is what I want to share. So conscious parenting Dr. Shefali, literally wrote the book on it. And I’ll link that book in the show notes. I’ve read it, I have lots of highlights in it. It’s really, really great. conscious parenting in general is a philosophy that says, our kids are reflecting things to us that we need to be conscious of that we need to be aware of. Because we spend our days living and parenting on autopilot from that subconscious, automatic programming that’s running the show. Because how often are you really mindful? How often are you thinking about every decision, every thought, every reaction, every emotion that you’re having? How often are you consciously in that rarely, right? We operate on autopilot, we’re designed to operate on autopilot, it is efficient. But sometimes our autopilot programming is not very useful. Often, this autopilot programming is fear based and shame based because this programming is autopilot programming. If you imagine your brain like a computer, all of these automated programs are running to keep the system operating and our programming is what we’ve learned. It’s what we’ve adopted over the years from our experiences is what we’ve heard, it’s what we’ve learned is what we’ve internalized, what is dangerous, what is love, what will hurt, what will feel good, what’s important. All of this information that we’ve gotten through our culture, and our past experiences is actually our programming. That’s what’s running the show. So parenting on autopilot from old hurts and fears and our egos. That’s parenting on autopilot. conscious parenting is parenting from a place that is mindful about all of these hurts and fears and particularly about our ego trying to protect us, and how that impacts our kids, and how that impacts our parenting of our kids. So there’s a real great link that I’m going to link in the show notes as well, that kind of covers the key elements of conscious parenting. conscious parenting is something we can use to guide us through having kids be difficult, because when our kids are difficult, we tend to like out difficult them to overpower them. Right. But if we just take a pause here, and remember that difficult people are here to teach us something about ourselves, then maybe we could start to view our kids. As tiny teachers, this is what I’ve tried to do. My kids are tiny teacher is showing me who I am and what I can work through in myself rather than trying to fit them into boxes of who I think they need to be. And I’m going to say, I’m not perfect at this. I tried to do it. And sometimes I do and then sometimes the autopilot takes over. And I have to realize what’s happening and start to get really mindful about what’s going on and practice these things over and over again.

4:17
conscious parenting can be a struggle when we put it into the framework of our authoritative parenting culture, our Western culture, many of us might have been raised with parents who you just had to listen, you did what you were told you were obedient. Shame was an effective motivator. Fear was an effective motivator. And so to have conscious parenting come on the scene. It feels like a big threat to that. But conscious parenting doesn’t mean you let your kids treat people poorly. It doesn’t mean you don’t hold them to standards. It means we aren’t trying to make them the perfect child. So our ego stopped screaming. Because when we’re trying to do that, or the power struggle is tied to our ego, right? Our ego needs the power struggle to be successful. And then what’s the purpose? have the power struggle, right? It’s to make them fit the mold, so we can feel better. So conscious parenting helps us step out of our own ego and fear set firm and loving boundaries and also see them for where they’re at the book conscious parenting, it really goes into this in a lot more lovely and well worded ways that I can. Here’s one quote that I want to share. Unless we address why we can’t embrace our children precisely for who they are, we will forever seek to mold control and dominate them, or we will allow ourselves to be dominated by them. I mean, like, I think we can all see ways that we try to control our kids, and then ways that we just submit control because we’re just like done. But anyways, if I go back to this belief that I am choosing, that I am the mom that for my kids, if we’re paired together as mom and child, and we both have something to learn from one another. And when I’m coaching women, or reflecting on my own life, as a parent, I can see how my kids struggles are drawing something out of me that’s growing me and teaching me I see that connection. If you have a kid who struggles with something, it causes you, it should cause you to face your own struggles with that. It isn’t just like, oh, I have this really loud kid who demands a lot of attention. It’s more like, I struggle with the idea of being loud and demanding attention. And here I have a kid who apparently doesn’t struggle with it. It’s kind of their preference. What can we teach each other? I know that at any given time, in my parenting journey, there’s at least one kid I’m struggling with. And when I wrestle with the struggle that I have with them, I’m also wrestling with a struggle I have within me when our kids aren’t easy to parent, that is when we’re both able to learn something from one another, we can learn how to be comfortable with something we’ve conditioned ourselves to be uncomfortable with, how to be comfortable with big emotions, when we’ve shoved them down all their lives and numb to them and ignored them. How to be comfortable with imperfections or poor grades or poor performance when we’ve believed that we need to be perfect to be lovable. Or how do we allow our kids to dress a certain way that leaves them open to judgment, when we’re so worried about being judged ourselves, people we find difficult or people who are challenging our comfort. And you know, likewise, as parents, we offer our kids another view on things they can’t see. Because they’re living with their own filter and interpretation of the world. And it is immature, it’s not fully developed, they might not see that they can have big emotions, and express them in healthy ways. They might not see that they can be imperfect, and make mistakes, and still set new goals for themselves and still be lovable the entire time. And we really need to do our work first, we can’t just try and make our kids think what we think because, Oh, that’d be so easy. Our kids just thought what we wanted them to think. If my kids thought you know what, Mom, I’m not going to wipe the toothpaste tube clean on the hand towel. You know, while Mom, I want to eat a vegetable. If my kids agreed that it was just kind to talk nice to their siblings, my life would be so much easier. And my bathroom wouldn’t be covered in like blue minty goo. It would just be so much easier if all the people in our life agreed with us believe the same thing. So isn’t it interesting that we live in a world where that’s not happening?

8:28
That’s interesting. What do we have to learn here? Parenting is this journey of understanding ourselves, the good, the hard, the weird, and then giving ourselves grace to be that so we can give our kids the grace to be themselves as well. My final point in all of this, being the mom you are being competent in your parenting parenting mindfully and intentionally is that we can allow the struggle we can. We aren’t meant to be perfect parents, we will do some things we wish we hadn’t. Our kids are going to have some grievances over what we’ve done wrong. That’s the nature of human relationships, right? We cannot be everything another person wants us to be unless we lose ourselves completely in the process. And less we adopt their checklist of who we need to be rather than being who we are meant to be. So letting one another down is part of all human relationships. It’s how we handle that together that matters. Allowing the struggle the struggle matters as much as the piece. There are going to be hard days there are going to be hard things some of the years of parenting weeks days moments are going to be hard. In 2020 I ran a group coaching program. Hello local ladies, I missed you guys. One of the first lessons I taught was on hard things. And one of the key takeaways I shared from that lesson and I’ve shared it in emails over the years is hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It often simply means you’re doing it. We were never meant to do things perfect. We were meant to do things that are hard and wonderful, and painful and joyous. I’ll say it again, we aren’t meant to get this perfect. So if we allow space for the hard rather than fighting the hard because when we fight what’s hard and try to fix it and make it different, we usually make it harder for ourselves. So we can pause that urgency, we’re feeling to fix hard things to avoid hard things to make them easier if we can just get flippin mindful for a minute. Pause, we can see that our kids are on their own journey to We’re on a journey, our kids are on a journey. Everything we offer our kids is a mirror to them as well for them to learn who they are. I mean, as kids and you can think about your own childhood, we learn to adapt based on what our parents offer us. And this shapes them good and bad. So I want to encourage you to focus less on being perfect, and more on being intentional. I want you to feel empowered by the thought that you are the mom meant for your kids, and they’re meant for you. You guys have something to learn together. And it won’t be easy. You might worry they’re drifting away, you might be frustrated with them, they might be frustrated with you, you might just be like you suck at parenting. And I say this from experience. And I have to come back to two things. One is the story isn’t over yet. This parenting relationship, this child relationship, the story isn’t over yet. And the other thing is, it was never about being perfect. It was about being the mom that I am letting my kids on their own journey as well. When you feel empowered in motherhood, you allow yourself to operate from your own strengths, from enjoyment of what you enjoy in motherhood. And while also acknowledging that sometimes you get it wrong, sometimes you have struggles. So as we turn to places to find more confidence in our parenting, I encourage you to find it from not your ego, not the checklist. But from your essence from who you are. If this is the most unappealing sentence, forgive me. But it’s it could be true, right? If you parent from your essence and not your ego, you will find confidence in there. The relationship is what matters, your relationship to yourself, your relationship to your kids. And this is where the work is in the relationships, not in the rules, not in the checklists, but in the people in the loving of the people, including yourself. Another great book on this is never seen. No. I’ll link that book in the show notes as well.

12:36
I hope that this has been empowering to you. I hope that as a mum, you can just take what works for you and everything I say might not all work for you. But if there’s something in here, that is going to give you a little bit more empowerment, a little bit more peace, a little bit more purpose into motherhood. I hope that you will write that down right now. Write that one thing down and take that into your week ahead. Alright, friends, two things I just want to mention before we wrap up, the first one is join me on Instagram at simple on purpose dossier. And the other one is sign up for the simple Saturday’s email. That’s a newsletter that comes out every two weeks. I shared in the recent email that I won’t be podcasting regularly throughout the summer, but I will stay in touch through Instagram and email. So I hope to still be emailing you some posts from the archives because I mean, guys, we have over 150 episodes. There’s some good ones in the archives. Let’s go back to don’t reinvent the wheel. And I also like to send some tips and some updates throughout the summer. So make sure to go to simple and purpose.ca scroll right down to the bottom of the page and sign up for the simple Saturdays. Alright friends, have a great week.

 

 

]]> Being a mom on purpose means stepping into your strengths as well as stepping into your struggles.  This means letting go of perfectionism and the chase to be the ideal mom and have the ideal kids.  -   Products recommended here may include referral ...
 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

This episode covers:

* What is conscious parenting
* Parenting on auto-pilot, why we do it and how it is different from mindful parenting
* When our kids are difficult we try to 'out-difficult' them, and what we can do instead
* How conscious parenting challenges our western parenting culture and how many of us were raised
* Quote from Dr. Sheflai

* Unless we address why we can’t embrace our children for precisely who they are, we will forever either seek to mold, control, and dominate them—or we will allow ourselves to be dominated by them.Tsabary, Dr. Shefali. The Conscious Parent (p. 54). Namaste Publishing Inc.. Kindle Edition.


* How our kid's struggles bring us face to face with our own struggles
* When our kids aren't easy, they are challenging the things we have conditioned ourselves to be uncomfortable with
* Letting go of the notion that we are meant to be perfect parents
* The messy relationships and the struggle matter as much as the peace we crave
* Hard doesn't mean you are doing it wrong, it often simply means you are doing it

 
Related links and episodes mentioned
53. Change your motherhood experience by changing how you make memories

The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali

The key elements of Conscious Parenting

Never Say No by Jan and Mark Foreman

Three Books That Changed My Mothering

Sign up for Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)

Join me on Instagram 

 



 

Full transcript (unedited)

0:07
Hey friends welcome to simple purpose. I'm here to girlfriend Shawna. And this is a follow up episode to episode 166. So I encourage you to stop by and listen to that one versus 13 minutes pretty quick. In that one, we talked about understanding that you can be a mom on purpose because you were made on purpose. It's not a checklist you have to make. It's something that's already inside of you everything you bring into motherhood, your strengths, your struggles, they all matter. They all help your family and you learn and grow together. And I think we can hyper focus on giving our kids this idyllic childhood, I think we can get caught up in all of the Pinterest requirements on how childhood has to look. But the motherhood experience matters just as much it matters. Motherhood matters as much to us as childhood matters to our kids. So our experience matters. This is important. If you want to dig in a little bit into that, check out episode 53 Change your motherhood experience by changing how you make memories. I'll link that in the show notes.]]>
Shawna Scafe 13:53 166. How to find confidence in being the mom you are, intentional motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/confidence-intentional-motherhood/ Fri, 27 May 2022 21:14:28 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13162 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/confidence-intentional-motherhood/#respond https://simpleonpurpose.ca/confidence-intentional-motherhood/feed/ 0 Motherhood is a journey and there are stepping stones along the way of things we learn. I want to share a few of my stepping stones with you. They are around parenting from our own strengths, rather than focussing on what we are doing wrong. I want to share a few ways you can find confidence within yourself rather than from comparison and external validation.      In this episode I talk about: the Perfect Mom Checklist Making your own list for motherhood Where to start when you want to do motherhood, on purpose Parenting from checklists and comparison and how can create pride or shame Where we try to find shortcuts to confidence Where we can truly find confidence Finding connection and fun in motherhood   Related links and episodes mentioned: 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. How this one list can empower you to be the mom you are The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset) 76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood) 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun The Mom, on Purpose podcast playlist     Full transcript (unedited) 0:00  This is a place where we just stop for a minute we slow down and we talk about the ways that we can simplify our lives, remove the distractions, remove the clutter, and start living on purpose with intention shutting off that autopilot. Today I want to talk about doing this in motherhood being a mom on purpose, something that's helped me is to think about motherhood as a journey. So I have three kids, they are 11. One's going to be 10 Soon, and one's going to be eight soon. And so I like to think about the journey I've been on over the past 11 years. For me, it really has been a journey where I started off clueless, I mean, my son, my firstborn son, was the first newborn I ever held. I also started off worried, which was my nature, but that I think that's something you bring into motherhood, you're worried about everything you don't know up against everything you're dealing with. And along the way, you learn. You listen, you try, you adjust, you wait, you learn, you learn what the different color poops mean, you learn how to set schedules and rules. You learn how to find peace, when everything is making you anxious. And you learn how to sit through the hard parts. Rather, rather than just scrambling to fix everything all the time you learn your way you learn the journey. And it really is a journey nobody can take for you. I think we're all looking to other people for the solution for the path. And I think there's a lot of mentorship available, we can support one another. But it really is your own personal journey. If I look back on things that I had wrote, during my earliest years of motherhood, and on the journals that I kept, at that time, I can see the path that I was on, I can see the things that I was learning, I can see little insights, little nuggets, little, not even little, but sometimes they were huge things that I learned that got me from here to there. And then again, from here to there again, and from here to there, again, just like stepping from one step to the next. So today, I want to share one of those things that felt very impactful at moving me along this journey. This is something that has brought me so much peace and empowerment in motherhood. And I want to share it because I think we don't hear it enough. And I think we're looking for it. What we're looking for is confidence in motherhood and confidence in being the mom we are in parenting from the strength of who we are meant to be, rather than focusing on what we're doing wrong. This was a message I heard early on in motherhood, and it was really impactful for me. And so as I coach other moms, and they share this message with them, and I hear them take it in and start to think maybe that could be ... Motherhood is a journey and there are stepping stones along the way of things we learn. I want to share a few of my stepping stones with you. They are around parenting from our own strengths, rather than focussing on what we are doing wrong. I want to share a few ways you can find confidence within yourself rather than from comparison and external validation. 

 

 

In this episode I talk about:

  • the Perfect Mom Checklist
  • Making your own list for motherhood
  • Where to start when you want to do motherhood, on purpose
  • Parenting from checklists and comparison and how can create pride or shame
  • Where we try to find shortcuts to confidence
  • Where we can truly find confidence
  • Finding connection and fun in motherhood

 

Related links and episodes mentioned:

162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.

How this one list can empower you to be the mom you are

The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset)

76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood)

163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun

The Mom, on Purpose podcast playlist

 

 

Full transcript (unedited)

0:00
 This is a place where we just stop for a minute we slow down and we talk about the ways that we can simplify our lives, remove the distractions, remove the clutter, and start living on purpose with intention shutting off that autopilot. Today I want to talk about doing this in motherhood being a mom on purpose, something that’s helped me is to think about motherhood as a journey. So I have three kids, they are 11. One’s going to be 10 Soon, and one’s going to be eight soon. And so I like to think about the journey I’ve been on over the past 11 years. For me, it really has been a journey where I started off clueless, I mean, my son, my firstborn son, was the first newborn I ever held. I also started off worried, which was my nature, but that I think that’s something you bring into motherhood, you’re worried about everything you don’t know up against everything you’re dealing with. And along the way, you learn. You listen, you try, you adjust, you wait, you learn, you learn what the different color poops mean, you learn how to set schedules and rules. You learn how to find peace, when everything is making you anxious. And you learn how to sit through the hard parts. Rather, rather than just scrambling to fix everything all the time you learn your way you learn the journey. And it really is a journey nobody can take for you. I think we’re all looking to other people for the solution for the path. And I think there’s a lot of mentorship available, we can support one another. But it really is your own personal journey. If I look back on things that I had wrote, during my earliest years of motherhood, and on the journals that I kept, at that time, I can see the path that I was on, I can see the things that I was learning, I can see little insights, little nuggets, little, not even little, but sometimes they were huge things that I learned that got me from here to there. And then again, from here to there again, and from here to there, again, just like stepping from one step to the next. So today, I want to share one of those things that felt very impactful at moving me along this journey. This is something that has brought me so much peace and empowerment in motherhood. And I want to share it because I think we don’t hear it enough. And I think we’re looking for it. What we’re looking for is confidence in motherhood and confidence in being the mom we are in parenting from the strength of who we are meant to be, rather than focusing on what we’re doing wrong. This was a message I heard early on in motherhood, and it was really impactful for me. And so as I coach other moms, and they share this message with them, and I hear them take it in and start to think maybe that could be true for me and watch the change that they feel. I think to myself, I just need to share this on the podcast. This is something everyone needs to hear. This is a great reminder. So for some of you who don’t know, I entered into blogging about 10 years ago, way back then I had a Blogspot blog. That’s kind of one of the blogs you could have. It was a WordPress or Blogspot. I have a blog called dovetail blog. It’s not around anymore, everything got moved to simple on purpose. But at that time, because I’m your nerdy girlfriend, I was also really into podcasts before they were even a thing. And there was a really great one called inspired to action with Kat Lee, and her introduction into that podcast, it would make me cry on most days. Because she would say I’m just going to take a couple of quotes of the things she would say One of them was out of all the women in the world, God chose you to be the mother of your children. Thank you for serving your family and loving your children fearlessly and fighting to be a great mom. And it wouldn’t make me cry, it would make me cry because it hit this really tender spot of exhaustion and frustration and overwhelm. And it would just wash over me with warmth and assurance, warmth and assurance I desperately needed warmth and assurance. So I decided to take this idea in that I was the mum paired up to my kids for a reason. And I don’t think you need to believe in God or have a Christian faith to believe this concept that you you’re put with your kids for a reason. There are many philosophies out there that believe that parents and children are paired up together for a reason. So I would sit with that

4:33
I would find comfort in it to know we’re meant to be together. I would also be confused by it because sometimes it was just so hard to be their mom. And I would argue with it because sometimes it doesn’t feel true or fair to all of the kids and parents and all over the world. But in terms of how I was going to consider this, I don’t need to cement my beliefs in order to try them on so I decided to try this one on I I chose to believe I am the right mom for my kids. And I choose to believe that still because it empowers me, it doesn’t make me feel like I have to fit some checklist of service for them. Like I have to meet this checklist of who I need to be for my kids. It makes me feel like who I am is the checklist. It allows me to just be me in parenting. In Episode 162, I think the best of me, I share how we struggle with wanting to be viewed all good all the time. And this was specifically in the context of marriage. But this is a huge hurdle in motherhood too. Because we we all even if we don’t want to admit it, even if we try to rebel against it, we do have a deeply ingrained belief that there is such thing as a perfect mother. And everything we do is taking us away from that ideal. But if we let go of that idea that there’s a perfect mother, we can let people be flawed. We can let people make mistakes, we can start to just be who we are, which is a human, who makes mistakes, but it’s also good, it’s the same person. And side note, we can probably start to accept that our parents are flawed and good, both things. And that everything they led us through in our childhood made us who we are today. Some years ago, I shared about a list I made and I know this doesn’t narrow it down because your nerdy girlfriend’s always making lists for a lot of things all the time. But this list was titled, what my kids will remember about having me as a mom sounds like it’s going dark, but it’s not. Because I was just wanting to think about the memories that I have my of my own parents, like the funny things, the weird things, the hard things, and, and just getting that whole picture of everything they offered me as a kid. And I wanted to make my own list. What what are my kids going to remember about me things like covering them in the warm blankets that come out of the dryer, or pop quizzing them on plant identification when we’re out for a walk, making them all agree on a Friday night movie, or having kitchen dance parties or asking them about their feelings all the time. So I made that list originally about seven years ago, because that was a time where I was really trying to figure out how to live life on purpose, how to do motherhood on purpose. And that list helped me understand that if I believe that I am made a certain way, on purpose that God made me a certain way that he gave me these kids, then there’s already purpose in that. So I wanted to get to know who I was made on purpose, the mom I am on purpose, before I try and force some checklist onto motherhood that doesn’t need to be there. Because that checklist, that perfect mom checklist, it brings a lot of insecurity into our motherhood and then we lose our confidence, right? When we look around, and we think someone else does it better, they make sure their kids are in all the activities or they’re so calm, or that mom makes homemade bento boxes of healthy foods, we make them the hero and our self, the villain. We’re looking to others to keep populating that perfect mom checklist. And the more boxes that are left unchecked, the more shame we feel them that we think that the shame is going to change us.

8:11
We think that if we focus on what we’re doing wrong and start doing it right that the change will just happen. But in reality, just like not just parenting from that place of not enough and doing it wrong, we perpetuate the not enoughness the doing it wrong because what we believe we become inside note, if you have a perfect mom checklist, you probably also have a perfect child checklist. And side side note, I have a lot of tangents I could go on today. This is gonna be a two part episode. I can tell you that already. When we have this checklist, maybe this checklist in comparison creates a parenting culture where we have to have this dichotomy in order to find competence. We need heroes and villains we need right and wrong. And maybe we look at everything that’s not on our checklist that should be and we start to villainize ourselves and try to change from there. But maybe we also swing the other way. Maybe we get righteous about what we’re doing right. We can counteract our insecurities of what we’re doing wrong with pride, about what other moms are doing wrong. And we’re doing right you know, they aren’t feeding their kids vegetables. They’re letting their kids just have tantrums and get their own way. They’re never putting their kids to bed at a reasonable hour. Sometimes we can set up that dichotomy and righteousness can be a shortcut for self confidence. But parenting with confidence, like living with confidence, Where should our confidence come from? Our confidence to come from us knowing who we are, what we value and liking our reasons for what we choose to do because then our confidence does not rely on other people. There are no heroes there are no villains, there are no validations there are no shame traps to fall into, you know, this is where we compare Aren’t with confidence. It’s hard though, because it has a lot of layers, like we need to know our strengths, what we feel are our strengths, not what the world tells us. Our strengths need to be, we need to see where our ego is fighting for control. We need to know what fears come up for us how they’re making us act, really, they’re pulling us out of intention, we need to know what matters to us what our values are, we need to know how to stand up for what matters to us in a very compassionate way for all the parties involved. We need to look at our decisions and look at the different angles for what we’re choosing and ask ourselves, do I like my reasons for doing what I do? To me, this gives you confidence to be the mom you are, it doesn’t rely on anyone else’s validation of you, or anyone else’s lack of checks on the checklist. That’s why it’s a journey, right? Because we just don’t know these things. We aren’t aware of these things. We’re all on autopilot. We live in this whirlwind of moving from one thing to the next. We’re rarely mindful of our own inner experience, where it comes from what we desire in life, we’re just too busy or too afraid to do something about it. Okay, back to this message. That helped me with my kids. Knowing that I am the mom meant for my kids, you are made for reason. No matter what faith background you have, I hope you can believe that is true. Because nobody else in all the world has your unique passions, interests, quirks, experiences, strengths, ideas, time of life that they’re living in, no one else can be you. And there has to be intention in that, logically, there has to be intention in that. So here’s another lesson in my own journey, realizing that, yes, I was made unique. I can’t contort myself to be a version of anyone else. But also, along with that I wasn’t made to be perfect. I didn’t need to be a perfect person. I was just made to be the person that I am. You bring something into motherhood that nobody else can and your kids get to have that. They get you in, you’re nerdy, you’re stressed, you’re silly, you’re loving ways that you are. So this making a list about being the mom you are I’m going to link that post in the show notes. I hope you’ll make that list. Because when you make that list, I bet you’re going to find yourself laughing to yourself at least once. Because on that list, you’re going to see some things on there that you know your kids enjoy and appreciate about you. Things that you probably appreciate about you. When you make this list, you’re going to see that connection. And fun is available to you in motherhood. There are things in you that you love about being a mom that you love to bring to motherhood. And there’s things your kids love about having you as a mom, those are the things we can pour into. And we can give a great gift to ourselves ourselves because motherhood experience counts, but also to our kids, when we allow that connection and fun to be a top priority.

13:07
I’m going to follow this up with another episode on also the things that are hard, where our ego is showing up the things that we struggle with within ourselves within our kids, and how that can still lead us to being a mom on purpose. So go check that out next. I’ll see you there

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

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Motherhood is a journey and there are stepping stones along the way of things we learn. I want to share a few of my stepping stones with you. They are around parenting from our own strengths, rather than focussing on what we are doing wrong.
 

 
In this episode I talk about:

* the Perfect Mom Checklist
* Making your own list for motherhood
* Where to start when you want to do motherhood, on purpose
* Parenting from checklists and comparison and how can create pride or shame
* Where we try to find shortcuts to confidence
* Where we can truly find confidence
* Finding connection and fun in motherhood

 
Related links and episodes mentioned:
162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.

How this one list can empower you to be the mom you are

The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset)

76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood)

163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun

The Mom, on Purpose podcast playlist

 



 

Full transcript (unedited)

0:00
 This is a place where we just stop for a minute we slow down and we talk about the ways that we can simplify our lives, remove the distractions, remove the clutter, and start living on purpose with intention shutting off that autopilot. Today I want to talk about doing this in motherhood being a mom on purpose, something that's helped me is to think about motherhood as a journey. So I have three kids, they are 11. One's going to be 10 Soon, and one's going to be eight soon. And so I like to think about the journey I've been on over the past 11 years. For me, it really has been a journey where I started off clueless, I mean, my son, my firstborn son, was the first newborn I ever held. I also started off worried, which was my nature, but that I think that's something you bring into motherhood, you're worried about everything you don't know up against everything you're dealing with. And along the way, you learn. You listen, you try, you adjust, you wait, you learn, you learn what the different color poops mean, you learn how to set schedules and rules. You learn how to find peace, when everything is making you anxious. And you learn how to sit through the hard parts. Rather, rather than just scrambling to fix everything all the time you learn your way you learn the journey. And it really is a journey nobody can take for you. I think we're all looking to other people for the solution for the path.]]>
Shawna Scafe 13:39
165. Spring cleaning urgency + organization tips and inventory strategies that save you money and reduce clutter https://simpleonpurpose.ca/organization-and-inventory-to-reduce-clutter/ Thu, 12 May 2022 22:12:42 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13144 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/organization-and-inventory-to-reduce-clutter/#comments https://simpleonpurpose.ca/organization-and-inventory-to-reduce-clutter/feed/ 3 Spring cleaning had me feeling a mental urgency at ALL THE THINGS I needed to get cleaned in my home. I am sharing how I am approaching that overwhelm. Also sharing how organization and inventory of your stuff can save you money and reduce clutter (starting with the freezer!)     Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.  The main points covered in this episode My cleaning goals for last weekend and how I was derailed by spring cleaning mental drama My spring cleaning list and closet jenga Operating from a sense of urgency and how it can lead to shame/resent Paying attention to our thoughts and which thoughts we will 'hop on and run off with' Cleaning out the freezer The hidden costs of stockpiling and having all of the options on hand, scarcity  minset  How to do a food inventory (and save money on groceries!) Organizing things in a way that makes them accessible and visible  Doing an inventory of things to prevent you from doubling up by buying more because you don't realize you have it at home   All the fun links you might like 61. How we introduced chores to our kids (Saturday Morning Chores) 60. Doing Chores You Want to Avoid (how I life coached myself to do the dishes) @GOCLEANCO on Instagram A quick video about thought trains by Russ Harris  154. What to do now that you are motivated (simplify getting started) 15 Practical Tips for Moms to GET STUFF DONE 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect) A post I shared on IG, four years go, about using the notes app to do storage inventory Bitters, I like this peach one by Dillons, the next one I want to try is the Alcohol-Free digestive bitters by Flora   FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) Welcome to the simple purpose podcast. Around here, we talk about ways that you can simplify your home, your heaart your life. So you can show up right now in whatever season you're in and show up for it on purpose with intention about what you want, and how you want to act and what you want more of and what you want less of. Today, I want to talk about some recent decluttering and cleaning that I was doing the other weekend. And some realizations I came to while I was doing it. And I share this stuff not because I think it's something you've never heard, or maybe don't even know because often, I think I share things that we do know deep down inside, but I share it because it's a good reminder, it was a good reminder to me and so I want to share it with here here with you. And maybe you will find something from it. So Spring is here, spring is here in Canada. And I don't know about you, but I've noticed as my kids are getting older, and we're like in this family home, that wshen spring comes along, I kind of lose my blinders. I've got blinders on either side of my head, of all of the areas of my home that have built up with grime and clutter over the winter months. And I started also thinking that maybe spring cleaning was invented by Canadian parents who had paid very little attention to their homes for the hockey season. And now they're just faced with realities of unmapped floors and chaotic mushrooms. So Saturday is our joy morning here. It's a routine that we have so that rooms are just getting picked up for the most part on a regular basis. I'm going to link an episode where I talk about Saturday morning chores, how we started our kids doing it and also an episode about me, life coaching myself to doing the dishes. It's a very underrated episode. So I think it's worth sharing. So I was rolling into the Saturday and I felt this freedom that you have when you don't have any plans, no hockey, no plans, I put on my sneakers, I put on a good playlist and I was ready to get some cleaning done. The other weekend I intended to break up them up and also help at least one kid dredge under ... Spring cleaning had me feeling a mental urgency at ALL THE THINGS I needed to get cleaned in my home. I am sharing how I am approaching that overwhelm. Also sharing how organization and inventory of your stuff can save you money and reduce clutter (starting with the freezer!)

 

 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

The main points covered in this episode

  1. My cleaning goals for last weekend and how I was derailed by spring cleaning mental drama
  2. My spring cleaning list and closet jenga
  3. Operating from a sense of urgency and how it can lead to shame/resent
  4. Paying attention to our thoughts and which thoughts we will ‘hop on and run off with’
  5. Cleaning out the freezer
  6. The hidden costs of stockpiling and having all of the options on hand, scarcity  minset 
  7. How to do a food inventory (and save money on groceries!)
  8. Organizing things in a way that makes them accessible and visible 
  9. Doing an inventory of things to prevent you from doubling up by buying more because you don’t realize you have it at home

 

All the fun links you might like

61. How we introduced chores to our kids (Saturday Morning Chores)

60. Doing Chores You Want to Avoid (how I life coached myself to do the dishes)

@GOCLEANCO on Instagram

A quick video about thought trains by Russ Harris 

154. What to do now that you are motivated (simplify getting started)

15 Practical Tips for Moms to GET STUFF DONE

78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)

A post I shared on IG, four years go, about using the notes app to do storage inventory

Bitters, I like this peach one by Dillons, the next one I want to try is the Alcohol-Free digestive bitters by Flora

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)

Welcome to the simple purpose podcast. Around here, we talk about ways that you can simplify your home, your heaart your life. So you can show up right now in whatever season you’re in and show up for it on purpose with intention about what you want, and how you want to act and what you want more of and what you want less of. Today, I want to talk about some recent decluttering and cleaning that I was doing the other weekend. And some realizations I came to while I was doing it. And I share this stuff not because I think it’s something you’ve never heard, or maybe don’t even know because often, I think I share things that we do know deep down inside, but I share it because it’s a good reminder, it was a good reminder to me and so I want to share it with here here with you. And maybe you will find something from it. So Spring is here, spring is here in Canada. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed as my kids are getting older, and we’re like in this family home, that wshen spring comes along, I kind of lose my blinders. I’ve got blinders on either side of my head, of all of the areas of my home that have built up with grime and clutter over the winter months. And I started also thinking that maybe spring cleaning was invented by Canadian parents who had paid very little attention to their homes for the hockey season. And now they’re just faced with realities of unmapped floors and chaotic mushrooms. So Saturday is our joy morning here. It’s a routine that we have so that rooms are just getting picked up for the most part on a regular basis. I’m going to link an episode where I talk about Saturday morning chores, how we started our kids doing it and also an episode about me, life coaching myself to doing the dishes. It’s a very underrated episode. So I think it’s worth sharing. So I was rolling into the Saturday and I felt this freedom that you have when you don’t have any plans, no hockey, no plans, I put on my sneakers, I put on a good playlist and I was ready to get some cleaning done. The other weekend I intended to break up them up and also help at least one kid dredge under their bed for their last library books. Side note, we found it buried under hockey cards and Legos on the desk, not under the bed. That’s where all his socks apparently were every sock I’ve ever bought him. So as I was walking through the house, though, working on these different things around the house and mopping whatever, I started to notice I was becoming overwhelmed. I realized I started to get into this process where I was drafting up this mental list of all the places that I needed a Go clean crew dedicated to them. I was looking at the basement linen closet, a towel even fell out at me when I critiqued it, hoping to get something I was looking at the mudroom, we’ve still got snow boots, we’ve got bins in there with mitts and took spilling out of them. I was looking at the kids closets, because in their top shelf in their closet. That’s where I store the clothes they have outgrown. And I’m playing a very precarious clothing Jenga game in one particular closet, where I’m chucking things up and hoping it doesn’t topple the whole pile down. I know how to deal with that, just like kids clothes in general, I need to address them because they never stopped growing. So my list goes on. And I noticed the sense of urgency, join up forces with the part of me that says you’re not doing enough. And I just had to pause because I know operating from that place, it’s going to be exhausting. I’m either gonna end up feeling shame, or resent or a super fun mix of both. And it’s pretty easy then to run away with those stories, right.

3:45
And running away with stories is kind of a term that we talked a lot about in the life on purpose Academy. It was a 2020 group that I ran for group coaching. And we talked a lot about this concept that our thoughts are like trains, you are the train station, and you have these trains coming in and out with all of your automatic thoughts. And you get to actually pick which train you jump on. But we don’t we think every train that comes in, we kind of got a jump on it and write it to the end of the tracks. And then we’re not being very mindful, right. We’re not being very intentional about choosing which thought train we jump on. So that was a real big concept that we talked about a lot. It’s a concept from acceptance, Commitment Therapy. And I think it’s really helpful because it reminds you that wait a minute, I’m in the station. I get to watch the trains coming in and out and choose which thought I’m going to run away with and so I paused it I found myself doing that I decided I’m not going to jump on the urgency train. I’m not going to jump on that train where I’m not doing enough. And I did what I tell my clients to do. I decided to pick one thing and just do one thing right now. And I picked mopping so a marked and you know what else I did? Because I was like Oh, I’m just gonna mop today and find those library books. I went all in, I mopped every hard floor in the house. I even carried around a little scrub brush with me to scrape off, you know, those mystery stains. I even shared one of those mystery stains in my Instagram stories. It was the stain of unknown origin. That was all my stairs. I was passing it for months, just just looking at me like, what is that. And now I finally cleaned it, I finally made the point of cleaning it. And I know most people won’t notice this. I know my kids aren’t like, look at our sparkling floors. You’re so great mom. But I noticed I felt proud of me. So my takeaway there is know what you want in the big picture. Like I know there’s going to be a lot of spring cleaning projects on my list. But just start with one thing at a time. Don’t buy into your own perceived sense of urgency, it’s going to put a lot of pressure on you that isn’t actually going to help you.

5:53
Another big aha moment I had on that cleaning day was when I happened to just clean out the freezer for something totally unrelated. You know how you have one thing on the go and you’re like, Well, no, I have to do that other thing. And that other thing. They’re all interrelated. Because I was hydrating beans for chili. Pam, don’t think I’m a pioneer or anything, I soaked them on the counter and then run them through the Insta pot, you know, not doing it the hard way. But I decided to hydrate a big batch. I’m going to put some in the freezer for later. And once I said to myself, I’m going to put them in the freezer for later. I instantly felt some dread inside because I know what my freezer looks like right now. And it is smashed full of bags, frozen bananas, stumps of gluten free bread, ice packs, and half bags of just random things. So I had mopped, I had helped my son clean up his room. And you know what I was feeling momentum. I felt like I had momentum to keep doing things which I think that’s what we need to also consider when we want to be productive is that often initiating the first step helps get momentum, objects in motion, stay in motion. So I thought I’m going to do myself the favor of cleaning out the freezer, I got some time right now, I’m going to tell you quickly my strategy because you know what just seeing people clean or listening to how they clean, it just helps me mentally prepare all of the steps that I would need to do to clean something. So I’ll let you know I brought out two laundry baskets. And I stood in front of the freezer and I filled up these laundry baskets full of all the frozen everything, just put it in there doesn’t matter what it is. Like there was random stuff in there, there was some, like game pieces, some shocks, some rocks, like it just all went in there. And then I wiped down the freezer with hot, soapy water. It’s surprising how gross freezers get you think things are just frozen and they just stay in there. But no, it gets pretty funky. So I had my two baskets full of all of the frozen stuff. And I put it on the counter kept the freezer door open. And I just sorted it right in that spot. So I was putting things away in the freezer that I was keeping, I was throwing out things that had gotten freezer burned. And then I had another spot to decide where I was going to put stuff in the basement freezer. And this is always a disappointing part when I’m decluttering for me is the things that I find myself ready to throw out. And I looked at this full garbage bag of food that I was getting rid of. And I felt really disappointed in that waste. For one reason, just earlier that morning, my kids and I were discussing hunger in the world. And here I am throwing out a garbage bag of food that I just didn’t even take care of. So that’s frustrating for me, it was once valuable food. And then it became a waste because of how I managed or mismanaged it right. It got freezer burned, it just was never used in time. It’s opening my up my eyes to the mindset that I think I’ve had that things in the freezer last forever. I kind of thought that things in the freezer are good forever. But they get freezer burn burned, right? They they do go bad in the freezer. And it was a reminder to me that freezer is not a perpetual food cache. You know, we’re storing things up for another round of isolations or floods or whatever. And sometimes we can approach our food with some scarcity mindset. We can fill up our shelves and fill up our freezers with all of the options. And if we look at everything we have on hand, we might see that it’s a lot. And I also think it’s a lot of money to write. It’s a lot of money we have stored in our cupboards in our freezers right now. And I’m I’m not saying don’t be prepared. I’m all on board for having things on hand. But I think I forget to still use these things. There does have to be a turnover. One way that I was making that turnover happen and I realized I had just stopped doing this for some reason was I wasn’t doing a food inventory anymore. I used to do this before grocery shopping every week. So I would go through the pantries, the fridge the freezer, I would write down everything we had on hand that we could use for a main meal. So if we had tomatoes, I’d write down something like two cans of tomatoes, a pack of ground beef and the free user two cups of rice, half a bag of frozen kale. And even if you’re listening to kind of this list that I’m making, you can probably already think of a meal you can make from that, right? It’s kind of like a black box challenge in your own kitchen every week, which I personally enjoyed at the time, like being on chopped, it got me making some really creative things with just what I had, I felt resourceful, and I felt creative. It also helps save a lot of money because rather than going to the grocery store, and shopping for seven meals, I was using what we already had and filling the gaps with what we had on hand, I am being mindful that it does cost us money to stockpile food. And if we’re constantly doing our grocery shopping, buying everything fresh. And just for the week, we’re not using up what we already have, that stuff is going to go expired or stale or freezer burnt, and then we have to discard it. So I am mindful that sometimes it does cost us money to stockpile things. So takeaway for me was to get back to doing that food inventory. And I’m trying to be more mindful of not also stuffing my freezer full because this wasn’t just an inventory problem. This was also an organization problem in my freezer. If we organize things in a way that makes them hard to access, we stop xx, we stop accessing them. It’s hard to say. So things in my freezer were just stepped in there, things were stuck at the back at the bottom, I forgot what was in there really out of sight out of mind. So I would go buy more when I already had some on hand. I think this is the most true for like out of sight out of mind for the bathroom, going out and buying more toothpaste or conditioner or face lotion when I already have enough on hand somewhere in the cupboard to probably last me a good month at least. And do I ever go back and use that half bottle of lotion in the cupboard? Or do I just go to the store and buy more and then eventually toss that half full one out? When I declutter, I don’t really think that buying things ahead of time and stockpiling things you know, you’re going to need as a problem. For me, I’m feeling like the problem is not organizing them in a way that prompts you to use them. Perhaps having a set place where you store these items, keeping the toothpaste all in one place, or rather than random cupboards throughout the house, being able to open up a drawer or cupboard and see what is in there and access it. And I’m not sharing this because I do it. So well. I’m sharing this because I know the struggle of it. And I know that when we are organizing our things to make them accessible and visible, then we aren’t able to use them. As we’re talking about this storage and inventory and spring cleaning, I’m also going to share one other thing that’s helped us in the spring that I think is worth sharing, I share it most every spring. And that is how we’re managing the stuff especially if you have kids, let’s say it’s spring, you’re going to pack up the winter stuff and pull out the summer stuff. For us. That means we kind of pull these bins out of our storage room in the basement. And we pack up storage bins of what’s gonna go back in for next season. Now I get myself into a quandary because I go to the store to buy them snow boots or sandals or whatever. And I forget what we have at home, I forget what’s in storage if we haven’t pulled it out yet. And the season is just beginning. So what I have found helpful is when we put things back in the storage room, we do two things. The first is we try everything on or just ask the kid, does this still fit you? Are we getting rid of it and putting that aside? And then what does still fit? Or what will fit next year?

13:30
I need to write in my phone in the Notes app. What’s in storage? Who does it fit in? What is it so I know that next season, I’m not going to go buy everyone all new stuff. When we’ve got stuff in storage, just because I am not able to organize it and see it visually see it without rummaging through everything doesn’t mean that I can’t still use the benefit of inventory. Digital inventory look, then it’s with me everywhere I go at every store. Alright friends, I know that sharing these kinds of things. Sometimes I feel a little bit silly, I feel vulnerable. Because I feel like sometimes I’m sharing things that an adult should just know and I should have this figured out already. So it’s one thing to talk about it, let alone make a podcast episode about it. But here’s what I’m reminding myself if this is true for me if I needed these reminders at 39. Again, then maybe it’s probably true for at least one more person. And if this episode has helped one person, this episode is for you, my friend. Enjoy. Go forth, take inventory, organize, and do it at your own pace. Don’t buy into perceived sense of urgency. You are right where you need to be. You’ve got it just take the next step. Let’s wrap up with a simple pleasure. Haven’t done one in a while. And this is something I’ve been enjoying at night so I wish I was a person who enjoyed tea. I feel a little bit like Ted last Oh feels about it. I feel like it is just garbage and it’s a week And every time I drink tea, I just wish it was coffee the whole time, I just want it to be coffee. So I’m sorry, tea, I can’t give you unconditional love because I’m just wishing you or something else the entire time. But I love on TV when you see someone in their sweats and they’re holding that cup and it looks warm, and their hands was probably just like empty or whatever. And they’re drinking their tea and their Gozi. And I’m just like, oh, I want to be a person who likes tea, but I don’t like tea. So maybe I just want to be a person who enjoys that sentiment at the end of the night of getting cozy with something. And I find it really helpful for me to think outside the box beyond alcohol, because I don’t want that to become my nightly habit. That’s the trap I fell into a few years back and something I’ve worked my way out of. And so I’m being really mindful of bringing in different things into the end of my night. That still give me that sense of ritual and reward. And one thing I’ve really enjoyed is sparkling water. We have a Soda Stream, but whatever sparkling water from the grocery store and adding some bitters to it, bitters, you might have heard the term they usually add them into drinks, a couple of drops or some dashes. And they they are an alcohol infused with different herbs and spices and fruits. And it’s really condensed, it’s considered an herbal alcoholic preparation, but they are quite condensed and dark. And you just need a couple drops to flavor change the flavor of something. So I really enjoy have a peach bitters and a regular bitters. And I really enjoy putting that in my sparkling water. I’m going to link in the show notes, the types of bitters I have because there’s so many different options you can get. And if you are someone who likes things a bit sweeter, add a bit of juice, try some different combinations. It’s a simple pleasure that I’ve been enjoying. Maybe you’ll enjoy it too. All right, friends, have a great week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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Spring cleaning had me feeling a mental urgency at ALL THE THINGS I needed to get cleaned in my home. I am sharing how I am approaching that overwhelm. Also sharing how organization and inventory of your stuff can save you money and reduce clutter (sta...
 

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

The main points covered in this episode

* My cleaning goals for last weekend and how I was derailed by spring cleaning mental drama
* My spring cleaning list and closet jenga
* Operating from a sense of urgency and how it can lead to shame/resent
* Paying attention to our thoughts and which thoughts we will 'hop on and run off with'
* Cleaning out the freezer
* The hidden costs of stockpiling and having all of the options on hand, scarcity  minset 
* How to do a food inventory (and save money on groceries!)
* Organizing things in a way that makes them accessible and visible 
* Doing an inventory of things to prevent you from doubling up by buying more because you don't realize you have it at home

 
All the fun links you might like
61. How we introduced chores to our kids (Saturday Morning Chores)

60. Doing Chores You Want to Avoid (how I life coached myself to do the dishes)

@GOCLEANCO on Instagram

A quick video about thought trains by Russ Harris 

154. What to do now that you are motivated (simplify getting started)

15 Practical Tips for Moms to GET STUFF DONE

78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)

A post I shared on IG, four years go, about using the notes app to do storage inventory

Bitters, I like this peach one by Dillons, the next one I want to try is the Alcohol-Free digestive bitters by Flora

 



FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)

Welcome to the simple purpose podcast. Around here, we talk about ways that you can simplify your home, your heaart your life. So you can show up right now in whatever season you're in and show up for it on purpose with intention about what you want, and how you want to act and what you want more of and what you want less of. Today, I want to talk about some recent decluttering and cleaning that I was doing the other weekend. And some realizations I came to while I was doing ...]]>
Shawna Scafe 17:03
164. How I am finding balance in my life this year https://simpleonpurpose.ca/balance-motherhood-work-school/ Fri, 29 Apr 2022 21:37:37 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13136 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/balance-motherhood-work-school/#respond https://simpleonpurpose.ca/balance-motherhood-work-school/feed/ 0 I was asked to cover this topic in the recent feedback survey. I think it is a great question to ask, and it is one I've ruthlessly searched to the ends of Pinterest to answer, 'how to find balance in motherhood'  In this episode, I will share about the extra demands in my life right now and the ways I am finding balance in a very busy season of life of motherhood, school and work.      Topics covered in this episode: What we think 'balance' means culturally for women and moms What I have decided to make it mean for myself  The power of prioritizing and all the reasons it is hard to prioritize What I am saying yes to this year What I am saying no to this year How I plan out my weeks  How I protect my priorities and the reality that it doesn't always look or feel lovely Adjusting things as I go versus having an all or nothing mindset Owning it and not feeling like a victim of my life Links you might like: Simplify your life series What I Learned While Searching for Balance in Motherhood The Eisenhower Matrix Opportunity costs, talk about this a bit more in How to Define Simple Living for Your Family The Life on Purpose Roadmap How To Plan Your Day As a Mom (3 Simple Steps) @themanwhohasitall 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better 137. Back to school routines that we have in our house Family Rhythms 144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE 150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement 69. Will a simpler home bring me peace? Working through a bad mood with one simple question   GET CONNECTED Make sure to share your thoughts with us in the Facebook group, or on Instagram!   Full Transcript (unedited) 0:00 Hey friends, welcome to the simple minimalist podcast, I am sure that many of you know me as your nerdy girlfriend. I am the mom of three kids. And I am passionate about us simplifying our home, our hearts our lives. So we can clear those distractions, clear the clutter and show up for what really matters to us in the lives that with intention with purpose, you may have noticed my tagline change to intentional living and parenting. And I think that really gets to the heart of where we're all headed towards where we're all wanting to work towards doing things in our day that help us feel intentional towards that bigger picture of what we want in our life. 0:45 On today's episode, I'm talking about a question that was brought up in the reader feedback survey. And it came up a few times and a few different ways. And that's the general question of how do I balance it? Also, it was a question directed towards me. And I'm going to talk about how I have found a balance in this really busy year of life, hoping that what I share with you will help you you find balance in whatever busy season you find yourself in. 1:10 I know I've spent a lot of years, especially in the early years when I had all of my kids at home, the toddlers and the baby. And I remember searching like balancing motherhood balancing kids balancing babies, toddlers, I was really drawn into this notion that if I could just find the right steps, then this would all be easy, that it would all flow effortlessly, that things would feel balanced. And I think a lot of us crave that, that balance that sense of balance. 1:44 But maybe we don't really sit and think about what balance is like, what do we think it is? I think on one hand, we kind of look around and look at all the things everyone's doing, for their health, for their parenting, for their jobs, for their personal development. And we think that's just a general list of all the things I need to be doing to be a healthy human. And I should just be doing the all of those things and feel that sense of inner peace that's going to come from finding balance. 2:11 In my experience of going through the years of, you know, raising small children, having them at home, I was asked to cover this topic in the recent feedback survey. I think it is a great question to ask, and it is one I’ve ruthlessly searched to the ends of Pinterest to answer, ‘how to find balance in motherhood’ 

In this episode, I will share about the extra demands in my life right now and the ways I am finding balance in a very busy season of life of motherhood, school and work. 

 

 

Topics covered in this episode:

  • What we think ‘balance’ means culturally for women and moms
  • What I have decided to make it mean for myself 
  • The power of prioritizing and all the reasons it is hard to prioritize
  • What I am saying yes to this year
  • What I am saying no to this year
  • How I plan out my weeks 
  • How I protect my priorities and the reality that it doesn’t always look or feel lovely
  • Adjusting things as I go versus having an all or nothing mindset
  • Owning it and not feeling like a victim of my life

Links you might like:

Simplify your life series

What I Learned While Searching for Balance in Motherhood

The Eisenhower Matrix

Opportunity costs, talk about this a bit more in How to Define Simple Living for Your Family

The Life on Purpose Roadmap

How To Plan Your Day As a Mom (3 Simple Steps)

@themanwhohasitall

133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better

137. Back to school routines that we have in our house

Family Rhythms

144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE

150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement

69. Will a simpler home bring me peace?

Working through a bad mood with one simple question

 

GET CONNECTED

Make sure to share your thoughts with us in the Facebook group, or on Instagram!

 

Full Transcript (unedited)

0:00
Hey friends, welcome to the simple minimalist podcast, I am sure that many of you know me as your nerdy girlfriend. I am the mom of three kids. And I am passionate about us simplifying our home, our hearts our lives. So we can clear those distractions, clear the clutter and show up for what really matters to us in the lives that with intention with purpose, you may have noticed my tagline change to intentional living and parenting. And I think that really gets to the heart of where we’re all headed towards where we’re all wanting to work towards doing things in our day that help us feel intentional towards that bigger picture of what we want in our life.

0:45
On today’s episode, I’m talking about a question that was brought up in the reader feedback survey. And it came up a few times and a few different ways. And that’s the general question of how do I balance it? Also, it was a question directed towards me. And I’m going to talk about how I have found a balance in this really busy year of life, hoping that what I share with you will help you you find balance in whatever busy season you find yourself in.

1:10
I know I’ve spent a lot of years, especially in the early years when I had all of my kids at home, the toddlers and the baby. And I remember searching like balancing motherhood balancing kids balancing babies, toddlers, I was really drawn into this notion that if I could just find the right steps, then this would all be easy, that it would all flow effortlessly, that things would feel balanced. And I think a lot of us crave that, that balance that sense of balance.

1:44
But maybe we don’t really sit and think about what balance is like, what do we think it is? I think on one hand, we kind of look around and look at all the things everyone’s doing, for their health, for their parenting, for their jobs, for their personal development. And we think that’s just a general list of all the things I need to be doing to be a healthy human. And I should just be doing the all of those things and feel that sense of inner peace that’s going to come from finding balance.

2:11
In my experience of going through the years of, you know, raising small children, having them at home, trying to figure out what I wanted to be doing with my life with my career, what that was going to look like trying different things. I have learned that balance comes down to prioritizing and focusing on what’s important right now, while also not being a total Basket Case

2:33
and voted in preparing for this specific episode. Just last night, I asked Connor, I’m going to talk about this subject. What do you think? Do you think I found balances here? He’s like, Oh, yeah. And and I said, What do you think it would look like if I wasn’t finding balance in this really busy year of life. And he said, if you didn’t have balance, you’d kind of be stressed out, you’d be snapping, which was an interesting response. I think he it wasn’t like oh, things wouldn’t get done. It was that you would feel uncomfortable, you would feel physically stressed out, you would feel rushed all the time.

3:06
And I think this is really important to know, because we could be doing all of the things that are quote unquote, balancing all of the things and still be really stressed. Or we could be just doing a few things and still be really stressed. So maybe balance is an approach we take to it. Maybe balance is how we handle the stress of our life. I don’t know.

3:26
So I said, this has been a really busy year. Back in August, I took on a part time job. With environmental health, I used to be a health inspector. And I also started going to school to become a counselor. Also, my kids joined hockey for the first time. So we had two kids in hockey and one in the play. And so it was a really busy season. I laugh at myself for all of the years and I told myself I was busy. And now I’m legit busy. There’s a lot of things that are going on a lot of demands on my time and energy. And when I started out this year when I committed to these things, I think I shared this on the podcast last fall, but I really decided I want to own this. This is what’s going to make this year work. I was writing out different lists for myself, what I wanted to do what I wanted to pay attention to I’m going to talk about that more what my priorities are going to be. And one thing that I kept coming back to is I need to own this, I cannot be a victim of my life, a victim of my choices. I want to be all in I don’t want to go through this year with a lot of stress and emotional struggle.

4:29
Which is funny, because I have had a lot of stress and emotional struggle this year, just not for the reasons I thought it was going to be. So it does help to have a good counselor walking you through this along the way.

4:41
But back to balance, like balance is something we crave. We wonder how to get it. We feel like we’re doing it wrong if we don’t have it. And I think a problem is one we’re not really clear on what balance means to us. And to me, I’ve decided that balance doesn’t mean doing all of the things. Balance means probably Advertising the important things. And so that leads us to the second issue of if we struggle with prioritizing, we’re going to struggle with finding balance.

5:09
Priorities are tough right in this world have so many options, so many choices, so many good ideas, it’s overwhelming to filter out what our priorities are going to be. Because there are endless things we can spend our time on or energy on, we can devote our space to our money to an I consider these our life resources, our time, our energy, our space, our money.

5:29
These are our life resources. And when we can manage these resources, well, we feel like life is manageable. If you want to dig into that concept, I’ve included a link in the show notes to the simplify your life series. That’s an audio series. And it also includes worksheets, so check that out.

5:47
So we’ve got this day available to us lots of good options, lots of things we can be doing with it. Lots of things we feel like we should be doing with it. But we struggle to prioritize right. And from having conversations with many women over the years, I think there’s a couple of reasons why prioritizing is hard. I think on one, we might not be clear about what’s important to us right now, we don’t know our personal values. And we’ve been living by other people’s values. We don’t know what we want our big picture direction where we’re going. We don’t know our vision. Another reason is we let the urgent things take over. So the Eisenhower matrix, it lays out the important things and the urgent things versus non important non urgent and creates a quadrant. And we spend a lot of our day focusing on the urgent things. But we should be spending more time focusing on the important things. And then maybe we can prioritize, but we struggle with setting boundaries to protect those priorities. I feel that struggle this year, for sure, it’s hard to say no to things. Another reason might be that we think we just shouldn’t be strong enough to do at all. We’ve kind of bought into the notion that this is how we do life, we do all of the things we do them well. And maybe there’s even another idea that we have about ourselves that I need to be stronger, I need to be better. And we’re kind of living from this place of constantly chasing that, that can be exhausting, that can be defeating.

7:09
But when we step into really owning our priorities, and planning for them and protecting them, then we can show up well for that. And I don’t want to give you the illusion that it it looks great, or it feels great all the time. Because I do feel like I’ve missed out on some things this year, because I’ve had to spend a weekend at home doing school, I’ve had to spend a lot of hours in the hockey rink. I’ve had to prioritize doing work over social things that I wanted to do or volunteering. And they’re all good things, right? These are all good things that have been my priority.

7:44
But there is an opportunity cost to everything we do. When I say yes to one thing, I say no to another, and vice versa. So I just want to give you an idea of how I laid out my priorities this year. I hope this isn’t boring to you about how I plan my life and set up my days, maybe this is going to help you That’s my hope.

8:03
I don’t know, let’s see what happens when a mom of three tells you about her daily life priorities. We’ll see. So back in August, when I was kind of going through this, I wrote down my top priorities.

8:15
Of course, the first one is family time, right? I mean, my kids come home from school, they’re here on the weekends, when they are at school, I have a lot more freedom to focus on what I need to focus on. It was tough this year having the kids out of school when our town flooded, and then having them out over Christmas break. Like it does get tough, right? When that plan changes,

8:35
school, obviously, another big priority of mine, I’m on a deadline. So when I’m constantly on a deadline, I do feel like I’m looking for pockets of time to read the textbooks, watch the videos, it’s always in the back of my mind, I do have to block out chunks in my day or in my week that I know I’m gonna get school done. And really try to do as much as I can before that deadline comes. Because I don’t want to live with the pressure. And I sometimes get headaches if things are approaching a deadline. And I have to get so much done. I’m feeling that emotional weight that rush that kind of drive and it just like it gives me a headache. So I do have to be really proactive with managing myself throughout each course to make sure I’m not putting myself in that situation.

9:21
And of course my jobs are a priority. I mean, for one I work for somebody now. So that’s a non negotiable. And then the other one I’m I’m here for myself, and I do allow myself some more flexibility with this. But it has been hard I haven’t been able to do what I have been doing how my job has traditionally looked over the years with weekly episodes, chats in the Facebook group regular on Instagram, what my focus is now are my coaching clients and that simple Saturdays newsletter that comes out every two weeks. That’s really my number one priority that always has to get done. And the rest I just do as I can which has been really sad for me because I do miss is showing up to this podcast regularly.

10:02
And I look at my priorities, family schoolwork. And I think those are generally priorities most of us have, right we these are the things we focus on, they take up the bulk of our time. And, and truly within each of those categories, we still have to rank our priorities like with work, some of these things, I’m gonna have time for not everything. And my family life, there are countless things that I could be doing more of as a mom. But I need to pick the things that are important to me in this season, right now and show up for that. My other priorities in life,

10:34
I have two other ones that I’m making a priority. Health, sleep is a priority for me, I’m tucking myself in early to bed whenever I can. Moving is a priority for me, I’m challenging myself to move and exercise regularly in my week. And my best friends, seeing them, messaging them, phoning them, that is also a priority for me. So those are priorities.

10:56
But I also have to get clear on what’s not a priority, I need a spectrum, I need to know what the rankings are. So I know when I’m making a decision, what’s going to be coming first above other things, some things I am not prioritizing social media, which is it feels sad, I feel like I just love that connection. I love touching base with people. I love being part of those communities. But it’s also whenever you run an online platform, you feel that constant need to be on social media to be connected to post to share. And if you don’t, people won’t follow you forget you blah, blah, blah, blah. Like it’s easy to buy into that fear that scarcity mindset. So it is challenging on one hand to let go of that mindset. And it’s also challenging for me to say no, I don’t have time for this. I need to spend less time on social media, of course, I find peace in being on social media last as much as I miss it and miss that connection. There is a sense of peace that comes along from not being bombarded by all the messaging out there by what everyone else is doing and the montage of what I think my life needs to look like now. And then I start wondering, do I need to buy hat? Do I need to renovate my house? Do I need to drink Rosae? Like is that a thing, I just stopped living my life and start wondering if I need to live portions of other people’s lives. So as much as I miss it, sometimes it’s a healthy thing to get that distance.

12:16
Not a priority for me is staying up late. I used to do that most nights now I try to make it special. It’s a Friday night thing,

12:23
letting go of the weekly podcast that’s been tough for me. And it’s been really, my life has forced me to let go of some of it when my life has been demanding, especially over the winter. I just couldn’t make it work. And I almost needed to be forced into that situation to let go of the weekly podcast in order to give myself permission to show up here bi weekly.

12:45
Another thing that’s low on the priority list for me right now are other people’s expectations of me, because there’s really so much opportunity for me to be involved in my community for me to be volunteering. And I love it when people ask me to be included in things. But I have had to say no a lot. I’m helping where I can, I’m helping where it works in with my schedule. But I know it’s not as often as it was in the past. And I also take comfort in knowing it won’t always be like this either. In the future, I will be able to just show up more.

13:15
Another thing that has been low on the priority list for me and and it makes me sad, because it’s not something that I wanted to put low on the priority list is being social. So there, there’s kind of like this mental list of women I have in my mind and in my life that I want to see more often that I want to spend more time with, there are relationships that I want to show up for and spend more time and investing in. And there just hasn’t been the time, the energy, the space for that right now, I am focused on a few of my besties. And hopefully in the future, there will be more time for that. It’s just one more thing that’s been lower on the priority list. And it kind of makes me sad, it’s slower.

13:53
But I think it’s worth acknowledging right, acknowledging these things that are hard. And really coming back to what are my priorities right now, because I talked about priorities a lot more in the life on purpose roadmap, and I really believe you, you can chase success by trying to do it all. Or you can be successful by choosing your top priority and focusing on that one thing at a time. Prioritizing, it allows you to get more focused, not bogged down with distractions, even if they’re good distractions. And you will have more time and energy for that one thing than you do when you spread yourself thin over all of the things.

14:30
So setting priorities, really the first step and then making decisions every day that are in line with these priorities. And to me, there’s one big thing that is making this work for me to plan my time and protect it. And that is the Google Calendar. When I read this question, how do you balance it all? I think I even whispered to myself, the Google Calendar. And when I asked Connor last night How do you think I balanced at all he’s like the Google calendar like that’s we need it. We need Need to know what’s happening, we need to know what we’re showing up for. And for us to share the Google Calendar, we know what one another is doing. And that’s just really, really helpful. I have my brother in law to thank for the Google Calendar, he showed us the Google cow things. Armando, you brought that into my life.

15:16
My big pitch about the Google Calendar is you can share it, you can share it with your partner, you can color code things, but what I love most about it is on your phone. It is just so nice to look at that Apple calendar, not helpful, like what is that numbers and dots? What are we even looking at, I need to see the color coded I need to see the plans. And guys, I’m nerding out big time I am color coding different topics like my work days, my school days, the kids hockey, like it’s all color coded, oh, I just love it so much. Do yourself a favor, get the girl calendar. But it’s not just about the app, but just a calendar in general. So parenthood made me become someone who needs to plan things and make lists. And I’ve been doing that for many years. But this Google Calendar, it’s just like always with me, I can look in advance. Because I am becoming someone who needs to make plans, weeks or months ahead of time. It feels tragic on one hand, but it also feels so unnecessary. I have a friend who’s like, Hey, can we get together for coffee this week. And I’m not a spontaneous person. I like you know, three to four business days heads up. But we’re talking, you know, I need five weeks now I need five weeks notice we can schedule it in. And I can protect that time. Because between my job hours, my coaching calls, my schoolwork, the kids stuff, I am just planning out chunks of time, like I never have before. And the Google Calendar is where I do all of that.

16:41
So I put everything in the Google Calendar, I transfer it to the calendar on the fridge, the calendar, my office, transferred into my weekly calendar, I know it sounds like a lot of work, but it’s also just locking it in my brain. And I also use that weekly planner to have that agenda, and then any other to do lists that I might have.

17:00
The other thing that’s making my life work, and I wasn’t really sure if I was going to include this because it’s a weird thing to bring up in our current culture. And that’s how supportive my spouse is, because I want to tell you about all of the things he’s doing for me. And then on the other hand, I think about this Instagram account I follow called the man who has it all. And I’m going to link that in the show notes. What that account is about is a taking statements that we say about women or motherhood or women in positions of power. And it does a role reversal by talking about that same issue, and making it about the man instead of about the woman. So it really makes me think about this double standard about how I as a wife would help my spouse if he was going to school, I’d be you know, be managing the kids and the groceries and the cooking and the cleaning. So we shouldn’t consider it exceptional. When it’s reversed. When he does, it shouldn’t be an exceptional circumstance to have a supportive spouse regardless of their gender. And I think that’s the culture that we have lived in. And I think we’re shifting into a new culture.

18:03
So I acknowledge all of the weirdness in his conversation with the culture we have right now. And still just coming back to the reality that his support is really what is helping me make my life work and make me feel like I have some kind of balance. As always finding balance and prioritizing all of these things.

18:22
It helps to have systems and routines in place that protect it and make it easier. I’ve talked about this in many episodes, I’ll try to link a few. But meal planning, I mean, I’m eating the same things for breakfast and lunches, so I don’t have to think about it. We’ve got a good morning routine with the kids. If you look at my calendar each week is pretty similar. So I know what’s expected of me. I know how to pace myself throughout the week. I think that’s really important to have kind of a routine that you’re following generally have a weekly rhythm.

18:50
And then one more thing that’s making this all work is paying attention and making changes, which you’re like, yeah, yeah, people do that. That’s something we have to do. But it really is a shift of your thinking, to view how you’re living your life from my life has to look like this. This is the way it’s going to work to everything is trial and error. Because I need to constantly reevaluate what’s working right now and make changes that are going to make it work better. So it is like pulling yourself out of your life for a hot minute. Taking a chance to become aware and assess, which is something I don’t think we do often. Really ask yourself what’s working well, what’s not working? What changes can I make so I have made changes over this year like dropping a half of a day of my environmental health job. I was working two days. Now it’s one and a half when I noticed that I’m feeling really uncomfortable and stressed out I need to pay attention to how I’m feeding myself and get back on track with just you know making food for myself. So I feel nourished.

19:47
I need to pay attention to my relationship with my kids who do I need to be investing a bit more and who do I need to take out and spend some time with? I don’t want to view how I’m doing things as all or nothing if I don’t do well, one week if things don’t feel great I cannot write it off, I need to look at what I’m doing. And try to make changes that might help me. There’s an episode I did on habit refinement that I’m going to link in the show notes, I find that a really helpful exercise to go through super, super simple. And I always come back with some notes on how I can just adjust things in my day.

20:17
So all of this in a nutshell, how I am finding balance this year, setting what’s a priority and what’s not planning it out, using the Google Calendar, protecting it setting boundaries, knowing what to say yes to what to say no to and allowing yourself those emotions of the things that are hard, the things that are hard, and all of this reflecting, stopping and reflecting how’s it going, what’s working, what’s not making changes. And ultimately, I think it comes down to owning it. So I want to own my decisions. I want to own my attitude. I’m going to get support for things that feel tough, because I don’t want to deny my emotional experience and all of this, I want to work with it. But I also want to manage it well. So I feel like I showed up for this as well that I enjoyed my life still, even though it felt really busy. I mean, after all, what is all of this for what are all the plans for and the priorities and the scheduling and the changes we want to make and the home we want to have and the life we want to have? What is all of this for if we don’t show up well for it in the end and own it and make the best of it and try to enjoy it. That’s what I think is really important less about what’s happening, and more about how you’re showing up for it.

21:25
That’s my encouragement to you this week. I hope it helps. I hope it helps if you feel like you’re in a season that needs more balance. I hope this has been helpful for you. If you find that you have questions about it or some takeaways, please stop by and share those in the Facebook group or tag me on Instagram at simple on purpose.ca. And I also hope that you will take a minute at the end of this to leave a rating and review in your podcast player.

21:48
Those are much appreciated. You can find all of the show notes for this episode on simple on purpose.ca. Click listen. You’ll find all the episodes all of the show notes and transcripts at the end of each episode. Alright friends have a great week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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I was asked to cover this topic in the recent feedback survey. I think it is a great question to ask, and it is one I've ruthlessly searched to the ends of Pinterest to answer, 'how to find balance in motherhood'  - In this episode,
In this episode, I will share about the extra demands in my life right now and the ways I am finding balance in a very busy season of life of motherhood, school and work. 

 

 
Topics covered in this episode:

* What we think 'balance' means culturally for women and moms
* What I have decided to make it mean for myself 
* The power of prioritizing and all the reasons it is hard to prioritize
* What I am saying yes to this year
* What I am saying no to this year
* How I plan out my weeks 
* How I protect my priorities and the reality that it doesn't always look or feel lovely
* Adjusting things as I go versus having an all or nothing mindset
* Owning it and not feeling like a victim of my life

Links you might like:
Simplify your life series

What I Learned While Searching for Balance in Motherhood

The Eisenhower Matrix

Opportunity costs, talk about this a bit more in How to Define Simple Living for Your Family

The Life on Purpose Roadmap

How To Plan Your Day As a Mom (3 Simple Steps)

@themanwhohasitall

133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better

137. Back to school routines that we have in our house

Family Rhythms

144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE

150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement

69. Will a simpler home bring me peace?

Working through a bad mood with one simple question

 
GET CONNECTED
Make sure to share your thoughts with us in the 22:14
163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun https://simpleonpurpose.ca/fun-with-your-kids-on-purpose/ Thu, 14 Apr 2022 19:25:53 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13123 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/fun-with-your-kids-on-purpose/#respond https://simpleonpurpose.ca/fun-with-your-kids-on-purpose/feed/ 0 How to have more fun with our kids. It is OK if you feel like you aren't enjoying your kids and if having fun with them is not happening or is hard to do.  There are a lot of reasons why we aren't having fun and I want to talk about those and then share ways to bring fun into your family, on purpose   In this episode we talk about: The cultural image that makes parenting look fun will be easy and natural. And part of us holds onto this stock photo dream of family fun.  Is Motherhood What You Envisioned It To Be? The culture of fun in your family and where people in your family are getting their 'fun' 9 Simple Ways to Cultivate Your Family Culture Letting the day build up into a stress mountain vs having small redirects in our day When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them) 55. Tips to move out of the stress response and into resilience Distractions from harder emotions vs honouring our emotions and doing something to help us move on 120. Teaching our kids emotional intelligence Parenting Book: Review for Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child Reasons why we aren't having fun with our kids 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. 76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood) Four steps to manage overwhelm in motherhood 25. Working through unhappiness in motherhood, life coaching steps for handling a bad day. Bonus Q+A Episode Making fun when things feel heavy Making fun happen, on purpose Making a list Simple and Easy Kid Activities (mega list of ideas) some family fun suggestions  tips on planning it How To Plan Your Day As a Mom (3 Simple Steps) Family Rhythms + free worksheet 148. Why even make family Christmas traditions? (+ ones that didn’t work, ones that did) three ways we can bring fun into our family How to bring fun into the harder times of your day Handing sibling rivalry and competition while doing fun things following through on our plans for fun, even when we don't feel like it showing up well for the fun COMPANION EPISODE: 138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM, stop withholding fun from yourself All of the things that take away your presence and attention from doing fun things with your kids Things that feel more important and how to reframe them The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset) What memories are you making in motherhood (and how it can change your motherhood experience) Connect and let me know how you are having fun, on purpose Post about it in the Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions) Tag me on Instagram   Simple Pleasure This delightful new email newsletter by my friend Taco Katie who is sharing her great reads at This Librarian is Reading. Sign up for her newsletter here!  Follow her on Instagram    Full Transcript (unedited) HI friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend from simple purpose.ca. Welcome to the Simple on purpose podcast. If you're new here, welcome. I started simple on purpose about eight years ago, I think. And the whole premise is to simplify like I learned about decluttering. I started decluttering my home, it helped me declutter my life. My mind, it helped me to just realize all the ways I was living on autopilot. So I thought I want to simplify things. I want to simplify my life, my home, and I want to start showing up for my life on purpose. I want to do things on purpose. So that's what I'm here for, for helping you do that to helping you turn off the autopilot. Because I know what it's like to get to the end of your day, and feel like you are constantly busy, but also totally unproductive. I want to help you stop just reacting to life and start being really proactive with what ... How to have more fun with our kids. It is OK if you feel like you aren’t enjoying your kids and if having fun with them is not happening or is hard to do. 

There are a lot of reasons why we aren’t having fun and I want to talk about those and then share ways to bring fun into your family, on purpose

 

In this episode we talk about:

Connect and let me know how you are having fun, on purpose

 

Simple Pleasure

This delightful new email newsletter by my friend Taco Katie who is sharing her great reads at This Librarian is Reading. Sign up for her newsletter here!  Follow her on Instagram 

 

Full Transcript (unedited)

HI friends, it’s Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend from simple purpose.ca. Welcome to the Simple on purpose podcast. If you’re new here, welcome. I started simple on purpose about eight years ago, I think. And the whole premise is to simplify like I learned about decluttering. I started decluttering my home, it helped me declutter my life. My mind, it helped me to just realize all the ways I was living on autopilot. So I thought I want to simplify things. I want to simplify my life, my home, and I want to start showing up for my life on purpose. I want to do things on purpose. So that’s what I’m here for, for helping you do that to helping you turn off the autopilot. Because I know what it’s like to get to the end of your day, and feel like you are constantly busy, but also totally unproductive. I want to help you stop just reacting to life and start being really proactive with what you want. Overall, I want to help you bring more peace, more purpose, more presence, and more passion into your everyday life. So welcome, I’m so glad you’re here. Today, we’re going to talk about a topic that comes up in many ways in many places. And that’s how to have more fun with our kids. So I have three kids, my oldest just turned 11, my middle is nine and my youngest is seven. And this topic, having fun with your kids it, it almost feels sometimes moms email me or they messaged me, and it’s like a confession when they’re like, I found you by Googling, I don’t enjoy my kids. And I just want to lift the stigma off of that issue. That if you have felt like you don’t enjoy your kids, if you feel it now, if you’ve Googled it, if you’ve if you’re working on it, you are not alone. So I don’t enjoy my kids. That’s a post that I shared some years ago, when I realized I wasn’t enjoying my kids anymore in my journey to start enjoying my kids again. So what I was doing, how I was doing it, what I was paying attention to what I was learning, I’m going to link that in the shownotes. If you want to go and read that post, I think there’s a part of us that really struggles with the idea of not enjoying our kids. Because one there’s a cultural image that makes parenting look like Family Fun time all the time. And also, I think we buy into our own idea of what we envision parenting is going to be. I don’t know, if you’re like me, but I probably thought parenting would look a little bit more like the stock photos. See, you know, like the ones where everyone’s dogpiling on each other wearing matching pastels. And they’re like these layers of happy people. And we’ve dug piled in my house, it does not Well, someone gets a knee, someone gets an elbow, and then there’s like revenge. It’s revenge seeking at that point. One of my favorite stock photos is when everyone’s cutting vegetables to make a salad together. Like if I feed my kids a salad, they’re like, are you trying to poison me? Where are the buttered noodles?

3:06
Or how about the family and who’s running through the field and they’re all holding hands. And I know my kids, specifically my boys, if we were running, it would turn into a race, it would be a competition, they’d be dragging people grabbing them by the hands to cross that finish line. Even though there’s no finish line, even though it’s not a competition. But I don’t know, we just thought parenting would be fun that it would be easy to have fun. That fun would just happen.

3:35
And sure fun does happen. I mean, in the day to day life of parenting, we’ve had fun times, right? A dance party in the kitchen, you know, driving down the road, and a fun song comes on and we’re all singing it or the baby doing something silly and we’re all laughing so hard. Sometimes fun happens. But overall, it’s probably not something that’s happening a lot. I know I really did feel like this for a long time. If you consider your family culture, like how your family is with one another, the culture that’s just already there. Maybe fun isn’t part of the culture. Maybe you feel like that if you notice fun is missing. Maybe the people in your family are finding fun outside of the home, maybe they’re turning to social media or games or hobbies or friends or, or work. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, we need to have a well rounded view of fun and where we can get it. But I do think when we’re not getting it from our family at all we do lose that bonding power and that enjoyment and connection that we could get when we’re having fun together it because it’s important to have fun. I was looking for studies that talk about this studies that talk about having fun as a family. I wasn’t really finding what I wanted to say. But I don’t think it’s necessary. I don’t think we need science to tell us this. Because I think when we pay attention to how we feel. It just makes sense. Right? How do you

5:00
You feel at a workplace where nobody seems to enjoy being there where no one seems to have fun together, man, it drains you, right versus a workplace. I mean, we spend so much of our life at work, a workplace where people enjoy one another’s company where you do things like potlucks or, you know, have fun jokes and have a fun time together. We are like that too, as a family, as kids as parents, the more fun we have, the more closeness we desire, we we like being there. Have you ever had someone in your life that you never seem to really have fun with. And then compare that to a friend who is fun, you feel connected to them, right? When we are having fun with another person, we feel more bonded to them. Because oxytocin has been released that bonding hormone. My kids were talking the other day about a game that they play in their class. Like they were watching a video or playing some game. And I thought in my head, I’m like, That is fun. Like, that sounds so fun. If I had a teacher that did that, I would think they were so fun. Because I can remember in elementary school, thinking about who I was gonna get that next year to be my teacher, and it was a small school. So there was like, two options. And one was maybe the funner teacher and one was maybe the less fun teacher and which teacher did you want, you wanted the funner teacher, right? Because somehow, they made you want to be there, and they seem to get more respect, you know, when you’re when with your grade six kind of brain, right? You disrespected them a little bit more. So we don’t need science to tell us that. When we have fun with someone, we feel more bonded to them, we seek their company. And for kids, if they feel like they’re having fun within our family, that it’s just so much easier to work with them on issues, because we’ve got that positive relational foundation with them. I want to focus this episode about ways to have fun on purpose, I have talked about how to be a fun mom. And I’m going to link that in the show notes, the show notes are going to be jam packed. So I definitely recommend you stop by and check them out. Side note, if you have trouble finding them on your podcast player, head to symbol on purpose.ca. And click Listen, all of the shows are there. And if you click on any show, you’ll find the highlights of the show any links any related links that I could possibly think of that connect to the issue that you might be interested in. There’s a signup form at the bottom of that post for the simple Saturday’s email. And there’s also a full transcript on most of the posts at the very bottom. Okay, so I want to talk about making fun a habit because we need to make this a habit if we want to bring it into our lives. If we want to do it intentionally do it on purpose, we need to plan for it, we need to show up for it, we need to practice it because we might be out of practice, this might not be a habit that we have formed. And I just want to start by painting this bigger picture of how this has looked for me. And I do share a lot more detail in that post about when I stopped enjoying my kids. But I found I would be in this situation where I would be at home with my kids.

7:58
And they were born all within three and a half years of one another. So even if one was in kindergarten, there was still two at home like there was just a lot of a lot of toddler notice a lot of chaos. And as it happens, there’s little things throughout the day that make it hard. And I would realize I would get to this point in my day where I could keep letting it be hard and get more and more stressed. I called it stress mountain because I would just let it pile up pile up. And when I was making stress mountain, I was pretty resentful. I was pretty resentful of everyone and everything around me. And those would be the hardest days to turn around. Because I feel like I had gotten so much further off course from where I wanted to be. Now, my approach is more of making small redirects throughout the day. So I need to watch how I’m feeling I need to watch where I am on the stress scale. I need to kind of pay attention to my kids to how I’m thinking about them to how they might be feeling to what’s going on for them and do little redirects as necessary. If it’s really building up, you know, sometimes we need a bigger redirect. Got to think outside the box. And I think it’s important to not distract. Like I’m not talking about distractions and distracting people from their emotions, which a lot of us do. And we’re having hard emotions, right? Like, let’s turn on the TV. Let’s turn go to our phones, let’s have sugar. Let’s just you know, all leave and let’s go shopping. But we’re not really walking through the emotions that really got us to this point. We’re just kind of moving away from them. And when we do that, and we think oh, I’m just gonna make the day fun. Now, we’re not really showing up for connection, right? And we might even tell our kids have fun, have fun. This is supposed to be fun. We’re pressuring our kids. Maybe we’re pressuring ourselves. So I’m not talking about distractions, right. I’m talking about those redirects that we can do and still honor our emotions. Well moving forward.

10:00
An approach I often take is I talk to my kids about it. They’re so sick of talking about their feelings, I’m sure. But I recognize it. And I say, I’m stressed or I feel like you might be stressed, you might be frustrated. And I think if I wanted to move us forward right now, then I’ll just say, let’s talk about this more later together. And I’m going to do that I’m going to, at the end of the night, we’re going to talk about it. But right now, maybe it might help for us to go do something fun. And you know, what do you think about going and doing this, so I don’t want to pressure them, I want to honor their emotions, I want to make sure I’m going to help them through whatever they’ve been struggling with. And maybe we just do that a little bit later in the day. Maybe this is more of a reactive way of having fun, right? When things feel tough, we’re just going to Okay, let’s do something to help us move through it. And maybe fun isn’t really a proactive part of our day, maybe fun isn’t something we plan. And I think there’s a handful of reasons why we don’t have more fun. I think one of them is past experiences, inform us that it’s not worth it. Like, we did this thing, and they fought the whole time or they had a meltdown or this went wrong, we we can probably think back on things that we tried to do, and they just didn’t work. My best friend is amazing at powering through this, she takes her kids on trips and outings, especially when they were younger. And I would be at home in my happy little bubble. And she was out there like on the beach with their kids or like planning special things. And she would talk about how it went. And she would say, Oh, this was hard. And this was hard and naps and meltdowns. But then she would always say how special it was, how important it was how she can’t wait to do it again. She wants to save up money and plan the next thing. And I was really struck by her willingness to let it be hard that she would accept those hard parts in order to also have the awesome parts. And you might have heard me talk about harden awesome. In the last episode, I’ll link to that in the show notes. But she taught me so much just by being her friend and watching her and trying to adopt her approach, I wouldn’t do half the things I do with my kids, if I didn’t really have her to kind of mentor me through that. And one thing she’s also taught me is to start identifying what’s going to be hard about this situation. If you’ve been through it, you can kind of predict like, what your kids might struggle with, when there’ll be over tired feeding people, sibling dynamics, and just kind of try to be a little bit proactive about that. Like that is just good data. That’s something that we can modify as we go along. Another reason why we don’t have very much fun is all or nothing thinking, which is kind of in line with my example of building up stress mountain. So thinking your day is a write off, like if it’s not 100% Good. It’s 100%. Bad, all or nothing. So if we’re starting to have a little bit of a tougher day, if things are starting to feel hard, we’re just like, well, this days are right off. It’s all bad, right? How could it get any better? When it’s so bad? Like it’s just it’s unredeemable? You’re redeemable not sure what the word is. And and go back and listen to that last episode on things being hard and awesome. Because if we don’t allow some heart in our day, we’ll never get to the awesome and truly, truly if you pay attention every single day has both every single day has hard and has awesome when you can allow one you get the other you can drop that all or nothing thinking. Another reason is catastrophizing. So we’re running away with all of our stories that we have. It’s like all or nothing thinking. But I mean catastrophizing where we look at a situation maybe our kids aren’t listening to us or their room isn’t being clean, or they’re fighting. And we just get stuck in our stories about how bad it is. They’ll always be like this, I’m doing it wrong. They’re doing it wrong, I don’t even know anymore. It’s pretty hard to have fun When Everything Feels so hopeless, right. And this is kind of another reason it’s hard to have fun when we’re in a self protective state. It’s hard to show up for fun when you’re stressed. When you’re feeling negative when you feel worn out. Because when you’re in that situation, you feel deep down inside, you feel unsafe. When you feel unsafe, you are not going to connect with the people, especially the people you associate these emotions with this unsafe feeling with it’s hard to show up. It’s self protective.

14:27
It’s also hard to have fun when you’re worn out when you need a reset. So really paying attention to yourself and knowing when you need to step back for a moment. When you’re running away with your own stories in your head. When you’re building up stress mountain. You need to step back for a moment, find some calm, maybe explore what’s going on for you explore the thoughts you’re having the feelings you’re having. Get a little bit humble and acknowledge how you’re acting and where that’s getting you and then decide to redirect What do I want now what are my values? What

15:00
Do I want to be happening? When the kids were home for COVID, a couple of years ago, I found myself turning to like a 3pm timeout for myself where I would put on like the abide app. It’s like a meditation app. And I would just go lay in my bed for five to 10 minutes. And I would let my kids know, I’m going to be alone in here, five to 10 minutes, they would generally respect that if they did come in, they would just lie there quietly. But I had to calm myself down, I had to, like reset myself. So pay attention to how you’re feeling. And asking what you need right now, maybe you just need a rest, maybe need a glass of water, whenever try and make a plan on how you’re going to care for yourself as well. A big reason we don’t have fun that I hear often is we’re too busy. And a lot of you tell me about how you get wrapped up in chores and the to do list. I’m going to cover that more in a bit. And also, here’s another one, we just don’t think about it, we just stop thinking about it maybe. So in my own journey of realizing I wasn’t enjoying my kids anymore, I realized I would stay stuck in punishment mode and stress mode. And I wouldn’t even be open to the idea to the notion that in my day, happiness is still available to me. So I try to keep a spot in the back of my mind open. That’s constantly asking, How can I make this fun, which this is a weird question to ask yourself when you’re in times of discipline or heavy conversation. But sometimes it actually works. Sometimes it actually changes the whole thing. I remember a situation where I was walking my kids to school. And my son, my youngest when he was about six or seven, he just wanted to run like leave us and just run to the school and get there to play with his friends. And it was turning into this, like this frustrating thing for me, where he wasn’t walking with us. He wasn’t walking safe. And he was just taking off. And I feel like I always made it such a heavy thing. Like you listen, and you do this and you hold my hand and, and then one day I was like I’m so sick of being a nag. I’m so sick of making it like this big heavy thing. So I decided to race him and I said, Alright, I’m gonna beat you to the school. If you’re running, I’m running faster than you and it turned into something funner instead of it being this big, heavy, divisive thing between us, it turned into something that was fun to do together. Of course, we still to work like overall on road safety. But in I just wanted to break up how it was happening so that we could move on from it. So I’m trying to keep my mind open, I’m trying to like, I don’t know, do things a little bit more proactively leave jokes for them in their lunch or notes in their bed or make us little scavenger hunt for them. That doesn’t take a long time, when things feel like they’re getting heavy and hard in the home. That’s just something quick and fun I can do to get them up and get them moving, put on some good music and dance. Maybe get out the Nerf guns just being more fun being more playful. These are some of the hurdles that we’re up against. These are some of the roadblocks. So I think it really makes sense that fun isn’t happening easily, spontaneously, we we rely on spontaneity a lot for fun to happen in our day. And these are the roadblocks we’re up against to making that happen. Right. So let’s talk about how to have fun on purpose. And with all lady nerd things that I propose here, it starts with making a list. Make a list, it’s like my solution to everything. So make a list and include your kids. Because there’s going to be fun things that your child wants to lead you in, there’s going to be some fun things that you can lead your children. And when we were living in isolation times of COVID, we were making a lot of lists. And I recently was cleaning out my office and I found a big list that we had made together about things we could just do like something we could pick off the list and just do that day to have more fun. I’ve also been working on compiling a massive list that I had crowd sourced from Pinterest from other moms. And I’m going to link that in the shownotes. It comes with a free printable of over 50 ideas on things you can do with your kids that are fun, or simple and easy activities that you can set up for them so that they’re having fun. But when you’re making a list, one important thing to consider is what fun looks like to you. Because I want you to be excited about it. Right? I want you to choose those things too. Don’t feel like you only have to do what your kids want to do. But make a balance between what everybody in the family enjoys. Like I don’t play video games. But we got a video game machine, a video game machine, how old am I?

19:30
We have a video game machine. And my boys are just all about that they’re playing games with their friends. They’re wanting to do it all of the time every day. Like that’s fun for them now. So I try to go and be part of that fun. I’ll sit there and I’ll watch and I’ll ask questions. And actually last night, my son was like reading a magazine about a video game and I asked him a question about it. And he was like, Oh, Mom, you’ve been paying attention. And I was like, yeah, like how how much listening do I have to

20:00
Do about this video game before it sinks in, like I’m paying attention, man. And they’re doing stuff with me that I know is not totally fun for them like going on a nature walk and identifying plants and birds not totally fun for them. But we’re still doing things that we both think are fun. And the best things are things that we think are all fun as a family things we all love. Like our favorite shows our favorite board games, we love to go swimming, we love to go to water parks, we love to go on like trips to see our family. Some things that we turn to when we need some fun, our Dude Perfect videos on YouTube, especially their stereotype videos, we all seem to enjoy that. We love to look through old photos, old videos, my kids are just they love that so much. They love seeing their tiny little selves. And one thing that I tried to focus on is having fun without sugar. Because that’s harder than it looks right treats are the easiest way to have fun. Add in a donut, add in some ice cream and some candy. Instant fun, right? But the long term outcome that I worry about with that is conditioning ourselves to seek treats in order to bond and feel happier. So when we want a sense of connection, when we want to feel happy when we want to feel rewarded, we’re going to turn to those things later in life if we’re setting up that habit cycle right now. So I need to really look at my list and try to broaden what’s on my list of ways to have fun. That’s not all about treats. So then you look at your list and you plan it and I’ve become a big planner, as a parent, I’m going to link that in the show notes as well. Just schedule something in your week, you know, plan it for days, you know, you’re going to need it or they’re going to be harder days that you’re going to need something fun in the day. I personally have learned to schedule things earlier in the day. Because if my kids know something fun is happening, they are just maniacs all morning, they’re restless, they’re agitated, they just want to go do the fun things. So I like to do that earlier in the day. And it often helps set the tone for the rest of the day. A great way to plan it is to set rhythms where you have a weekly routine or regular traditions. And the best thing about it I’ve talked about this in family rhythms before I’ll link that in the show notes is you don’t have to think about it. Now. It’s a built in routine, like Friday night movie, or a standing coffee date with each kid or the summer family reunion, you don’t have to think about these things. And the routine, the tradition that you’re creating in your family is so important in terms of creating a sense of security, stability, a sense of belonging, a sense of unity within your family. So make a little bit of a plan, get it on your calendar, maybe buy supplies for it, if it’s something that you’re going to need. I wanted to plan something fun for the kids last day of school last year. So I bought them these water shooters that you like, suck up water in and then you lift it up and then you you push the water out. So my husband and I were home and the kids got home, and we filled up a kiddie pool of water and we hid these guns around the backyard. And we kind of it was all surprised they didn’t really know what we were doing. And then we’re like you’ve 10 seconds to find those guns, fill them up, and then we’re going to destroy you. And it turned into this huge fun water fight. That of course, my husband took way too far.

23:13
No mercy, no mercy.

23:16
But you’ve got a planet, right? Planet, if you if you want to take one of your kids out, like it’s so important. If you have more than one kid, to spend one on one time with each of your kids, it doesn’t have to be every week, right? But schedule it in your calendar. So you’re taking a kid out every month or so that it’s like a standing date between the two of you. So these are the ways we can have fun, we can have fun. By planning it. We can have fun, spontaneously and hope it just happens. We can have fun by trying to shift the mood, and redirecting everybody. And I think as you go through the process of planning fun making a list, keeping your mind open. So you have now this mental habit of looking for possibilities. You’re starting to add routines into your day, it’s going to be more likely that fun will become part of your family culture, it will become more spontaneous and easier for you. And if you want to bring in more spontaneous fun, get nerdy with me again, write another list. Here’s a helpful list. What are common times in my home that are hard, like what are hard times maybe it’s getting everyone out to school in the morning, maybe it’s like, right when they get home from school and they’re just worn out from the day and they’re cranky, maybe it’s bedtime. So think of some times in your home that are a little bit tough. And now what’s one shift you could make that makes it a little bit more fun. There was a time where our kids were whining a lot like a lot of whining was happening. It was kind of grading us as parents. We would try to tell them not to do it. But that wasn’t working. So my husband decided to make all of our kids sing their complaints and requests so if they wanted water, if they wanted more of something if something wasn’t working, they had to sing it in

25:00
And he’s just so playful. Like, that’s what it is to me. He’s being playful. And I really tried to take those cues from him and be more playful to my cousins told me a fun one when they were on road trips, and there was like four of them in the backseat. And they’re fighting and they’re bugging one another. And their stepdad, my uncle would just start laughing and laughing and laughing, not saying anything, just laughing. And they told us that it stunned them. And then soon everybody would be laughing too. Like, it’s such a good redirect. Because what can you say at that time, right? Like, I’m sure you’ve told your kids a million times, to not bug each other to get along in the backseat. A hard time I’ve noticed in my home is when my kids I’ve mentioned this are waiting for something to happen. Like they’re waiting for an event, they’re waiting to go somewhere, they’re waiting for something fun to happen. And they start getting restless, they start bugging each other. So we were waiting for the kids to go to a hockey game. And they were kind of all laying on the couch, and bugging each other. And my daughter picked up an old phone and was taking slow motion videos. And I said, you should take a slow motion video of you trying to spin a hole one at like stand where you are, jump up and spin and see if you can do it. And the slow motion video will tell you if your feet landed where your feet started. And it turned into like half an hour of us in the whole family taking turns trying to spin one ad watching these slow motion videos together. And it became like a family fun thing. Now, I do want to give a word of caution about having fun with siblings. And that is don’t make it a competition in everything I’ve read in everything I’ve experienced. And now in everything I personally believe I try to avoid sibling competition at all costs. Because I think it creates a competitive stance between siblings. And that creates rivalry and that creates resent and that creates a one up and a one down situation where one has to be better and one has to be lower and nothing good in my experience has ever come from Sibling competition. So you’re not going to hear me say do it faster than your sister or try him beat your brother’s record. Or let’s keep this away from your little brother, I switch it around. So they’re competing against me. So now they’re in a Team Stance together, like keep it away from mom or try and catch mom or try and jump higher than Mum, I want them to learn to be a team unit to seek the good of one another to encourage one another to understand that when they’re strong. Their whole unit is strong. This is like a whole other episode.

27:25
Sidenote, right. So we’ve made some lists we planned for fun. And now we have to do it, we have to do the fun thing, which can be tough. If people aren’t cooperating or being kind or helpful in the house, we really still need to stick with it. Because even when you don’t feel like it, even when people are having a rough day, it can be tempting to withdraw this privilege to withdraw this fun thing as punishment. I mean, there are extreme cases where that’s warranted. But most of the time, we still need this fun thing. We still need to bring in this activity that’s going to bring us back together we need to stick with it. And when we do, we’re when we’re teaching our kids that you know what, even if you aren’t awesome, I still love you. And I still value you and want to experience fun with you. Like not everything hinges on on who you are and how you act right, we can still move past this. And it’s also teaching us that when things feel tough, we can move on, we can find something we find enjoyable. This is called behavioral activation. And this is when you choose things that choose activities, that you find pleasure in activities that are in line with your values, or activities that give you a sense of mastery. And you do them in times when you struggle with low motivation as a way to change your emotional state. So yes, our emotional state impacts our physical state, right? When we feel low motivation, we do less and the less we do, the less awesome we feel, the less motivated we feel, the less energetic we feel, that can become a cycle we stay in. But if we can do something to help us jump out of that loop, if we can change our physical state, often it helps us shift our emotional state. Not always but often right. So sticking with the plan is important, still doing it still doing this thing that we’ve committed to this thing that is going to bring some level of enjoyment into our lives.

29:23
And then when we’re in it when we’re doing the thing when were on the picnic when we’re on the family outing when we’re at the waterslides when we have this costume party family dinner, when we’ve made up family game night, we need to show up for it right? What is all of this worth? If we’re going to show up and we’re going to be cranky and controlling and nagging and distracted and correcting people and feeling this pressure that we need to go do all the dishes. So this is a topic that I deep dive into in Episode 138. I talk about the ways we withhold from ourselves, how we might think that we need to earn fun

30:00
or how we often wait until conditions are perfect in order to allow ourselves to have fun. So I would consider Episode 138, a companion to this episode, make sure to check that out too. But the common struggle I want to talk about here is all of the other things that take your attention away, I hear it so often, I want to have fun with my kids, I want to be present with them. But I can’t focus. I don’t make time for it, I, I got all these chores, I got all these errands, I have this work, it pulls me away from doing this thing with my kid. And one solution you could try here is to consider how to make this important. Because underneath it all fun probably doesn’t feel important to you. And that’s okay, right? Because maybe we were never raised with bringing fun and and bringing enjoyment and presence into parenthood, maybe we were never raised with that. Or maybe we feel like we actually have years and years to have fun with our kids to connect with our kids like, time seems endless to some extent. Or we find that our attention just goes to the urgent thing, the right now thing, our attention goes to the things that make us feel productive right now. Like, I’ll feel so much more productive. If I can clean the kitchen, more than if I’m going to sit on the carpet with my kid and watch them play cards for 15 minutes. Sometimes I think I would be conserving my energy, like I wouldn’t do the fun thing, because it was a lot of work to get everyone backed up, get them to the park, you know, run around with them at the park. It’s a lot of work. I would rather spend that limited energy I have on doing laundry or making dinner. So I was really conserving my energy and not stepping into like, I was in a scarcity mindset. I was not stepping into an abundance mindset that that could actually energize me somehow. Overall, it’s really natural that we seek things that are urgent, right? Gotta get it done. Things that make us feel productive, and things that feel like inappropriate use of our energy. So how can we make this important enough for all of that? One good question you could ask is, okay, how can I look at my definition of success as a mother and bring in having fun, like how could fun be part of my success in motherhood. Another approach you might want to take is considering how productive it is to invest in fun with your kids. So if having fun times, as a family increases, our bond increases our closeness makes it easier to work together. So having fun together, maybe that’s just another life skill, another family skill, like it’s another development skill I am teaching them. So consider ways that this would be important to you as a person to bring into your motherhood. Because having fun on purpose, to me, it is important. It’s a life skill. It’s a window of opportunity that we have, well, our kids are under our roof. And most of all, in my opinion, it makes your experience of motherhood so much more enjoyable.

32:54
So I would love to hear about the ways you’re having fun on purpose, because I know that you do have some fun. I know there are fun things that you guys do sometimes. And maybe there’s fun things that you’re planning, I want to hear about it. So post about it in the Facebook group. Remember that Facebook group is your space to share your thoughts, your questions, your ideas, your takeaways from the episodes. That’s your place for accountability. And I want to see you use it if you’re in that group, I challenge you to post something that is your place to do it. So share a post in Facebook, or take me on Instagram and let me know if you’re doing something fun shared in your stories. Whatever take me on Instagram, I would love to see this episode in action for you. So stop by the shownotes there are a lot of posts a lot of episodes that are related to being intentional and motherhood intentional as a family and just having fun overall.

33:48
So as we wrap up, I’m going to share a simple pleasure with you. Yes, I remembered this week, I’m proud of me. I want to share with you a email newsletter that I just signed up for. And I’ve shared this account before. Her name is Katie Frey. And her Instagram account is this librarian is reading. And Katie is one of my personal friends. And she is inspiring. She is thoughtful, she’s insightful. She is constantly exploring the culture that she was raised in. She’s challenging it. She’s reading a lot of great books and sharing her thoughts on it. She brings so many books into my life that I would never have found and never have read. So if this is something you’re interested in, I’m going to link in the show notes a link to her email newsletter. I would recommend signing up for it. I’d recommend following her on Instagram. She is just such a lovely person and I always call her the real deal like she is the real deal in building community and showing up for community. I just love her. She’s so fun. My kids call her taco Katie because she loves tacos. So that’s really all you need to know about her to know how awesome she is.

34:49
All right, friends, I would love it if you would also leave a review in your podcast player today. And I hope you have a great week and go do something fun on purpose.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

 

]]> How to have more fun with our kids. It is OK if you feel like you aren't enjoying your kids and if having fun with them is not happening or is hard to do.  - There are a lot of reasons why we aren't having fun and I want to talk about those and then s...
There are a lot of reasons why we aren't having fun and I want to talk about those and then share ways to bring fun into your family, on purpose

 

In this episode we talk about:

* The cultural image that makes parenting look fun will be easy and natural. And part of us holds onto this stock photo dream of family fun. 

* Is Motherhood What You Envisioned It To Be?


* The culture of fun in your family and where people in your family are getting their 'fun'

* 9 Simple Ways to Cultivate Your Family Culture


* Letting the day build up into a stress mountain vs having small redirects in our day

* When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)
* 55. Tips to move out of the stress response and into resilience


* Distractions from harder emotions vs honouring our emotions and doing something to help us move on

* 120. Teaching our kids emotional intelligence
* Parenting Book: Review for Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child


* Reasons why we aren't having fun with our kids

* 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.
* 76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood)
* Four steps to manage overwhelm in motherhood
* 25. Working through unhappiness in motherhood, life coaching steps for handling a bad day. Bonus Q+A Episode


* Making fun when things feel heavy
* Making fun happen, on purpose

* Making a list

* Simple and Easy Kid Activities (mega list of ideas)
* some family fun suggestio...]]>
Shawna Scafe 35:16 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives. https://simpleonpurpose.ca/hard-and-awesome-let-go-of-ego/ Fri, 08 Apr 2022 16:42:29 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13098 When we want others to think well of us, what is happening is we are buying into the cultural myth that WE are all good, all the time. And then our EGO steps in to defend this truth and make us look good all the time. But this comes at a cost, it disconnects us from others. What if we can allow the not so good parts of ourselves to be seen and accepted? What if people don't HAVE TO to think the best of us? Quieting our ego in our relationships, especially in our marriage.    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.  In this episode I discuss: Assumed judgement versus concrete judgement.  Assuming what others think about us reflects what we think about ourselves Differing between the cultural term of EGO from how Freud uses the term EGO Wanting to believe we are all good, all the time How the EGO shows up when we feel we are being judged or feel inferior Should we be happy all of the time?  66. Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness? Finding contentment in momlife The cultural message that we are all awesome, all the time! Acknowledging that we are not good all the time and how that can free us and improve our relationships The problem with teaching our kids there are 'good guys and bad guys' The role of serotonin in feeling superior and special  Tame your Anxiety by Loretta Breuning, PhD Habits of a Happy Brain by Loretta Breuning, PhD Differentiating between wanting our friends to think well of us or wanting to be socially superior Making change from a place of shame/inferiority What does it mean if we are NOT 100% good or 100% bad How it can improve our relationships  Acknowledging our good without minimizing it and taking ourselves off the hook to perform Validating ourselves rather than looking for validation from others.  Acknowledging what is 'good' and 'bad' in our partner and allowing it to bring ease rather than a fight The Hard and Awesome Game we play with our kids and how it de-stigmatizes 'hard things' and also celebrates 'awesome things'. Letting go of the expectation that the whole day has to be good and awesome and allowing the hard parts of our day to not take over Stop by Instagram for some fun conversations there    Full transcript (unedited) 0:00 Hey friends, I'm Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is the podcast where I remind you to stop, slow down, 0:14 breathe. Like really take a deep breath. Let's just slow down. Because I want you to stop where you are. So you can pay attention. what's working, what's not? 0:28 What will bring you a sense of purpose today. So I'm Shanna, you know, me as your nerdy girlfriend. I have been coaching women since 2018. And I am a counselor in training working on my certification. I'm also a mom of three kids, my kids, how old are they now, my oldest just turned 11. My middle is nine and my youngest is seven. So I am just here going through the motions of motherhood and marriage and life alongside you guys, and just trying to share on the topics that come up for me. And this, this is a topic that has been in my drafts for a while. And then this morning, Connor was home. And he gave me a suggestion for how I could handle some of our banking that we're working on, I do all of the finances. And man did my defenses go up over that. So I went to this notes file. And I just started self reflecting and adding more to this episode. So I want to open up with a story. And it was a few years back, my husband came home from work and he said, How was your day? And I was like, Oh, it's good. And he was quiet. And he said, You haven't said that it was good for a really long time. I'm not sure if I've shared this story before I might have. But when he said that I felt so embarrassed. When we want others to think well of us, what is happening is we are buying into the cultural myth that WE are all good, all the time. And then our EGO steps in to defend this truth and make us look good all the time. But this comes at a cost,
What if we can allow the not so good parts of ourselves to be seen and accepted?

What if people don't HAVE TO to think the best of us?

Quieting our ego in our relationships, especially in our marriage. 

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

In this episode I discuss:

* Assumed judgement versus concrete judgement. 
* Assuming what others think about us reflects what we think about ourselves
* Differing between the cultural term of EGO from how Freud uses the term EGO
* Wanting to believe we are all good, all the time
* How the EGO shows up when we feel we are being judged or feel inferior
* Should we be happy all of the time? 

*
66. Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness? Finding contentment in momlife


* The cultural message that we are all awesome, all the time!
* Acknowledging that we are not good all the time and how that can free us and improve our relationships
* The problem with teaching our kids there are 'good guys and bad guys'
* The role of serotonin in feeling superior and special 

* Tame your Anxiety by Loretta Breuning, PhD
* Habits of a Happy Brain by Loretta Breuning, PhD


* Differentiating between wanting our friends to think well of us or wanting to be socially superior
* Making change from a place of shame/inferiority
* What does it mean if we are NOT 100% good or 100% bad

* How it can improve our relationships 
* Acknowledging our good without minimizing it and taking ourselves off the hook to perform
* Validating ourselves rather than looking for validation from others. 


* Acknowledging what is 'good' and 'bad' in our partner and allowing it to bring ease rather than a fight
* The Hard and Awesome Game we play with our kids and how it de-stigmatizes 'hard things' and also celebrates 'awesome things'.
* Letting go of the expectation that the whole day has to be good and awesome and allowing the hard parts of our day to not take over

Stop by Instagram for some fun conversations there 


 
Full transcript (unedited)
0:00
Hey friends, I'm Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is the podcast where I remind you to stop, slow down,

0:14
breathe. Like really take a deep breath. Let's just slow down. Because I want you to stop where you are. So you can pay attention. what's working, what's not?

0:28
What will bring you a sense of purpose today. So I'm Shanna, you know, me as your nerdy girlfriend. I have been coaching women since 2018. And I am a counselor in training working on my certification. I'm also a mom of three kids, my kids, how old are they now, my oldest just turned 11. My middle is nine and my youngest is seven. So I am just here going through the motions of motherhood and marri...]]> Shawna Scafe 16:47 161. Why having LESS matters, the benefits of decluttering and minimalism https://simpleonpurpose.ca/the-benefits-of-minimalism/ Fri, 01 Apr 2022 00:10:41 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13082 Ever wonder if decluttering will be worth your time? Does minimalism really matter much? This question was asked in a recent survey I held and I thought it was so valuable. Because we all want to know that going through the work of decluttering will be worth it. Sometimes we need to hear about the benefits to help motivate us to start and move forward with the work of simplifying.  I'll share my own decluttering story as well as the benefits I see from in, after being 7-8 years in.  Why having less matters, is a topic that was suggested in the 2022 Feedback Survey. Make sure you give your feedback if you haven't done so yet.  Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.    Collect memories, not things  Starting out with my pitch to celebrate with your people, and make memories together when the opportunity comes your way. Take the chance! Why You Should Date Your Friends Giving Experiences Instead of Gifts   A bit about my decluttering journey.  It started with the book The Joy of Less, by Francine Jay. This book prompted me to start decluttering the Basement of Shame.  This was the big declutter I started with and since then, decluttering has been a routine in my life   The benefits of having less Clearer space We know there is a scientific correlation between your mental state and clutter What Clutter Do You Tolerate? (Bust Your Tolerations Workbook) Being able to USE your space for what you want The 16 ways minimalism has changed my life How it makes our space easier to clean, but also #welivehere More mindful More mindful of how I shop 141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping) Five Ways We Justify Needless Shopping The mindset is not about consumption anymore The Habit of Consumption More clarity Decluttering means making constant decisions, so you need to self-reflect as you make these decisions. This helps you know more about who you are what you want to do with your space and your life. As you make more decisions, you become a more confident decision-maker How to Define Simple Living for Your Family Can A Minimalist Have a Full Kitchen? 143. How to let go of IDENTITY CLUTTER How Simplifying Your Home Can Teach You Who You Are Enough is enough Having less means knowing when to say ENOUGH BEMA episode on ENOUGH I have sweaters at home, I don't need more Fewer decisions are required when you don't have the excess distracting you  144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE The Quickest Way to Simplify Your Life (and nine areas to try it out) When you have less, you have what you want and that becomes 'enough' The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset) Intentionality seeps into your life This whole process of removing the distractions, the entertainment, the overconsumption really makes you aware of what is left.  Decluttering over the years puts you in a mindset of asking WHY and constantly evaluating things you are bringing into your home and life Six mindsets that help you become a minimalist   REMEMBER Declutter is simple but not easy. It is a lot of uncomfortable work. But the short-term discomfort of decluttering is better than the long-term discomfort of living with clutter.  139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?   Stop by Instagram for the basement before and after This is what our basement looked like for many years, with the DIY fort - Our Minimalist Family Home: Basement Before and After             View this post on Instagram                         Ever wonder if decluttering will be worth your time? Does minimalism really matter much? - This question was asked in a recent survey I held and I thought it was so valuable. Because we all want to know that going through the work of decluttering will...
This question was asked in a recent survey I held and I thought it was so valuable. Because we all want to know that going through the work of decluttering will be worth it. Sometimes we need to hear about the benefits to help motivate us to start and move forward with the work of simplifying. 

I'll share my own decluttering story as well as the benefits I see from in, after being 7-8 years in. 



Why having less matters, is a topic that was suggested in the 2022 Feedback Survey. Make sure you give your feedback if you haven't done so yet. 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 
 
Collect memories, not things 
Starting out with my pitch to celebrate with your people, and make memories together when the opportunity comes your way. Take the chance!

* Why You Should Date Your Friends
* Giving Experiences Instead of Gifts

 
A bit about my decluttering journey. 
It started with the book The Joy of Less, by Francine Jay. This book prompted me to start decluttering the Basement of Shame. 

This was the big declutter I started with and since then, decluttering has been a routine in my life

 
The benefits of having less

*
Clearer space

* We know there is a scientific correlation between your mental state and clutter

* What Clutter Do You Tolerate? (Bust Your Tolerations Workbook)


* Being able to USE your space for what you want

* The 16 ways minimalism has changed my life


* How it makes our space easier to clean, but also #welivehere


*
More mindful

* More mindful of how I shop

* 141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping)
* Five Ways We Justify Needless Shopping


* The mindset is not about consumption anymore

* The Habit of Consumption




]]>
Shawna Scafe 20:44
160. Getting dressed can be a keystone habit, creating an easy wardrobe / INSIGHTS from the 30for30 closet remix https://simpleonpurpose.ca/getting-dressed-habit-moms/ Wed, 16 Mar 2022 21:07:14 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13051 This is a continuation of the insights we had in the #moms30for30 challenge, where we wore 30 items of clothes for 30 days.   This challenge was a way for us to shop our closets, wear clothing items we never wear (cause we always stick with familiar, right!?), put together outfits, and get dressed each day.    In this episode we cover: The power of visual data aka taking dorky outfit selfies How getting dressed can be a keystone habit that has a ripple effect in other areas of your life Paying attention to how you FEEL when you get dressed   The personal goal I gave myself for this challenge versus the goal I have had in past challenges Can comfort and style co-exist (for the under 60 crowd?) How taking the time to observe and edit your wardrobe can make getting dressed simple and easy Same clothes but different looks, using accessories and the rule of three The breakdown of my numbers in doing this challenge  22 items for 26 days 7 Pairs of pants (3 jeans, 1 black jean, 1 jogger) 17 Tops 7 blouses 3 sweaters 3 tees  4 cardigans (Head over to the previous episode post to see the photos of my outfits) Building a capsule wardrobe is not about having all of the options. It is more about having a handful of great items that you love My encouragement to empower you in dressing how YOU want Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.    Simple Pleasure Is a handheld fabric steamer.   I bought mine last year and have used it for things like drapes and curtains, thrifted items, and most of my shirts.  It is easy and fast to use and the satisfaction of seeing those wrinkles and creases steamed out is making this my simple pleasure! This is the one I use.    Mentioned and related links: Join the Facebook group, if you are ready to participate in the community!  The realization I had when I saw the Instagram feed of me instead of being pics of my kids When I Instagrammed My Own Life, and Not My Kids The emotional shopping I was doing last fall 141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping)  The rule of three Simple Style Tips for Moms The 2022 Feedback Survey! I wonder about what you think, so I am going to ask you here and hope you will share your thoughts.    Full transcript  (unedited) This episode is part two of the insights that I am sharing on the moms 30 for 30 to 3430 Challenge, where we were wearing 30 items of clothes for mostly 30 days of the month of February. So I have been sharing my own insights as well as those insights of the women who joined along in the challenge and shared their experience in the Facebook group. Okay, side note about the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community Facebook group, I want to tell you two things. The first is that if you have applied to enter, you need to answer all of the entry questions. So if you haven't been approved yet, go back and do that. If you're interested in joining, be mindful of that. Don't close that window right away, answer all those questions. And the second point I want to make is, I really encourage you to be a minimalist with your Facebook groups, and only join this one if you want to be an active member, because this group is a place for community discussion. And that means participation. So if you feel like participating isn't something that you're going to be doing, then just keep listening along here. Keep reading through the email, don't worry about joining that group. And I don't want it to come off as harsh. But for any of you who have ever run an online community or an in person community, you know what I mean? It takes engagement to succeed and to create a community. And that is what I want to challenge the members of that Facebook group to be doing to become a community. This is a continuation of the insights we had in the #moms30for30 challenge, where we wore 30 items of clothes for 30 days.   - This challenge was a way for us to shop our closets, wear clothing items we never wear (cause we always stick with familiar...
This challenge was a way for us to shop our closets, wear clothing items we never wear (cause we always stick with familiar, right!?), put together outfits, and get dressed each day. 

 

In this episode we cover:

* The power of visual data aka taking dorky outfit selfies
* How getting dressed can be a keystone habit that has a ripple effect in other areas of your life
* Paying attention to how you FEEL when you get dressed  
* The personal goal I gave myself for this challenge versus the goal I have had in past challenges
* Can comfort and style co-exist (for the under 60 crowd?)
* How taking the time to observe and edit your wardrobe can make getting dressed simple and easy
* Same clothes but different looks, using accessories and the rule of three
* The breakdown of my numbers in doing this challenge 

* 22 items for 26 days
* 7 Pairs of pants (3 jeans, 1 black jean, 1 jogger)
* 17 Tops

* 7 blouses
* 3 sweaters
* 3 tees
*  4 cardigans


* (Head over to the previous episode post to see the photos of my outfits)


* Building a capsule wardrobe is not about having all of the options. It is more about having a handful of great items that you love
* My encouragement to empower you in dressing how YOU want

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 
 
Simple Pleasure
Is a handheld fabric steamer.  

I bought mine last year and have used it for things like drapes and curtains, thrifted items, and most of my shirts. 

It is easy and fast to use and the satisfaction of seeing those wrinkles and creases steamed out is making this my simple pleasure!

This is the one I use. 

 
Mentioned and related links:

* Join the Facebook group, if you are ready to participate in the community! 
* The realization I had when I saw the Instagram feed of me instead of being pics of my kids When I Instagrammed My Own Life, and Not My Kids
*
The emotional shopping I was doing last fall 141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping) 
* The rule of three Simple Style Tips for Moms
* The 2022 Feedback Survey! I wonder about what you think, so I am going to ask you here and hope you will share your thoughts. 
]]>
Shawna Scafe 23:33
159. Wearing your fave clothes, mindful shopping, trends and style, and pride vs vanity in moms getting dressed each day / INSIGHTS from the capsule wardrobe challenge https://simpleonpurpose.ca/pride_style_shopping_motherhood/ Wed, 16 Mar 2022 20:53:24 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13048 In this episode, we are recapping the moms30for30 capsule wardrobe challenge. I will be sharing the insights I have learned and the ones shared by the ladies who joined in this round.  Listen to this if you are curious about a capsule wardrobe, simplifying your closet, being more intentional with clothes shopping, being mindful about how trends impact you and finding your personal style, and if you have struggled with the notion of being a mom who gets dressed each day.      What is the moms30for30? This is a 30for30 challenge in which we wear 30 items of clothes for 30 days (or pretty darn close!)   Why I love to do the 30for30 challenge: It has helped me do things like learn to put outfits together, get to know my style better, interview my closet so I can declutter things that don’t belong, and get dressed each day.  If you want to read about the past challenges I have done over the year head to this page.  This challenge has helped me really challenge a lot of discomfort I have had about being 'too much' and having a limiting identity of 'who I am/who I am not'. Challenges put us in a situation where we are challenging ourselves....getting uncomfortable! And also, getting some consistent data and increasing our awareness of what the experience is like for us.  We have so much to learn from doing a challenge vs trying a behaviour or action for a day or two.    Insights we (myself and those ladies who joined in!) had around wearing 30 items of clothes for 30 days! Listen to hear more about each of these points: Getting dressed in our favourite items vs always wearing the familiar items Some questions to ask yourself to help you understand if you are going for favourite or familiar  The benefits of wearing your favourites The burden of keeping 'backups' A simple exercise to help you determine your favourites Understanding why we shop How fast fashion impacts our ability to determine our own personal style Noticing feelings of insecurity and scarcity we have when we think about buying more clothes How we handle these feelings of insecurity and the two outcomes it can give us My new shopping mantra that I have adopted that has helped me shop very mindfully Taking pride in ourselves vs the vanity of focussing on our outward appearance There is a common sentiment that being a mom who focusses on her own appearance can be a self-focussed or vain situation The filter through which we make assumptions about others being vain or being empowered How to determine what is acceptable for you and understanding healthy pride vs vanity Related and Mentioned Links Thanks to those who have filled out the 2022 Feedback survey, if you are up for sharing your feedback please do so here The intro episode into this year's 30for30 and my aha moment around what was in my closet 151. Capsule wardrobe closet remix challenge, the #moms30for30 Decision fatigue (for those who feel overwhelmed by all the options of fashion) 144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE Noticing a scarcity mindset 40. Does the ‘not-enough’ mindset show up in your momlife? (Scarcity/Abundance) Getting dressed day episode 128. Getting dressed every day, with less guilt & more confidence (with Jaime McLaughlin) Being moms who support other moms regardless of what we wear The Instagram Post   Photos from my 303for30 challenge this month     FULL TRANSCRIPT Welcome back to the simple on purpose podcast. 0:12 This is a place where I encourage you to slow down and start paying attention to your life. Start removing the distractions, really decide what matters most to you and show up well for that living on purpose. 0:26 So to start out, thank you to those of you who have filled out the feedback survey, that is something that I do each year and I ask questions about how you like to follow simple on purpose, In this episode, we are recapping the moms30for30 capsule wardrobe challenge. I will be sharing the insights I have learned and the ones shared by the ladies who joined in this round.  - Listen to this if you are curious about a capsule wardrobe,
Listen to this if you are curious about a capsule wardrobe, simplifying your closet, being more intentional with clothes shopping, being mindful about how trends impact you and finding your personal style, and if you have struggled with the notion of being a mom who gets dressed each day. 

 

 
What is the moms30for30?
This is a 30for30 challenge in which we wear 30 items of clothes for 30 days (or pretty darn close!)

 
Why I love to do the 30for30 challenge:
It has helped me do things like learn to put outfits together, get to know my style better, interview my closet so I can declutter things that don’t belong, and get dressed each day. 

If you want to read about the past challenges I have done over the year head to this page. 

This challenge has helped me really challenge a lot of discomfort I have had about being 'too much' and having a limiting identity of 'who I am/who I am not'.

Challenges put us in a situation where we are challenging ourselves....getting uncomfortable! And also, getting some consistent data and increasing our awareness of what the experience is like for us.  We have so much to learn from doing a challenge vs trying a behaviour or action for a day or two. 

 
Insights we (myself and those ladies who joined in!) had around wearing 30 items of clothes for 30 days!
Listen to hear more about each of these points:

* Getting dressed in our favourite items vs always wearing the familiar items

* Some questions to ask yourself to help you understand if you are going for favourite or familiar 
* The benefits of wearing your favourites
* The burden of keeping 'backups'
* A simple exercise to help you determine your favourites


* Understanding why we shop

* How fast fashion impacts our ability to determine our own personal style
* Noticing feelings of insecurity and scarcity we have when we think about buying more clothes
* How we handle these feelings of insecurity and the two outcomes it can give us
* My new shopping mantra that I have adopted that has helped me shop very mindfully


* Taking pride in ourselves vs the vanity of focussing on our outward appearance

* There is a common sentiment that being a mom who focusses on her own appearance can be a self-focussed or vain situation
* The filter through which we make assumptions about others being vain or being empowered
* How to determine what is acceptable for you and understanding healthy pride vs vanity



Related and Mentioned Links

* Thanks to those who have filled out the 2022 Feedback survey, if you are up for sharing your feedback please do so here
* The intro episode into this year's 30for30 and my aha moment around what was in my closet 18:00
158. MVP/ Do you typecast your kids? How labels impact our parenting and our children https://simpleonpurpose.ca/typecast-kids/ Fri, 04 Mar 2022 18:55:34 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13034 Hi friends, welcome to an MVP episode. These are episodes I have shared over the years that I have had feedback on that they have been particularly helpful. I am sharing these for those who missed them the first time around and for those who want a refresher.  This MVP episode is all about the labels we give our kids and how it changes us and them.      In this episode we talk about: What is a typecast How we are labelling our kids, and might not even realize it How we parent according to this label and enforce our own confirmation bias How it changes our child's self-concept and can become a self-fulfilling prophecy What to do about labelling our kids    Links mentioned in this episode: the 2022 Feedback Survey  book a free mini-session Personality isn’t Permanent by Benjamin Hardy episode 49 on having a growth mindset vs a fixed mindset Episode 76: Why it matters what you think Hi friends, welcome to an MVP episode. - These are episodes I have shared over the years that I have had feedback on that they have been particularly helpful. I am sharing these for those who missed them the first time around and for those who want a ...
These are episodes I have shared over the years that I have had feedback on that they have been particularly helpful. I am sharing these for those who missed them the first time around and for those who want a refresher. 

This MVP episode is all about the labels we give our kids and how it changes us and them. 

 


 

In this episode we talk about:

* What is a typecast
* How we are labelling our kids, and might not even realize it
* How we parent according to this label and enforce our own confirmation bias
* How it changes our child's self-concept and can become a self-fulfilling prophecy
* What to do about labelling our kids 

 

Links mentioned in this episode:

the 2022 Feedback Survey 

book a free mini-session

Personality isn’t Permanent by Benjamin Hardy

episode 49 on having a growth mindset vs a fixed mindset

Episode 76: Why it matters what you think]]> Shawna Scafe 26:40 157. How I tackled decluttering my office and kids craft drawers + how I handle the resistance to decluttering https://simpleonpurpose.ca/declutter-office-and-craft-drawers/ Thu, 24 Feb 2022 19:06:30 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13014 This past week I decluttered a few spaces in the home, the kitchen craft drawers and the office closet.  These are areas that had become unruly with stuff and clutter. They have been on my list to declutter as we need to start clearing out our kitchen and dining area to prepare for an upcoming kitchen reno.    In this episode I share: How decluttering one space can require decluttering of another space where storage is interrelated How I have been slowly reducing the storage in my kitchen over the years The craft drawers in the kitchen and the maintenance they have required of me What junk I am finding in my office and my craft drawers How I declutter these areas (steps I take to tackle it) What I have learned over years of decluttering my spaces How I have resistance to decluttering and how I pep talk myself into getting the decluttering done   Photos of the spaces and decluttering process Before we moved in, this was the wall between the kitchen area and the living area   The kitchen, before decluttering (2014/2015)   The wall of pantry storage in the kitchen, before decluttering   Our current kitchen (2021/2022)   Decluttering the craft drawers (and sorting into piles as I go)   Emptied the craft dresser in the kitchen! Only the top supplies made the cut, to be stored in the office closet   The required humble brag memes to let my husband know I will be buying myself a tiny trophy* for my efforts (*probably in the form of aged white cheddar)   How the office closet was holding up.... (and if you spy that White Jesus art there, it is a completed puzzle that someone framed- I know, I have questions too. But I brought it home so I could use the frame)   Totally emptied out the closet so my husband could build the shelves. It is amazing how much was crammed into that space!   Real-life organization that doesn't look cute, but works for us   Related links on decluttering and managing 'stuff' in your family Episode 11. Are we TOO comfortable? + Do we need so much pantry space? Episode 2. Decluttering the kitchen, meal planning book, capsule wardrobes and the currently list. Decluttering our home (on instagram stories) Setting a vision for our kitchen helped me to declutter it over the years Episode 65. When your kids don’t play with their toys anymore 5 common mistakes moms make when organizing their homes, and what to do about it (+ cheatsheet of 5 more) Hygge vs Minimalism     Full transcript (unedited) 0:12 I am recording this on my Friday, Friday, it is finally a free day for me a free day where I didn't have any work scheduled any school that I had to do. It didn't have to be recovering from COVID, all of that kind of stuff. And the reason why it's a free day is I had finished my coursework a couple days early for this session that I'm in, I do a course every three weeks. And so every three weeks, I turned in that package of assignments for the course. And I tell you every three weeks it feels like I'm delivering a child like I'm birthing something, it's like a labor and delivery every three weeks and then start again on Monday. 0:53 So I had a day to day where I knew I was going to have time to tackle a big decluttering project in my house. And it was one of those projects, that involves a couple areas of the house. And I know you guys have shared this with me about your own hurdles, and decluttering. It's like, well, if I do the bathroom, and then I have to do the whole cloth. And if I do the hall closet, then I need to do the linen closet. Like it just all starts connecting room to room space to space, right. 1:22 I call it the decluttering series. And so I had a decluttering series in my life, so to speak, because here's what's happening in the spring, hopefully this spring, we are planning to do a kitchen renovation. And part of this kitchen renovation involves us needing to clear ... This past week I decluttered a few spaces in the home, the kitchen craft drawers and the office closet.  - These are areas that had become unruly with stuff and clutter. They have been on my list to declutter as we need to start clearing out our kitch...
These are areas that had become unruly with stuff and clutter. They have been on my list to declutter as we need to start clearing out our kitchen and dining area to prepare for an upcoming kitchen reno. 

 
In this episode I share:

* How decluttering one space can require decluttering of another space where storage is interrelated
* How I have been slowly reducing the storage in my kitchen over the years
* The craft drawers in the kitchen and the maintenance they have required of me
* What junk I am finding in my office and my craft drawers
* How I declutter these areas (steps I take to tackle it)
* What I have learned over years of decluttering my spaces
* How I have resistance to decluttering and how I pep talk myself into getting the decluttering done

 
Photos of the spaces and decluttering process
Before we moved in, this was the wall between the kitchen area and the living area

 

The kitchen, before decluttering (2014/2015)

 

The wall of pantry storage in the kitchen, before decluttering

 

Our current kitchen (2021/2022)

 

Decluttering the craft drawers (and sorting into piles as I go)

 

Emptied the craft dresser in the kitchen! Only the top supplies made the cut, to be stored in the office closet

 

The required humble brag memes to let my husband know I will be buying myself a tiny trophy* for my efforts (*probably in the form of aged white cheddar)

 

How the office closet was holding up.... (and if you spy that White Jesus art there, it is a completed puzzle that someone framed- I know, I have questions too. But I brought it home so I could use the frame)

 

Totally emptied out the closet so my husband could build the shelves. It is amazing how much was crammed into that space!

 

Real-life organization that doesn't look cute, but works for us

 

Related links on decluttering and managing 'stuff' in your family

Episode 11. Are we TOO comfortable? + Do we need so much pantry space?

Episode 2. Decluttering the kitchen, meal planning book, capsule wardrobes and the currently list.

Decluttering our home (on instagram stories)

Setting a vision for our kitchen helped me to declutter it over the years

Episode 65. When your kids don’t play with their toys anymore

5 common mistakes moms make when organizing their homes, and what to do about it (+ cheatsheet of 5 more)

Hygge vs Minimalism


]]>
Shawna Scafe 21:16
156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions https://simpleonpurpose.ca/understanding-negative-emotions/ Thu, 17 Feb 2022 19:37:44 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13007 We spend much of our days avoiding the emotions we don't want to feel and panicking when we do feel those negative emotions. But then what happens is we give control over to the emotions and build up our lives hustling away the 'bad'.  Over the years I have learned a lot about emotions that has personally brought me freedom from fearing emotions. This is something I have also coached many women on over the years. A big hurdle we have is knowing what we feel, and then struggling with the fact that we don't WANT to feel that emotion.      In this episode I cover: The three big insights that have changed my relationship to my feelings What the work of Dr. Candace Pert reveals about what emotions ARE How we learn what we are feeling How we are conditioned to view feelings  What makes an emotion 'negative' or 'unacceptable' Being aware of our tolerance of emotions The real problems with emotions  Understanding the role of emotions How to tap into the intuition emotions can offer us rather than running from the emotions Collaborating with our emotions rather than competing with them    Related links you might like: The Spotify playlist for all episodes on Emotional Intelligence  139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you? 66. Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness? Finding contentment in momlife How to really start showing up for your life Four steps to manage overwhelm in motherhood The Enneagram and Motherhood Series Book: The Molecules of Emotion by Dr. Candace Pert Aritcle: The Physics of Emotion  Simple Pleasure of the Week: Benefit cheek and lip stain     Full transcript (unedited) 0:06 Hey friends is Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose. Welcome to the Simple on Purpose podcast. My aim here is to share with you thoughts, ideas, stories that will help you let go of the old ways, the useless stuff, the heavy stuff, the unnecessary stuff in your life in your space in your brain, so that you can get into the driver's seat of your life, and steer that car, steer that ship to where you want it to go. 0:36 What do you want more of more fun, more passion, more purpose, more presence, because that's what I signed up for. And that's what I'm here to share with you. 0:48 But it doesn't all come without the shedding part, right without the letting go. Letting go of what doesn't work, what doesn't help you live on purpose. And this is the part that needs to be addressed. Because life on purpose is not just like Instagrammable, magical confetti and balloons. Life on purpose comes with friction and discomfort. 1:11 And so today, I want to dig into that a little bit and talk about the F word, feelings. And a lot of this content is some I had drafted up back in the fall. And I came across it when I was doing a school project this week. 1:25 And let me tell you school was my only focus this week, because your girl was home sick on the couch with COVID. And I know many of you have had it, it finally hit us here it finally hit our home, I was the only one that had it though. Everyone else thoroughly avoided me and seemed to skirt it. 1:44 But I was sick in I see a lot of different people on social media sharing their experiences with COVID. And I was comforted by those who told me that they were really sick too. Like I was exhausted just making toast. I needed to nap a couple times a day. And I am not a Napper. 2:03 But I had also gotten to this place where I was kind of comparing my experience with others because I had heard that there were others who had only a cough or a scratchy throat. And here I was just like rolling from the couch to the bed to the couch day after day. And it was definitely getting into my head, feeling like I should be tougher. I should get over this sooner. Like they say five days, but it's been more than five days. And it's just ironic, really, We spend much of our days avoiding the emotions we don't want to feel and panicking when we do feel those negative emotions. But then what happens is we give control over to the emotions and build up our lives hustling away the 'bad'.  -
Over the years I have learned a lot about emotions that has personally brought me freedom from fearing emotions. This is something I have also coached many women on over the years. A big hurdle we have is knowing what we feel, and then struggling with the fact that we don't WANT to feel that emotion. 

 


 
In this episode I cover:

* The three big insights that have changed my relationship to my feelings
* What the work of Dr. Candace Pert reveals about what emotions ARE
* How we learn what we are feeling
* How we are conditioned to view feelings 
* What makes an emotion 'negative' or 'unacceptable'
* Being aware of our tolerance of emotions
* The real problems with emotions 
* Understanding the role of emotions
* How to tap into the intuition emotions can offer us rather than running from the emotions
* Collaborating with our emotions rather than competing with them 

 
Related links you might like:
The Spotify playlist for all episodes on Emotional Intelligence 

139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?

66. Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness? Finding contentment in momlife

How to really start showing up for your life

Four steps to manage overwhelm in motherhood

The Enneagram and Motherhood Series

Book: The Molecules of Emotion by Dr. Candace Pert

Aritcle: The Physics of Emotion 

Simple Pleasure of the Week: Benefit cheek and lip stain

 

 


Full transcript (unedited)
0:06
Hey friends is Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose. Welcome to the Simple on Purpose podcast. My aim here is to share with you thoughts, ideas, stories that will help you let go of the old ways, the useless stuff, the heavy stuff, the unnecessary stuff in your life in your space in your brain, so that you can get into the driver's seat of your life, and steer that car, steer that ship to where you want it to go.

0:36
What do you want more of more fun, more passion, more purpose, more presence, because that's what I signed up for. And that's what I'm here to share with you.

0:48
]]>
Shawna Scafe 18:05
155. If I talk about hard things is it complaining? Or venting? https://simpleonpurpose.ca/emotion-dumping-venting/ Tue, 08 Feb 2022 22:40:34 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=13002 How do we talk about hard things? For some of us, our emotions seem overwhelming and we find ourselves dumping them out onto those around us. For some, our emotions seem unacceptable and we find ourselves bottling them up. Neither of these strategies really helps us process our emotions and make progress with them. I think we all find ourselves either emotional dumping to bottling at different times to different people, and I want to support you with how to address both of these situations   In this episode: What emotional dumping looks like How it causes a disconnect and drain in relationships Why we emotion dump What venting looks like How it can create connection and support in relationships Why it is hard to vent How to grow in self-awareness if you are someone who emotion dumps What to do if you are someone who emotion dumps What to do if you are someone who bottles up their emotions  The difference between clean pain and dirty pain Giving yourself permission to vent How to vent to someone you trust, in a way that creates safety and connection   Related links mentioned: The #moms30for30 The episode from Hidden Brain, Where Happiness Hides   Full transcript (unedited) 0:12 For those of you who are new, you're welcome. I'm Shawna. I'm a mom of three. I live in small town BC, Canada. I am a life coach to moms who want to live with more purpose, peace, presence and passion. And I think passions really important part because I think that we should be enjoying our lives a lot more than we let ourselves sometimes. 0:31 So I am just squeezing this recording in my kids are going to be home in about 27 minutes, I'm going to record this. And today I want to talk about something called Emotional dumping. 0:42 And let's Twilight music back to a time when my kids were much smaller babies and toddlers. And this was about seven years ago, I had all my babies and three and a half years. Now they're 10, nine and seven. 0:56 So let's flashback, and I'm home with them. And you know, no matter how many kids you have, if you're at home with a kid, one or two or three, it can feel wild. And when there's more than one and they take turns napping, and then they have tantrums, and their snacks lying around the kitchen. Like it's just, it's just crazy times. 1:15 And there's good times too right? like dance parties and dress up and cute little giggles. But when you are in it, day after day, it wears you down. And I know there were a lot of days where Connor would walk through the door at the end of the day. And I would unload narration of everything that went wrong that day. And I've reflected a lot on this. And it's something that I still do sometimes. 1:40 And when I'm doing it when I've done it, I think that I really want someone to acknowledge how hard it is and how hard I was trying. And I know that I didn't validate myself a lot, especially in early motherhood, and I was looking to him to do it. I still sometimes do this, like I said, it's a process. 1:57 But I think this is a pretty common pattern that we moms can fall into. Because our world is really shrunken down to the toddlers in our home. Some close friends or two and the stream of moms quote unquote, doing it right on Instagram. So when that person who's out in the world walks into the door, we do it I call emotional dumping. 2:19 Even if you're like me, emotional dumping is not a term you want to give it because you want to know that you can come to the people you love with the hard things that you're going through and talk to them about it. And that's not quite what I'm talking about. 2:33 I'm going to spend this episode really differentiating the two, I'm talking about those times where it goes past, venting into that land of complaining and nagging and blaming. 2:46 This is a topic that I've covered in the month of gratitude challenge that I've done in the past. How do we talk about hard things? For some of us, our emotions seem overwhelming and we find ourselves dumping them out onto those around us. For some, our emotions seem unacceptable and we find ourselves bottling them up. Neither of these strategies really helps us process our emotions and make progress with them.



I think we all find ourselves either emotional dumping to bottling at different times to different people, and I want to support you with how to address both of these situations

 
In this episode:

* What emotional dumping looks like
* How it causes a disconnect and drain in relationships
* Why we emotion dump
* What venting looks like
* How it can create connection and support in relationships
* Why it is hard to vent
* How to grow in self-awareness if you are someone who emotion dumps
* What to do if you are someone who emotion dumps
* What to do if you are someone who bottles up their emotions 
* The difference between clean pain and dirty pain
* Giving yourself permission to vent
* How to vent to someone you trust, in a way that creates safety and connection

 
Related links mentioned:
The #moms30for30

The episode from Hidden Brain, Where Happiness Hides

 



Full transcript (unedited)

0:12
For those of you who are new, you're welcome. I'm Shawna. I'm a mom of three. I live in small town BC, Canada. I am a life coach to moms who want to live with more purpose, peace, presence and passion. And I think passions really important part because I think that we should be enjoying our lives a lot more than we let ourselves sometimes.

0:31
So I am just squeezing this recording in my kids are going to be home in about 27 minutes, I'm going to record this. And today I want to talk about something called Emotional dumping.

0:42
And let's Twilight music back to a time when my kids were much smaller babies and toddlers. And this was about seven years ago, I had all my babies and three and a half years. Now they're 10, nine and seven.

0:56
So let's flashback, and I'm home with them. And you know, no matter how many kids you have, if you're at home with a kid, one or two or three, it can feel wild. And when there's more than one and they take turns napping, and then they have tantrums, and their snacks lying around the kitchen. Like it's just, it's just crazy times.

1:15
And there's good times too right? like dance parties and dress up and cute little giggles. But when you are in it, day after day, it wears you down. And I know there were a lot of days where Connor would walk through the door at the end of the day. And I would unload narration of everything that went wrong that day. And I've reflected a lot on this. And it's something that I still do sometimes.

1:40
And when I'm doing it when I've done it, I think that I really want someone to acknowledge how hard it is and how hard I was trying. And I know that I didn't validate myself a lot, especially in early motherhood, and I was looking to him to do it. I still sometimes do this, like I said, it's a process.

1:57
But I think this is a pretty common pattern that we moms can fall into. Because our world is really shrunken down to the toddlers in our home. Some close friends or two and the stream of moms quote unquote, doing it right on Instagram. So when that person who's out in the world walks into the door, we do it I call emotional dumping.
]]>
Shawna Scafe 23:41
154. What to do now that you are motivated (simplify getting started) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/simplify-getting-started/ Wed, 02 Feb 2022 19:21:29 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12991 We are feeling ready! We have stocked our motivation with books and podcasts and tedtalks, and we have our sneakers on and we are READY So what do we do??  It is normal to start making a list of all the changes we want to make and pursue a massive overhaul of all the things we want to see changed.  This is NOT the sustainable way to make change. It feels so necessary to do all the things while this window of motivation is open! But this approach will leave us fizzling out and believing we just aren't disciplined enough and that we don't have enough willpower.    In this episode we talk about: What happens when we take on a lot of change all at once What happens when the motivation tapers out Myths we believe about willpower and how it impacts our view of ourselves How we can set ourselves up for success by simplifying the whole approach How to make change that fits into the life we already have Why our brain is not excited about making a lot of changes all at once Why simplifying change is important in developing our skills for change My approach to simplifying a change I want to make with my coffee intake  Resources and episodes mentioned 105. Do you TRUST yourself to show up for YOU? 153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower) 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect) 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better Podcast Playlists: Simple on Purpose on Spotify The Life on Purpose Workbook Homemaker, on Purpose (the guidebook)     Full transcript (unedited) 0:04 Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is a podcast for women, moms, whoever, whoever wants to do this work, who wants to do the work of living their life with more purpose, more peace and more presence. And I think more passion, because this is your life, and you should enjoy it. 0:26 This is a follow up episode to the last one about moving from ambivalent to ambitious. And I want to talk about that moment, when you are finally motivated. What should you be doing? How should you handle this motivation that has been bestowed upon you? By all of the work you have to do? Because there are a lot of steps that had to get you here to feel ready to make a change? Do you remember some of those from the last episode, acknowledging the dissatisfaction acknowledging the desires? Asking yourself honestly, if you're willing, and asking where you're capable? And where do you need to work on some skills? 1:02 So let's say we've acknowledged all of these components, it has taken a lot to get here, right? We had to move ourselves from ambivalent to ambitious. It's like pushing a boulder up hill. All right, so we are feeling ready. What are we doing? We're feeling ready, we listen to some podcasts, we read the books, we watch the TED talks, this is everything that I have done to get myself even more motivated. Just to keep stoking those motivation fires. This is going to happen we are going to make some change. Watch out family Mom's got her sneakers on copies on Bruno Mars, singing perm. Watch out, okay, we are here, we're ready. 1:40 What are we gonna do? What will we do? How will we handle this energy that we have that we're just ready to get started. And this is what I see happen all the time. What I did to was think I have to change all of it. Everything, Pinterest boards for all of it, the kids will be on a schedule. Every room will be decluttered vegetarian meals all week, family meditation, or let's try that morning exercise. That is how I felt when I finally woke up to my life, all of the things need to be changed. 2:09 Now your Enneagram type might start to shine through right here. How will you handle this idea of making all this change. And if you're a type nine, like me, you would turn around, crawl back into bed and just put your blankets over your head but for most people, We are feeling ready! We have stocked our motivation with books and podcasts and tedtalks, and we have our sneakers on and we are READY - So what do we do??  It is normal to start making a list of all the changes we want to make and pursue a massive o...
So what do we do??  It is normal to start making a list of all the changes we want to make and pursue a massive overhaul of all the things we want to see changed. 

This is NOT the sustainable way to make change. It feels so necessary to do all the things while this window of motivation is open! But this approach will leave us fizzling out and believing we just aren't disciplined enough and that we don't have enough willpower. 

 
In this episode we talk about:

* What happens when we take on a lot of change all at once
* What happens when the motivation tapers out
* Myths we believe about willpower and how it impacts our view of ourselves
* How we can set ourselves up for success by simplifying the whole approach
* How to make change that fits into the life we already have
* Why our brain is not excited about making a lot of changes all at once
* Why simplifying change is important in developing our skills for change
* My approach to simplifying a change I want to make with my coffee intake 

Resources and episodes mentioned
105. Do you TRUST yourself to show up for YOU?

153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower)

78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)

133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better

Podcast Playlists: Simple on Purpose on Spotify

The Life on Purpose Workbook

Homemaker, on Purpose (the guidebook)

 

 

Full transcript (unedited)

0:04
Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is a podcast for women, moms, whoever, whoever wants to do this work, who wants to do the work of living their life with more purpose, more peace and more presence. And I think more passion, because this is your life, and you should enjoy it.

0:26
This is a follow up episode to the last one about moving from ambivalent to ambitious. And I want to talk about that moment, when you are finally motivated. What should you be doing? How should you handle this motivation that has been bestowed upon you? By all of the work you have to do? Because there are a lot of steps that had to get you here to feel ready to make a change? Do you remember some of those from the last episode, acknowledging the dissatisfaction acknowledging the desires? Asking yourself honestly, if you're willing, and asking where you're capable? And where do you need to work on some skills?

1:02
]]>
Shawna Scafe 10:36
153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/ambivalent-to-ambitious/ Wed, 02 Feb 2022 19:01:03 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12988 How do you go from sitting on the couch staring at your phone to DOING the THING you said you WANTED to be doing? I want to teach you how to spot AMBIVALENCE and how to address it, so you can go through the steps of moving from ambivalent to ambitious and feel ready and motivated to make the changes you want in your life.    I reference the 'last episode' and since I recorded this episode earlier, this is the 'last episode' on Habit Refinement that I am referring to.  What is ambivalence?  Ambivalence is being of two minds, you want it and you don't. Ambivalence distances us from making change - sometimes this distance is helpful and sometimes it just keeps us stuck  The steps of moving from ambivalent to ambitious  Waking up to your life and becoming aware of our dissatisfaction and/or our desires. This can be a very uncomfortable stage that requires humility and bravery to address. Ambivalence shows up here with a defense for the status quo Willingness to make a change, and the most important thing required here is honesty on if you are in fact WILLING to make the change and go through the change process A sense of capability. We expect ourselves to be innately capable of making changes and overlook the fact that making change takes layers of skills we need to develop and hone.  Change takes more than just discipline and motivation I wanted to lay all of this foundation out because it is worth acknowledging what it actually takes to be ready to make a change. We often think we just need motivation and discipline and then change will be innate. But it takes so much more, particularly paying attention to the stories we are telling ourselves and what we really truly want and are willing to do.    Help yourself move from ambivalent to ambitious What am I dissatisfied with here? What is my part in it? What is in MY control? What do I want, what do I desire? What doubts come up for me here? Am I willing to make this change, and go through this process? What skills do I have that will help me? What skills do I think I will need to work on developing? Am I willing to do that?   Episodes mentioned 150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you? 140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose   FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:06 Hey friends, it's Shawn, your nerdy girlfriend life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple purpose podcast. If you are a simple on purpose podcast listener returning again, Welcome, friend. So glad that you were here coming back time and time again, I love spending this time with you. And if you're new here, welcome around here around simple on purpose. And we're all about finding ways to make your life more simple and more purposeful, so you can show up for the things that really matter to you. 0:32 In this new year, we're talking about things like intentions and personal values and habits. And I want to keep building on this topic because I don't want you to lose momentum. If you are feeling like this is on your brain making some changes looking at your habits, then I want to help keep stoking that fire so to speak. In the last episode, we talked about going through your daily habits that you already have and starting to refine them. 0:58 And that was a really powerful exercise for me, I did that as I was writing those notes for the show. And I've kept my notes in my notes app on my phone. And I'm going back to them. And I'm still looking at like my daily habits and how I want to be altering them a little bit. I found it really helpful. For instance, I'm already spending less time on my phone in the morning and a little bit more time with my planner, kind of figuring out what I want my life to look like instead of looking at what other people's lives looks like. There are worksheets with that last episode. How do you go from sitting on the couch staring at your phone to DOING the THING you said you WANTED to be doing? I want to teach you how to spot AMBIVALENCE and how to address it, so you can go through the steps of moving from ambivalent to ambitious ...


 

I reference the 'last episode' and since I recorded this episode earlier, this is the 'last episode' on Habit Refinement that I am referring to. 
What is ambivalence? 
Ambivalence is being of two minds, you want it and you don't. Ambivalence distances us from making change - sometimes this distance is helpful and sometimes it just keeps us stuck 
The steps of moving from ambivalent to ambitious 

* Waking up to your life and becoming aware of our dissatisfaction and/or our desires. This can be a very uncomfortable stage that requires humility and bravery to address. Ambivalence shows up here with a defense for the status quo
* Willingness to make a change, and the most important thing required here is honesty on if you are in fact WILLING to make the change and go through the change process
* A sense of capability. We expect ourselves to be innately capable of making changes and overlook the fact that making change takes layers of skills we need to develop and hone. 

Change takes more than just discipline and motivation
I wanted to lay all of this foundation out because it is worth acknowledging what it actually takes to be ready to make a change. We often think we just need motivation and discipline and then change will be innate. But it takes so much more, particularly paying attention to the stories we are telling ourselves and what we really truly want and are willing to do. 

 
Help yourself move from ambivalent to ambitious

* What am I dissatisfied with here? What is my part in it? What is in MY control?
* What do I want, what do I desire? What doubts come up for me here?
* Am I willing to make this change, and go through this process?
* What skills do I have that will help me? What skills do I think I will need to work on developing? Am I willing to do that?

 
Episodes mentioned
150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement

139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?

140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose

 


FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
0:06
Hey friends, it's Shawn, your nerdy girlfriend life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple purpose podcast. If you are a simple on purpose podcast listener returning again, Welcome, friend. So glad that you were here coming back time and time again, I love spending this time with you. And if you're new here, welcome around here around simple on purpose. And we're all about finding ways to make your life more simple and more purposeful, so you can show up for the things that really matter to you.

0:32
In this new year,]]>
Shawna Scafe 14:36
152. How to declutter the closet to make a capsule wardrobe (that works with your life) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/closet-declutter-capsule-wardobe/ Thu, 27 Jan 2022 17:39:55 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12977 In order to do my capsule wardrobe challenge (#moms30for30) I decided to do a big closet declutter. I'm sharing my takeaways and tips to help you do that big clothes declutter, make refined decisions about what stays, and have a strategy to build up a capsule wardrobe that WORKS FOR YOU! Cause, you need a wardrobe that works for your lifestyle,  your taste and your body!   The steps of my recent big closet declutter: Precontemplation: motivation, conviction, paying attention to what is there, considering the style vision you have for yourself  The total closet clear-out: considering do I NEED more clothes? Approach to choosing what would stay in my closet: what stays vs what goes,  refining my closet, choosing items I love Questions to ask to decide what stays: versatility, fit, personal style How to consider your lifestyle when choosing what clothes to keep: hobbies, activities, weather, job, your seasonal lifestyle, how you want to feel in your current life, etc.  Approaches to building a capsule wardrobe: Focus less on numbers and meet yourself where you are at Seasonal rotations  Creating uniforms (owning it and making ones that work for your lifestyle)  How to handle the clothes you are decluttering (the safe option vs the one that is hard for us) Consider how you like to interact with fashion (room to play vs sticking to simple and timeless)   The steps to build a capsule wardrobe that works for your life Keep what you LOVE Keep what you feel good in (fit, style, shape, colour) Keep clothes that work for your lifestyle Spend the time getting to know your closet and learning how to put outfits together Make some uniforms you can have as go-to outfits Consider the 'gaps' items that you want to bring in.  Shop with a list, shop mindfully  Don't buy into the urgency to have a perfect capsule wardrobe tomorrow    How to join in the #moms30for capsule wardrobe challenge (Feb 1st!) Share in the Facebook group Tag me on Instagram   Episodes mentioned: Episode 151. Capsule wardrobe challenge #moms3for30 Saturday morning chores Waves of decluttering, How I Started Decluttering (+ tips and insights) Episode 90. Declutter ‘what if I need it one day?’ items from your home with THIS shift Episode 104. Dress like you are 30 read all about the past #moms30for30 here   Full transcript 0:08 my aim is to help you simplify. And that really means removing those distractions, those thoughts, those stories that distract you those habits that distract you those things that distract you. And to start to fill your space and your life and your mind with the things you want to keep. 0:34 And we're talking about clothes, shopping, I mean, we can get deep. And you know, it is kind of a deep experience to really start analyzing your relationship to your closet, how you're dressing yourself each day. But I want to continue on the theme of the capsule wardrobe challenge. 0:50 So last week, I recorded an episode that I would be doing the capsule wardrobe challenge the mom's 30for30. This is the challenge that I've been doing since 2014. This will be I think, time number seven that I'm going to do it. And we call it the mom's 30 for 30. Because it is for kind of just that regular old mom life that we're living. And we're gonna wear 30 items of clothes for 30 days. So go back and check out last episode, if you're interested in more info on that more encouragement around that. 1:18 But I did let you know that as part of this process for me, I was going to be doing a big declutter of my closet. And I shared it on Instagram. I shared it in the Facebook group. I did it this past weekend. So I'm going to follow up with an episode on how I did my Declutter. And you guys had some questions around how I made my decisions. So I want to tell you all about that. And then end it all with some real practical tips that I've learned over th... In order to do my capsule wardrobe challenge (#moms30for30) I decided to do a big closet declutter. I'm sharing my takeaways and tips to help you do that big clothes declutter, make refined decisions about what stays,
 
The steps of my recent big closet declutter:

* Precontemplation: motivation, conviction, paying attention to what is there, considering the style vision you have for yourself
*  The total closet clear-out: considering do I NEED more clothes?
* Approach to choosing what would stay in my closet: what stays vs what goes,  refining my closet, choosing items I love
* Questions to ask to decide what stays: versatility, fit, personal style
* How to consider your lifestyle when choosing what clothes to keep: hobbies, activities, weather, job, your seasonal lifestyle, how you want to feel in your current life, etc. 

Approaches to building a capsule wardrobe:

* Focus less on numbers and meet yourself where you are at
* Seasonal rotations 
* Creating uniforms (owning it and making ones that work for your lifestyle) 
* How to handle the clothes you are decluttering (the safe option vs the one that is hard for us)
* Consider how you like to interact with fashion (room to play vs sticking to simple and timeless)

 
The steps to build a capsule wardrobe that works for your life

* Keep what you LOVE
* Keep what you feel good in (fit, style, shape, colour)
* Keep clothes that work for your lifestyle
* Spend the time getting to know your closet and learning how to put outfits together
* Make some uniforms you can have as go-to outfits
* Consider the 'gaps' items that you want to bring in. 
* Shop with a list, shop mindfully 
* Don't buy into the urgency to have a perfect capsule wardrobe tomorrow 

 
How to join in the #moms30for capsule wardrobe challenge (Feb 1st!)

* Share in the Facebook group
* Tag me on Instagram

 
Episodes mentioned:
Episode 151. Capsule wardrobe challenge #moms3for30

Saturday morning chores

Waves of decluttering, How I Started Decluttering (+ tips and insights)

Episode 90. Declutter ‘what if I need it one day?’ items from your home with THIS shift

Episode 104. Dress like you are 30

read all about the past #moms30for30 here

 



]]>
Shawna Scafe 21:54
151. Capsule wardrobe closet remix challenge, the #moms30for30 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/capsulewardrobe-challenge-30for30/ Tue, 25 Jan 2022 18:43:20 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12973 The 30for30 is a popular closet remix challenge. This February 1st I will be hosting a #moms30for30, which is a challenge we have been doing since 2014, where we wear 30 items for 30 days.  You can learn so much about your relationship to your clothes and how to make your closet WORK FOR YOU!    The build-up to the big closet declutter: Packing outfits for a trip How do you feel when you see your fave outfits hung up in a tidy closet How do you feel about your cluttered closet full of all the things What can help you do an effective closet declutter?  If you are gearing up to declutter your closet then consider getting to know your clothes, putting them through an interview of what will stay. I like to do this with a closet remix challenge, like the #moms30for30, wearing 30 items for 30 days and putting together different outfits.  Start paying attention to the clothes you reach for the most, try on clothes you rarely wear and ask how you feel in them (are they uncomfortable for you?).    What we need to know about doing a closet remix challenge This isn't about looking the most instagrammable for a full month. This is about getting dressed, putting outfits together and making some decisions about what will earn a spot in your closet.  This comes down to the big question we often face when we declutter our clothes: Can I still be enough if I don't keep a closet full of options? Decluttering your closet may challenge your sense of security and you might not a scarcity mindset coming in (check out the episode on that right here).    Will you join the challenge and do a 30for30 with us? This is about learning more about your relationship to your clothes and how you are dressing yourself each day.  I am doing this challenge for the seventh time (started them in 2014) and I learn (relearn) something valuable about my relationship to my clothes and how I am getting dressed.  This is meant to be fun and helpful. It can help you put together outfits that you feel great in.  The challenge isn't about being the cutest and trendiest, the challenge is more about getting dressed each day.    Ways to let me know you will join in the challenge: Share it in the Facebook group Let me know on Instagram Let me know by responding to the Simple Saturdays email   Full transcript 0:09 Welcome to this podcast. I'm here to help you think about the ways that you have been showing up for your life on autopilot. Letting life just happen at you letting things just build up. You might notice this if you have some frustrations and overwhelmed some resentment, you might be living on autopilot. And I want to help you look at the ways that you can simplify. Remove the distractions, remove the clutter, from your home, your heart and your life, so that you can show up for things on purpose with intention. 0:38 So this, it's been a while. It's been a while since I've been back on the podcast, I took a week off again, this winter is slowing me down. I feel like maybe I should just hibernate, like maybe I should just call it what it is and go hibernate, like compare and see all in the spring. But I just love the podcast so much. So I'm back again. I was sick this past week, I had a kid home for some of the week. And I really it's been a while since I've been sick, not COVID. But it's been a while since I've been sick. 1:06 And I just had to laugh at myself. Because I was dreaming over the fall. I'm having this real sick day where I would like you know, before you had kids where you would just stay home and you would watch TV in your pajamas and just check out. And then it turned out I got one. And I really struggled with giving myself a sick day. Which is weird because of all the advice I give my friends and my clients to listen to their bodies and honor their seasons. It's another thing to do it right. I mean, I can call in sick to work. I can put the podcast off for a week, The 30for30 is a popular closet remix challenge. This February 1st I will be hosting a #moms30for30, which is a challenge we have been doing since 2014, where we wear 30 items for 30 days.  - You can learn so much about your relationship to your cloth...
You can learn so much about your relationship to your clothes and how to make your closet WORK FOR YOU! 

 
The build-up to the big closet declutter:

* Packing outfits for a trip
* How do you feel when you see your fave outfits hung up in a tidy closet
* How do you feel about your cluttered closet full of all the things

What can help you do an effective closet declutter? 
If you are gearing up to declutter your closet then consider getting to know your clothes, putting them through an interview of what will stay. I like to do this with a closet remix challenge, like the #moms30for30, wearing 30 items for 30 days and putting together different outfits. 

Start paying attention to the clothes you reach for the most, try on clothes you rarely wear and ask how you feel in them (are they uncomfortable for you?). 

 
What we need to know about doing a closet remix challenge
This isn't about looking the most instagrammable for a full month. This is about getting dressed, putting outfits together and making some decisions about what will earn a spot in your closet. 
This comes down to the big question we often face when we declutter our clothes:
Can I still be enough if I don't keep a closet full of options?
Decluttering your closet may challenge your sense of security and you might not a scarcity mindset coming in (check out the episode on that right here). 

 
Will you join the challenge and do a 30for30 with us?
This is about learning more about your relationship to your clothes and how you are dressing yourself each day. 

I am doing this challenge for the seventh time (started them in 2014) and I learn (relearn) something valuable about my relationship to my clothes and how I am getting dressed. 

This is meant to be fun and helpful. It can help you put together outfits that you feel great in. 

The challenge isn't about being the cutest and trendiest, the challenge is more about getting dressed each day. 

 
Ways to let me know you will join in the challenge:
Share it in the Facebook group

Let me know on Instagram

Let me know by responding to the Simple Saturdays email

 



Full transcript

0:09
Welcome to this podcast. I'm here to help you think about the ways that you have been showing up for your life on autopilot. Letting life just happen at you letting things just build up. You might notice this if you have some frustrations and overwhelmed some resentment, you might be living on autopilot. And I want to help you look at the ways that you can simplify. Remove the distractions, remove the clutter, from your home, your heart and your life, so that you can show up for things on purpose with intention.

0:38
So this, it's been a while. It's been a while since I've been back on the podcast, I took a week off again, this winter is slowing me down. I feel like maybe I should just hibernate, like maybe I should just call it what it is and...]]>
Shawna Scafe 11:36
150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement https://simpleonpurpose.ca/habit-refinement-worksheet/ Wed, 12 Jan 2022 04:18:20 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12952 The new year brings a lot of thought to the goals and habits we want to have.  I have a new tool for you to try if you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with all the work that goes into creating new habits and stopping 'bad habits'. This is called habit refinement.    A new tool to try for making habit change With this tool, we do a habit audit to get awareness around what. is already happening and then we use our vision/goals to help us determine how we can refine our current habits and routines to better serve us.  Get the worksheets Throughout this episode, I am sharing examples of how I use this tool and I have some worksheets for you to put it into practice in your own life too.  Try a new approach to habit change I know this approach might feel counter-intuitive but I encourage you to give it a try as you approach making changes in your life this year.  I think you will find this is a gentle yet still challenging way to approach habit change that might help you be more sustainable in your efforts.  Posts and resources mentioned in this episode: Find all the shows and the show notes (and transcripts) right here How to make a daily routine that works for you and your family (especially for those of you at home with your kids home from school right now) Four simple habits that make my momlife better (for ideas on simple habit refinement you can add to your routine) The Live your Vision worksheets (the free worksheets to help you set a vision for the nine areas of your life) The Life on Purpose workbook (discover, organize and plan the life you want to live) Habit & Routine Refinement (the worksheets that go with this episode) How to hygge when you're a busy mom (for that cozy, connected, contented vibe of HYGGE that I mentioned in the Simple Pleasure) Hygge vs minimalism (how these two trends stack up to one another) Get connected: Simple Saturdays email (sign up here) The Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions) Tag me on Instagram  FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:06 Around here, I am sharing ways that you can declutter your home, your heart, and your life. So that you can get rid of those distractions, those frustrations, those sources of overwhelm that are slowing you down, and keeping you from showing up well, for the things that you do want, keeping you from showing up with purpose and intention every single day in the little things that are going to move you closer to that life that you want to be building into. 0:38 So first of all, I want to give a shout out to my fellow moms who have their kids home from school right now. I'm in BC, so our kids were kept home for an extra week, from the winter break. I think in Ontario, you guys have your kids home two extra weeks. So I just want to give a shout out to you guys. And my heart goes out to all the parents who are managing this and making it work. And I know it's not always pretty, it's not always easy. Everyone's in the space, everyone's sharing the space, people are restless, the routines that you've relied on are not happening. 1:10 And so I just I feel for you, because I know what that's like, I was so grateful to my husband that he could take two days off to get me through that week that my kids have been home. But one thing that I always have to come back to and I have to remind myself after not doing it for a couple days, and realizing like oh, I actually need this is a plan a little bit of a plan, a little bit of a routine in place. And I've got some episodes on that. I'll link in the show notes if they help you make a plan that works for you guys and your family. 1:40 But moving ahead, thinking about this time where we're going to get back to school, we're going to kind of get back to our routine, a lot of us in the New Year naturally start to think about our routines and our habits. And habits is a topic that is really popular around this time of year. The new year brings a lot of thought to the goals and habits we want to have.  I have a new tool for you to try if you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with all the work that goes into creating new habits and stopping 'bad habits'.
 
A new tool to try for making habit change
With this tool, we do a habit audit to get awareness around what. is already happening and then we use our vision/goals to help us determine how we can refine our current habits and routines to better serve us. 
Get the worksheets
Throughout this episode, I am sharing examples of how I use this tool and I have some worksheets for you to put it into practice in your own life too. 


Try a new approach to habit change
I know this approach might feel counter-intuitive but I encourage you to give it a try as you approach making changes in your life this year. 

I think you will find this is a gentle yet still challenging way to approach habit change that might help you be more sustainable in your efforts. 
Posts and resources mentioned in this episode:

* Find all the shows and the show notes (and transcripts) right here
* How to make a daily routine that works for you and your family (especially for those of you at home with your kids home from school right now)
* Four simple habits that make my momlife better (for ideas on simple habit refinement you can add to your routine)
* The Live your Vision worksheets (the free worksheets to help you set a vision for the nine areas of your life)
* The Life on Purpose workbook (discover, organize and plan the life you want to live)
* Habit & Routine Refinement (the worksheets that go with this episode)
* How to hygge when you're a busy mom (for that cozy, connected, contented vibe of HYGGE that I mentioned in the Simple Pleasure)
* Hygge vs minimalism (how these two trends stack up to one another)

Get connected:

* Simple Saturdays email (sign up here)
* The Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions)
* Tag me on Instagram 


FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
0:06
Around here, I am sharing ways that you can declutter your home, your heart, and your life. So that you can get rid of those distractions, those frustrations, those sources of overwhelm that are slowing you down, and keeping you from showing up well, for the things that you do want, keeping you from showing up with purpose and intention every single day in the little things that are going to move you closer to that life that you want to be building into.

0:38
]]>
Shawna Scafe clean 14:06
149. How to find what matters to you (uncovering your personal values) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/simple-ways-to-find-your-values/ Mon, 03 Jan 2022 23:18:37 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12947 How do you want to spend your time? Your energy? Your space and money? When you decide in line with your values you will feel intentional and purposeful with all your little and big decisions.  Knowing your personal values helps you learn more about what matters to you, how you want to show up and how to make confident choices in your day and life.  But many of us are out of touch with our values, or we have lost touch with them when we entered into motherhood. I want to help you uncover what matters to you, what your personal values are - and I want to do that without the overwhelm that comes from looking at a blank slate.    Knowing your values helps you with: Handling the world of 'too much' and decision fatigue (episode on that here) Saying your BEST YES, owning your decisions Feeling like you are living with integrity, purpose and contentment  In this episode, we talk about Times when we aren't in touch with our values, how we lose touch with them, how we adopt other people's values instead of uncovering our own Three simple exercises to find your personal values A simple conversation you can have with your loved ones to talk about your values in the season ahead How to approach setting values for this season ahead How to determine if it is your personal value or just one you think you 'should' have   Related posts: Blog post: Can A Minimalist Have a Full Kitchen? Blog post: I've been living on auto-pilot and I'm changing my ways Blog post: How to define simple living for your family   Resources mentioned: The Live your Values worksheets The Live your Vision worksheets The Life on Purpose Workbook (discover, organize and plan the life you want to live) The Life on Purpose Roadmap (self-paced course, a life coach in your pocket!)   Get connected: Simple Saturdays email (sign up here) The Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions) Tag me on Instagram    Episode Transcript (unedited) 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, you're here to go in life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome back. Welcome to 2022. Welcome back to the podcast, you might know that I have taken a break from the podcast this past month, it was a much needed break. For me, I think, actually my first ever break from the podcast since I started in 2018. And I was sharing with you guys over the past couple of episodes. And in the email that I was in a really demanding season this past month demanding of my time and demanding of my emotions. And a big factor in all of that is that I had all three kids home and you know, I've kind of built up my life to align with my kids being in school and doing things during their school hours. But they had all been home since the flooding we experienced in British Columbia. Our Town was really affected by that. So since the middle of November, I think they had about 12 hours total of school time, since the middle of November that they've actually gone to school. So it's been really hands on here. And, and it's been, you know, a month of some hard things. But there's also been some awesome things too. One of the most awesome things was thanks to grandma and grandpa. We went away on New Year's Eve for the night, we went to the city spent a night in the hotel ate some great food. And that was something that I had been looking forward to this entire month, just counting down those days. Because I knew I needed that rest. I knew I needed that reset. I'd been operating in stress mode, really for the better part of the month. And I was just really feeling quite worn out. I knew I wanted to be showing up better. I knew I wasn't showing up. As a mom, I want it to be specifically like all of the other things on my plate, I pushed to the backburner. And I was just being a mom. But I felt like I wasn't even doing that very well. And that brings me to the topic of this episode. Anytime I talk about quote unquote, showing up, How do you want to spend your time? Your energy? Your space and money? When you decide in line with your values you will feel intentional and purposeful with all your little and big decisions.  Knowing your personal values helps you learn more about w... Knowing your personal values helps you learn more about what matters to you, how you want to show up and how to make confident choices in your day and life. 

But many of us are out of touch with our values, or we have lost touch with them when we entered into motherhood. I want to help you uncover what matters to you, what your personal values are - and I want to do that without the overwhelm that comes from looking at a blank slate. 

 
Knowing your values helps you with:

* Handling the world of 'too much' and decision fatigue (episode on that here)
* Saying your BEST YES, owning your decisions
* Feeling like you are living with integrity, purpose and contentment 

In this episode, we talk about

* Times when we aren't in touch with our values, how we lose touch with them, how we adopt other people's values instead of uncovering our own
* Three simple exercises to find your personal values
* A simple conversation you can have with your loved ones to talk about your values in the season ahead
* How to approach setting values for this season ahead
* How to determine if it is your personal value or just one you think you 'should' have

 
Related posts:

* Blog post: Can A Minimalist Have a Full Kitchen?
* Blog post: I've been living on auto-pilot and I'm changing my ways
* Blog post: How to define simple living for your family

 
Resources mentioned:

* The Live your Values worksheets
* The Live your Vision worksheets
* The Life on Purpose Workbook (discover, organize and plan the life you want to live)
* The Life on Purpose Roadmap (self-paced course, a life coach in your pocket!)

 
Get connected:

* Simple Saturdays email (sign up here)
* The Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions)
* Tag me on Instagram 

 

Episode Transcript (unedited)

0:00
Hey friends, it's Shawna, you're here to go in life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome back. Welcome to 2022. Welcome back to the podcast, you might know that I have taken a break from the podcast this past month, it was a much needed break. For me, I think, actually my first ever break from the podcast since I started in 2018. And I was sharing with you guys over the past couple of episodes. And in the email that I was in a really demanding season this past month demanding of my time and demanding of my emotions. And a big factor in all of that is that I had all three kids home and you...]]>
Shawna Scafe 19:24
148. Why even make family Christmas traditions? (+ ones that didn’t work, ones that did) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/why-make-christmas-traditions/ Fri, 03 Dec 2021 03:14:35 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12926 Family traditions are something we often think about as we start having kids. Many of us are looking for traditions to bring into our holidays that help us make memories with our kids. Sometimes we even feel an urgency to find the 'right ones, right now'.   As we start to incorporate these new tradition ideas, sometimes they don't always work. But here is why I think it is worth spending the effort doing some trial and error with traditions. . . .      In this episode we cover: the ways that traditions help us express our values as a family the role of traditions in family heritage finding stability in the routine of traditions the urgency we have to establish our new family traditions traditions we tried that DIDN'T work traditions that DO work for us  what I've learned about having Christmas traditions as a young family  The Christmas Pajama Stockings The blog post with all the Christmas tradition ideas is right here Simple Christmas Series Simple Christmas Podcast Episodes Episode 42. How to simplify the Christmas stress & gift giving (your Q+As) Episode 43. Tips to Simplify Your Christmas (kids, clutter, traditions, hosting, festivities). Simple Christmas Series Blog Posts Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable 11 Ways to Simplify the Gift Giving Our Fave Minimalist and Clutter-Free Kid Gift Ideas Easy Toddler Christmas and Advent Activities Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable Nine Ways to Make Your Gifts More Thoughtful How to Shop Your Closet for Great Holiday Outfits Bust These ‘Good Hostess’ Myths and Open Up Your Home this Holiday Season 42 Simple Ways to Spread the Love this Christmas Finding Your Simple Christmas How to Transition to a Minimalist Family Christmas   The Simple Christmas Planner can be found right here.    The simple pleasure of the week: filling out the NEW planner/calendar Planning your day as a mom How to Get Started Bullet Journalling (easy tips for busy moms)   Share in the Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions) Tag me or message me on Instagram Join the Simple Saturdays email (it is FUN! email)   FULL TRANSCRIPT 0:06 Welcome to the support purpose podcast. Here I like to share with you all the ideas, all of the tips, all of the encouragement that will help you simplify your home, your heart, your life and show up for the things that are really important to you. I want you to make space, make time and make energy for those things that you really deeply value and want more of in your life. 0:32 As we are coming up to Christmas, something that a lot of us do is think about traditions, we think about the Christmas traditions we had as children, the ones we want. And sometimes we're just carrying along traditions that we've had just adopting them into our future without really even thinking about it. 0:49 I remember back when I had my first my first son, this was 10 years ago. And I was really excited by this notion that I got to build a family, I got to be an active designer in the culture of my family. Back then I also had a ton of anxiety along for the ride. So that derailed a bit of my attempts. But I remember coming into the Christmas season and just building up a lot of buzz around, what are our traditions going to be? I wanted some like memories, I wanted to create some flippin memories. As a family. I wanted my kids to talk about these traditions that we had, I wanted them to carry them on in their own lives. 1:28 And it hit me in that process of really thinking about what are we going to do as a young family? And how are we going to bring traditions into our culture and our Christmas, that traditions are something that are quite important, maybe even sacred. And I think there are three major roles that traditions play in a family. 1:47 Family traditions are something we often think about as we start having kids. Many of us are looking for traditions to bring into our holidays that help us make memories with our kids. Sometimes we even feel an urgency to find the 'right ones,
As we start to incorporate these new tradition ideas, sometimes they don't always work. But here is why I think it is worth spending the effort doing some trial and error with traditions. . . . 

 

 
In this episode we cover:

* the ways that traditions help us express our values as a family
* the role of traditions in family heritage
* finding stability in the routine of traditions
* the urgency we have to establish our new family traditions
* traditions we tried that DIDN'T work
* traditions that DO work for us 
* what I've learned about having Christmas traditions as a young family 

The Christmas Pajama Stockings





The blog post with all the Christmas tradition ideas is right here
Simple Christmas Series
Simple Christmas Podcast Episodes

* Episode 42. How to simplify the Christmas stress & gift giving (your Q+As)
* Episode 43. Tips to Simplify Your Christmas (kids, clutter, traditions, hosting, festivities).

Simple Christmas Series Blog Posts

* Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable
* 11 Ways to Simplify the Gift Giving
* Our Fave Minimalist and Clutter-Free Kid Gift Ideas
* Easy Toddler Christmas and Advent Activities
* Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable
* Nine Ways to Make Your Gifts More Thoughtful
* How to Shop Your Closet for Great Holiday Outfits
* Bust These ‘Good Hostess’ Myths and Open Up Your Home this Holiday Season
* 42 Simple Ways to Spread the Love this Christmas
]]>
Shawna Scafe 17:54
147. Intentional phone habits and boundaries, using your phone ON PURPOSE https://simpleonpurpose.ca/intentional-phone-habits-boundaries/ Thu, 18 Nov 2021 01:55:00 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12919 Would you like to be more intentional with how you use your phone? Do you want to set boundaries and take back control of what your relationship with your phone looks like? In this episode, I have tips on how to do all of this, and I share my own personal phone boundaries that you might like to try too. Make sure to get the worksheets to help you create your own plan for creating intentional phone habits.    Follow up to the last episode on the phone habits and addictions that are made on autopilot.  Do you have a motivation for changing your current phone habits? What do you want more of? Less of?  If you want to understand your current phone habits, get the worksheets from the last episode right here.  In this episode we cover: What we are trying to GET from our phones, what we turn to them for.  Getting our needs met in REAL LIFE and not just by our phones How to be intentional with your phone Setting boundaries with how you use your phone I share my own personal phone limits and challenges that help me be intentional and accountable with my phone habits Being intentional with your time OFF of your phone as well Challenging the autopilot habits you have created with your phone Challenging the cultural phone habits we accept as the status quo  Changing your mind about what you think about your phone Challenging the sense of urgency you get from your phone Being uncomfortable as you learn not to rely on your phone Doing the work of practising new and more intentional phone habits   Get the worksheets to help you set intentional phone habits for yourself  This episode has worksheets to help you explore this topic and make an action plan for yourself. Get the worksheets right here.      Links mentioned in this episode: Episode 146 Understanding your autopilot phone habits Episode 77. Why you need a day of BEING, and take rest from the DOING When I Instagrammed My Own Life, and Not My Kids The Moms30for30 challenge   The next episode will come out in two weeks.  In the meantime, make sure to stay connected through: The Simple Saturdays email (sign up here) Simple on Purpose on Instagram Share something in the closed Facebook group (join here, make sure to answer the entry questions)    FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:11 Today we are following up on the last episode. And in the last episode we talked about, maybe if you feel like you have a bit of a phone addiction or some unhealthy phone habits, understanding how those habits are made, and they're really made on autopilot. And now we have this relationship to our phone and how we use it and the habits we have, that are just reflexes. They're just on autopilot, and really stepping back to challenge them and understand them and decide what we want to do about it. 0:38 So today, we're going to talk about what you want your relationship with your phone to be like, what kind of phone habits do you want? What kind of boundaries Do you want to set. 0:46 And it is kind of funny to be recording this today, because I have been on my phone almost double my usual amount lately. And that is because of what's happening around me right now I live in Southern BC, we were hit by massive floods. And these floods just come in and they do all this damage. And we're left with roads that are washed out. So groceries can't come in with gas lines that are out. So we're out of heat, we're out of hot water, the water isn't safe to drink, it's contaminated. sewer systems are struggling, power's out kids are home. And this is just the state that we're in. 1:22 And so for me being on my phone and being connected and reading updates, reading, what's what's happening, can I use the water, all of these little details, it shows us how valuable technology is, it's so valuable. 1:36 But still, even in times like this even in emergencies in crisis situations. Would you like to be more intentional with how you use your phone? Do you want to set boundaries and take back control of what your relationship with your phone looks like? - In this episode, I have tips on how to do all of this,
In this episode, I have tips on how to do all of this, and I share my own personal phone boundaries that you might like to try too. Make sure to get the worksheets to help you create your own plan for creating intentional phone habits. 

 

Follow up to the last episode on the phone habits and addictions that are made on autopilot. 

* Do you have a motivation for changing your current phone habits? What do you want more of? Less of? 
* If you want to understand your current phone habits, get the worksheets from the last episode right here. 

In this episode we cover:

* What we are trying to GET from our phones, what we turn to them for. 
* Getting our needs met in REAL LIFE and not just by our phones
* How to be intentional with your phone
* Setting boundaries with how you use your phone
* I share my own personal phone limits and challenges that help me be intentional and accountable with my phone habits
* Being intentional with your time OFF of your phone as well
* Challenging the autopilot habits you have created with your phone
* Challenging the cultural phone habits we accept as the status quo 
* Changing your mind about what you think about your phone
* Challenging the sense of urgency you get from your phone
* Being uncomfortable as you learn not to rely on your phone
* Doing the work of practising new and more intentional phone habits

 
Get the worksheets to help you set intentional phone habits for yourself 
This episode has worksheets to help you explore this topic and make an action plan for yourself. Get the worksheets right here. 

 

 
Links mentioned in this episode:
Episode 146 Understanding your autopilot phone habits

Episode 77. Why you need a day of BEING, and take rest from the DOING

When I Instagrammed My Own Life, and Not My Kids

The Moms30for30 challenge

 

The next episode will come out in two weeks. 

In the meantime, make sure to stay connected through:

* The Simple Saturdays email (sign up here)
* Simple on Purpose on Instagram
* Share something in the closed Facebook group (join here, make sure to answer the entry questions) 



]]>
Shawna Scafe 24:03
146. Feeling addicted to your phone? Understanding your phone habit + worksheets https://simpleonpurpose.ca/phone-habit-worksheets/ Tue, 09 Nov 2021 21:44:39 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12912 I get messages from moms, and coach women who feel like they are addicted to their phones. They share how it pulls them out of their presence with their kids and their lives. It sucks up their time and they feel like they never have enough time. It draws in their attention and they are scrolling social media that does NOT make them feel any better about themselves.  It seems that our phone usage isn't getting us what we want. I want to unpack this relationship we have formed with our phones, by letting it be on autopilot.   Make sure to get the worksheets that help you assess your relationship to your phone and better understand the exact impact it is having on you and your life.  The goal with all of this is not to villainize our phones (I like my phone!), and not to bring more judgment and shame onto ourselves (lasting positive change does not happen from a place of negative judgment) - the goal with this is AWARENESS - what is going on and is it working?   In this episode you will hear: the good things about phones and technology the term 'phone addiction'  how are phone habits developed the surprising find about habit-reward and how we use our phones the negative impacts we might have from our phone habits time, energy, relationships, work, attention, distractions, physical impacts, coping mechanism, mental health, sleep the worksheets to help you understand how you are using your phone and how it is impacting you. We need to be aware of the costs before we choose to give up the benefit in some way.  GET THE FREE WORKSHEETS RIGHT HERE   Make sure to send in your QUESTIONS/TOPICS for an upcoming Q+A Episode. You can send them to me through Instagram, or share in the Facebook group.    LINKS The study on dopamine, rewards and phones Distracted phone users don't see the gorilla Text neck, how staring at your phone impacts your body     FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:00 Hey friends at Shawna your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast, episode 146 Your relationship with your phone on autopilot. 0:16 And I know we hear a lot of negativity around the impacts of phones on us as a society on us in our daily lives. But before we kind of talk about that and unpack that, I want to talk about the good things because I think they really are good things. I am someone who likes my phone, I like to use it. I like the technology. 0:38 I got my first smartphone when I was like 27 or 28. So it's like 2009/ 2010. Before that it was the Flip Phone era in my life, there was a bit of texting, definitely not photos, surely no internet connection. And you know, back when I did get my phone, that there was this big catchy saying out there. There's an app for that. So everything was really about using these different types of apps for productivity and games. And you know, it was just really a place to check emails and play some games for the most part, I think. 1:10 But that quickly advanced and by the time I was having babies, I was using my phone often I would scroll Pinterest a lot. While I was up at night nursing, I would watch some Netflix Well, I was nursing or pumping things like that. 1:26 So as my babies were growing, so was my phone usage. And as they moved a little bit into toddlerhood, Instagram became a really important part of my daily life. It truly felt like a community. It was my community. I followed other moms on their in their day, we would check in with each other. There was no scheduled posts, no algorithms messing your feed, no stories just in the moment sharing. 1:50 So I'm not going to shame another mum who's using her phone because to me it it has been a place where I found community I found entertainment, I found information, I found answers to my questions. And I think that this is a really useful tool in our lives. 2:06 I get messages from moms, and coach women who feel like they are addicted to their phones. - They share how it pulls them out of their presence with their kids and their lives. - It sucks up their time and they feel like they never have enough time.
They share how it pulls them out of their presence with their kids and their lives.

It sucks up their time and they feel like they never have enough time.

It draws in their attention and they are scrolling social media that does NOT make them feel any better about themselves. 
It seems that our phone usage isn't getting us what we want.

* I want to unpack this relationship we have formed with our phones, by letting it be on autopilot.  
* Make sure to get the worksheets that help you assess your relationship to your phone and better understand the exact impact it is having on you and your life. 

The goal with all of this is not to villainize our phones (I like my phone!), and not to bring more judgment and shame onto ourselves (lasting positive change does not happen from a place of negative judgment) - the goal with this is AWARENESS - what is going on and is it working?


 
In this episode you will hear:

* the good things about phones and technology
* the term 'phone addiction' 
* how are phone habits developed
* the surprising find about habit-reward and how we use our phones
* the negative impacts we might have from our phone habits

* time, energy, relationships, work, attention, distractions, physical impacts, coping mechanism, mental health, sleep


* the worksheets to help you understand how you are using your phone and how it is impacting you. We need to be aware of the costs before we choose to give up the benefit in some way. 

GET THE FREE WORKSHEETS RIGHT HERE
 


Make sure to send in your QUESTIONS/TOPICS for an upcoming Q+A Episode. You can send them to me through Instagram, or share in the Facebook group. 

 

LINKS

The study on dopamine, rewards and phones

Distracted phone users don't see the gorilla

Text neck, how staring at your phone impacts your body

 

 


FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT (unedited)
0:00
Hey friends at Shawna your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast, episode 146 Your relationship with your phone on autopilot.

0:16
And I know we hear a lot of negativity around the impacts of phones on us as a society on us in our daily lives. But before we kind of talk about that and unpack that, I want to talk about the good things because I think they really are good things. I am someone who likes my phone, I like to use it. I like the technology.

0:38
I got my first smartphone when I was like 27 or 28. So it's like 2009/ 2010. Before that it was the Flip Phone era in my life, there was a bit of texting, definitely not photos, surely no internet connection. And you know, back when I did get my phone, that there was this big catchy saying out there. There's an app for that. So everything was really about using these different types of apps for productivity and games. And you know, it was just really a place to check emails and play some games for the most part, I think.
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Shawna Scafe 16:15
145. You aren’t alone mama, I go through that too https://simpleonpurpose.ca/you-are-not-alone-mama/ Wed, 03 Nov 2021 22:57:31 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12906 I knew I had to share this episode as I heard more and more coaching clients tell me how much they appreciated hearing me say that I don't always enjoy my kids, that I was a mom martyr, that pregnancy was hard.  I keep hearing how much it matters to hear that they aren't alone in these struggles of motherhood.  In this episode I am talking about: Feeling like you aren't 'normal' Welcoming the resistance you might feel to the idea that you aren't alone What I have seen in coaching groups of women and moms The struggles I have in my own home, maybe you have them too  Sibling rivalry Having compassion for ourselves allows us to have it for others Being honest about our struggles Allowing people in, and offering support to others Stop by the Facebook community group or send me a message through Instagram.                View this post on Instagram                         A post shared by kristen bell (@kristenanniebell)     The list of links you might like/mentioned in this post: Permission to grieve (having a parent with dementia) Dear friend, you are not alone My C-Section and the feelings I was ashamed to admit I had The Baby That Always Cried (Our Story With Esophagitis) A Mom No Matter What (For the mom who had a hard labour and delivery) God's grace in difficult parenting  Marriage posts When they tell me I'm lucky to have him 12 ways to heal and strengthen your marriage Mom martyr (making motherhood harder than it needs to be) When I realized I didn't enjoy my kids The Sibling Rivalry podcast episode that changed my whole mindset around parenting    Full Episode Transcript (unedited) 0:06 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple purpose.ca. Welcome to the salon purpose podcast. If you are a regular listener, you may have noticed I did not have an episode out last week. And I just thank you for your graciousness in me taking that break. 0:22 If you are in the simple on purpose Facebook community group, you know why that I took that break, I had spent the weekend before at my parents house. And we were decluttering, this room in that house that was just stuffed full of boxes, and scrapbooking supplies and pictures and writings. And this isn't unusual for my childhood home to have boxes of stuff, particularly a room of boxes of stuff. And this was just a process that we as a family had been planning on doing. Since my mother went into care in December with dementia, we knew that we wanted to start addressing these areas in the house that were built up that we could just kind of sort through it, see what's there, start honoring what's there and just makes use of the space a little bit better. 1:08 So I went with my siblings and my dad and we went through things box by box item by item, it was a lot of sorting, I would definitely put an emphasis on the ability to sort is key to good decluttering. But it was also hard. It was also healing, it was hard it brought us together, I think. And you know, that's just something that I felt like I had a lot in my head a lot in my heart. And I just wanted to take last week off and give myself the space to unpack that on my own. Without adding more to my plate. 1:42 You might also know that I work a couple of days a week with the local health authority. And then I have coaching in school on top of that, that I also do. So my weeks do feel very full. I do feel like my simple slow life has definitely been up ended a little bit this year for a lot of very purposeful things that I want to be working on. 2:05 Anyways, if you want to message me privately, if you are wondering about decluttering if you're wondering also about having a parent with dementia, and you have specific questions on that, I'm thinking about maybe doing an episode on that if people have questions. I knew I had to share this episode as I heard more and more coaching clients tell me how much they appreciated hearing me say that I don't always enjoy my kids, that I was a mom martyr, that pregnancy was hard.

In this episode I am talking about:

* Feeling like you aren't 'normal'
* Welcoming the resistance you might feel to the idea that you aren't alone
* What I have seen in coaching groups of women and moms
* The struggles I have in my own home, maybe you have them too 
* Sibling rivalry
* Having compassion for ourselves allows us to have it for others
* Being honest about our struggles
* Allowing people in, and offering support to others

Stop by the Facebook community group or send me a message through Instagram. 

 



 

 

 
 


 
 

View this post on Instagram

 


 
 
 


 
 


 
 
 



 
 

 
A post shared by kristen bell (@kristenanniebell)




 

 
The list of links you might like/mentioned in this post:
Permission to grieve (having a parent with dementia)

Dear friend, you are not alone

My C-Section and the feelings I was ashamed to admit I had

The Baby That Always Cried (Our Story With Esophagitis)

A Mom No Matter What (For the mom who had a hard labour and delivery)

God's grace in difficult parenting 

Marriage posts

* When they tell me I'm lucky to have him
* 12 ways to heal and strengthen your marriage

Mom martyr (making motherhood harder than it needs to be)

When I realized I didn't enjoy my kids

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Shawna Scafe 19:58
144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE https://simpleonpurpose.ca/lighten-mental-load-decision-fatigue/ Wed, 20 Oct 2021 03:00:31 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12895 We hear a lot about the mental burden that moms carry. We have so many things on our minds about all the people and all the things that need to happen PLUS all the things we want to be doing for ourselves too. It is a weighty mental load that we are carrying around.  I want to talk about a concept that will help you see some ways you can lighten this mental load. The concept is decision fatigue, which is the overwhelm we feel from having to make so many decisions in our day.  And if you pay attention, you will notice how almost every moment we have another decision to make about what to eat, how to respond, how to spend our time, how to act, what to do next. And by the end of the day, we are exhausted by it.  I want to talk about practical ways to manage decision fatigue, so it is one less contributor to your mental load as a mom.      In this episode we cover: Three ways that having too many choices impacts us and our satisfaction The three ways we respond to too many choices How struggling with making decisions impacts our view of ourselves and our capabilities One guiding principle to deal with decision fatigue Practical ways to put that into action Helping our kids with decision fatigue Why deciding ahead of time is more proactive    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.  Links The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwarz The Paradox of Choice TEDTalk The Life on Purpose Workbook Homemaker, on Purpose Family rhythms A Simple Hack to Make Meal Planning Easy Moms 30for30 (wearing 30 items of clothes for 30 days) How having fewer clothes makes my life easier Tips for putting outfits together Planning your day (for moms) What Happened When I Took Away Half of My Kids’ Toys Practical Advice For Purging Kids’ Toys Decluttering with kids FREE MINIGUIDE The Live Your Values FREE WORKSHEETS The Live Your Vision FREE WORKSHEETS   SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK The very funny Instagram account I like to follow is Hayley Morris. Her skits of Me vs My Brain are so simple and clever and show so many great examples of our mental drama A fave skit from her: Calling to book a haircut   FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:06 Hey Friends Welcome to simple and purpose podcast I am Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach. And I am a mom of three, practical minimalist, a life coach helping women live their lives on purpose. I'm also the author because I don't say this often enough, you guys are like what you have a book, I have the like on purpose workbook, and the homemaker on purpose book. And that homemaker on purpose book, it isn't about baking bread, and embroidering tea towels, neither of which I have skills to do. But it is about taking the mental drama out of housework, and learning to create simple habits that help you take care of your home. 0:43 So here we talk a lot about mental drama, because we are just walking around with our mind full swirling with thoughts and ideas and errands and tasks and feelings and avoidance of feelings. So our mental life is happening and our mental life matters. Because what's happening up there in our mental life, it seeps into how we feel and how we act. And there's a lot of our mental life that does run under the radar, this is called the subconscious or I just call it the autopilot. We might not even realize I didn't have that mental load, we're carrying that stress and anxiety until something happens. And we just snap, it's just gone too far. Or we just burst into tears. And we realize, oh, I've been carrying that all day. 1:32 And I know we've heard a lot lately about the mental load the mental burden for moms, we think about all of the things that we need to remember and pay attention to and do and the things that aren't being done. And it's just a lot to be carrying in our minds th... We hear a lot about the mental burden that moms carry. We have so many things on our minds about all the people and all the things that need to happen PLUS all the things we want to be doing for ourselves too.
I want to talk about a concept that will help you see some ways you can lighten this mental load. The concept is decision fatigue, which is the overwhelm we feel from having to make so many decisions in our day. 

And if you pay attention, you will notice how almost every moment we have another decision to make about what to eat, how to respond, how to spend our time, how to act, what to do next. And by the end of the day, we are exhausted by it. 

I want to talk about practical ways to manage decision fatigue, so it is one less contributor to your mental load as a mom. 

 

 
In this episode we cover:

* Three ways that having too many choices impacts us and our satisfaction

* The three ways we respond to too many choices
* How struggling with making decisions impacts our view of ourselves and our capabilities
* One guiding principle to deal with decision fatigue
* Practical ways to put that into action
* Helping our kids with decision fatigue
* Why deciding ahead of time is more proactive 

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you. 

Links
The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwarz

The Paradox of Choice TEDTalk

The Life on Purpose Workbook

Homemaker, on Purpose

Family rhythms

A Simple Hack to Make Meal Planning Easy

Moms 30for30 (wearing 30 items of clothes for 30 days)

How having fewer clothes makes my life easier

Tips for putting outfits together

Planning your day (for moms)

What Happened When I Took Away Half of My Kids’ Toys

Practical Advice For Purging Kids’ Toys

Decluttering with kids FREE MINIGUIDE

The Live Your Values FREE WORKSHEETS

The Live Your Vision 17:44
143. How to let go of IDENTITY CLUTTER https://simpleonpurpose.ca/how-to-let-go-of-identity-clutter/ Wed, 13 Oct 2021 21:46:27 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12876 There is a type of clutter we ALL have in our home. It is identity clutter - you know those items that for someone we are not - but rather for different versions of ourselves: our past self, our aspirational self, our socially-compliant self, and our test self.  I walk you through these four types of identity clutter, how they challenge our sense of self and what we can learn from them.  Make sure to get the download worksheet of the four types and clutter questions you can ask to help you decide what to do with the identity clutter.    What is identity clutter? Identity clutter are things in our home that are  Who we used to be (past self) Who we wish we could be (aspirational self) Who others think we should be (socially-compliant self) Who we think we are, but we aren’t sure, probably just following a trend (test self) How do trends contribute to identity clutter? A lot of our identity clutter comes from trying out trends. And it makes sense that we, as humans, would follow trends. There is safety in being part of the community, there is a sense of status we can display, and we are looking to others to inform us on what is socially acceptable.  However, the more we move from trend to trend, the less we actually take time to get to know who we are and what we like BEYOND the trends.    The physical burden of identity clutter The more obvious problem that identity clutter causes us is the use of space. The more space we give to storing these items, the less space we have for living our life.  The important question to consider here is: how do I WANT to use my space? This should also be an intentional and purposeful decision.    The emotional burden of identity clutter Whenever we see these items stored in our home, we are constantly reminded of who we AREN'T being. It can cause feelings like shame, or loss, or guilt, or frustration.  It can also cause overwhelm because it adds to the list of options of how we should spend our time and the person we should be. It can cause decision fatigue if a very subtle way.    When to declutter the identity clutter? In my experience with decluttering, it happens in waves. We start with the low hanging fruit, the hard 'no's. As we come back to these spaces from time to time, we keep refining and editing down from the bad/good to the ok/good then to the good/great.  The identity clutter, sentimental items and items we think are valuable are ones we often leave until a later stage as they require more examination and thought.  Episode 90 covers the items that have us asking 'what if I need this one day?'   Why is identity clutter hard to get rid of? Each of these versions of 'us' can be hard to let go of. From mourning our past selves, to honouring our upbringing and all the 'stuff' that comes with that, to acknowledging the parts of our aspirational selves we are ready to let go of. You can listen to the When Shopping Isn't Making Your Life Better episode for more on the motivation behind our 'trend' self.  Each of these types of Identity Clutter brings along its own need to learn from, accept and integrate the lessons this item of clutter has taught us.  Make sure to get the free download to help you walk through questions for each type of identity clutter, and decide what to do about it.      Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.  SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK This simple pleasure is a shout out to all the cold Canadians who are on their first days of Fall. This heated shawl gets me through the colder months.  It is also my go-to when I have a migraine or when my kids want a little extra comfort while sick.    Full Transcript (unedited) 0:07 Welcome to the podcast, where I aim to keep all of the episodes 20 minutes or less, so that we can squeeze in these virtual coffee dates, There is a type of clutter we ALL have in our home. It is identity clutter - you know those items that for someone we are not - but rather for different versions of ourselves: our past self, our aspirational self, our socially-compliant self,
I walk you through these four types of identity clutter, how they challenge our sense of self and what we can learn from them. 

Make sure to get the download worksheet of the four types and clutter questions you can ask to help you decide what to do with the identity clutter. 


 
What is identity clutter?
Identity clutter are things in our home that are 

Who we used to be (past self)
Who we wish we could be (aspirational self)
Who others think we should be (socially-compliant self)
Who we think we are, but we aren’t sure, probably just following a trend (test self)

How do trends contribute to identity clutter?
A lot of our identity clutter comes from trying out trends. And it makes sense that we, as humans, would follow trends. There is safety in being part of the community, there is a sense of status we can display, and we are looking to others to inform us on what is socially acceptable. 

However, the more we move from trend to trend, the less we actually take time to get to know who we are and what we like BEYOND the trends. 
 
The physical burden of identity clutter
The more obvious problem that identity clutter causes us is the use of space. The more space we give to storing these items, the less space we have for living our life. 

The important question to consider here is: how do I WANT to use my space? This should also be an intentional and purposeful decision. 

 
The emotional burden of identity clutter
Whenever we see these items stored in our home, we are constantly reminded of who we AREN'T being. It can cause feelings like shame, or loss, or guilt, or frustration. 

It can also cause overwhelm because it adds to the list of options of how we should spend our time and the person we should be. It can cause decision fatigue if a very subtle way. 

 
When to declutter the identity clutter?
In my experience with decluttering, it happens in waves. We start with the low hanging fruit, the hard 'no's. As we come back to these spaces from time to time, we keep refining and editing down from the bad/good to the ok/good then to the good/great. 

The identity clutter, sentimental items and items we think are valuable are ones we often leave until a later stage as they require more examination and thought. 

* Episode 90 covers the items that have us asking
'what if I need this one day?'

 
Why is identity clutter hard to get rid of?
Each of these versions of 'us' can be hard to let go of. From mourning our past selves, to honouring our upbringing and all the 'stuff' that comes with that, to acknowledging the parts of our aspirational selves we are ready to let go of. You can listen to the When Shopping Isn't Making Your Life Better episode for more on the motivation behind our 'trend' self. 

Each of these types of Identity Clutter brings along its own need to learn from,]]> Shawna Scafe 19:12 142. What will change cost you? (Paying the status quo or investing in change) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/what-will-change-cost-you/ Tue, 05 Oct 2021 21:41:23 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12869 We all feel this sense of  'ideal self' that we want to be moving towards. It is safe to assume a lot of us desire some change on some level in some area of our lives. But we need to consider what change will cost us. We can't ever change if we aren't willing to make some kind of investment in it.    Seeing where we need to make an INVESTMENT in the change we want This episode started out with me wanting to share on INBOX ZERO, but the issue became about the TIME it would take to accomplish inbox zero This brings up the issue of making an upfront investment in the change we want for later in our life.    We want to make changes As I have worked to live my life 'on purpose' (intentional living), it meant making a lot of change in my life.  And in almost every coaching session I have, I am working with someone on a change they want to make: change in relationships, in approach, in time management, in how they handle their health, etc.  But we need to be mindful of how easy we expect it to be.  DO WE WANT CHANGE? YES WHEN DO WE WANT IT? WHEN IT IS EASY!   Maintaining the status quo gets us more of the same Our daily lives are being run to maintain what we are already doing. So, we can almost predict what our future will be like based on what our status quo is right now. We will get more of the same.    Changing your life doesn't have to be a huge overhaul There is a famous Mel Robbins quote "the cost of your new life is your old one" and that always averted me from change. Sounds too big, no thank you.  My approach to change has been making small changes over time. And I really believe that making small investments over time can change your whole life (I share all about this right here)   What will change cost us? How will we pay for it? When I talk about investing in change, the cost of change, I am talking about using your AVAILABLE resources. These are the resources we all have available to us in some way: our time, our physical energy, our emotional energy, our space, our money. I talk about managing these resources in the Simplify Your Life Series Remeber, this is hard because we have to learn the skill of showing up for ourselves. When we invest in changing our life, it becomes 'you working for you'. I talk more about this skill in this episode: Do you trust yourself to show up for you   When we want an easy life I wanted an easy life, so I always did the 'easy things'. Turns out I had that wrong. If I wanted an easy life later, I had to do the hard thing now. I had to make some upfront investments and pay the cost now.    Discomfort either way, which one will you choose It can be freeing and humbling to realize: You are uncomfortable where you are, in the status quo Change will be uncomfortable, and maybe unfamiliar But the choice of which discomfort you choose is up to you.  Over these past few episodes, I have been challenging you to get  #uncomfortableonpurpose. I hope you keep tagging me on Instagram to share this and come share it in the Facebook community group.  Quote by Dean Koontz: “Change isn't easy... changing the way you live means changing what you believe about life. That's hard... When we make our own misery, we sometimes cling to it even when we want so bad to change because the misery is something we know. The misery is comfortable.”   If you want to sign up for the Making Change Challenge, you can do that right here.    SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK The library apps to get books, audiobooks and magazines.  The Overdrive App The Libby App IG accounts I like for book ideas are @thislibrarianisreading and @read.write.janis   Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.  Books Referenced Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah     We all feel this sense of  'ideal self' that we want to be moving towards. It is safe to assume a lot of us desire some change on some level in some area of our lives. But we need to consider what change will cost us. -
We can't ever change if we aren't willing to make some kind of investment in it. 


 
Seeing where we need to make an INVESTMENT in the change we want
This episode started out with me wanting to share on INBOX ZERO, but the issue became about the TIME it would take to accomplish inbox zero

This brings up the issue of making an upfront investment in the change we want for later in our life. 

 
We want to make changes
As I have worked to live my life 'on purpose' (intentional living), it meant making a lot of change in my life. 

And in almost every coaching session I have, I am working with someone on a change they want to make: change in relationships, in approach, in time management, in how they handle their health, etc. 

But we need to be mindful of how easy we expect it to be. 

DO WE WANT CHANGE? YES

WHEN DO WE WANT IT? WHEN IT IS EASY!

 
Maintaining the status quo gets us more of the same
Our daily lives are being run to maintain what we are already doing. So, we can almost predict what our future will be like based on what our status quo is right now. We will get more of the same. 

 
Changing your life doesn't have to be a huge overhaul
There is a famous Mel Robbins quote "the cost of your new life is your old one" and that always averted me from change. Sounds too big, no thank you. 

My approach to change has been making small changes over time. And I really believe that making small investments over time can change your whole life (I share all about this right here)

 
What will change cost us? How will we pay for it?
When I talk about investing in change, the cost of change, I am talking about using your AVAILABLE resources. These are the resources we all have available to us in some way: our time, our physical energy, our emotional energy, our space, our money. I talk about managing these resources in the Simplify Your Life Series

Remeber, this is hard because we have to learn the skill of showing up for ourselves. When we invest in changing our life, it becomes 'you working for you'. I talk more about this skill in this episode: Do you trust yourself to show up for you

 
When we want an easy life
I wanted an easy life, so I always did the 'easy things'. Turns out I had that wrong. If I wanted an easy life later, I had to do the hard thing now. I had to make some upfront investments and pay the cost now. 

 
Discomfort either way, which one will you choose
It can be freeing and humbling to realize:
You are uncomfortable where you are, in the status quo

Change will be uncomfortable, and maybe unfamiliar

But the choice of which discomfort you choose is up to you. 
Over these past few episodes, I have been challenging you to get  #uncomfortableonpurpose. I hope you keep tagging me on Instagram to share this and come share it in the
141. When shopping isn’t making your life better (mindful and minimalist tips for shopping) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/141-when-shopping-isnt-making-your-life-better-mindful-and-minimalist-tips-for-shopping/ Wed, 29 Sep 2021 01:20:35 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12865 Feel like you are shopping too much? Want to bring a minimalist approach and mindset into how you shop? Every season we seem to be bombarded with the latest fashion trends - a marketing strategy that fast fashion uses to get us to keep buying all the latest colours and patterns.  I know I feel like I need to buy a new wardrobe each season and need to remind myself of everything I already DO have in my closet.  In this episode, I will talk about WHY we shop, how to know when it is causing a problem for you and how to bring a mindful and minimal approach into your shopping.  Make sure to get the free downloads that go with this episode, right here Why it feels good to shop The neurochemical payoff In her great book Tame Your Anxiety by Loretta Breuning outlines the neurochemicals we like to get (serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine). I share my view on how I think we get each of these neurochemicals from shopping.  Control and choice Shopping is also something we can turn to feel in control, which is a desirable feeling for many of us.  Avoidance strategy Many of us can turn to shopping when we want to 'feel better', or also to say when we don't want to feel the negative or uncomfortable things we are facing. This is like emotional eating, we can emotion shop. Many coaches call  this a buffer (a term coined by Brooke Castillo), the things we turn to for distraction from feeling poor.    When shopping isn't making our lives better Years ago I started decluttering my home and it hit me how much my shopping habits had contributed to the state of my home.  I could see that I had spent a lot of my 20s buying things that I thought I needed to be a credible adult. I had accumulated so much by using shopping as entertainment and by shopping by reaction more than intention.  It caused a problem for me because I could see that I had a home full of stuff that was  a substitute for what I really wanted  things I 'thought' I needed things I thought we 'me' but turned out to be identity clutter   How to know when you are shopping too much Shopping in itself isn't a bad thing or a negative activity. Shopping can be fun! Often it is how we meet a lot of our needs and create the life we want.  Something things to consider to know if you are shopping too much is its impact on the different areas of your life. Shopping may be a problem for you if you notice a negative impact on your relationship, your finances, your space, your ability to be present, or your own sense of integrity.    Bringing a minimalist approach to shopping The work starts before you even go shopping or load up the online store. To bring a minimalist mindset into shopping, you will want to only buy what you need and love.  A strategy that is really helpful here is to start with an inventory of what is already in your home. You can avoid bringing in a lot of unnecessary items when you 'shop your home' and see all the inventory you already have.    Being mindful about how you shop It is important to shop with intention rather than reaction. Having a plan when you shop can keep you on task here, make a list of the items you are specifically looking for.  I unpack some powerful, mindful questions you can ask yourself WHILE shopping. You can get a download of these questions to keep on your phone right here.    Get in touch You can find the Simple Squad (our community on Facebook) right here.  Send me a message or tag me on Instagram @simpleonpurpose.ca    Full Episode Transcript  (Unedited) 0:18 And on this podcast, I share ways that you can simplify your home, simplify your heart and simplify your life. And I want to talk about getting rid of distractions and clutter in those areas, helping you identify what you're keeping what's important what you value, and show up for that. Simplify and show up. So today we're going to talk about shopping. So how did you for me right now, Feel like you are shopping too much? Want to bring a minimalist approach and mindset into how you shop? - Every season we seem to be bombarded with the latest fashion trends - a marketing strategy that fast fashion uses to get us to keep buying all th...
Every season we seem to be bombarded with the latest fashion trends - a marketing strategy that fast fashion uses to get us to keep buying all the latest colours and patterns.  I know I feel like I need to buy a new wardrobe each season and need to remind myself of everything I already DO have in my closet. 

In this episode, I will talk about WHY we shop, how to know when it is causing a problem for you and how to bring a mindful and minimal approach into your shopping. 

Make sure to get the
free downloads that go with this episode, right here


Why it feels good to shop
The neurochemical payoff

In her great book Tame Your Anxiety by Loretta Breuning outlines the neurochemicals we like to get (serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine). I share my view on how I think we get each of these neurochemicals from shopping. 

Control and choice

Shopping is also something we can turn to feel in control, which is a desirable feeling for many of us. 

Avoidance strategy

Many of us can turn to shopping when we want to 'feel better', or also to say when we don't want to feel the negative or uncomfortable things we are facing. This is like emotional eating, we can emotion shop. Many coaches call  this a buffer (a term coined by Brooke Castillo), the things we turn to for distraction from feeling poor. 

 
When shopping isn't making our lives better
Years ago I started decluttering my home and it hit me how much my shopping habits had contributed to the state of my home. 

I could see that I had spent a lot of my 20s buying things that I thought I needed to be a credible adult. I had accumulated so much by using shopping as entertainment and by shopping by reaction more than intention. 

It caused a problem for me because I could see that I had a home full of stuff that was 

* a substitute for what I really wanted 
* things I 'thought' I needed
* things I thought we 'me' but turned out to be identity clutter

 
How to know when you are shopping too much
Shopping in itself isn't a bad thing or a negative activity. Shopping can be fun! Often it is how we meet a lot of our needs and create the life we want. 

Something things to consider to know if you are shopping too much is its impact on the different areas of your life. Shopping may be a problem for you if you notice a negative impact on your relationship, your finances, your space, your ability to be present, or your own sense of integrity. 

 
Bringing a minimalist approach to shopping
The work starts before you even go shopping or load up the online store. To bring a minimalist mindset into shopping,]]> Shawna Scafe 20:23 140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose https://simpleonpurpose.ca/discomfort-on-purpose/ Wed, 22 Sep 2021 20:27:23 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12849 I challenged you to get uncomfortable this week. Now I want to dig into doing simple things that serve a bigger purpose. Giving your discomfort a purpose to work towards the vision and goals you have for your life. I want to break it down, keep it simple, and encourage you to drop your all-or-nothing mindset.  This past weekend  I did another Abundance Day  (aka Yes Day) with my kids.  Last year I did this and shared my takeaways in this episode "I let my kids do whatever they wanted all day"   Discomfort on purpose Last week I shared how we are building lives of comfort but discomfort can serve a purpose. In the episode, I shared my own experiences with this and challenged you to do something uncomfortable ON PURPOSE (#uncomfortableonpurpose) I love to hear what you are working on (on Instagram and in the Facebook group)   Let's build on the purpose we can give our discomfort There is value in going out of your comfort zone, practicing that, and growing your tolerance for feeling uncomfortable There is also value in the empowerment and drive we get when we are working towards something we really want.   If we call it a goal, does that have a stigma for you? Do you feel like 'goal' is corporate and stuffy? Or maybe you feel like a goal will uphaul your whole life and bring failure and disappointment with it.    The truth is that we have good reasons to NOT set a goal There are benefits that we get by staying where we are and not doing the work of setting a goal.  Some of them include never challenging what we believe about ourselves, never needing to face discomfort, never having to figure it out, or do the work of showing up!   Remember that a goal won't make you a 'better' person We do have this invisible hierarchy of what makes people superior. We kinda secretly think that someone who sets goals and follows through (or looks a certain way or has certain things) is somehow a 'better person'.  Let's throw these measuring sticks into the bonfire. You don't need a goal to be a worthy person.    Maybe goals feel like an emotional burdern, so how about the idea of 'giving your brain a job' Our brain is running in the background solving the negative problems we have told it to focus on (problem-minded). We have trained our brains to do this.  How about we give our brain the job of solving some positive problems (solution-minded).    Give your brain a job, call it a goal if you want Either way, consider what the bigger purpose is for what you want to work towards.  If you feel like you don't really know what you want in your life, use these free worksheets Live your vision worksheets Live your values worksheets Or use the Life on Purpose Workbook   In this episode I cover: The good reasons we have to NOT set a goal How we train our brain to be problem minded Examples of simple goals you can set this week How to get started with a simple purpose this week (even if you never download the worksheets or get the workbook) Practicing the ART OF goals and discomfort Showing up for one, simple thing Small things can change your whole life How to address all or nothing thinking  How starting small makes us more successful in the long-run   Join in with us Share your #uncomfortableonpurpose achievements with us Tag me on Instagram, use the hashtag,  share in the Facebook group (make sure to answer those entry Qs!)   Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.  The simple pleasure of the week I do love skincare and makeup and have tried a ton of moisturizers. I have found a face oil that is super affordable, has basic ingredients, simple packaging and it WORKS on my oilier skin too.  If you have oilier skin, you might like to use the Oil Cleansing Method (I've been doing it for about 8 years now) I challenged you to get uncomfortable this week. Now I want to dig into doing simple things that serve a bigger purpose. Giving your discomfort a purpose to work towards the vision and goals you have for your life. I want to break it down,


This past weekend  I did another Abundance Day  (aka Yes Day) with my kids. 

Last year I did this and shared my takeaways in this episode "I let my kids do whatever they wanted all day"
 
Discomfort on purpose
Last week I shared how we are building lives of comfort but discomfort can serve a purpose. In the episode, I shared my own experiences with this and challenged you to do something uncomfortable ON PURPOSE (#uncomfortableonpurpose)

I love to hear what you are working on (on Instagram and in the Facebook group)

 
Let's build on the purpose we can give our discomfort
There is value in going out of your comfort zone, practicing that, and growing your tolerance for feeling uncomfortable

There is also value in the empowerment and drive we get when we are working towards something we really want.

 
If we call it a goal, does that have a stigma for you?
Do you feel like 'goal' is corporate and stuffy? Or maybe you feel like a goal will uphaul your whole life and bring failure and disappointment with it. 

 
The truth is that we have good reasons to NOT set a goal
There are benefits that we get by staying where we are and not doing the work of setting a goal. 

Some of them include never challenging what we believe about ourselves, never needing to face discomfort, never having to figure it out, or do the work of showing up!

 
Remember that a goal won't make you a 'better' person
We do have this invisible hierarchy of what makes people superior. We kinda secretly think that someone who sets goals and follows through (or looks a certain way or has certain things) is somehow a 'better person'.  Let's throw these measuring sticks into the bonfire. You don't need a goal to be a worthy person. 

 
Maybe goals feel like an emotional burdern, so how about the idea of 'giving your brain a job'
Our brain is running in the background solving the negative problems we have told it to focus on (problem-minded). We have trained our brains to do this. 

How about we give our brain the job of solving some positive problems (solution-minded). 

 
Give your brain a job, call it a goal if you want
Either way, consider what the bigger purpose is for what you want to work towards. 
If you feel like you don't really know what you want in your life, use these free worksheets
Live your vision worksheets

Live your values worksheets

]]>
Shawna Scafe
139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you? https://simpleonpurpose.ca/uncomfortable-on-purpose/ Tue, 14 Sep 2021 21:52:48 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12839 I love comfort (#typeninevibes) and I know that a lot of my comfort-seeking is more the AVOIDANCE of discomfort.  I don't want to be uncomfortable.    What things make you uncomfortable? For me they have been things like:  Taking my small kids out in public Working on the conflicts in my marriage Exercise Getting up in the mornings Doing dishes Decluttering and organizing my home  Seeing my kid struggle or be upset Go to a social event I was nervous about Sitting with all the stress and anxiety I felt about motherhood and life Paying attention to how my body was feeling No matter how simple these may seem, they were things I was avoiding because they were uncomfortable.  But staying in what felt COMFORTABLE was coming at a cost.  What does 'staying where we are' cost us? It has a cost to our relationships, to our health, to the state of our home. This complacency costs us something.  When we realize what we have traded for comfort, it can make us feel shame.  When my eyes were opened to what my comfort was costing me I felt like something was wrong with me. I needed to 'do better' and 'be better'. The first step was letting go of the shame I felt about this. Then I had to make a plan what I wanted to do about it.  I decided I needed to TAKE ACTION.  Then I realized there were myths I believed about being Someone Who Takes Action. Myths like: it is easy, it comes naturally, it feels good, it feels motivating.  I realized that taking action felt very UNcomfortable Listen in to this episode to hear: Why do we seek comfort The cost of seeking comfort A mindset shift to help you take action The purpose of discomfort Building your tolerance for discomfort Ways I made myself uncomfortable, on purpose A CHALLENGE to join in this month   Links mentioned in this episode: Making motherhood harder than it needs to be Live your values worksheets Live your vision worksheets The Life on Purpose Workbook Small things can change your whole life The Simple on Purpose Facebook group  (make sure to answer the entry questions) Tag me on Instagram    Use the hashtag #uncomfortableonpurpose   SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK Is FIKA - the Swedish tradition of taking a coffee break, emphasis on the break part. At the heart of it is a slowing down and truly breaking. FIKA often includes coffee, a sweet treat, and a good conversation. But it can also be done solo as well.  I love to FIKA at my home with coffee, a treat, and staring out the window at trees.  We live in a culture of BUSY and it can be a badge of honour to never stop and rest. But we know that we do BETTER WORK when we are rested.  Even as a mom you can FIKA. Over the years I have told my kids 'mom is on a coffee break' and I sit down to pause and slow down for a minute.    Full episode transript (unedited) Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from sublime purpose.ca. place for you if you feel like clutter, motherhood, relationships, life, like it seems so overwhelming. And if you are finding that you go about your day to day with some kind of resentment or frustration, this is a sign you've been living on autopilot, just letting life happen at you, instead of living it on purpose with your own purpose. So thank you for being here. I am a certified coach practitioner, transformational life coach, and I use the enneagram faith if you want that included, and the cognitive behavioral therapy model as tools that I bring into my life coaching approach. I teach moms all around the world, the tools they need to set out the life they want their life on purpose. And that means knowing your vision, where do you want to go? What you want to be building, and knowing your values, what matters a long way. And whether you're doing this with me through coaching through the life on purpose workbook listening to these podcasts. I'm so happy you're here. I love comfort (#typeninevibes) and I know that a lot of my comfort-seeking is more the AVOIDANCE of discomfort.  I don't want to be uncomfortable.  -   What things make you uncomfortable? For me they have been things like:  -
 
What things make you uncomfortable?
For me they have been things like: 

Taking my small kids out in public
Working on the conflicts in my marriage
Exercise
Getting up in the mornings
Doing dishes
Decluttering and organizing my home 
Seeing my kid struggle or be upset
Go to a social event I was nervous about
Sitting with all the stress and anxiety I felt about motherhood and life
Paying attention to how my body was feeling

No matter how simple these may seem, they were things I was avoiding because they were uncomfortable. 
But staying in what felt COMFORTABLE was coming at a cost. 
What does 'staying where we are' cost us? It has a cost to our relationships, to our health, to the state of our home. This complacency costs us something. 
When we realize what we have traded for comfort, it can make us feel shame. 
When my eyes were opened to what my comfort was costing me I felt like something was wrong with me. I needed to 'do better' and 'be better'. The first step was letting go of the shame I felt about this. Then I had to make a plan what I wanted to do about it. 

I decided I needed to TAKE ACTION. 

Then I realized there were myths I believed about being Someone Who Takes Action. Myths like: it is easy, it comes naturally, it feels good, it feels motivating. 
I realized that taking action felt very UNcomfortable
Listen in to this episode to hear:

* Why do we seek comfort
* The cost of seeking comfort
* A mindset shift to help you take action
* The purpose of discomfort
* Building your tolerance for discomfort
* Ways I made myself uncomfortable, on purpose
* A CHALLENGE to join in this month

 
Links mentioned in this episode:
Making motherhood harder than it needs to be

Live your values worksheets

Live your vision worksheets

The Life on Purpose Workbook

Small things can change your whole life

The Simple on Purpose Facebook group  (make sure to answer the entry questions)

Tag me on Instagram    Use the hashtag #uncomfortableonpurpose



 
SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK
Is FIKA - the Swedish tradition of taking a coffee break, emphasis on the break part. At the heart of it is a slowing down and truly breaking. FIKA often includes coffee, a sweet treat, and a good conversation. But it can also be done solo as well. 

I love to FIKA at my home with coffee, a treat, and staring out the window at trees. 

We live in a culture of BUSY and it can be a badge of honour to never stop and res...]]>
Shawna Scafe 14:57
138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM, stop withholding fun from yourself https://simpleonpurpose.ca/how-to-be-a-fun-mom/ Tue, 07 Sep 2021 17:03:15 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12832 Looking for ways to have more fun in motherhood and BE more fun as a mom? I have asked myself this question too.  Inside of our FB Group - Simple on Purpose Community, there comes a great question. The question was in essence, I can DO fun things with my kids, take them to swim, skate,  and stuff, but how do I HAVE fun with my kids?  How do I BE fun?  In this episode, I’m going to elaborate on how I responded to that question. When motherhood becomes too serious and the fun mom you once were disappears into the background, it’s time to take an honest look at the things that are stealing the fun.  These days, there’s a lot of pressure on us to be both extremely involved and the perfect amount of detached. And while we were thinking about how to manage everything, there is one thing we seem to be missing — FUN.   We are all different types of moms, we all have different values we want to bring into motherhood. And let’s be real — sometimes we are in no mood for fun.    If fun is one of those values you want to be working on, don’t miss this opportunity to learn some tips and ideas on how to make things more fun as a mom.   In This Episode You’ll Learn: What are the things that make life UNFUN [ 02:18 ] The TOP TWO hurdles to having FUN [ 04:27 ] Some ways and ideas on how to become a FUN mom [ 07:17 ] Why FUN is a personal value [ 14:00 ]   Feature In this Episode: Join our Facebook Group  When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them) 47. My husband’s take on setting vision and goals together 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr) 129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it. 112. Are you parenting the wrong issue? (Power struggles and problem-solving) Mothering Through Anxiety 46. Listening to your life (part 3 of SHOW UP FOR YOUR LIFE) Spotify playlist: Kitchen Dance Party   Stay Connected with Shawna: Instagram / Facebook  Get in touch:  shawna@simpleonpurpose.ca / Get Coached    EPISODE TRANSCRIPT (unedited) Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca and welcome to the Simepl on Purpose podcast. For those of you who are new here, welcome. I'm so glad that you're joining us. I'm Shawna, I'm a mom of three kids right now they are 10, nine and seven. Living in small town, Canada. I am a minimalist, who discovered intentional living, that's living life on purpose, and is also something that I've been life coaching women or women all over the world who want to live with more purpose, peace, presence, and passion. Let's talk about the passion today, let's talk about having fun with our life. Specifically, being a more fun mom enjoying motherhood enjoying your kids. And this is funny, because I had a whole bunch of different episodes half drafted, I keep this running list of all the ideas that there's never a shortage of them. But I didn't really feel like I wanted to talk much about anything in particular. And then this question came into the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community group. And I thought that is what I want to talk about. The question was, in essence, I can do fun things with my kids, like, take them fun places, swimming, that kind of stuff. But how do I have fun with my kids? How do I be fun? And if you've heard over the years, I've shared that there was a time where it hit me, I don't enjoy my kids anymore. I'm not enjoying them. And it kind of hit me with this huge conviction that I want to change this, I don't like how this feels. And I spent the year actively enjoying my kids. I'll link to that post in the show notes if you want to go read it. And since that time, I have made fun one of my parenting values over the years. So every year, we set out mostly may not always Connor. But sometimes we set out our vision and values for the different areas of our life. Looking for ways to have more fun in motherhood and BE more fun as a mom? I have asked myself this question too.  - Inside of our FB Group - Simple on Purpose Community, there comes a great question. The question was in essence,
Inside of our FB Group - Simple on Purpose Community, there comes a great question. The question was in essence, I can DO fun things with my kids, take them to swim, skate,  and stuff, but how do I HAVE fun with my kids? 

How do I BE fun?

 In this episode, I’m going to elaborate on how I responded to that question.


When motherhood becomes too serious and the fun mom you once were disappears into the background, it’s time to take an honest look at the things that are stealing the fun.  These days, there’s a lot of pressure on us to be both extremely involved and the perfect amount of detached. And while we were thinking about how to manage everything, there is one thing we seem to be missing — FUN.

 

We are all different types of moms, we all have different values we want to bring into motherhood. And let’s be real — sometimes we are in no mood for fun. 

 

If fun is one of those values you want to be working on, don’t miss this opportunity to learn some tips and ideas on how to make things more fun as a mom.

 
In This Episode You’ll Learn:

What are the things that make life UNFUN [ 02:18 ]
The TOP TWO hurdles to having FUN [ 04:27 ]
Some ways and ideas on how to become a FUN mom [ 07:17 ]
Why FUN is a personal value [ 14:00 ]

 
Feature In this Episode:

Join our Facebook Group 
When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)
47. My husband’s take on setting vision and goals together
67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)
129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.
112. Are you parenting the wrong issue? (Power struggles and problem-solving)
Mothering Through Anxiety
46. Listening to your life (part 3 of SHOW UP FOR YOUR LIFE)
Spotify playlist: Kitchen Dance Party

 
Stay Connected with Shawna: Instagram / Facebook 
Get in touch:  shawna@simpleonpurpose.ca / 16:42
137. Back to school routines that we have in our house https://simpleonpurpose.ca/back-to-school-routine-ideas/ Tue, 31 Aug 2021 18:41:26 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12824 It’s back to school time! Are you ready? I know we have been enjoying the slow pace of summer and will need to put ourselves back on schedule to make back to school run more smoothly.  Over the years we have developed routines that we rely on in our school and workweek. I want to share our three favourites with you as you think about how you want to start out this new school year as a family.  How routines help our kids and us for school days We can rely on routines to get stuff done.  It gives us the momentum and predictability and these habits set for us. I know what’s going to happen, and the kids know what to expect. There's less drama over making transitions or how the kids are spending their time. If you have a kid who struggles with anxiety, knowing their part of the routine helps relieve a lot of that anxiety. How to make routines more effective Introduce this system to your family, and coach them by creating that as a habit, reminding them repeatedly. Give our kids reminders that are gentle and not heavy, hard and serious. Do not be a bear about it. I shared some more about how routines help in the episode on family Saturday morning chores   Our routines in the morning We make our lunches the night before school. The kids pack their lunch with a template we gave them. We give enough time in the morning knowing how much time everything needs to be done. The kids dress themselves and pack their bags. Start leaving 10 minutes before we think we have to go. This gives buffer, so you don’t feel rushed or panicky in case something unexpected comes up. After school routine Before the kids come home, I give myself a pep talk about what kind of mom I want to show up. As the mom, that is a safe landing place for big feelings and frustrations accumulated throughout the day. For the kids, it’s to hang up their backpacks, put their papers on the counter, put their lunch dishes in the sink, wash their hands. Give them a snack or have them finish their lunch if they didn’t. Things to remember when you build routines Routines take time to build like any habit, so you want to be gentle with you and gentle with the kids. Keep showing up consistently for what feels important. Start as you mean to go. Start treating them how you want to be treating them in the long term. Want to bring in some routines to your week? Try the Family Rhythms worksheets    SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK This month I went on a getaway with three of my mombesties. For some years now we try to get away for a couple of nights, or at least a nice dinner. This time we went to a cheap motel, walked around, ate good food, had a little shopping and a little wine. My fave part was going to an afternoon movie the second day and then being in bed with us all reading by 930pm  But really I think the pleasure is just being with your friends, especially without kids. It is so special to spend time with your friends (date your friends) and I think it helps you fall in love with them even more/again.      EPISODE TRANSCRIPT Today, I want to talk about routines. We are getting back into school. And it's got me thinking about the routines that we pick up when school starts, I know that summer feels like our mornings, I've just been getting slower and longer and more drawn out. It's harder for me to get actually getting going in the morning because there's just kind of this wide open space that summer offers us. So I'm gearing up myself to start waking up a little bit earlier in giving myself a little mental pep talks about getting into action earlier in the morning routines. routines are very important. I think someone like me, like a type nine, we can rely on routines to actually get stuff done, we need that momentum, and that predictability and those habits set for us. I know I also like routines with my kids, because I know what's going to happen. It’s back to school time! Are you ready? I know we have been enjoying the slow pace of summer and will need to put ourselves back on schedule to make back to school run more smoothly.  Over the years we have developed routines that we rely on in our ... I know we have been enjoying the slow pace of summer and will need to put ourselves back on schedule to make back to school run more smoothly. 
Over the years we have developed routines that we rely on in our school and workweek. I want to share our three favourites with you as you think about how you want to start out this new school year as a family. 


How routines help our kids and us for school days

We can rely on routines to get stuff done.  It gives us the momentum and predictability and these habits set for us.
I know what’s going to happen, and the kids know what to expect.
There's less drama over making transitions or how the kids are spending their time.
If you have a kid who struggles with anxiety, knowing their part of the routine helps relieve a lot of that anxiety.

How to make routines more effective

Introduce this system to your family, and coach them by creating that as a habit, reminding them repeatedly.
Give our kids reminders that are gentle and not heavy, hard and serious.
Do not be a bear about it.

I shared some more about how routines help in the episode on
family Saturday morning chores
 

Our routines in the morning

We make our lunches the night before school.
The kids pack their lunch with a template we gave them.
We give enough time in the morning knowing how much time everything needs to be done.
The kids dress themselves and pack their bags.
Start leaving 10 minutes before we think we have to go. This gives buffer, so you don’t feel rushed or panicky in case something unexpected comes up.

After school routine

Before the kids come home, I give myself a pep talk about what kind of mom I want to show up. As the mom, that is a safe landing place for big feelings and frustrations accumulated throughout the day.
For the kids, it’s to hang up their backpacks, put their papers on the counter, put their lunch dishes in the sink, wash their hands.
Give them a snack or have them finish their lunch if they didn’t.

Things to remember when you build routines

Routines take time to build like any habit, so you want to be gentle with you and gentle with the kids.
Keep showing up consistently for what feels important.
Start as you mean to go. Start treating them how you want to be treating them in the long term.

Want to bring in some routines to your week? Try the Family Rhythms worksheets 
 

SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK
This month I went on a getaway with three of my mombesties. For some years now we try to get away for a couple of nights, or at least a nice dinner.
This time we went to a cheap motel, walked around, ate good food, had a little shopping and a little wine. My fave part was going to an afternoon movie the second day and then being in bed with us all reading by 930pm 

But really I think the pleasure is just being with your friends, especially without kids. It is so special to spend time with your friends (date your friends) and I think it helps you fall in love with them even more/again. 
 
 

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Today, I want to talk about routines. We are getting back into school. And it's got me thinking about the routines that we pick up when school starts, I know that summer feels like our mornings,]]> Shawna Scafe 14:03 136. How to do better, next summer (PROMPT episode) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/summer-evaluation-family/ Wed, 25 Aug 2021 16:39:10 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12816 How did your summer go? Anything you wish you that you did more of or less of? Today I have a PROMPT episode for you - where I will prompt you through some helpful questions that I hope will help you live more intentionally.  Specifically, having a summer on PURPOSE. So let's take a minute to stop and reflect on the ways you want to improve next summer by noting what you learned from THIS summer.    I share a bit of my story about having my kids close together in age learning I had the CHOICE to declutter and facing the basement of shame.  wanting to live ON PURPOSE and let go of complacency becoming a life coach who walks other women through living with more peace, purpose, and presence in their lives   THIS IS A PROMPT EPISODE The power of a prompt You take the time to slow down and access your PFC (prefrontal cortex), the part of your brain associated with long term planning and rational decision making You ask your brain a really good question You tap into the answers that are there within you, rather than looking for external solutions and ideas    The power of an evaluation  You use what you have learned recently to make your life better (before you forget all the good things you learned!) You give this information a home, so you can come back to it later when you need it You are improving things little by little How to use an evaluation I use evaluations for special trips and holidays. This is why I added it to the Simple Christmas Planner.  I keep notes on what worked and what improvements can be made. I save them all in a google doc so I can search for them when the holiday season is back again.  You can also put reminders in your calendar that pop up before the season and link them to your evaluation notes (whether in a doc, notes app, or right in the calendar reminder) The summer evaluation Let's reflect on this summer and consider what you have learned from it that you can bring into next summer.  What was great about this summer? (What do you want to do again, what did you love, what was helpful, what mindsets were empowering?) What do you want to do differently next year? (What do you want more of/less of, what to plan/prepare, what do you want to try that you didn't this year, mindsets to remember)   Make sure to set a reminder in your calendar to check your evaluation before break starts again next year! And there you go >> You used your past to make your future better How did your summer go? Anything you wish you that you did more of or less of? - Today I have a PROMPT episode for you - where I will prompt you through some helpful questions that I hope will help you live more intentionally.  Specifically,
Today I have a PROMPT episode for you - where I will prompt you through some helpful questions that I hope will help you live more intentionally.  Specifically, having a summer on PURPOSE. So let's take a minute to stop and reflect on the ways you want to improve next summer by noting what you learned from THIS summer. 

 
I share a bit of my story about

* having my kids close together in age
* learning I had the CHOICE to declutter and facing the basement of shame. 
* wanting to live ON PURPOSE and let go of complacency
* becoming a life coach who walks other women through living with more peace, purpose, and presence in their lives

 
THIS IS A PROMPT EPISODE
The power of a prompt

* You take the time to slow down and access your PFC (prefrontal cortex), the part of your brain associated with long term planning and rational decision making
* You ask your brain a really good question
* You tap into the answers that are there within you, rather than looking for external solutions and ideas 

 
The power of an evaluation 

* You use what you have learned recently to make your life better (before you forget all the good things you learned!)
* You give this information a home, so you can come back to it later when you need it
* You are improving things little by little

How to use an evaluation
I use evaluations for special trips and holidays. This is why I added it to the Simple Christmas Planner. 

I keep notes on what worked and what improvements can be made. I save them all in a google doc so I can search for them when the holiday season is back again. 

You can also put reminders in your calendar that pop up before the season and link them to your evaluation notes (whether in a doc, notes app, or right in the calendar reminder)
The summer evaluation
Let's reflect on this summer and consider what you have learned from it that you can bring into next summer. 

* What was great about this summer? (What do you want to do again, what did you love, what was helpful, what mindsets were empowering?)
* What do you want to do differently next year? (What do you want more of/less of, what to plan/prepare, what do you want to try that you didn't this year, mindsets to remember)

 

Make sure to set a reminder in your calendar to check your evaluation before break starts again next year! And there you go >> You used your past to make your future better

]]>
Shawna Scafe 8:36
135. Procrastination tips for moms https://simpleonpurpose.ca/procrastination-tips-for-moms/ Tue, 17 Aug 2021 23:04:18 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12810 Procrastination is an avoidant strategy and there are so many layers to it, why we do it, how to redirect it, how to accept it, and so on.  It is also something almost everyone does and something that can cause a lot of shame, especially for moms    What is procrastination? It is putting something off for later.  We all do it, everday. We put off phone calls and chores and errands.  So how do we know if we simply PRIORITIZING our time and energy of it we are procrastinating?   Why we procrastinate There is a reason that deep down it is preferable to us to put off the task. Some reasons might include overwhelm, avoidance, all or nothing perfectionism, or we deep down don't want to do it.    How the brain responds to pending tasks The brain has three jobs: seek pleasure, avoid pain, stay efficient.  When we have the thought about a task we 'should' do the brain responds inline with this criteria - will it produce pleasure or pain? does it require a lot of energy?   Procrastination is not always a bad thing Sometimes procrastinating tasks can be a benefit. There are situations where it allows us to do better work, use the sense of urgency for energy, discover our true priorities, uncover some identity clutter we might have, and have less anxiety in the present.    Three ways procrastination can be a problem: 1. Because of what we do instead of the 'task'.  We most likley turn to non-essential, short-term gratification activities. These often become our 'bad habits'.  2. Because of what is NOT getting done. Whether we feel like this moves us further away from our 'ideal' self (and make sure you know what that is!), piles up the chores, or becomes a way we do our life.  Episode 129 on Expectation Overwhelm Get the Live you VISION worksheets Get the Live your VALUES worksheets Get the Life on Purpose Workbook 3. Because of what we think it means about us. As we procrastinate we start to identify as a procrastinator (and usually this is loaded with shame and judgement). Then we start to live into this limiting identiy we have of ourselves.    Three questions to help you deal with procrastination in your day Why do I want to avoid this task? Is this task important to my personal values and vision? Is this task a prioritiy TODAY? If yes, ask: what is one small step I can do to get started? If no, schedule it on the calendar and listen to episode 150 called Do You Trust Yourself to Show Up For You.    Full transcript of the episode (unedited) Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is a place where I share ideas that I hope will inspire you to slow down, think about what matters to you your personal values, and do the work of showing up well for that. Today, I wanted to talk about a topic that I have struggled with. I know a lot of us this is something I've googled myself on Pinterest over the years. And I think it's also a topic we can have a lot of shame around. And I'm I know, we're just going to scratch the surface on this on procrastination, because procrastination is an avoidance strategy. And there's so many layers to it, why we do it, how to redirect it, and accept it, and so on. So I hope that this episode will give you more understanding of what's happening mentally give you some more awareness, some more grace around it. And then I have at the end, some questions that are going to help you in the moment to deal with procrastination. What is procrastination, it is putting things off, I'll do it later. Or more accurately, it's a form of saying I won't do it right now. It's not gonna happen right now. And this is an issue that comes up in coaching because we have a stigma attached to it. Like somehow, if we are a person who procrastinates we're less of a quality person, we're less of an adult, we're less together. Procrastination is an avoidant strategy and there are so many layers to it, why we do it, how to redirect it, how to accept it, and so on.  It is also something almost everyone does and something that can cause a lot of shame, especially for moms  -
 

What is procrastination?
It is putting something off for later. 

We all do it, everday. We put off phone calls and chores and errands. 

So how do we know if we simply PRIORITIZING our time and energy of it we are procrastinating?

 
Why we procrastinate
There is a reason that deep down it is preferable to us to put off the task. Some reasons might include overwhelm, avoidance, all or nothing perfectionism, or we deep down don't want to do it. 

 
How the brain responds to pending tasks
The brain has three jobs: seek pleasure, avoid pain, stay efficient. 

When we have the thought about a task we 'should' do the brain responds inline with this criteria - will it produce pleasure or pain? does it require a lot of energy?

 
Procrastination is not always a bad thing
Sometimes procrastinating tasks can be a benefit. There are situations where it allows us to do better work, use the sense of urgency for energy, discover our true priorities, uncover some identity clutter we might have, and have less anxiety in the present. 

 
Three ways procrastination can be a problem:
1. Because of what we do instead of the 'task'.  We most likley turn to non-essential, short-term gratification activities. These often become our 'bad habits'. 

2. Because of what is NOT getting done. Whether we feel like this moves us further away from our 'ideal' self (and make sure you know what that is!), piles up the chores, or becomes a way we do our life. 

* Episode 129 on Expectation Overwhelm
* Get the Live you VISION worksheets
* Get the Live your VALUES worksheets
* Get the Life on Purpose Workbook

3. Because of what we think it means about us. As we procrastinate we start to identify as a procrastinator (and usually this is loaded with shame and judgement). Then we start to live into this limiting identiy we have of ourselves. 

 

Three questions to help you deal with procrastination in your day

* Why do I want to avoid this task?
* Is this task important to my personal values and vision?
* Is this task a prioritiy TODAY?

* If yes, ask: what is one small step I can do to get started?
* If no, schedule it on the calendar and listen to episode 150 called Do You Trust Yourself to Show Up For You. 



 


Full transcript of the episode (unedited)
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is a place where I share ideas that I hope will inspire you to slow down, think about what matters to you your personal values, and do the work of showing up well for that.]]>
Shawna Scafe 19:26
134. Do you typecast your kids? (Labels + how they impact our parenting and our kids) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/labelling-typecast-your-kids/ Mon, 09 Aug 2021 21:51:03 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12806 When an actor is typecast, they are locked into being cast for a certain TYPE of character, always a version of the same thing. And as parents, we can typecast our own kids. We give them labels on what they are - difficult, athletic, flighty, dramatic.  We can also give them seemingly positive labels - like smart, pretty, nice - and those can have impacts on them as well.  I want to empower you with: awareness around the labels you might give your kids, how it can impact your parenting experience, how it can impact them, and what to do about it    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.  Do you typecast your kids? Do you give them labels on who they are? We all do it, we label each kid. Especially when there are sets of siblings, we somehow have a need to categorize each of them like they are gang in a sitcom.  Our labels are not facts We feel like our labels about our kids are true, but they are our opinions. We base these opinions on our experiences of them in the past. Then we have a judgement of them and our brain looks for evidence to build this into a belief   We look for more proof of our label This is the confirmation bias (aka the Post-it note). Our brain is always looking for evidence it is true. In fact, our brain filters out information to the contrary.    We build up more evidence and this belief gets very cemented.  It is important to keep in mind that this label might be sometimes true, but also sometimes it is not true.  We need to be open to seeing both.    The impacts that labelling our kids might have on our parenting 1. We treat them differently based on this label  How we do treat a kid we think is 'messy'? Do we step in and clean for them? Do we give up on trying to teach them how to clean up? It is important to get honest with ourselves about how we react to our kids from the expectations we have of them, according to the labels we have for them 2. We shape their self-concept  Kids look to us to help them shape their self-concept. The more they hear it, the more they live into it, the more they believe it, the more they perpetuate it. Our labels will put them into a box of who they are and who they are not.  3. Positive labels can put a lot of pressure on our kids as well I coach women who also struggle with failing at the seemingly positive 'labels' they've been given over the years. It can cause a lot of pressure to sustain them, and shame when 'failed'. It can impact their growth mindset (see episode 49 on having a growth mindset vs a fixed mindset)   How to handle the labels we give our kids 1. Recognize the labels you have been typecasting your kids with  Acknowledge that they are hard to give up for them and us.   2. Separate your kids from the label Your kid is not their behaviour.  Rather, everything they do is a decision and they are doing the work of getting good at making choices in their daily life. 3. Let them surprise you   When we expect a pattern of behaviour from our kids, we perpetuate that.   4. Encourage and acknowledge without the limitations of labels Give them acknowledgement more than praise (focus on specific efforts) Encourage them with what they are struggling with Call them up with what you see in them, but leave it open for them to figure out how to apply it to their lives Trying lots of new things. Vary the social roles that our kids are exposed to (as noted in the book Personality isn't Permanent by Benjamin Hardy) 5. Leave room for error  We have a lot of 'ideal human' standards that we want our kids to constantly (100%) meet. Give them space to make mistakes and not meet the standards, without the threat of discipline or shame.   Because people (adults and children) are not 100% awesome, 100% of the time.  6. Leave room for change When an actor is typecast, they are locked into being cast for a certain TYPE of character, always a version of the same thing. And as parents, we can typecast our own kids. We give them labels on what they are - difficult, athletic, flighty,
We can also give them seemingly positive labels - like smart, pretty, nice - and those can have impacts on them as well. 

I want to empower you with:

* awareness around the labels you might give your kids,
* how it can impact your parenting experience,
* how it can impact them,
* and what to do about it 

 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you. 

Do you typecast your kids? Do you give them labels on who they are?
We all do it, we label each kid. Especially when there are sets of siblings, we somehow have a need to categorize each of them like they are gang in a sitcom. 
Our labels are not facts
We feel like our labels about our kids are true, but they are our opinions.

We base these opinions on our experiences of them in the past. Then we have a judgement of them and our brain looks for evidence to build this into a belief

 
We look for more proof of our label
This is the confirmation bias (aka the Post-it note). Our brain is always looking for evidence it is true. In fact, our brain filters out information to the contrary.   

We build up more evidence and this belief gets very cemented. 

It is important to keep in mind that this label might be sometimes true, but also sometimes it is not true.  We need to be open to seeing both. 

 
The impacts that labelling our kids might have on our parenting
1. We treat them differently based on this label 
How we do treat a kid we think is 'messy'? Do we step in and clean for them? Do we give up on trying to teach them how to clean up?

It is important to get honest with ourselves about how we react to our kids from the expectations we have of them, according to the labels we have for them
2. We shape their self-concept 
Kids look to us to help them shape their self-concept. The more they hear it, the more they live into it, the more they believe it, the more they perpetuate it.

Our labels will put them into a box of who they are and who they are not. 
3. Positive labels can put a lot of pressure on our kids as well
I coach women who also struggle with failing at the seemingly positive 'labels' they've been given over the years. It can cause a lot of pressure to sustain them, and shame when 'failed'.

It can impact their growth mindset (see episode 49 on having a growth mindset vs a fixed mindset)

 
How to handle the labels we give our kids
1. Recognize the labels you have been typecasting your kids with 
Acknowledge that they are hard to give up for them and us.  
2. Separate your kids from the label
Your kid is not their behaviour.  Rather, everything they do is a decision and they are doing the work of getting good at making choices in their daily life.
3. Let them surprise you  
When we expect a pattern of behaviour from our kids, we perpetuate that.  
4. Encourage and acknowledge without the limitations of labels

* Give them acknowledgement more than praise (focus on specific efforts)
* Encourage them with what they are struggling with
* Call them up with what you see in them,]]>
Shawna Scafe 25:59
133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better https://simpleonpurpose.ca/simple-momlife-habits/ Tue, 03 Aug 2021 22:34:51 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12800 I have been researching goals and habits since we started setting them in 2015. You can hear Conor share his take on doing this work as a couple in this episode.  Over the years I have searched to the ends of Pinterest and tried a lot of strategies to create habits for myself. I was doing this work fueled by the notion that I had to become a morning person now that I was a mom. I was thinking that habits would make me the optimal human, efficient and productive.  I have since learned to bring grace into it. Chase habits that make me feel purposeful rather than productive, and to set goals and habits in line with my personal vision for the areas of my life.    Four simple habits that make my momlife better 1. Having vegetables for breakfast.  This is part of my 'food uniform' that I try to have for breakfasts and lunches.  What I used to eat was sweet and carby and I was feeling crappy and shaky after breakfast. Then I did the Whole30 (here are 11 things I learned doing the Whole30) and weaned myself off this type of breakfast.  I've been gluten-free for a few years and had to put in the effort and planning to create new food habits I could have on autopilot.  The difference I notice in having vegetables for breakfast with how I feel about myself and my approach towards my health.  I used to go days without eating vegetables, now I get it done first thing every day.  Why I love this habit: I feel proud about taking care of my health because of what I do first thing in the day.    2. Reading books instead of scrolling social media Years back I swapped this habit in a personal challenge I called One Small Habit. I swapped scrolling social media for reading on the library app.  I have read so many books over the years since I did this.  There are nights I still find myself on social media, but I can give myself a little bit of time and then redirect it to a good book.  Why I love this habit: I want to be someone who reads a lot of books, this is the action that supports that   3. Pre-dinner clean up each day When my husband is working his week on, I follow this routine almost every afternoon: I do the dishes, clear tables, sweep floors, and make dinner.  I used to be someone who avoided dishes and coached myself to become someone who can do the dishes without all the mental drama Having clear spaces in my home is something I aspire to. It helps me feel empowered and peaceful.  However, we live here and use this space so I need to do the work of clearing the table a ROUTINE.  This table clearing routine is something I ask the kids to do their part with too, so I don't become a martyr about it.  I also have started looking forward to this time of day because I will put in headphones and listen to a podcast that I enjoy.  Why I love this habit: Fewer dishes for me later, and I get to listen to a podcast     4. Taking a day of rest (and social media break) Sundays are our church and chill days. I have been working intentionally at taking a day of rest, as a mom I think this is so important (as I unpacked on this episode).  Taking a day of rest is something I crave but is also something that challenges me to sacrifice the need to be productive.  I make a point to choose activities that make me feel filled up (you know, hobbies!) Screen time is something I limit on this day as well. I  go off social media on Sundays.  I have been noticing how automatic I can find myself jumping on social media, and taking this day of rest has helped me with becoming more mindful about my relationship with social media Why I love this habit:  I am making time for my hobbies, I am learning more about my relationship to my phone, I give myself the grace to rest and feel better about the week ahead.    Doing a check-in on my vision, goals, and habits This process of making this episode allowed me to refresh myself on the habits I had written down for myself this year.  I have been researching goals and habits since we started setting them in 2015. You can hear Conor share his take on doing this work as a couple in this episode.  - Over the years I have searched to the ends of Pinterest and tried a lot of strategies ... share his take on doing this work as a couple in this episode. 

Over the years I have searched to the ends of Pinterest and tried a lot of strategies to create habits for myself.

I was doing this work fueled by the notion that I had to become a morning person now that I was a mom. I was thinking that habits would make me the optimal human, efficient and productive. 

I have since learned to bring grace into it. Chase habits that make me feel purposeful rather than productive, and to set goals and habits in line with my personal vision for the areas of my life. 

 
Four simple habits that make my momlife better
1. Having vegetables for breakfast. 
This is part of my 'food uniform' that I try to have for breakfasts and lunches. 

What I used to eat was sweet and carby and I was feeling crappy and shaky after breakfast. Then I did the Whole30 (here are 11 things I learned doing the Whole30) and weaned myself off this type of breakfast. 

I've been gluten-free for a few years and had to put in the effort and planning to create new food habits I could have on autopilot. 

The difference I notice in having vegetables for breakfast with how I feel about myself and my approach towards my health.  I used to go days without eating vegetables, now I get it done first thing every day. 
Why I love this habit: I feel proud about taking care of my health because of what I do first thing in the day. 
 
2. Reading books instead of scrolling social media
Years back I swapped this habit in a personal challenge I called One Small Habit. I swapped scrolling social media for reading on the library app. 

I have read so many books over the years since I did this. 

There are nights I still find myself on social media, but I can give myself a little bit of time and then redirect it to a good book. 
Why I love this habit: I want to be someone who reads a lot of books, this is the action that supports that
 
3. Pre-dinner clean up each day
When my husband is working his week on, I follow this routine almost every afternoon: I do the dishes, clear tables, sweep floors, and make dinner. 

I used to be someone who avoided dishes and coached myself to become someone who can do the dishes without all the mental drama

Having clear spaces in my home is something I aspire to. It helps me feel empowered and peaceful.  However, we live here and use this space so I need to do the work of clearing the table a ROUTINE. 

This table clearing routine is something I ask the kids to do their part with too, so I don't become a martyr about it. 

I also have started looking forward to this time of day because I will put in headphones and listen to a podcast that I enjoy. 
Why I love this habit: Fewer dishes for me later,]]>
Shawna Scafe 16:26
132. Teaching our kids a healthy relationship with food (+ our own food guilt and body shame) with Andrea Heyman https://simpleonpurpose.ca/kids-healthy-relationship-food/ Mon, 26 Jul 2021 20:00:41 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12789 Andrea is a Registered Dietician who is here to talk with me about our relationship to food and teaching our kids a healthy relationship with food I also had a secret motive in asking her on because I had questions about how to handle food with my kids. I know I’m undoing a lot of cultured rules, how I was raised, my own biases, and I want to be mindful about how I teach my kids, especially my daughter, about the health of food without the food guilt or body shame.       In this conversation we will cover: Common struggles that women have when it comes to their relationship with food Emotional eating can be a common situation that happens in motherhood The ‘diet culture’ pressure that moms have to ‘drop the weight’ can lead to restrictive and unsustainable approaches to food Using food to manage our emotions (my own experience with emotional eating in motherhood) Using food as a way to control our bodies   Healing a heritage of food guilt and body shame We know enough about attachment to know that our sense of worth and self is shaped by our caregivers Unpacking the decades of guilt and shame we have adopted Starting with some basic food plans and dropping all the food rules and restrictions Seeing the cycle where the more restrictions we give ourselves, the bigger the struggle of cravings and willpower, the stronger the guilt we feel when we eat what we ‘shouldn’t’ Building up trust in your body again   The role of being a mom who is managing food for herself and for everyone else The positive side of emotional eating vs the coping side of emotional eating Being a role model for our kids when it comes to a healthy relationship with food Feeding your family a variety of foods and letting go of all or nothing thinking   Taking the drama out of feeding our kids Consider the role you want to have in feeding your kids and the role you want them to learn and become confident in Anxiety and stress at the dinner table can become counterproductive to the whole dinner experience for the whole family How we can let our kids branch out on their own when it comes to food preferences The pitfalls of cooking different people different food items each dinner, becoming a short order cook  Going through the discomfort of changing the culture of cooking each kid their own foods for each meal  Using dessert as bribery (food as a reward) and what we might be teaching our kids about the ‘preferred’ foods   Getting kids involved in the food preparation and planning Conversations around balancing meals Letting each kid design a balanced meal    Parents using food as a reward Using food as a treat, reward, bond, make the day more ‘fun’ Phasing out the treats and bringing in alternate rewards and treats Planning out the other things you can turn to that are fun for your family   Teaching our kids about a healthy relationship with food How to have conversations with our kids about food without inducing food shame Shifting the focus on the functionality of health and food Using treat restrictions vs no restrictions  Owning our own relationship with food to create a positive food culture in our family   Getting started with shifting your family’s food culture Start small Make a plan Don’t overcomplicate meal prep (use the shortcuts!) Offer healthy options and let your kids decide how much they eat Phase-out using food as rewards   Find Andrea and Adventures in Feeding my Fam Andrea’s blueberry and corn salad Find Andrea on Instagram, listen to her podcast, join her Facebook group (it is a very fun and valuable one!)   Other posts you might like What I learned from doing the Whole30 Mindful eating for moms   Andrea is a Registered Dietician who is here to talk with me about our relationship to food and teaching our kids a healthy relationship with food - I also had a secret motive in asking her on because I had questions about how to handle food with my k...
I also had a secret motive in asking her on because I had questions about how to handle food with my kids. I know I’m undoing a lot of cultured rules, how I was raised, my own biases, and I want to be mindful about how I teach my kids, especially my daughter, about the health of food without the food guilt or body shame.  

 

 

In this conversation we will cover:
Common struggles that women have when it comes to their relationship with food

Emotional eating can be a common situation that happens in motherhood
The ‘diet culture’ pressure that moms have to ‘drop the weight’ can lead to restrictive and unsustainable approaches to food
Using food to manage our emotions (my own experience with emotional eating in motherhood)
Using food as a way to control our bodies

 
Healing a heritage of food guilt and body shame

We know enough about attachment to know that our sense of worth and self is shaped by our caregivers
Unpacking the decades of guilt and shame we have adopted
Starting with some basic food plans and dropping all the food rules and restrictions
Seeing the cycle where the more restrictions we give ourselves, the bigger the struggle of cravings and willpower, the stronger the guilt we feel when we eat what we ‘shouldn’t’
Building up trust in your body again

 
The role of being a mom who is managing food for herself and for everyone else

The positive side of emotional eating vs the coping side of emotional eating
Being a role model for our kids when it comes to a healthy relationship with food
Feeding your family a variety of foods and letting go of all or nothing thinking

 
Taking the drama out of feeding our kids

Consider the role you want to have in feeding your kids and the role you want them to learn and become confident in
Anxiety and stress at the dinner table can become counterproductive to the whole dinner experience for the whole family
How we can let our kids branch out on their own when it comes to food preferences
The pitfalls of cooking different people different food items each dinner, becoming a short order cook 

Going through the discomfort of changing the culture of cooking each kid their own foods for each meal 


Using dessert as bribery (food as a reward) and what we might be teaching our kids about the ‘preferred’ foods

 
Getting kids involved in the food preparation and planning

Conversations around balancing meals
Letting each kid design a balanced meal 

 
Parents using food as a reward

Using food as a treat, reward, bond, make the day more ‘fun’
Phasing out the treats and bringing in alternate rewards and treats
Planning out the other things you can turn to that are fun for your family

 
Teaching our kids about a healthy relationship with food

How to have conversations with our kids about food without inducing food shame
Shifting the focus on the functionality of health and food
Using treat restrictions vs no restrictions 
Owning our own relationship with food to create a positive food culture in our family

 
Getting started with shifting your family’s food culture

Start small
Make a plan
Don’t overcomplicate meal prep (use the shortcuts!)
Offer healthy options and let your kids decide how much they eat
Shawna Scafe 40:26
130. Q+A (seasons of life, husbands, parenting, family chores, choosing our feelings) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/momlife-qa-marriage-parenting-chores/ Wed, 14 Jul 2021 22:33:00 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12774 This is a Q+A episode featuring questions from the Simple Squad (the Simple on Purpose Facebook Community). We are talking about feelings, marriage, seasons of life, parenting and family chores. These answers are coming at you from my life coaching point of view. I am a mom of three kids, trained Life Coach, practical minimalist, and I help moms with intentional living.   Questions covered in this episode: 1. Can you talk about the seasons of life and how we can't do certain things at certain seasons? Related posts with more information on this topic Simplify your life series All posts about Mom Life Expectation overwhelm   2. How do I change my parenting style when my husband is not on board or how can I get him on board...? Related posts with more information on this topic: When your spouse doesn't want to declutter Teaching our kids emotional intelligence Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type) Book review: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child   3. Meeting adult friends when you have little kids Related posts with more information on this topic: Being a good mom friend Why you should date your friends   4. How to choose your feelings (eg. when you are annoyed at your husband but want to feel kind)? Related posts with more information on this topic: Being mindful in marriage Working through a bad mood with one question My husband put the groceries away wrong, he doesn't care about me Myths about emotion coaching Tolerating tough emotions in ourselves and our kids   5. What is a good system for taking turns with family chores and duties? Related posts with more information on this topic: Saturday morning chores Doing chores you don't want to do  A Year of Family meetings    6. How to handle bullying in school?    FULL TRANSCRIPT For those of you who are new here I am Shawna, I am a mom of three kids, they are 10, nine and going to be seven soon. I am a practical minimalist. So we have stuff in our house, but it's the stuff we like the best. I talk about intentional living, which means turning off that autopilot, and planning and doing things on purpose, to build the life you want on purpose. I also talk about simple living, which means managing our resources or time or space, or energy or money working on that one in ways that are in line with our values instead of trying to do all of the things do the important things, and you get to decide what's important. Today, I'm going to be answering some questions. So I often make myself a calendar of all the episodes I want to record over the next few months and share. And sometimes I look at a topic and I'm like I don't really feel like talking about. So this is one of those weeks, and I asked with a Facebook group, the simple on purpose community there. I call them the simple squad. I asked them for some topics that they would like to hear about, and they just had some really great topics that I thought I'm going to try and just answer them all in one episode. So I'm going to give my best nerdy girlfriend and life coach answer to these questions. And if at the end, you feel like you have more questions or thoughts or want more clarity, bring it over to the Facebook group. The first topic is to reflect on the seasons of life, and how sometimes you're not able to do certain things in certain times, I really like to consider my life as being a series of seasons, because that helps ease up the pressure of feeling like it's gonna be like this forever. I remember when I had my first baby, and I'm like, in my house code on the couch, and I thought, I'm just gonna live on my couch forever, I'm going to become my coach, the coach is going to swallow me, I'll be like another coach. This is my life now. So I really like to step back from all of that mental drama, and remind myself like, it's not gonna be like this forever. I think of some of the seasons I had have had in... This is a Q+A episode featuring questions from the Simple Squad (the Simple on Purpose Facebook Community). We are talking about feelings, marriage, seasons of life, parenting and family chores. - These answers are coming at you from my life coaching ...
These answers are coming at you from my life coaching point of view. I am a mom of three kids, trained Life Coach, practical minimalist, and I help moms with intentional living.  


Questions covered in this episode:
1. Can you talk about the seasons of life and how we can't do certain things at certain seasons?
Related posts with more information on this topic

* Simplify your life series
* All posts about Mom Life
* Expectation overwhelm

 
2. How do I change my parenting style when my husband is not on board or how can I get him on board...?
Related posts with more information on this topic:

* When your spouse doesn't want to declutter
* Teaching our kids emotional intelligence
* Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type)
* Book review: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

 
3. Meeting adult friends when you have little kids
Related posts with more information on this topic:

* Being a good mom friend
* Why you should date your friends

 
4. How to choose your feelings (eg. when you are annoyed at your husband but want to feel kind)?
Related posts with more information on this topic:

* Being mindful in marriage
* Working through a bad mood with one question
* My husband put the groceries away wrong, he doesn't care about me
* Myths about emotion coaching
* 21:02
129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it. https://simpleonpurpose.ca/to-do-list-overwhelm-momlife/ Mon, 05 Jul 2021 20:04:16 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12770 Expectation overwhelm is when you have a to-do list that is so long that it overwhelms you. This starts a defeating cycle of hustling, beating ourselves up for not doing 'enough', and not really feeling empowered to live a life of purpose.    Feeling productive and the beliefs we have about how we spend our time Coach women a lot on productivity and procrastination They feel like they can’t get things done in the day They want to be better at getting things done.  And it is the same issue on both ends of the spectrum - they are about how we FEEL about how we spend our time.  Did we FEEL we were productive? did we FEEL they procrastinated? Remember our FEELINGS come from our thoughts. So the story we tell ourselves about how we have used our time is going to matter. It will change our experience of how we use our time.    What is expectation overwhelm? Expectation overwhelm is when we have such a long 'should do' list that it constantly overwhelms us. We walk around thinking something is wrong with us that we can't tackle. We think we need more willpower and discipline.  We also get frustrated with everyone around us and might even blame them (check out the mom martyr episode)    Some signs that you might have expectation overwhelm: you find it hard to relax for a minute in your day you feel like everything is rushed you feel overwhelmed even though you generally get things done you check things off your list but still feel like it’s never enough   What do we do with the overwhelm we feel? In my experience in coaching, and personal experience. WE do one of two things. We try harder or we tune it out. Both of these make us feel even worse about our skills and discipline. Both of these move us further away from the simple and purposeful life we are craving.    The options should be optional We make a mental 'should' do list with all the expectations we have ourselves in a day. But we tell ourselves this list is mandatory and then we tell ourselves we are inadequate for not fulfilling them all   We are meant to make choices This is something that minimalism has taught me. I don't have ROOM for all these things. I also don't have time and energy for all these things. I need to choose.  But making choices can be very intimidating for a lot of us. We think it means a long-term commitment. We also still secretly hold out for that secret we need to unlock our ability to do ALL THE THINGS!   Trade-in productivity for purpose I think most of us want to feel productive, but we live in a society that tells us we need to do DO IT ALL AND LOOK GOOD DOING IT.  I would argue that most of us do not want to be productivity robots - but that we actually want to slow down and live the life that we crave. We want to let go of never feeling like we are enough, and make more time and energy for the things that fill us up.    Know what you want in your life The Live your Vision worksheets The Live your Values worksheets The Life on Purpose Workbook    Get life coaching  If you want coaching support with letting go of expectations and getting focussed on what you DO want to make time and energy for, then sign up for a consult call to see if you are interested.    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission.  SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK I will tell you it is about kiddie pools and water blasters, but it is about more than that. It is about tradition and having fun, and being a kid with your kids.  This is the XL doggie pool that we use as a kiddie pool   And these are the type of water blasters that we are loving in our home. Here is the grad shirt idea.      Make sure to join the Simple on Purpose Facebook community group to share your thoughts, questions, and ideas with the Simple Squad there.      FULL TRANSCRIPT Hey friends, Expectation overwhelm is when you have a to-do list that is so long that it overwhelms you. This starts a defeating cycle of hustling, beating ourselves up for not doing 'enough', and not really feeling empowered to live a life of purpose.  -  
 
Feeling productive and the beliefs we have about how we spend our time
Coach women a lot on productivity and procrastination

They feel like they can’t get things done in the day

They want to be better at getting things done. 

And it is the same issue on both ends of the spectrum - they are about how we FEEL about how we spend our time.  Did we FEEL we were productive? did we FEEL they procrastinated?

Remember our FEELINGS come from our thoughts. So the story we tell ourselves about how we have used our time is going to matter. It will change our experience of how we use our time. 

 
What is expectation overwhelm?
Expectation overwhelm is when we have such a long 'should do' list that it constantly overwhelms us. We walk around thinking something is wrong with us that we can't tackle. We think we need more willpower and discipline. 

We also get frustrated with everyone around us and might even blame them (
check out the mom martyr episode

 
Some signs that you might have expectation overwhelm:

* you find it hard to relax for a minute in your day
* you feel like everything is rushed
* you feel overwhelmed even though you generally get things done
* you check things off your list but still feel like it’s never enough

 
What do we do with the overwhelm we feel?
In my experience in coaching, and personal experience. WE do one of two things. We try harder or we tune it out. Both of these make us feel even worse about our skills and discipline. Both of these move us further away from the simple and purposeful life we are craving. 

 
The options should be optional
We make a mental 'should' do list with all the expectations we have ourselves in a day. But we tell ourselves this list is mandatory and then we tell ourselves we are inadequate for not fulfilling them all

 
We are meant to make choices
This is something that minimalism has taught me. I don't have ROOM for all these things. I also don't have time and energy for all these things. I need to choose. 

But making choices can be very intimidating for a lot of us. We think it means a long-term commitment. We also still secretly hold out for that secret we need to unlock our ability to do ALL THE THINGS!

 
Trade-in productivity for purpose
I think most of us want to feel productive, but we live in a society that tells us we need to do DO IT ALL AND LOOK GOOD DOING IT. 

I would argue that most of us do not want to be productivity robots - but that we actually want to slow down and live the life that we crave. We want to let go of never feeling like we are enough, and make more time and energy for the things that fill us up. 

 
Know what you want in your life

* The Live your Vision worksheets
* The Live your 16:02 128. Getting dressed every day, with less guilt & more confidence (with Jaime McLaughlin) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/mom-getting-dressed-everyday/ Mon, 28 Jun 2021 20:34:05 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12763 Do you struggle in your relationship to getting dressed each day? Do you feel guilty for it, or lack confidence in it?  Jaime McLaughlin is a hair and make-up artist who is helping moms take care of themselves without the mom guilt.  In this episode we talk about the internal shifts we can make, the judgments we might have of ourselves and other moms based on what they wear, busting myths around how much money and time it takes to get ready each day, and tips to build a capsule wardrobe   Using the ‘tool’ of getting dressed every day Contesting the views that this is vanity vs a tool to help our personal motivation in our day Considering the areas of our life that we try to sacrifice on the altar of motherhood   Challenging our self-perception and the ‘rules’ we give ourselves on what we wear or don’t wear Making your outcome whatever you want it to be and working backward Aligning with your personal values as you work on getting ready each day   Reasons many stay at home moms have that we don’t get ready each day I don’t have the time I never leave the house I just don’t do it, I don’t get ready   Finding our value and worth as a stay at home mom Making a mental shift before we try to make an outward shift We don’t just want to get dressed to ‘look good’ but we want to FEEL good   Empowering one another to NOT use how we dress as a reason to judge ourselves and other moms There can be separations and assumptions we make on how moms dress, and we can categorize moms based on what they wear vs what we wear.  Considering the image we want to present to the world with what we wear Moving from judgment into curiosity about what other moms could be going through Watching where you might be judging moms who are a hot mess vs judging moms who are NOT a hot mess   Society tells us what a mom ‘should’ look like Mom does not have to equal hot mess, crappy clothes, etc. We get to decide what it looks like to be ‘a mom’ We don’t need to be a victim to our days and motherhood Taking ownership of wearing what we WANT to wear and letting go of the myth that we are 'too much'   Letting go of the myth that in order to look good we need to spend a lot of money Fast fashion tells us that we need to spend all the money, every season, to have the trendy clothes of the season. Consider if fashion is something you value and want to spend money on and then making that happen It is important to have the perspective that the online influencers sharing 'style' we follow are not buying their own clothes but are given them by stores   Building a capsule wardrobe A capsule wardrobe is a great way to be mindful of the money we spend on clothes and 'how much' we need to have in our closet Starting with core pieces, knowing your colours, and building a wardrobe you can mix and match and put outfits together   Key points on being a mom who gets dressed every day When you wear what makes you feel good this shifts your mental state and motivation Getting dressed doesn't have to take long, or be expensive Learn the techniques to dress and don't worry so much about the trends There is NOTHING WRONG with saying 'I want to look good' When we spend the time and energy on ourselves we actually think about ourselves a lot less during the day   Links to Jaime and her resources UNFRUMP YOURSELF a free masterclass to take care of yourself each day without the mom guilt MACHOUSECO.COM the 7 Day Hair Care Routine The Unfiltered Motherhood Podcast   other links on style and getting dressed Practice getting dressed A recovering fashion wallflower The moms30for30 Tips for a capsule wardrobe       Do you struggle in your relationship to getting dressed each day? Do you feel guilty for it, or lack confidence in it?  - Jaime McLaughlin is a hair and make-up artist who is helping moms take care of themselves without the mom guilt.  -
Jaime McLaughlin is a hair and make-up artist who is helping moms take care of themselves without the mom guilt. 

In this episode we talk about the internal shifts we can make, the judgments we might have of ourselves and other moms based on what they wear, busting myths around how much money and time it takes to get ready each day, and tips to build a capsule wardrobe


 
Using the ‘tool’ of getting dressed every day
Contesting the views that this is vanity vs a tool to help our personal motivation in our day

Considering the areas of our life that we try to sacrifice on the altar of motherhood

 
Challenging our self-perception and the ‘rules’ we give ourselves on what we wear or don’t wear
Making your outcome whatever you want it to be and working backward

Aligning with your personal values as you work on getting ready each day

 
Reasons many stay at home moms have that we don’t get ready each day
I don’t have the time

I never leave the house

I just don’t do it, I don’t get ready

 
Finding our value and worth as a stay at home mom
Making a mental shift before we try to make an outward shift

We don’t just want to get dressed to ‘look good’ but we want to FEEL good

 
Empowering one another to NOT use how we dress as a reason to judge ourselves and other moms
There can be separations and assumptions we make on how moms dress, and we can categorize moms based on what they wear vs what we wear. 

Considering the image we want to present to the world with what we wear

Moving from judgment into curiosity about what other moms could be going through

Watching where you might be judging moms who are a hot mess vs judging moms who are NOT a hot mess

 
Society tells us what a mom ‘should’ look like
Mom does not have to equal hot mess, crappy clothes, etc. We get to decide what it looks like to be ‘a mom’

We don’t need to be a victim to our days and motherhood

Taking ownership of wearing what we WANT to wear and letting go of the myth that we are 'too much'

 
Letting go of the myth that in order to look good we need to spend a lot of money
Fast fashion tells us that we need to spend all the money, every season, to have the trendy clothes of the season. Consider if fashion is something you value and want to spend money on and then making that happen

It is important to have the perspective that the online influencers sharing 'style' we follow are not buying their own clothes but are given them by stores

 
Building a capsule wardrobe
A capsule wardrobe is a great way to be mindful of the money we spend on clothes and 'how much' we need to have in our closet

Starting with core pieces, knowing your colours, and building a wardrobe you can mix and match and put outfits together

 
Key points on being a mom who gets dressed every day
When you wear what makes you feel good this shifts your mental state and motivation

Getting dressed doesn't have to take long, or be expensive

Learn the techniques to dress and don't worry so much about the trends

There is NOTHING WRONG with saying 'I want to look good'

When we spend the time and energy on ourselves we actually think about ourselves a lot less during the day

 
Links to Jaime and her resources
38:05 127. Planning your Summer on Purpose (Tips for Moms) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/summer-on-purpose-planning-mom/ Fri, 25 Jun 2021 18:10:43 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12756 When we think about being home with the kids for the summer there can be a lot to dread AND be excited about in this season.  I have found my way out of that mental overwhelm is to make a plan on what what I DO want my summer to be.  Over the years of planning our seasons as a family, we have developed an approach that helps us stay flexible, work around the hurdles and show up even on hard days.  I want to share the main points with you here.    This episode has a companion workbook that takes you step by step through planning out the summer that you and your family want to have.  Get your Summer on Purpose Workbook here.   Planning your days, as a mom I have found so much value in having a plan on what we will do. I started planning when I was home with my babies and have been loving the benefits ever since.  My kids even asked me to schedule their days for them during isolation, and I shared how that went here.    Why should a mom make a plan? To feel in control, rather than scramble for it last minute To make room for the important things to happen - balance - proactive To have some stability - for us and our kids - we know what is happening and what we need to expect and prepare for To take ownership - don’t let summer just happen AT you To have FUN!  We want to ENJOY summer So often we hear the countdown of 'how many summers we have left with our kids'. And this can make us a little panicky inside. I want to approach summer with intention and abundance.    Declutter the mental overwhelm of summer Ask what you feel EXPECTED to do, by culture, society, Instagram Ask what feels hard about summer as a mom? I have a list: The mornings where they get stir crazy but I’m not ready to head out Feeding everyone healthy snacks Getting work done Sibling spats - those have broken my brain in the past The energy I tell myself I will need to give them activities and adventures How will I handle screentime I need to really brain dump all the things cluttering my brain and then address them point by point.    Planning out the summer you WANT to have Ask your family - what summer do you want to have? What activities do you want to do? What vibes/feelings do you want summer to have? Some years we were like road trips and camping Some we were like backyard BBQs and beaches Actually, we seem to rotate back and forth between the two Some other visions for a summer: Mocktails and gardening Books and suntans Fishing and hiking Popsicles, parks and kiddie pools Bike parks, bike paths and exploring Neighbourhood water fights Having a vision is so important. It lets you get clear on what you want so you can make the decisions that will get you there.    Making a family bucket list for summer We involve our kids in sharing their ideas on every season and holiday - we want to know what they hope for and see where it we can make it happen. You can also read more about our approach to family meetings right here.  Some of the things on our bucket list this year: Buy a pool Bubble wars Giant walk day Movie day Pajama day Beach day Candy day Taste test (one of their faves)               View this post on Instagram                         A post shared by Shawna | Life Coach for Moms (@simpleonpurpose.ca) Other family summer bucket list ideas: Backyard campout Back yard movie night Cabin stay  Kayaking or canoeing trip Waterslide day Camping trip Also see this post for a MEGA LIST of simple things to do with your kids, and get the free download to print off.   [convertkit form=1719242]   Setting daily routines for summer days I love rhythms of the week - listen to episode 28 to hear some of the ones we often have during the school year.  Keep it flexible by time blocking. When we think about being home with the kids for the summer there can be a lot to dread AND be excited about in this season.  I have found my way out of that mental overwhelm is to make a plan on what what I DO want my summer to be.  -
Over the years of planning our seasons as a family, we have developed an approach that helps us stay flexible, work around the hurdles and show up even on hard days.  I want to share the main points with you here. 

 


This episode has a companion workbook that takes you step by step through planning out the summer that you and your family want to have. 

Get your Summer on Purpose Workbook here.

 
Planning your days, as a mom
I have found so much value in having a plan on what we will do.
I started planning when I was home with my babies and have been loving the benefits ever since. 

My kids even asked me to schedule their days for them during isolation, and I shared how that went here. 

 
Why should a mom make a plan?

* To feel in control, rather than scramble for it last minute
* To make room for the important things to happen - balance - proactive
* To have some stability - for us and our kids - we know what is happening and what we need to expect and prepare for
* To take ownership - don’t let summer just happen AT you
* To have FUN!  We want to ENJOY summer

So often we hear the countdown of 'how many summers we have left with our kids'. And this can make us a little panicky inside. I want to approach summer with intention and abundance. 

 
Declutter the mental overwhelm of summer

* Ask what you feel EXPECTED to do, by culture, society, Instagram
* Ask what feels hard about summer as a mom?


* I have a list:

* The mornings where they get stir crazy but I’m not ready to head out
* Feeding everyone healthy snacks
* Getting work done
* Sibling spats - those have broken my brain in the past
* The energy I tell myself I will need to give them activities and adventures
* How will I handle screentime



I need to really brain dump all the things cluttering my brain and then address them point by point. 

 
Planning out the summer you WANT to have
Ask your family - what summer do you want to have? What activities do you want to do? What vibes/feelings do you want summer to have?

Some years we were like road trips and camping
Some we were like backyard BBQs and beaches
Actually, we seem to rotate back and forth between the two

Some other visions for a summer:

Mocktails and gardening
Books and suntans
Fishing and hiking
Popsicles, parks and kiddie pools
Bike parks, bike paths and exploring
Neighbourhood water fights

Having a vision is so important. It lets you get clear on what you want so you can make the decisions that will get you there. 

]]> Shawna Scafe 14:33 126. The Joy of Being Mediocre (hobby without the hustle) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/joy-of-mediocre-hobby-mom/ Wed, 23 Jun 2021 19:49:24 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12751 As moms who want to have hobbies and do things they love we get bogged down with notions that we have to monetize our hobby, or that we have to be exceptional at it. We almost use these as measurements to determine if this hobby is 'worth it' in the time, energy, and money it could involve.  I want to pitch the Joy of Being Mediocre and how it can unhook the hustle from the hobby and allow enjoyment to come into the hobby rather than expectation.  Full episode transcript is available at the end of this post   Monetizing hobbies We are living in an age where we are constantly consuming images, captions, and videos of people creating amazing things.  We are also connecting the dots that it is their industry as well Modern career advice tells us to follow our passions and turn our hobbies in jobs.  But there a flip-side to this industrialization of our hobbies:  our hobbies don't NEED to be monetized, and (gasp) we don't even need to be that great at them.    How we have lost touch with our passions and our hobbies Over the years we see a trend of learning that The Best being the ones who get the praise and we need to fade back into the shadows.  Then we pour ourselves into our jobs where we find 'success'.  Then we turn to hobbies to find some satisfaction in our lives - and we set ourselves up for frustration because we just want to be GREAT at it, NOW.  When we are great at it, then we tell ourselves it is 'worth it'   What is 'worth the effort' when it comes to pursuing hobbies as a mom? This is especially tricky for moms. What is 'worth it' as a mom who wants to spend time, money, and energy on her hobbies.  We measure 'worth it' by how WONDERFUL we are at it and how likely it is we could monetize it.    Letting go of the pressure to hustle our hobbies Enjoyment is available of pretty much anything when we give ourselves the freedom 'hobby without the hustle'.  When we let go of that hustle, we welcome in relaxed enjoyment.  Being mediocre is the cost of getting skilled at something, so we might as well enjoy it   Being a mom who 'tries things' that she is not 'good' at My kids have witnessed me, over the years, being very mediocre at various pursuits. And, most importantly, not being mad about it or deciding to quit trying new things.    Reasons why someone might be out of touch with their hobbies/interests/passions: They want to be good at it They need a lot of instruction on how it has to look so they can check the boxes that they are ‘doing it right’ They don’t feel confident to try They don’t want to commit, out loud, cause then they might feel pressured to actually do it They aren’t sure if it will be ‘worth it’ - for whatever kind of outcome they are using to measure what make it ‘worth it’ And they have lost touch with what would be interesting to them, they stopped listening to themselves and the weird and wonderful way they are made to experience their life   Ways to get in touch with what is interesting to you: What did you love to do as a kid? What do you always say you want to try? (what supplies have you bought over the years and never used them?) What looks interesting this season? What are you pinning on pinterest?   A side note about secretly hoping you can monetize your hobby If you have the secret motive that 'maybe I could monetize this' I encourage you not to sit on the fence and actually decide if you want to go ALL IN and build it a business - or if you want to let go of the motives and simply enjoy your hobby. In this episode, I share a bit more of how that looked for me when I decided to start a blog ten years ago and how I wrestled with it being a 'hobby' vs a business.    The Joy of Being Mediocre We are here for the PROCESS of doing/creating/sorting/digging/moving and EXPERIENCING   This isn't about escaping your life or seeking pleasure at the cost of your values but rather it is abou... As moms who want to have hobbies and do things they love we get bogged down with notions that we have to monetize our hobby, or that we have to be exceptional at it. We almost use these as measurements to determine if this hobby is 'worth it' in the ti...
I want to pitch the Joy of Being Mediocre and how it can unhook the hustle from the hobby and allow enjoyment to come into the hobby rather than expectation. 



Full episode transcript is available at the end of this post

 
Monetizing hobbies
We are living in an age where we are constantly consuming images, captions, and videos of people creating amazing things. 

We are also connecting the dots that it is their industry as well

Modern career advice tells us to follow our passions and turn our hobbies in jobs. 

But there a flip-side to this industrialization of our hobbies:  our hobbies don't NEED to be monetized, and (gasp) we don't even need to be that great at them. 

 
How we have lost touch with our passions and our hobbies
Over the years we see a trend of learning that The Best being the ones who get the praise and we need to fade back into the shadows.  Then we pour ourselves into our jobs where we find 'success'. 

Then we turn to hobbies to find some satisfaction in our lives - and we set ourselves up for frustration because we just want to be GREAT at it, NOW.  When we are great at it, then we tell ourselves it is 'worth it'

 
What is 'worth the effort' when it comes to pursuing hobbies as a mom?
This is especially tricky for moms. What is 'worth it' as a mom who wants to spend time, money, and energy on her hobbies.  We measure 'worth it' by how WONDERFUL we are at it and how likely it is we could monetize it. 

 
Letting go of the pressure to hustle our hobbies
Enjoyment is available of pretty much anything when we give ourselves the freedom 'hobby without the hustle'. 

When we let go of that hustle, we welcome in relaxed enjoyment. 

Being mediocre is the cost of getting skilled at something, so we might as well enjoy it

 
Being a mom who 'tries things' that she is not 'good' at
My kids have witnessed me, over the years, being very mediocre at various pursuits. And, most importantly, not being mad about it or deciding to quit trying new things. 

 
Reasons why someone might be out of touch with their hobbies/interests/passions:

They want to be good at it
They need a lot of instruction on how it has to look so they can check the boxes that they are ‘doing it right’
They don’t feel confident to try
They don’t want to commit, out loud, cause then they might feel pressured to actually do it
They aren’t sure if it will be ‘worth it’ - for whatever kind of outcome they are using to measure what make it ‘worth it’
And they have lost touch with what would be interesting to them, they stopped listening to themselves and the weird and wonderful way they are made to experience their life

 
Ways to get in touch with what is interesting to you:

What did you love to do as a kid?
What do you always say you want to try? (what supplies have you bought over the years and never used them?)
What looks interesting this season?
What are you pinning on pinterest?

 
A side note about secretly hoping you can monetize your hobby
If you have the secret motive that 'maybe I could monetize this' I encourage you not to sit on the fence and actually decide if you want to go ALL IN and build it a busines...]]>
Shawna Scafe 19:07
125. Creativity vs Productivity in Motherhood (making time for the things you love to do, with Siobhan Jones) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/creative-vs-productive-motherhood/ Mon, 14 Jun 2021 18:18:14 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12737 Do you wish you made time for the things you enjoy? Maybe you aren't sure what hobbies you would like, or you think you aren't 'creative enough' to have hobbies.  I have encouragement for the mom who feels guilty that she doesn't enjoy her time, but also feels guilty when she isn't 'productive enough'  Siobhan Johnes from the Unlocked Creative is sharing her insights and tips to help moms make more time for the things they love to do.      For the woman who says 'I'm just not 'creative'' What it means to be creative Where creativity comes from    How we are made to be creative and use our creativity in the world For the mom who says 'what do I even enjoy? how should I spend my 'creative time'?' Following the breadcrumbs and trying new things The hurdle to exploring the hobbies and routines that you will enjoy Steps you can take to learn what you enjoy in life For the woman who feels like 'creativity' is frivolous or childish Permission to enjoy something just because it is enjoyable Planning in time to be creative, open, and messy Having time to be creative in a way that doesn't need praise or validation  For the mom who feels like there is no time to do hobbies or be creative How to open up to the ways you can bring it into your daily life The thought 'there is not enough time' always shuts down our openness to finding how to make it work The scarcity mindset keeping you from taking action   Being open to how we determine the time, purpose, and the values we want to bring into our life Steps to find more time for the things you want to make the time for  time audit, looking for 'time sucks', finding the in-between times, delegating For the mom who wants ideas on hobbies Start with what is around you - what you have available Turning to your everyday surroundings for inspiration See some ideas on this For the mom who feels guilty when she's not 'productive' The inner critic that comes up when are playing rather than being productive Acknowledging the societal influences on how we view the value of our activities Looking for when we feel guilt, or lack of value when we aren't 'producing' Listening to the times you feel guilt or shame or unworthiness when you spend time on a creative outlet Modelling creativity and hobbies and doing things we enjoy for our kids Putting guilt outside the door so creativity can come in Feeling guilty for creativity AND feeling guilty you aren't spending your time in ways that you enjoy   To find Siobhan Jones head over to the Unlocked Creative Podcast, and find her on Instagram Find my episode on Siobhan's show where we talk about exhaustion, simplifying, prioritizing, and purpose in creativity.   Do you wish you made time for the things you enjoy? Maybe you aren't sure what hobbies you would like, or you think you aren't 'creative enough' to have hobbies.  - I have encouragement for the mom who feels guilty that she doesn't enjoy her time,
I have encouragement for the mom who feels guilty that she doesn't enjoy her time, but also feels guilty when she isn't 'productive enough' 

Siobhan Johnes from the Unlocked Creative is sharing her insights and tips to help moms make more time for the things they love to do. 

 

 
For the woman who says 'I'm just not 'creative''

* What it means to be creative
* Where creativity comes from   
* How we are made to be creative and use our creativity in the world

For the mom who says 'what do I even enjoy? how should I spend my 'creative time'?'

* Following the breadcrumbs and trying new things
* The hurdle to exploring the hobbies and routines that you will enjoy
* Steps you can take to learn what you enjoy in life

For the woman who feels like 'creativity' is frivolous or childish

* Permission to enjoy something just because it is enjoyable
* Planning in time to be creative, open, and messy
* Having time to be creative in a way that doesn't need praise or validation 

For the mom who feels like there is no time to do hobbies or be creative

* How to open up to the ways you can bring it into your daily life
* The thought 'there is not enough time' always shuts down our openness to finding how to make it work
* The scarcity mindset keeping you from taking action  
* Being open to how we determine the time, purpose, and the values we want to bring into our life
* Steps to find more time for the things you want to make the time for 

* time audit, looking for 'time sucks', finding the in-between times, delegating



For the mom who wants ideas on hobbies

* Start with what is around you - what you have available
* Turning to your everyday surroundings for inspiration
* See some ideas on this

For the mom who feels guilty when she's not 'productive'

* The inner critic that comes up when are playing rather than being productive
* Acknowledging the societal influences on how we view the value of our activities
* Looking for when we feel guilt, or lack of value when we aren't 'producing'
* Listening to the times you feel guilt or shame or unworthiness when you spend time on a creative outlet
* Modelling creativity and hobbies and doing things we enjoy for our kids
* Putting guilt outside the door so creativity can come in
* Feeling guilty for creativity AND feeling guilty you aren't spending your time in ways that you enjoy

 

To find Siobhan Jones head over to the Unlocked Creative Podcast, and find her on Instagram

Find my episode on Siobhan's show where we talk about exhaustion, simplifying, prioritizing, and purpose in creativity.



 ]]>
Shawna Scafe 28:53
124. How to love your home (when you wish it were different) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/love-your-home-tips/ Wed, 09 Jun 2021 19:36:19 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12729 This is not the house I would have chosen to be my forever home, but over the years I have come to terms with us staying here - but how to reconcile with the dissatisfaction of this home not being exactly what I want.    Acknowledging our home dissatisfaction Recognizing that deep desire to create a space that FEELS like home Addressing the longing we have to change our homes How we handle our dissatisfaction   Working with a partner to build a home together Having different ideas on what a home should be Looking for the ways we both want to create a great place  Owning where we think the grass is greener   Are we entitled when it comes to having an upgraded/ideal home? Addressing the concept of what is 'normal' for how our homes should look Getting overwhelmed to just 'get there already' Asking about what we want, why we want it  Can we consider the costs of having this 'ideal' home   Appreciating the home you have The one question that helped me see the resent I was looking at my home with  Looking at my space with appreciation over the days/weeks/months and the things that I have put on my list that I didn't expect Old decks, small closets, dated kitchens, lack of storage cul-de-sacs   Why do we want to change our home? We think when our home is 'ideal' then we can feel different Seeing how you don't have to wait for the perfect home in order to feel that Getting stuck in the either/or mentality   Stop waiting for the perfect home  Your home should be a place that reflects YOU and is a space you love to be and nobody else will do this work for you  Do the work of removing what you don't want in your home and letting the things you love shine and be used Know what you LOVE and focus on those things more than the latest trends Make a point to USE your space for the way you want your home to be used (gather, create, make, relax) Creating spaces you use and enjoy   Loving your home and wishing it were different This is not an either/or situation,  hold space for both of these   Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you.    Mentioned: Love The House Your Are In by Page Rein No Demo Reno on HGTV Table Topics Question cards to start dinner conversation  How to Hygge When You Are a Busy Mom (Episode 75) Join the Facebook Simple on Purpose Community Be the mom you are (blog post)     Simple Pleasure of the week: Warm blankets out of the dryer.    Full transcript   Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend life coach from simple and purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. For those of you who are new welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three kids. I'm a trained life coach, a retired health inspector and your nerdy girlfriend, I am here to talk to you each week about the things that we moms we women face in our lives. And how do we approach the different aspects of our lives by first reducing all of the distractions, the noise, whether it's in the form of busyness, comparison clutter, so we want to simplify these areas of our life. And we want to get clear on what we want here, how to be purposeful and intentional in each of the areas of our life. So welcome to the podcast. For the past few episodes, we've been talking about emotional intelligence. So I wanted to bring in another topic and change it up. And what I love to do is talk to you guys about something that I talk with my girlfriends on. And this is a conversation I've had over the years, with my girlfriends, the topic of loving your home, how do you feel about your home? Do you wish it were different? I recently was looking through some old notebooks I haven't I came across a couple lists I had made about what I love about my home. And what I don't love about my home, This is not the house I would have chosen to be my forever home, but over the years I have come to terms with us staying here - but how to reconcile with the dissatisfaction of this home not being exactly what I want.   

 
Acknowledging our home dissatisfaction

* Recognizing that deep desire to create a space that FEELS like home
* Addressing the longing we have to change our homes
* How we handle our dissatisfaction

 
Working with a partner to build a home together

* Having different ideas on what a home should be
* Looking for the ways we both want to create a great place 
* Owning where we think the grass is greener

 
Are we entitled when it comes to having an upgraded/ideal home?

* Addressing the concept of what is 'normal' for how our homes should look
* Getting overwhelmed to just 'get there already'
* Asking about what we want, why we want it 
* Can we consider the costs of having this 'ideal' home
*  

Appreciating the home you have

* The one question that helped me see the resent I was looking at my home with 
* Looking at my space with appreciation over the days/weeks/months and the things that I have put on my list that I didn't expect
* Old decks, small closets, dated kitchens, lack of storage cul-de-sacs

 
Why do we want to change our home?

* We think when our home is 'ideal' then we can feel different
* Seeing how you don't have to wait for the perfect home in order to feel that
* Getting stuck in the either/or mentality

 
Stop waiting for the perfect home 

* Your home should be a place that reflects YOU and is a space you love to be and nobody else will do this work for you 
* Do the work of removing what you don't want in your home and letting the things you love shine and be used
* Know what you LOVE and focus on those things more than the latest trends
* Make a point to USE your space for the way you want your home to be used (gather, create, make, relax)
* Creating spaces you use and enjoy

 
Loving your home and wishing it were different

* This is not an either/or situation,  hold space for both of these

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you. 
 
Mentioned:
Love The House Your Are In by Page Rein

No Demo Reno on HGTV

Table Topics Question cards to start dinner conversation 

How to Hygge When You Are a Busy Mom (Episode 75)

Join the Facebook Simple on Purpose Community

Be the mom you are (blog post)

 

 
Simple Pleasure of the week:
Warm blankets out of the dryer. 

 



Full transcript

 

Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend life coach from simple and purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast.]]>
Shawna Scafe 19:34
123. Myths about emotion coaching our kids [LIVE] https://simpleonpurpose.ca/myths-emotion-coaching-kids/ Mon, 31 May 2021 18:48:20 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12719 This is the LIVE recording from a Facebook Live held earlier today in the Simple on Purpose Community group I am answering FAQs and addressing the myths we might have about emotional intelligence and emotion coaching our kids.  I have been emotion coaching my kids for years now and I have noticed such a huge difference in my own relationship to my emotions and how I handle theirs and help them problem solve.  Here are some of the myths and FAQs on emotional intelligence that I am addressing: Why do emotions even matter?!  If I pay attention to their emotions, we can’t have fun anymore cause we’re busy working through upset emotions If I give them empathy, they will think their misbehaviour is ok I don’t have time for more ‘parenting tool’ in my life When they have done something wrong, they should be punished - no need for all this emotion stuff I was never raised to consider my emotions, and I turned out fine   If you want the tools, approach, and support to emotion coach yourself and your kids, then don’t miss the limited time workshop Emotions, on Purpose The doors close tomorrow (TUESDAY, June 1st) - so if you are interested, sitting on the fence, then I hope you sign up today. This is the LIVE recording from a Facebook Live held earlier today in the Simple on Purpose Community group - I am answering FAQs and addressing the myths we might have about emotional intelligence and emotion coaching our kids.  - Simple on Purpose Community group

I am answering FAQs and addressing the myths we might have about emotional intelligence and emotion coaching our kids. 

I have been emotion coaching my kids for years now and I have noticed such a huge difference in my own relationship to my emotions and how I handle theirs and help them problem solve.


 Here are some of the myths and FAQs on emotional intelligence that I am addressing:

* Why do emotions even matter?! 
* If I pay attention to their emotions, we can’t have fun anymore cause we’re busy working through upset emotions
* If I give them empathy, they will think their misbehaviour is ok
* I don’t have time for more ‘parenting tool’ in my life
* When they have done something wrong, they should be punished - no need for all this emotion stuff
* I was never raised to consider my emotions, and I turned out fine

 

If you want the tools, approach, and support to emotion coach yourself and your kids, then don’t miss the limited time workshop

Emotions, on Purpose

The doors close tomorrow (TUESDAY, June 1st) - so if you are interested, sitting on the fence, then I hope you sign up today.

]]>
Shawna Scafe
122. What your mom never taught you about hormone health (with Dana Irvine) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/mindbody-hormone-health/ Wed, 26 May 2021 17:40:41 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12693 Health class may of taught us about anatomy, maybe our moms taught us about how to manage a period (but if you are like me, you just figured it out on your own reading the pamphlets in confusion and piecing together crumbs from Seventeen magazine). And then we start going through life, having babies, experiencing postpartum, living momlife and we realize that this whole 'WOMAN' thing is more than just knowing what products to use and how to use them. We learn that there is a whole-body wisdom that we need to develop around what our bodies are going through and how to support our bodies.    This is episode is for the woman who is wondering what more she can do to support her whole body with hormone health.   Today I am talking with Dana Irvine from Wise Divine Women Dana is a Canadian teacher, Clinical Thermographer, and podcaster - supporting women with hormone health and wellness.  Looking at life four-fold: mindy, body, soul, nutrition Thermography is an infrared study of the body looking at the heat patterns in the body, to spot inflammation and congestion.  Find Dana on Instagram, on her Podcast and on her website   Some basics of hormone health for women The 101 on hormone health - what are they and how do they impact our health. The main ones are estrogen, progesterone, cortisol, serotonin, melatonin How your digestion is related to your mental health   Paying attention to our cycles and supporting our hormones How our cycle affects our mood and energy through the month. Eating to support your hormones throughout your cycle (seed cycling) The myths we believe that periods should be hard and suck and paying attention to our periods and addressing issues earlier in life Paying attention to your bowels and getting enough fibre in your diet can help with hormone health How food sensitivities can impact your body inflammation and your hormone health   Self-care and detoxing to support hormone health Dana’s course Touch Your Tatas, teaches lymphatic drainage Being comfortable with our femininity, embracing your cycle and your body Some ways to practice self-care (dry brushing) Setting up reminders in your calendar to do regular breast exams, and lymphatic drainage for breast health   Being out of tune with our bodies Challenging our view on taking care of our personal health Taking care of our bodies and mental health now to set us up for health in our older years Advice from the other side of motherhood that the time is NOW to take care of our health and self-care   Recapping the main points of detox It isn’t just about drinking weird tea, it is also physical and nutritional. Also paying attention to your mind (stinking thinking), energy, boundaries, foods, emotional health, emotional stress in the body   Being in stress mode How we digest food when we are in stress mode (more info on this in episode 113 on stress and thriving) If you are doing all the ‘right things’ and eat great foods, exercise, maintain your home but you are stressed then these things are not as effective   Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you.  The Red Tent   This is a book that really opened up my eyes to the value of female mentorship and sisterhood. It has prompted me to start approaching and building into relationships that bring elements of sisterhood into my life.      If you have liked this episode, I do hope you go share your thoughts in the closed Facebook group, the Simple on Purpose Community.    Health class may of taught us about anatomy, maybe our moms taught us about how to manage a period (but if you are like me, you just figured it out on your own reading the pamphlets in confusion and piecing together crumbs from Seventeen magazine).
And then we start going through life, having babies, experiencing postpartum, living momlife and we realize that this whole 'WOMAN' thing is more than just knowing what products to use and how to use them. We learn that there is a whole-body wisdom that we need to develop around what our bodies are going through and how to support our bodies. 

 

This is episode is for the woman who is wondering what more she can do to support her whole body with hormone health.  
Today I am talking with Dana Irvine from Wise Divine Women

Dana is a Canadian teacher, Clinical Thermographer, and podcaster - supporting women with hormone health and wellness.  Looking at life four-fold: mindy, body, soul, nutrition
Thermography is an infrared study of the body looking at the heat patterns in the body, to spot inflammation and congestion. 
Find Dana on Instagram, on her Podcast and on her website

 
Some basics of hormone health for women

The 101 on hormone health - what are they and how do they impact our health. The main ones are estrogen, progesterone, cortisol, serotonin, melatonin
How your digestion is related to your mental health

 
Paying attention to our cycles and supporting our hormones

How our cycle affects our mood and energy through the month. Eating to support your hormones throughout your cycle (seed cycling)
The myths we believe that periods should be hard and suck and paying attention to our periods and addressing issues earlier in life
Paying attention to your bowels and getting enough fibre in your diet can help with hormone health
How food sensitivities can impact your body inflammation and your hormone health

 
Self-care and detoxing to support hormone health

Dana’s course Touch Your Tatas, teaches lymphatic drainage
Being comfortable with our femininity, embracing your cycle and your body
Some ways to practice self-care (dry brushing)
Setting up reminders in your calendar to do regular breast exams, and lymphatic drainage for breast health

 
Being out of tune with our bodies

Challenging our view on taking care of our personal health
Taking care of our bodies and mental health now to set us up for health in our older years
Advice from the other side of motherhood that the time is NOW to take care of our health and self-care

 
Recapping the main points of detox

It isn’t just about drinking weird tea, it is also physical and nutritional. Also paying attention to your mind (stinking thinking), energy, boundaries, foods, emotional health, emotional stress in the body

 
Being in stress mode

How we digest food when we are in stress mode (more info on this in episode 113 on stress and thriving)
If you are doing all the ‘right things’ and eat great foods, exercise, maintain your home but you are stressed then these things are not as effective

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon.]]>
Shawna Scafe 39:38
121. Paying attention to how you feel (body and emotional awareness) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/body-emotions-awareness-for-moms/ Fri, 21 May 2021 19:26:21 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12708 As we talked a lot about emotional intelligence, I want to move over to the physical side of emotional awareness. So often we just ignore our bodies and treat them as something that slows us down - but I've learned through experience, health problems, and researching the SCIENCE that listening to our bodies is vital. It helps us have a better awareness of ways we need to respond, more emotional freedom and it brings us out of living on the surface of our thoughts and into the experience of our lives.      Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you. What is your relationship to your body? Do you ignore it, do you mistreat it, do you appreciate it, do you have anger towards it? Many of us women experience a range of these sentiments over the decades.  I really realized how I resented my body when I learned I had an autoimmune disease called Graves Disease. You can read about that thyroid condition here, and you can read about my faith and healing journey here.    Ignoring our bodies is culturally acceptable We power through, we push ourselves, we ignore our bodies. It is culturally acceptable. But why? Is it fear of wallowing and worsening? Is it fear of admitting our weaknesses? Is it because we are moms and we don't need ONE MORE THING to fix?? We ignore our bodies through food, drink, keeping busy and then we hit a wall and think we aren't strong enough, or we are doing it all wrong.    Our bodies are WHERE we experience emotion Our bodies are where we FEEL our feelings. When we have a thought about something (often a subconscious and automatic judgment about if we are safe/in danger, good/bad, etc). When we have this thought our brain tells our bodies to release chemicals (peptides/hormones) to prompt us to respond accordingly.  So the emotions we feel from those chemicals flooding our bodies aren't actually to make life hard, but to indicate something is needed to address this situation.  Our bodies learn this thought-emotion response and then we call it a 'trigger'. It isn't just for BIG T trauma, our bodies remember how to respond from our past experiences.    We often ignore symptoms in our bodies up to the point they cause us problems If we don't address what our body is telling us - and we keep having the same thoughts and emotions on something - our body will keep telling us this. For instance, over the years I have noticed that stress makes me hold my breath and breathe shallowly. It makes me tense up my stomach and clench my teeth. But I learned this backward, from addressing the health outcomes of doing these things repeatedly over time.    What about the science of mind and body? I have read Heal Your Body by Louise Hay and it is a fascinating read as she connects ailments to emotional conflicts. I have started to view symptoms in a similar way because, as I have paid attention, I have seen connections to my own emotions and physical experience.  But I am interested most in the science. Some great books on this are the Molecules of Emotion by Dr. Candace Pert and Cure by Jo Marchant. Some popular names for this field are 'mindbody medicine and 'psychoneuroimmunology'. If you feel like this is a stretch - just think about the fascination of placebos - where our brain believes something and the body responds in accordance. And now they are researching nocebos - where, when a patient predicts a negative outcome their symptoms worsen from the placebo.    Answering your questions about:  Noticing the signs of stress (dig deeper with episode 113 on stress, surviving and thriving) Using visualization to improve your health outcomes, particularly where you have experienced an eating disorder and worry you won't be healthy in the future (dig deeper with episode 37 on the science of visualization)   The simple pleasure of the week As we talked a lot about emotional intelligence, I want to move over to the physical side of emotional awareness. So often we just ignore our bodies and treat them as something that slows us down - but I've learned through experience, health problems,
 

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you.

What is your relationship to your body?
Do you ignore it, do you mistreat it, do you appreciate it, do you have anger towards it?

Many of us women experience a range of these sentiments over the decades. 

I really realized how I resented my body when I learned I had an autoimmune disease called Graves Disease. You can read about that thyroid condition here, and you can read about my faith and healing journey here. 

 
Ignoring our bodies is culturally acceptable
We power through, we push ourselves, we ignore our bodies. It is culturally acceptable. But why? Is it fear of wallowing and worsening? Is it fear of admitting our weaknesses? Is it because we are moms and we don't need ONE MORE THING to fix??

We ignore our bodies through food, drink, keeping busy and then we hit a wall and think we aren't strong enough, or we are doing it all wrong. 

 
Our bodies are WHERE we experience emotion
Our bodies are where we FEEL our feelings. When we have a thought about something (often a subconscious and automatic judgment about if we are safe/in danger, good/bad, etc). When we have this thought our brain tells our bodies to release chemicals (peptides/hormones) to prompt us to respond accordingly. 

So the emotions we feel from those chemicals flooding our bodies aren't actually to make life hard, but to indicate something is needed to address this situation. 

Our bodies learn this thought-emotion response and then we call it a 'trigger'. It isn't just for BIG T trauma, our bodies remember how to respond from our past experiences. 

 
We often ignore symptoms in our bodies up to the point they cause us problems
If we don't address what our body is telling us - and we keep having the same thoughts and emotions on something - our body will keep telling us this.

For instance, over the years I have noticed that stress makes me hold my breath and breathe shallowly. It makes me tense up my stomach and clench my teeth. But I learned this backward, from addressing the health outcomes of doing these things repeatedly over time. 

 
What about the science of mind and body?
I have read Heal Your Body by Louise Hay and it is a fascinating read as she connects ailments to emotional conflicts. I have started to view symptoms in a similar way because, as I have paid attention, I have seen connections to my own emotions and physical experience. 

But I am interested most in the science. Some great books on this are the Molecules of Emotion by Dr. Candace Pert and 23:03
120. Teaching our kids emotional intelligence https://simpleonpurpose.ca/teaching-kids-emotional-intelligence/ Wed, 12 May 2021 18:36:02 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12686 I have had some great questions on how to teach our kids emotional intelligence - and I will answer them in this episode. I will also run through the 5 steps I use (and learned from John Gottman) on how to walk our kids through their emotions and misbehaviours - also called emotion coaching.    This episode follows up on 119, about tolerating the emotions in ourselves and in our kids.  The 5 steps to teaching our kids emotional intelligence, as I have learned through the work of John Gottman (my summary of his book is right here)  1. Awareness It takes time and practice to observe how our kids might be feeling. Each of our kids will act a little differently depending on how they are feeling. Boredom looks different in each of our kids.  Emotional awareness is the foundation for understanding what is happening for us internally - because all of this will have an external result in our lives.    2. Emotions are a chance for connection This feels really tough at the moment when our kids are pouting or blaming or having an emotion that is tough for us as moms to tolerate.  I see these times as a situation where my kid has a GAP in their skills and they need to know I'm here to walk them through it.  It is important to consider that our kids are at different skills and needs depending on their age.  How I use bedtime as the time of time day to connect with my kids on their emotions.    3. Label the emotions Awareness of a specific emotion is important because it helps us narrow down the thoughts and situations that are causing it. Even the moms I coach are a bit unaware of what emotion they could be feeling. This can be done with a 'check-in' in lots of fun and easy ways. This is a great habit to teach your kids in becoming more emotionally aware.  There is a science behind the process of labelling our emotions - affect labelling and 'name it to tame it'.   4. Empathy I think empathy can transform your parent-child relationship, episode 84 We think that empathy might coddle or kids or keep them wallowing in it - but it is the opposite. It helps them feel seen, helps them allow the emotion in order to move through it.  Empathy is not a form of reward or punishment and it does not excuse misbehaviour.  A very sweet TedTalk to have empathy in listening to our kids.    5. Set limits and problem solve This is often where we START to deal with the issue. But all the other 4 steps can make this job so much easier for our kids and for us as moms.  It means we address HOW the situation was handled, what happened from the feelings our kids had.  Remember: You don't have to deal with it in the moment, come back to it when you are no longer in a stress response and when they are no longer in a stress response (because stress highjacks our intentions, episode 113) This can be a conversation you bring your kid into problem-solving. It helps teach them the skills of solving their own problems   Answering the questions that were sent to me on teaching kids emotional intelligence.  When you as a parent are practicing EI and you ignore/don’t acknowledge bad behaviour for the purpose of disengaging or de-escalating a situation, can that be perceived by your child as approval to act that way? How can you acknowledge negative feelings without reinforcing a negative mindset? Like if your child is complaining about something how do you validate their feelings of disappointment/etc without encouraging more complaining and negativity? How do you empathize authentically when you really don’t care that “the pink spoon is dirty”?   Getting more support on being an emotionally intelligent mom teaching her kids emotional intelligence I will be teaching a workshop for moms on June 3rd 2021. Make sure you are on the Simple Saturdays email to get notification on that.  PS. Simple Saturdays isn't like other email! It is FUN email - it comes out twice a month and has... I have had some great questions on how to teach our kids emotional intelligence - and I will answer them in this episode. I will also run through the 5 steps I use (and learned from John Gottman) on how to walk our kids through their emotions and misbe...
 

This episode follows up on
119, about tolerating the emotions in ourselves and in our kids. 
The 5 steps to teaching our kids emotional intelligence,
as I have learned through the work of John Gottman (my summary of his book is right here
1. Awareness
It takes time and practice to observe how our kids might be feeling. Each of our kids will act a little differently depending on how they are feeling. Boredom looks different in each of our kids. 

Emotional awareness is the foundation for understanding what is happening for us internally - because all of this will have an external result in our lives. 

 
2. Emotions are a chance for connection
This feels really tough at the moment when our kids are pouting or blaming or having an emotion that is tough for us as moms to tolerate. 

I see these times as a situation where my kid has a GAP in their skills and they need to know I'm here to walk them through it. 

It is important to consider that our kids are at different skills and needs depending on their age. 

* How I use bedtime as the time of time day to connect with my kids on their emotions. 

 
3. Label the emotions
Awareness of a specific emotion is important because it helps us narrow down the thoughts and situations that are causing it. Even the moms I coach are a bit unaware of what emotion they could be feeling.

This can be done with a 'check-in' in lots of fun and easy ways. This is a great habit to teach your kids in becoming more emotionally aware. 

There is a science behind the process of labelling our emotions - affect labelling and 'name it to tame it'.

 
4. Empathy
I think empathy can transform your parent-child relationship, episode 84

We think that empathy might coddle or kids or keep them wallowing in it - but it is the opposite. It helps them feel seen, helps them allow the emotion in order to move through it. 

Empathy is not a form of reward or punishment and it does not excuse misbehaviour. 

A very sweet TedTalk to have empathy in listening to our kids. 

 
5. Set limits and problem solve
This is often where we START to deal with the issue. But all the other 4 steps can make this job so much easier for our kids and for us as moms. 

It means we address HOW the situation was handled, what happened from the feelings our kids had. 

Remember:

* You don't have to deal with it in the moment, come back to it when you are no longer in a stress response and when they are no longer in a stress response ( 21:18 119. Tolerating tough emotions in our kids (and ourselves) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/tolerating-emotions-ei-kids/ Wed, 12 May 2021 18:21:01 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12681 I want to run through the steps of teaching your kids emotional intelligence. And to lay the groundwork for that, let's take a minute to explore our relationship to uncomfortable emotions. We are conditioned to view certain emotions as acceptable and unacceptable - and this causes us to have a low tolerance for these emotions that show up in ourselves and in our kids.  Emotional intelligence is important for moms because it helps us to walk them through their own emotions from a more tolerant, accepting, and capable place   Emotional intelligence in our kids We underrate their emotional capacity to observe and internalize the world around them Sometimes we parent the surface level of 'keeping them happy' - aka the Hustle for Happiness, Episode 66 Happy kids cannot be our parenting goal, it is short-sighted and defeating   Raising kids will emotional intelligence is important because it allows our kids to be: more mindful of how their emotions are impacting them less fearful of 'negative' emotions better skilled in healthy coping habits to help them with their tough emotions better skilled in developing healthy relationships   Emotional intelligence is a whole family experience  Emotional intelligence is good for the whole family, and it is never too late to get started We worry that if we allow our kids their emotions that they will act entitled and poorly. Remember, all emotions are acceptable but not all behaviors are acceptable   What emotions are 'acceptable'? We are conditioned to view certain emotions as acceptable or unacceptable  As moms, we have emotions we view as 'unacceptable' for us to feel. But emotions have a purpose, all of them. They have a role to prompt us to take an action. We often take unhealthy actions and reinforce our belief that this emotion is unhealthy.   Tolerating tough emotions in our kids As moms, we have a low tolerance for certain emotions in our kids. Here are some common ones that the moms I coach struggle to tolerate our kids feeling: Ungratefulness, entitlement,  Anger Disagreement  Overwhelm Sadness, pouting Scared Shy, nervous Boredom Watch out for the negative emotions we allow our kids to feel, even encourage, because we think they can be used as a form of consequence or punishment: shame, guilt, regret.  We are teaching our kids which emotions they should turn to in order to motivate their own behaviour changes, and it becomes our inner dialogue in our adult life.    Answering some of the questions that were sent to me: Is EI similar to emotional resilience? If emotional resilience is a value of mine how can I incorporate that into everyday life in hopes to help my children to be emotionally resilient? Can minimalism help our kids have better emotional intelligence?    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you.  SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK A meal planning pad   See my meal planning video in the Facebook community group How I use a meal plan to have ideas and ingredients on hand throughout the week Full transcript Welcome to the podcast. We are here, spend some time together every week, and simplify your home, your heart and your life. So you can show up for your life with more peace, purpose, presence, and I'm going to throw passion in there because this is your life, and you should enjoy it. This past week, we've been getting outside a lot. I love that the weather is turning. I love the idea of getting outside every day. But I mean, sunshine makes it way easier, right? So we've been getting outside the balsamroot flowers are blooming in BC they look like little sunflowers. They're just my favorite. If you knew I was a bird nerd. You also might know I'm a plant nerd. Not the kind of plants that I kill in my garden. I'm not a gardener. I want to run through the steps of teaching your kids emotional intelligence. And to lay the groundwork for that, let's take a minute to explore our relationship to uncomfortable emotions. We are conditioned to view certain emotions as acceptable and u...


Emotional intelligence is important for moms because it helps us to walk them through their own emotions from a more tolerant, accepting, and capable place

 
Emotional intelligence in our kids

* We underrate their emotional capacity to observe and internalize the world around them
* Sometimes we parent the surface level of 'keeping them happy' - aka the
Hustle for Happiness, Episode 66
* Happy kids cannot be our parenting goal, it is short-sighted and defeating

 
Raising kids will emotional intelligence is important because it allows our kids to be:

* more mindful of how their emotions are impacting them
* less fearful of 'negative' emotions
* better skilled in healthy coping habits to help them with their tough emotions
* better skilled in developing healthy relationships

 
Emotional intelligence is a whole family experience 
Emotional intelligence is good for the whole family, and it is never too late to get started

We worry that if we allow our kids their emotions that they will act entitled and poorly. Remember, all emotions are acceptable but not all behaviors are acceptable

 
What emotions are 'acceptable'?

* We are conditioned to view certain emotions as acceptable or unacceptable 
* As moms, we have emotions we view as 'unacceptable' for us to feel.
* But emotions have a purpose, all of them. They have a role to prompt us to take an action.
* We often take unhealthy actions and reinforce our belief that this emotion is unhealthy.

 
Tolerating tough emotions in our kids
As moms, we have a low tolerance for certain emotions in our kids. Here are some common ones that the moms I coach struggle to tolerate our kids feeling:

* Ungratefulness, entitlement, 
* Anger
* Disagreement 
* Overwhelm
* Sadness, pouting
* Scared
* Shy, nervous
* Boredom

Watch out for the negative emotions we allow our kids to feel, even encourage, because we think they can be used as a form of consequence or punishment: shame, guilt, regret. 

We are teaching our kids which emotions they should turn to in order to motivate their own behaviour changes, and it becomes our inner dialogue in our adult life. 

 
Answering some of the questions that were sent to me:

* Is EI similar to emotional resilience? If emotional resilience is a value of mine how can I incorporate that into everyday life in hopes to help my children to be emotionally resilient?
* Can minimalism help our kids have better emotional intelligence? 

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you. 

SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK
A meal planning pad

  18:35 118. Joy amidst depression in motherhood with Jenna Griffith https://simpleonpurpose.ca/joy-depression-motherhood/ Tue, 04 May 2021 16:38:33 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12496 There is an emotional experience of motherhood that can feel dark, angry, exhausting, hopeless. Some of us even experience postpartum depression or other hormonal imbalances that impact our emotional experience.  Is joy still available to us in these really tough times? Does joy mean I'm always happy? Does joy mean it comes easy? Can I find joy in things OUTSIDE of motherhood?     This is my conversation with Jenna about these topics. Jenna is a mom of two (with one on the way) and she hosts The Joy Filled Podcast. She started a podcast to give her a gathering place and build community as she shares her real-time story of walking in joy amongst her struggles with PPD after her firstborn.   Joy filled motherhood Topics we covered in this episode:   Postpartum depression in motherhood looking back and recognizing postpartum depression in yourself seeing when something is 'off' and 'not me'  learning from PPD and deciding what you want to do differently  doing the work of keeping your peace and joy   The damage of the cultural message that "motherhood is bliss" struggling to connect with our new babies this creates a stigma around the other end of the spectrum that motherhood is hard and we do get angry   Joy filled motherhood vs happy motherhood feeling like joy is unavailable to us in motherhood "joy isn't feeling happy, it isn't the absence of hard" having hope and relying on God to find joy in motherhood joyful vs joy-filled not buying into the myth of being happy all the time, and that if you are happy you are doing it right   Getting rooted in joy amongst daily life of motherhood not putting Jesus in a box of how it looks like to connect with him and rely on him separating the feelings from the lies and getting recentered on what is true having imperfect days setting boundaries around our connection to our phones  being present in parenting    Struggling with hormonal imbalances and depression  navigating a diagnosis and handling of depression, as a Christian woman using resources and a community to support the journey of treating depression the power of speaking our experience and having someone point out the lies we are stuck in   Doing things that light us up and make us feel joyful the big things and the small things we could be doing that feel like an outlet listening to who God made us to be so we still do things we are passionate about and don't lose our identity to motherhood we are all creative in our own ways, it isn't just about art being passionate gives us a sense of purpose and energizes us what MLM has taught us about the desire to put our hand to something in addition to motherhood motherhood being an important calling, but not the only one in our life   Practical ways to set boundaries between motherhood and work (and other pursuits) setting boundaries around social media  getting family/friend support what it means to be a 'present mom' setting a routine of independent play and work time for parents spending proactive time with our kids  using our time wisely and efficiently when we have time allocated for work    WHERE TO FIND JENNA GRIFFITH The Joy Filled Podcast Jenna on Instagram              There is an emotional experience of motherhood that can feel dark, angry, exhausting, hopeless. Some of us even experience postpartum depression or other hormonal imbalances that impact our emotional experience.  -
Is joy still available to us in these really tough times? Does joy mean I'm always happy? Does joy mean it comes easy? Can I find joy in things OUTSIDE of motherhood?

 

 

This is my conversation with Jenna about these topics.

Jenna is a mom of two (with one on the way) and she hosts The Joy Filled Podcast. She started a podcast to give her a gathering place and build community as she shares her real-time story of walking in joy amongst her struggles with PPD after her firstborn.

 
Joy filled motherhood
Topics we covered in this episode:

 
Postpartum depression in motherhood

* looking back and recognizing postpartum depression in yourself
* seeing when something is 'off' and 'not me' 
* learning from PPD and deciding what you want to do differently 
* doing the work of keeping your peace and joy

 
The damage of the cultural message that "motherhood is bliss"

* struggling to connect with our new babies
* this creates a stigma around the other end of the spectrum that motherhood is hard and we do get angry

 
Joy filled motherhood vs happy motherhood

* feeling like joy is unavailable to us in motherhood
* "joy isn't feeling happy, it isn't the absence of hard"
* having hope and relying on God to find joy in motherhood
* joyful vs joy-filled
* not buying into the myth of being happy all the time, and that if you are happy you are doing it right

 
Getting rooted in joy amongst daily life of motherhood

* not putting Jesus in a box of how it looks like to connect with him and rely on him
* separating the feelings from the lies and getting recentered on what is true
* having imperfect days
* setting boundaries around our connection to our phones 
* being present in parenting 

 
Struggling with hormonal imbalances and depression 

* navigating a diagnosis and handling of depression, as a Christian woman
* using resources and a community to support the journey of treating depression
* the power of speaking our experience and having someone point out the lies we are stuck in

 
Doing things that light us up and make us feel joyful

* the big things and the small things we could be doing that feel like an outlet
* listening to who God made us to be so we still do things we are passionate about and don't lose our identity to motherhood
* we are all creative in our own ways, it isn't just about art
* being passionate gives us a sense of purpose and energizes us
* what MLM has taught us about the desire to put our hand to something in addition to motherhood
* motherhood being an important calling, but not the only one in our life

 
Practical ways to set boundaries between motherhood and work (and other pursuits)

* setting boundaries around social media 
* getting family/friend support
* what it means to be a 'present mom'
* setting a routine of independent play and work time for parents
* spending proactive time with our kids 
* using our time wisely and efficiently when we have time allocated for work 

 
WHERE TO FIND JENNA GRIFFITH
The Joy Filled ...]]> Shawna Scafe 37:16 117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/emotional-intelligence-enneagram/ Wed, 28 Apr 2021 20:19:04 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12489 What does it mean to be 'Emotionally Intelligent'? How can this help you in motherhood and your life? I'm sharing the basics of Emotional Intelligence (aka EQ) and giving you my take on where each Enneagram Type can develop and round out their EQ The basics of emotional intelligence In a nutshell, EQ is being aware of feelings and managing those feelings in yourself and in your relationships (socially). I'm looking at the info out there on this topic and summing it up into four major themes of what Emotional Intelligence includes: Emotional Awareness Emotional Self Control Motivation Social Skills   1. Emotional Awareness This is being aware of WHAT you are feeling, WHY you are feeling it, and HOW it affects you and your life.  This is foundational in coaching because it brings in a piece of the puzzle to the thought-feel-act cycle (as per the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy model).  We aren't often paying attention to the low-level emotions we feel through the day, but there is a lot of leverage and power we can gain from practicing emotional awareness of all our emotions.    2. Emotional Self Control This is how we cope with our emotions, what we do about them.  When we feel big emotions we can fight, flight or freeze. This might help us in the short term but they are not ideal ways to cope and move through the emotion.  It also keeps the stigma of this emotion being a negative experience and something we 'shouldn't' feel and don't really know how to tame.   3. Motivation This is the main theme in 'how we move forward'.   We are often looking for motivation (how to get more of it, how to harness it) from somewhere outside of us. We are looking for the 'thing' that will make us naturally motivated and therefore disciplined and crushing our goals.  We don't see that motivation is an inside job. Rather than wait to feel it, we need to learn HOW to generate it in ourselves.  Don't use shame as a shortcut to learning the skills of developing internal motivation.    4. Social Skills I am most focused on personal emotional intelligence, but there is a big emphasis on how we relate to others in the field of emotional intelligence.  Social skills include empathy, communication, conflict resolution, influence and good leadership.    Why does emotional intelligence matter?  Which also implies the question, why do emotions matter? EQ matters because our emotions matter because we DO what we FEEL like.  As the CBT model outlines, our feelings inform our actions. We act based on how we feel. And how we act is what gives us a correlated outcome in our life.  So if we want a different outcome, we need to take different actions. Emotional intelligence allows us to manage our emotions in a way that supports the actions we want to take.    The benefits of high emotional intelligence You can tolerate emotions in your kids/partner, you don’t need them to be happy for you to be happy You can grow in conflict resolution than stay in conflict avoidance You have healthy coping skills  You have healthier relationships, you can navigate your own emotions and others You can do the inner work of self- motivation and use EQ to move towards the things you want in life   Welcome to the No Shame Club If you are feeling some grief or upset over where your EQ is at, I want to welcome you to the No Shame Club. This is a place where we see WHERE we are and choose to not shame ourselves for it.  EQ is not a moral issue, it does not make you better or worse, good or bad, right or wrong. It is just another tool available to us.  So, if you want to grow your EQ, let's do it from a positive and self-honouring place. No shame allowed.    Emotionally Intelligence by Enneagram Type Our emotional intelligence can vary in how we relate to ourselves and others. Some enneagram types are very 'others focussed' and can have high social skills. What does it mean to be 'Emotionally Intelligent'? How can this help you in motherhood and your life? - I'm sharing the basics of Emotional Intelligence (aka EQ) and giving you my take on where each Enneagram Type can develop and round out their EQ
I'm sharing the basics of Emotional Intelligence (aka EQ) and giving you my take on where each Enneagram Type can develop and round out their EQ


The basics of emotional intelligence
In a nutshell, EQ is being aware of feelings and managing those feelings in yourself and in your relationships (socially).

I'm looking at the info out there on this topic and summing it up into four major themes of what Emotional Intelligence includes:

* Emotional Awareness
* Emotional Self Control
* Motivation
* Social Skills

 
1. Emotional Awareness
This is being aware of WHAT you are feeling, WHY you are feeling it, and HOW it affects you and your life. 

This is foundational in coaching because it brings in a piece of the puzzle to the thought-feel-act cycle (as per the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy model). 

We aren't often paying attention to the low-level emotions we feel through the day, but there is a lot of leverage and power we can gain from practicing emotional awareness of all our emotions. 

 
2. Emotional Self Control
This is how we cope with our emotions, what we do about them. 

When we feel big emotions we can fight, flight or freeze. This might help us in the short term but they are not ideal ways to cope and move through the emotion. 

It also keeps the stigma of this emotion being a negative experience and something we 'shouldn't' feel and don't really know how to tame.

 
3. Motivation
This is the main theme in 'how we move forward'.  

We are often looking for motivation (how to get more of it, how to harness it) from somewhere outside of us. We are looking for the 'thing' that will make us naturally motivated and therefore disciplined and crushing our goals. 

We don't see that motivation is an inside job. Rather than wait to feel it, we need to learn HOW to generate it in ourselves. 

Don't use shame as a shortcut to learning the skills of developing internal motivation. 

 
4. Social Skills
I am most focused on personal emotional intelligence, but there is a big emphasis on how we relate to others in the field of emotional intelligence. 

Social skills include
empathy, communication, conflict resolution, influence and good leadership. 

 
Why does emotional intelligence matter? 
Which also implies the question, why do emotions matter?

EQ matters because our emotions matter because we DO what we FEEL like. 

As the CBT model outlines, our feelings inform our actions. We act based on how we feel. And how we act is what gives us a correlated outcome in our life. 

So if we want a different outcome, we need to take different actions. Emotional intelligence allows us to manage our emotions in a way that supports the actions we want to take. 
 
The benefits of high emotional intelligence

You can tolerate emotions in your kids/partner, you don’t need them to be happy for you to be happy
You can grow in conflict resolution than stay in conflict avoidance
You have healthy coping skills 
You have healthier relationships, you can navigate your own emotions and others
You can do the inner work of self- motivation and use EQ to move towards the things you want in life

 
Welcome to the No Shame Club
]]> Shawna Scafe 18:25 116. Survey Says (what you had to say about Simple on Purpose) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/listener-and-reader-feedback/ Wed, 21 Apr 2021 22:36:24 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12479 This is a bit different of an episode - it is a FUN episode! It is OUR episode - the one where I tell you what is happening behind the scenes and tell you what the reader/listener feedback survey revealed. What I heard from you: Episodes that have helped you Identity Clutter Being a Mom Martyr Who is listening The topics you love to hear about  Yes, we are friends IRL   Why you are here hanging out with me, the podcast, the Facebook Group, and the Simple Saturdays: To remember to slow down To remember it doesn't have to be perfect To remember that small things matter To remember to be purposeful   What you didn't know about Simple on Purpose: The Homemaker on Purpose Workbook The Life on Purpose Roadmap Course The free coaching mini-sessions, the strategy sessions can be booked here and the coaching program info is here.    Answering some of your questions: How to get work down and run a business? Having a hard time completing the Life on Purpose Workbook  Sharing thoughts on a great comment about letting go of some of your expectations built up around minimalism.    Connect with Shawna in the Facebook group, on Instagram, or in the Simple Saturdays email.      Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you.  SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK Is this simple Shampoo Brush.  And here is the lovely Cara Brook I mentioned (well, I called her Cara Brooks, got the last name incorrect). I couldn't find her old makeup tutorials that taught me how to put on makeup - but I will share my Pinterest board with some of the tips and ideas I have liked for hair and makeup.    This is a bit different of an episode - it is a FUN episode! - It is OUR episode - the one where I tell you what is happening behind the scenes and tell you what the reader/listener feedback survey revealed. What I heard from you: -
It is OUR episode - the one where I tell you what is happening behind the scenes and tell you what the reader/listener feedback survey revealed.


What I heard from you:

* Episodes that have helped you

* Identity Clutter
* Being a Mom Martyr


* Who is listening
* The topics you love to hear about 
* Yes, we are friends IRL

 
Why you are here hanging out with me, the podcast, the Facebook Group, and the Simple Saturdays:

* To remember to slow down
* To remember it doesn't have to be perfect
* To remember that small things matter
* To remember to be purposeful

 
What you didn't know about Simple on Purpose:

* The Homemaker on Purpose Workbook
* The Life on Purpose Roadmap Course
* The free coaching mini-sessions, the strategy sessions can be booked here and the coaching program info is here. 

 
Answering some of your questions:

* How to get work down and run a business?
* Having a hard time completing the Life on Purpose Workbook
*  Sharing thoughts on a great comment about letting go of some of your expectations built up around minimalism. 

 

Connect with Shawna in the Facebook group, on Instagram, or in the Simple Saturdays email. 

 

 
Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you. 

SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK
Is this simple Shampoo Brush


And here is the lovely Cara Brook I mentioned (well, I called her Cara Brooks, got the last name incorrect). I couldn't find her old makeup tutorials that taught me how to put on makeup - but I will share my Pinterest board with some of the tips and ideas I have liked for hair and makeup

 

]]>
Shawna Scafe 12:18
115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom? https://simpleonpurpose.ca/115-controlling-mom-or-capable-mom/ Tue, 13 Apr 2021 23:20:38 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12470 I was a controlling mom. I turned on the NO switch and said no to my kids, to my husband, to myself. But this need to control everything came from one very specific belief I had about myself: that I was not a capable mom (or a capable person, for the most part) We all like the feeling of being in control, but it can lead us to act in ways we don't like and it cuts us off from developing the skills of feeling capable.  Because the more we fight for control, the more reduce the practice and sense of capability in ourselves.    A Self-Professed Controlling Mom In this episode, I shared how, two kids in, I was becoming very reliant on CONTROL. I found myself controlling all the people and all the situations because I really didn't feel capable as a mother.  I said no to my kids, to my husband, and to myself. And I had everything wound up so tight.  For me, the solution to move out of this was turning to my village to help me pull out of my comfort zone, get out of my house and DO stuff with my kids.  However, I still noticed that as I said YES more and did more, that I was still looking to control the what and the how and the little details.  I really had to unhook myself from the deep belief that "IF I HAVE CONTROL, things will go well and easy - and if I don't have control then I am doing it wrong"   Being proactive vs being controlling  Making plans and being prepared is so proactive and important.  In my home, we have lots of preparation and structure. We have meal plans (see the video in the Facebook group on meal planning tips), weekly rhythms, daily routines, daily plans etc.  We rely on these preparations and plans to make our life easier.  It is important to be proactive but watch for when it crosses over to being controlling - when we NEED things to go to plan for our sanity.  Building up capability We want to feel like we are in control because it makes us FEEL capable. But it doesn’t always actually make us more capable of HANDLING life. This can be the middle ground where plans and control support our lives and help us stay proactive - but we also start building up the skills of feeling and being capable of 'figuring it out'.    How we act when we are trying to control When we are in a constant need of control, we start to act in ways we don't really love to be. We are hovering, stressing, nagging, worrying. It becomes really unfun and we are develop a controlling persona    What we don't feel capable of handling Something we might not feel capable of handling daily things. Like, broken strollers, kid tantrums, making meals with missing ingredients, etc.  But for many of us, it goes deeper. We don't feel capable of handling the discomfort of things like a messy home, conflict with others, relying on others, other people's negative emotions.  Letting go of what we CANNOT control So much of this involves turning our attention and stance towards what IS in control. Which is always ourselves.  We cannot control others and the climate and the economy and the situations we encounter in life. But we can control how we think about them and how we show up.    Feeling more capable When we work on feeling more capable we acknowledge that: we are not in total control of all the circumstances and people we let go of all or nothing thinking and start to see other options on dealing with things we can step into quiet confidence that we can deal with it, whatever it looks like we make room for life to happen we quiet down the stress response in our daily life (as Episode 113 explains, feeling incapable can trigger the stress response)   Seeing control and capability through a faith lens This isn't about US being the answer and the plan being The Thing that saves us. It is about having TRUST in something bigger. Where is your trust? For me, that is trust in God that he has got this. I was a controlling mom. I turned on the NO switch and said no to my kids, to my husband, to myself. But this need to control everything came from one very specific belief I had about myself: that I was not a capable mom (or a capable person,


We all like the feeling of being in control, but it can lead us to act in ways we don't like and it cuts us off from developing the skills of feeling capable. 

Because the more we fight for control, the more reduce the practice and sense of capability in ourselves. 

 


A Self-Professed Controlling Mom
In this episode, I shared how, two kids in, I was becoming very reliant on CONTROL. I found myself controlling all the people and all the situations because I really didn't feel capable as a mother

I said no to my kids, to my husband, and to myself. And I had everything wound up so tight. 

For me, the solution to move out of this was turning to my village to help me pull out of my comfort zone, get out of my house and DO stuff with my kids. 

However, I still noticed that as I said YES more and did more, that I was still looking to control the what and the how and the little details. 

I really had to unhook myself from the deep belief that "IF I HAVE CONTROL, things will go well and easy - and if I don't have control then I am doing it wrong"

 

Being proactive vs being controlling 
Making plans and being prepared is so proactive and important. 

In my home, we have lots of preparation and structure. We have meal plans (see the video in the Facebook group on meal planning tips), weekly rhythms, daily routines, daily plans etc. 

We rely on these preparations and plans to make our life easier. 

It is important to be proactive but watch for when it crosses over to being controlling - when we NEED things to go to plan for our sanity. 


Building up capability
We want to feel like we are in control because it makes us FEEL capable. But it doesn’t always actually make us more capable of HANDLING life.

This can be the middle ground where plans and control support our lives and help us stay proactive - but we also start building up the skills of feeling and being capable of 'figuring it out'. 

 
How we act when we are trying to control
When we are in a constant need of control, we start to act in ways we don't really love to be. We are hovering, stressing, nagging, worrying. It becomes really unfun and we are develop a controlling persona 

 
What we don't feel capable of handling
Something we might not feel capable of handling daily things. Like, broken strollers, kid tantrums, making meals with missing ingredients, etc. 

But for many of us, it goes deeper. We don't feel capable of handling the discomfort of things like a messy home, conflict with others, relying on others, other people's negative emotions. 


Letting go of what we CANNOT control
So much of this involves turning our attention and stance towards what IS in control. Which is always ourselves. 

]]>
Shawna Scafe 19:34
114. Being a Mom, on Purpose (it’s not about happy, obedient kids) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/mom-on-purpose-intentional/ Wed, 07 Apr 2021 18:29:03 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12450 What it means to be a mom on purpose - and it is not about having happy, obedient kids. It is actually about being a mom on purpose when our kids are NOT happy or obedient, or when life feels hard and we aren't feeling happy.  Dealing with Automatic Negative Thoughts Coming off a couple of weeks of feeling like I was hitting a wall and spiralling to all the things that are wrong in my life  Our brain is wired to find problems so we can keep ourselves safe and protect ourselves from 'problems' We are the ones that need to talk back to our brains and tell ourselves what is true   Mindfulness as a mother Mindfulness isn't always beautiful and lovely. We need to be mindful of the things that feel not so lovely in our lives. It is important to be mindful of the stories we tell ourselves because we act out, show up from those thoughts and how they make us feel When we show up from frustration, resent, victimhood and then our outcome is always disconnection and more helplessness and frustration.    Our two selves We have the self that we ARE (what we are doing) vs the self we want to be (our ideal self) Our work is to love us for where we ARE while moving towards our ideal with compassion and love.    Led by emotions or led by intention Often we let our emotions run the show - rather than being led by stress and frustration and anxiety, we need to be led by our personal values.  Knowing our personal values means we know WHO we want to be and what is important to our core - in this season of life.  It is also about bringing the work back to what we DO have total control of - ourselves.    Obedient Happy Kids We ask for obedience and happiness in our kids It makes it easier when our kids are happy and well-behaved, but is it what we should be fighting for? We want obedience, plus gratitude, plus happiness, plus agreeability, etc.  Consider how reasonable it is to expect all of these things from our kids, and see how we might not be good models of all we tell them we need to be.  Kids learn by seeing what we DO more than they will ever listen to what we SAY We need to be parents who DO the work on ourselves so they can learn by watching us tackle emotional intelligence, coping and contentment.    We want our family to be happy (all the time) What are we seeking when we want everyone to be happy all the time?  When people around us are happy, it is easy. It is comfortable (a Type 9 mode for sure) I have been the Manager of Happy, trying to make sure everyone was following the happy plan. It caused a lot of anxiety and strife in my life.  What is really happening is that we scramble for control when we don't feel capable. When we don't feel capable, we focus on CONTROL instead BUT we don't have control over all these peoples. We only have control over US   Being a mom on purpose means we turn off the autopilot we stop showing up from negative emotions (stress, frustration, low key anger) we stop beating ourselves up for how we struggle (no more shame!) we step into INTENTION, even when it is hard we stop making hard things harder (and being a mom martyr) we look for ways to enjoy this and be the MOM WE ARE Step into the empowerment of being a MOM ON PURPOSE even when your kids don't listen, even if you feel overwhelmed, even if you feel like every day is groundhog day.  Let's do the work of being a Mom on Purpose (MOM ON PURPOSE BOOTCAMP) Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you.     Simple Pleasure of the Week  (as inspired by Red Light/Green Light from the Popcast with Knox and Jaime) This week my simple pleasure is the author Isabel Allende - who I consider to be part poet and part researcher I have read and loved  Long Petal of the Sea and Daughter of Fortune   What it means to be a mom on purpose - and it is not about having happy, obedient kids. It is actually about being a mom on purpose when our kids are NOT happy or obedient, or when life feels hard and we aren't feeling happy. 



Dealing with Automatic Negative Thoughts
Coming off a couple of weeks of feeling like I was hitting a wall and spiralling to all the things that are wrong in my life 

Our brain is wired to find problems so we can keep ourselves safe and protect ourselves from 'problems'

We are the ones that need to talk back to our brains and tell ourselves what is true

 


Mindfulness as a mother
Mindfulness isn't always beautiful and lovely. We need to be mindful of the things that feel not so lovely in our lives.

It is important to be mindful of the stories we tell ourselves because we act out, show up from those thoughts and how they make us feel

When we show up from frustration, resent, victimhood and then our outcome is always disconnection and more helplessness and frustration. 

 

Our two selves
We have the self that we ARE (what we are doing) vs the self we want to be (our ideal self)

Our work is to love us for where we ARE while moving towards our ideal with compassion and love. 

 

Led by emotions or led by intention
Often we let our emotions run the show - rather than being led by stress and frustration and anxiety, we need to be led by our personal values. 

Knowing our personal values means we know WHO we want to be and what is important to our core - in this season of life. 

It is also about bringing the work back to what we DO have total control of - ourselves. 

 


Obedient Happy Kids
We ask for obedience and happiness in our kids

It makes it easier when our kids are happy and well-behaved, but is it what we should be fighting for?

We want obedience, plus gratitude, plus happiness, plus agreeability, etc. 

Consider how reasonable it is to expect all of these things from our kids, and see how we might not be good models of all we tell them we need to be. 

Kids learn by seeing what we DO more than they will ever listen to what we SAY

We need to be parents who DO the work on ourselves so they can learn by watching us tackle emotional intelligence, coping and contentment. 

 


We want our family to be happy (all the time)
What are we seeking when we want everyone to be happy all the time? 

When people around us are happy, it is easy. It is comfortable (a Type 9 mode for sure)

I have been the Manager of Happy, trying to make sure everyone was following the happy plan. It caused a lot of anxiety and strife in my life. 

What is really happening is that we scramble for control when we don't feel capable. When we don't feel capable, we focus on CONTROL instead BUT we don't have control over all these peoples. We only have control over US

 


Being a mom on purpose means

* we turn off the autopilot
* we stop showing up from negative emotions (stress, frustration, low key anger)
* we stop beating ourselves up for how we struggle (no more shame!)
* we step into INTENTION, even when it is hard
* we stop making hard things harder (and being a m...]]>
Shawna Scafe 21:05
113. Why you aren’t thriving in motherhood (stress and surviving) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/not-thriving-in-motherhood/ Wed, 31 Mar 2021 21:21:38 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12427 There is a quote 'don't just survive in motherhood, thrive in it' When I first heard this quote I really hated it.  I was home with three kids under four and very aware of how I was NOT thriving and felt like I wasn't even surviving.  I resented this notion I had to be thriving.    What I thought thriving in motherhood had to look like cute home, always clean healthy home-cooked meals, everyone likes them  well dressed, kids are happy, I'm training for a marathon I also have a successful side hustle It felt very far away from where I was   Over the years I have learned that there are some very important hurdles to 'thriving in motherhood' I will be sharing the four reasons we aren't thriving in motherhood in the upcoming Mom on Purpose Bootcamp. If you want to do the work with me and set a great foundation for going from surviving to thriving then save your spot right here.  One big reason we aren't thriving in motherhood You cannot thrive when you feel like you are not surviving. That is to say, when you are in a stress response you cannot thrive and live mindfully and into your higher values This is a reason I really had to learn the science of and pay attention to its truth in my own life.    What causes us to stress? A stress response occurs when your brain when you 1. perceive a threat and 2. feel incapable of dealing with it.  You don't have to consciously and actively view something as a threat - as long as your brain subconsciously registers it, it will activate a stress response.    The reason why we experience overwhelm In this episode, I'm sharing a recent week I had in parenting that became very overwhelming. Overwhelm happens when we don't deal with the little things and they pile up to something that feels too big.  Often when we are doing this, we also start to see a lot of overwhelm in all the areas of our life. It spirals.    The stress response highjacks our intentional living Science tells us that when we are in a stress state we are flooded with stress hormones and using a different part of our brain (the amygdala) that makes decisions to deal with the stress at the moment. We are not using our more logical, long-term planning part of the brain (pre-frontal cortex).    We get stressed about being stressed A problem a lot of us face, especially moms is that we stigmatize stress. We think it means we are wrong and so we get stressed about experiencing stress.  It is important to pay attention to what we really perceive as a threat and what makes us feel incapable of dealing with the problem.    If you want to work on SURVIVING, so you can move towards THRIVING. Here are some steps you can take.  Challenge what it looks like to 'THRIVE' in motherhood  Pay attention to your relationship to stress right now Sit and ask yourself these questions What feels a threat to you, what triggers your stress? What feels like your needs aren't being met? What feels like you are capable? What feels like your needs are being met?   If you want support on addressing the stress in your life, check out my coaching packages or join me for two days at the Mom on Purpose Bootcamp.  You can find me on Instagram and in the Simple on Purpose Facebook community group.  Full transcript  Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast. I am here to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. Because for many of us, our lives are busy, our brains are heavy, our hearts are weary, our homes feel cluttered, our relationships feel strained, and things just feel overwhelming. So I want to help you declutter the things that don't belong, that don't serve you. So you can make space for what you crave, and what's going to bring you passion and purpose in your life. So friends, you got to remember the decluttering process means getting messy, going through the clutter, There is a quote 'don't just survive in motherhood, thrive in it' - When I first heard this quote I really hated it.  I was home with three kids under four and very aware of how I was NOT thriving and felt like I wasn't even surviving.  -
When I first heard this quote I really hated it.  I was home with three kids under four and very aware of how I was NOT thriving and felt like I wasn't even surviving. 

I resented this notion I had to be thriving. 

 
What I thought thriving in motherhood had to look like

* cute home, always clean
* healthy home-cooked meals, everyone likes them 
* well dressed, kids are happy, I'm training for a marathon
* I also have a successful side hustle

It felt very far away from where I was

 

Over the years I have learned that there are some very important hurdles to 'thriving in motherhood'

I will be sharing the four reasons we aren't thriving in motherhood in the upcoming Mom on Purpose Bootcamp. If you want to do the work with me and set a great foundation for going from surviving to thriving then save your spot right here. 


One big reason we aren't thriving in motherhood
You cannot thrive when you feel like you are not surviving. That is to say, when you are in a stress response you cannot thrive and live mindfully and into your higher values

This is a reason I really had to learn the science of and pay attention to its truth in my own life. 

 
What causes us to stress?
A stress response occurs when your brain when you 1. perceive a threat and 2. feel incapable of dealing with it. 

You don't have to consciously and actively view something as a threat - as long as your brain subconsciously registers it, it will activate a stress response. 

 
The reason why we experience overwhelm
In this episode, I'm sharing a recent week I had in parenting that became very overwhelming. Overwhelm happens when we don't deal with the little things and they pile up to something that feels too big. 

Often when we are doing this, we also start to see a lot of overwhelm in all the areas of our life. It spirals. 

 
The stress response highjacks our intentional living
Science tells us that when we are in a stress state we are flooded with stress hormones and using a different part of our brain (the amygdala) that makes decisions to deal with the stress at the moment. We are not using our more logical, long-term planning part of the brain (pre-frontal cortex). 

 
We get stressed about being stressed
A problem a lot of us face, especially moms is that we stigmatize stress. We think it means we are wrong and so we get stressed about experiencing stress. 

It is important to pay attention to what we really perceive as a threat and what makes us feel incapable of dealing with the problem. 

 
If you want to work on SURVIVING, so you can move towards THRIVING. Here are some steps you can take. 

* Challenge what it looks like to 'THRIVE' in motherhood 
* Pay attention to your relationship to stress right now
* Sit and ask yourself these questions




* What feels a threat to you, what triggers your stress?
* What feels like your needs aren't being met?
* What feels like you are capable?
* What feels like your needs are being met?



 

If you want support on addressing the stress in your life, check out my 19:22
112. Are you parenting the wrong issue? (Power struggles and problem solving) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/parenting-power-struggle-problem-solving/ Wed, 24 Mar 2021 23:17:20 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12404 Today I a sharing a shift I have made in my parenting that has made such a big difference - when I teach it to my coaching clients they have an 'aha moment' too - because we might not see that we are often parenting the wrong issue.    (Books or products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.) This is especially evident when we find ourselves in power struggles. We are taken out of the original problem and into all of the mental chatter and drama around the power struggle.  The power struggle of getting kids to sit down for the meal  In this episode, I'm explaining how I apply this to a real-life example that moms experience: wanting the kids to sit down at the table for dinner.  Focussing on just wanting our kids to LISTEN. We just want compliance - and we spend a lot of effort trying to just get them to listen to us - and now we have a power struggle This is turning the simple issues of parenting into bigger, harder issues    What happens when we are in a power struggle with our kids? When we have a power struggle over our kid's 'obedience' we sink into a story about how they don't listen to us and don't respect us.  This narrative can make us feel unconfident in parenting, it is exhausting and it makes the relationship feel hard and heavy.    Problem-solving the real issue Come back to the real issue we are dealing with. And start to problem solve from there.  I'm offering the questions I ask myself and my kids to handle this issue of getting up often during mealtime.  Related: Episode 84 How parenting with empathy can transform your relationship   The value of family mealtime I want to come back to the root of why this matters to me. Why do I want family mealtime? How much work am I willing to do to make it happen in the long term as we all grow the skills of getting better at it?   Making mealtime more engaging Hard and Awesome - asking each kid what was hard today? what was awesome today? Trivia questions - we make them up or have alexa ask some Q+A a day book - from this great book we got from my SIL   Join in the Simple Saturdays email (biweekly newsletter) Learn more about the Mom on Purpose Bootcamp Message Shawna on Instagram   FULL TRANSCRIPT Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and my coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is the place where we talk about slowing down, and living life on purpose, living it with intention, instead of on autopilot, and autopilot used to be my speciality. So I know both very well - life on purpose and autopilot. Many of you who listen are moms and I love to hear where you're listening, some of you are listening while doing chores. Hey, Melissa, some of you are listening while driving to work. Hi Jisha some of you are listening went on a walk. Hi, Julia. And I just really love hearing from you real people who are listening. So whether you email me, tag me on Instagram, or leave a review in iTunes, I just really love to hear from you, the person, the woman with this in her ears right now. So I'm really glad you're here. It is spring break here in Canada. And I just took a week off of work to be with the kids while my husband was at work. And I just really wanted to do things with them to not just sit around because I mean, we've been doing that for a year where downtime is usually TV time. So I've been trying to embrace any sunshine, we get, you know, go skating, go to the park, go on mini hikes, go to the library, and playing way too much monopoly, they're getting very good, and they're beating me. And I've just really been trying to sink into being present with them. And I'm going to talk all about that in this week's simple Saturday's email, if you are signed up for that, you can read that there. And if you're not super easy, Today I a sharing a shift I have made in my parenting that has made such a big difference - when I teach it to my coaching clients they have an 'aha moment' too - because we might not see that we are often parenting the wrong issue.  -  
 


(Books or products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.)

This is especially evident when we find ourselves in power struggles. We are taken out of the original problem and into all of the mental chatter and drama around the power struggle. 
The power struggle of getting kids to sit down for the meal 
In this episode, I'm explaining how I apply this to a real-life example that moms experience: wanting the kids to sit down at the table for dinner. 

Focussing on just wanting our kids to LISTEN. We just want compliance - and we spend a lot of effort trying to just get them to listen to us - and now we have a power struggle

This is turning the simple issues of parenting into bigger, harder issues 
 
What happens when we are in a power struggle with our kids?
When we have a power struggle over our kid's 'obedience' we sink into a story about how they don't listen to us and don't respect us. 

This narrative can make us feel unconfident in parenting, it is exhausting and it makes the relationship feel hard and heavy. 

 
Problem-solving the real issue
Come back to the real issue we are dealing with. And start to problem solve from there. 

I'm offering the questions I ask myself and my kids to handle this issue of getting up often during mealtime. 

Related:
Episode 84 How parenting with empathy can transform your relationship
 
The value of family mealtime
I want to come back to the root of why this matters to me. Why do I want family mealtime? How much work am I willing to do to make it happen in the long term as we all grow the skills of getting better at it?

 
Making mealtime more engaging

* Hard and Awesome - asking each kid what was hard today? what was awesome today?
* Trivia questions - we make them up or have alexa ask some
* Q+A a day book - from this great book we got from my SIL

 

Join in the Simple Saturdays email (biweekly newsletter)

Learn more about the Mom on Purpose Bootcamp

Message Shawna on Instagram

 



FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and my coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is the place where we talk about slowing down, and living life on purpose, living it with intention, instead of on autopilot, and autopilot used to be my speciality. So I know both very well - life on purpose and autopilot.

Many of you who listen are moms and I love to hear where you're listening, some of you are listening while doing chores. Hey, Melissa, some of you are listening while driving to work. Hi Jisha some of you are listening went on a walk. Hi, Julia. And I just really love hearing from you real people who are listening.]]> Shawna Scafe 14:34 111. Decluttering decisions and guilt [Q+A] https://simpleonpurpose.ca/decluttering-decisions-guilt/ Wed, 17 Mar 2021 21:26:40 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12390 Making decisions on what to declutter can be exhausting and often bring up emotions like guilt. I am offering my life coaching and decluttering advice on these topics as well as organizing and cleaning kid's toys.    Listen to the previous Q+A here Questions I am answering on decluttering: How to know what to get rid of? With each thing I'm asking why I am I keeping this? what should I consider getting rid of and will I regret getting rid of it (mementoes from kids school days, some of their special clothing items, my dressy clothes from over the years, kids trophies, certificates, extra furniture in the basement ...) Recognizing decision fatigue How to create a decluttering decision framework How to handle the potential of regretting what you get rid of Listen to Episode 90 on 'What If I Need it One Day?'  What are good ways to handle kid stuff so that it's easy to get into when we need it but keeps things neat when we don't? Organization is the second part of decluttering  Episode 36 on the mistakes we can make when it comes to home organization Get the cheatsheet on the Top 10 Organization Mistakes we Make Bring your storage/organization questions to the Facebook group How to handle the cleaning routine and storage of kid's toys? My kids don’t have *much* stuff in total but they love little toys that spread far and wide Toy tidy up strategies we use in our home The emotions around decluttering— my constant struggle! Feeling overwhelmed, feeling wasteful by trashing stuff that’s still “good”, feeling guilty about getting rid of a gift, an inherited item, and so on… How to handle decluttering and not wanting to be wasteful The guilt of getting rid of something  Honouring the relationship vs keeping the items The guilt of decluttering gifts If you are interested in life coaching contact Shawna at shawna@simpleonpurpose.ca   Full Transcript (unedited) Hey friends I'm Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is part two of the decluttering q&a, but you don't have to listen to the other one. First. It's fine. If you are showing up here. I'm glad you're here. I hope that this q&a answers some questions that you might have in your own life around what to get rid of, and how to deal with the emotions that come up. In the previous q&a, we talked more about really just liking stuff like liking stuff and wanting to create a home that feels like us, while still clearing out our home on just getting started knowing where to get started, and we wrapped it up with the age old question of no one else is putting things away like they should. And that is such a relatable question. So I hope you also go check that out. Let's continue on with the questions. And the first one that I'll be sharing today is how to know what to get rid of. And she has some examples of I'm asking myself with each thing, why am I keeping this? What should I consider getting rid of will I regret getting rid of it mementos from the kids school days, my dressy clothes from the years kids trophies, all of these things? So what I'm hearing you ask for is a framework, a framework you want for decision making. And I think this is incredibly powerful. When we have a framework on what we're going to keep almost like a flowchart. Imagine that, like imagine a flowchart that you could just refer to, in the moment when you are looking at an item, and you start going through all these questions in your mind, should I let this go? Do I use it? How often do I use it? Do I like it? Should I keep it for the kids? What if I don't want to keep it? Can you feel how many decisions you've just had to make in your brain? And what happens is we get decision fatigue our brain expending all that energy making these decisions will get fatigued it takes a lot of mental energy. And then eventually, Making decisions on what to declutter can be exhausting and often bring up emotions like guilt. I am offering my life coaching and decluttering advice on these topics as well as organizing and cleaning kid's toys.  -   -
 

Listen to the previous Q+A here
Questions I am answering on decluttering:

* How to know what to get rid of? With each thing I'm asking why I am I keeping this? what should I consider getting rid of and will I regret getting rid of it (mementoes from kids school days, some of their special clothing items, my dressy clothes from over the years, kids trophies, certificates, extra furniture in the basement ...)

* Recognizing decision fatigue
* How to create a decluttering decision framework
* How to handle the potential of regretting what you get rid of
* Listen to Episode 90 on 'What If I Need it One Day?' 


* What are good ways to handle kid stuff so that it's easy to get into when we need it but keeps things neat when we don't?

* Organization is the second part of decluttering 
* Episode 36 on the mistakes we can make when it comes to home organization
* Get the cheatsheet on the Top 10 Organization Mistakes we Make
* Bring your storage/organization questions to the Facebook group


* How to handle the cleaning routine and storage of kid's toys? My kids don’t have *much* stuff in total but they love little toys that spread far and wide

* Toy tidy up strategies we use in our home


* The emotions around decluttering— my constant struggle! Feeling overwhelmed, feeling wasteful by trashing stuff that’s still “good”, feeling guilty about getting rid of a gift, an inherited item, and so on…

* How to handle decluttering and not wanting to be wasteful
* The guilt of getting rid of something 
* Honouring the relationship vs keeping the items
* The guilt of decluttering gifts



If you are interested in life coaching contact Shawna at shawna@simpleonpurpose.ca

 



Full Transcript (unedited)

Hey friends I'm Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is part two of the decluttering q&a, but you don't have to listen to the other one. First. It's fine. If you are showing up here. I'm glad you're here. I hope that this q&a answers some questions that you might have in your own life around what to get rid of, and how to deal with the emotions that come up. In the previous q&a, we talked more about really just liking stuff like liking stuff and wanting to create a home that feels like us, while still clearing out our home on just getting started knowing where to get started, and we wrapped it up with the age old question of no one else is putting things away like they should. And that is such a relatable question. So I hope you also go check that out. Let's continue on with the questions. And the first one that I'll be sharing today is how to know what to get ...]]>
Shawna Scafe 13:43
110. Our relationship with stuff, and other decluttering questions https://simpleonpurpose.ca/decluttering-life-coach/ Wed, 17 Mar 2021 21:06:42 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12388 A popular topic I life coach moms on is their relationship to their stuff and decluttering their home.  I wanted to share a Q+A time for more questions about decluttering.  I asked for your decluttering questions in the Simple on Purpose FB group and on Instagram. Here is my life coaching advice on these topics.   Here are the decluttering questions I am answering today: How do we begin when it all just feels so overwhelming? For instance: if I start decluttering A, I first have to do B, but to do B and I have to do C, but to do C...and the spiral continues until I give up and sit on the couch. Related: Episode 105 Do you trust yourself I like things. But I love how I feel in more empty spaces. However, my stuff also brings me joy and represents me. How do I keep myself in my space but not the clutter? Exploring your relationship with stuff Related: Read the post on Identity Clutter What do I do about the little spaces of clutter - like drawers small countertops and anywhere I can cram crap for a moment to do other things? The hot spots in our spaces and the gift of done Keeping most members of the household interested in maintaining a decluttering space... I try to have homes for everything and things still get put away in the wrong home or left somewhere completely random. Removing the first layer of frustration We have different standards....AND THAT IS OK How to meet your standards while meeting others where they are at Related: Episode 69 Will a simpler home bring me peace?     FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. The quick and easy and I hope fun podcast for you busy moms on the go. You want to just take a hot minute, slow it down, get re centered on the things that matter to you. So you can make space and time and energy for the life that you want instead of the life that's just happening on autopilot. Welcome to spring friends, I just went for a walk with my bestie we walked her along the river, it was blue skies and sunshine. And it was just so nice to see her face. And I think we're all experiencing this past year has really put our relationships into a whole new spin. And we see each other so much less, and I just miss her so much. I'm texting, it just cannot beat talking to your friends faces. So I hope that you find a way to see your friends faces this week, lined it up, go for a walk, meet somewhere outside, just go see your friends faces it makes such a big difference. Alright, let's get into today's q&a on decluttering. I asked in the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community group, which if you aren't part of you should totally join by the way. And I also asked on Instagram, what your questions were for me around decluttering. So I'm going to jump into those. The first one is how do we begin when it all just feels overwhelming. For instance, if I start decluttering a, I have to do B and then to do b i have to do see. And this, this spiral continues until I give up and sit on the couch. relatable, right? I totally understand this. Like, I want to declutter the kitchen, but I need space in the hall closet for those extra dishes. And if I need to make space in the hall closet, I need to move towels in the bathroom, which means I need to declutter the bathroom. Right? So to me, the obvious dancer is to follow the spiral all the way down. If I follow this all the way down, where does it tell me that I should logically begin? And I think most of us know that on the surface like okay, maybe I'll start with the bathroom. But the problem is now that we've gone through all of that mental energy, figuring out what we need to do, that actually feels like real action to our brain. As we're visualizing it and thinking about what else needs to get done. Our brain thinks that work is actually getting done... A popular topic I life coach moms on is their relationship to their stuff and decluttering their home.  I wanted to share a Q+A time for more questions about decluttering.  I asked for your decluttering questions in the Simple on Purpose FB group and o... Simple on Purpose FB group and on Instagram. Here is my life coaching advice on these topics.

 
Here are the decluttering questions I am answering today:

* How do we begin when it all just feels so overwhelming? For instance: if I start decluttering A, I first have to do B, but to do B and I have to do C, but to do C...and the spiral continues until I give up and sit on the couch.

* Related: Episode 105 Do you trust yourself


* I like things. But I love how I feel in more empty spaces. However, my stuff also brings me joy and represents me. How do I keep myself in my space but not the clutter?

* Exploring your relationship with stuff
* Related: Read the post on Identity Clutter


* What do I do about the little spaces of clutter - like drawers small countertops and anywhere I can cram crap for a moment to do other things?

* The hot spots in our spaces and the gift of done


* Keeping most members of the household interested in maintaining a decluttering space... I try to have homes for everything and things still get put away in the wrong home or left somewhere completely random.

* Removing the first layer of frustration
* We have different standards....AND THAT IS OK
* How to meet your standards while meeting others where they are at
* Related: Episode 69 Will a simpler home bring me peace?



 



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. The quick and easy and I hope fun podcast for you busy moms on the go. You want to just take a hot minute, slow it down, get re centered on the things that matter to you. So you can make space and time and energy for the life that you want instead of the life that's just happening on autopilot.

Welcome to spring friends, I just went for a walk with my bestie we walked her along the river, it was blue skies and sunshine. And it was just so nice to see her face. And I think we're all experiencing this past year has really put our relationships into a whole new spin. And we see each other so much less, and I just miss her so much. I'm texting, it just cannot beat talking to your friends faces. So I hope that you find a way to see your friends faces this week, lined it up, go for a walk, meet somewhere outside, just go see your friends faces it makes such a big difference.

Alright, let's get into today's q&a on decluttering. I asked in the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community group, which if you aren't part of you should totally join by the way. And I also asked on Instagram, what your questions were for me around decluttering. So I'm going to jump into those. The first one is how do we begin when it all just feels overwhelming. For instance, if I start decluttering a,]]>
Shawna Scafe 13:05
109. Decluttering and Motherhood with Elyse of Wholesome Mumma https://simpleonpurpose.ca/decluttering-story-mumma/ Tue, 09 Mar 2021 21:07:00 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12377 Elyse is a mom of three in Australia and she has a heart for helping moms make things simpler in their lives.  I asked her to come and share with us what her decluttering experience was like.  In this conversation, you will hear Elyse unpack what prompted her to declutter her home, what she has learned from it and the encouragement and practical tips she has for you to get started.        Finding peace in motherhood Myth: If you were struggling then you are doing motherhood well On a journey to find peace and purpose away from this mindset   Getting started with decluttering  Decided to declutter her home at a time when she felt really unhappy in her space. “I didn’t like my home, I didn’t like being home”    Staying motivated with decluttering  Paying attention to how it feels to have less stuff to take care of and manage and clean Asking, is this really adding value to my life Appreciating how good it feels to have the space feel clear and more manageable    The impact of decluttering on motherhood Having a vision for home and life  The physical clutter impacting the mental clutter Recognizing how our home contributes to stress   Myths we believe about decluttering  It is a one and done thing  One size fits all   Other points we cover How to decide what minimalism looks like for you Advice for the women struggling get started with minimalism  Does she regret getting rid of anything?   You can hear her advice, stories and sweet mumma encouragement on her podcast the Wholesome Mumma and on Instagram at Wholesome Mumma    Related posts: Declutter the 'what if I need it one day?' items How I started decluttering     Full transcript (unedited)   Welcome to the Simple on Purpose podcast. I'm so glad you're here. These episodes are often all under 20 minutes, I aim to keep them jam packed with just enough insight tips, advice, encouragement, stories that will help you get re centered and refocused on the things that really matter to you in your life, simplifying, and getting rid of the distractions so that you can show up for the things that matter the most on purpose. Today, I'm talking with my friend Elise, who is a mom of three, she's got a new baby named Lola, Isn't that adorable? So I've gotten to know at least the group that we're in, and I just really admire her I'm really drawn to her. She has this warmth about her. She's so encouraging. And she really has a heart for moms to feel peace in motherhood real piece, and actually talks about a bit in our chat. It's something that she craved because she shared she was living with this mindset that if I'm struggling with motherhood, then I'm doing motherhood well, and who wants freedom from that? I know I do. And we look at social media and the culture and there seems to be these two ends of the spectrum on what motherhood is. It's either total hot mess, like rolling to the bus stop chucking frozen waffles out of your kids from the door. And then there's the Pinterest perfect mom. But I say most moms are actually in the middle. I know that's where I am. I know some days my kids are like eating noodles out of a Ziploc bag. And I realized that somewhere along the day, my underwear had ripped and it's just like floating around on my body loosely with no function. And I'm like, What is my life. And then some days, dishes are done, the counters are clear. I'm eating vegetables, I'm being active, my kids are feeling kind and we're playing this like family game and it feels so warm and wonderful. Like somewhere in the middle is where my actual life is. And I love to make space for that. I love to make room for that and have grace for that. But okay, this isn't what we're going to talk about. We're talking about decluttering and Elise shares a lot on decluttering. She has a podcast called the wholesome mama podcast, and she shares a lot about motherhood, Elyse is a mom of three in Australia and she has a heart for helping moms make things simpler in their lives.  I asked her to come and share with us what her decluttering experience was like.  - In this conversation,
In this conversation, you will hear Elyse unpack what prompted her to declutter her home, what she has learned from it and the encouragement and practical tips she has for you to get started. 

 

 

 
Finding peace in motherhood
Myth: If you were struggling then you are doing motherhood well

On a journey to find peace and purpose away from this mindset

 
Getting started with decluttering 
Decided to declutter her home at a time when she felt really unhappy in her space. “I didn’t like my home, I didn’t like being home” 

 
Staying motivated with decluttering 
Paying attention to how it feels to have less stuff to take care of and manage and clean

Asking, is this really adding value to my life

Appreciating how good it feels to have the space feel clear and more manageable 

 
The impact of decluttering on motherhood
Having a vision for home and life 

The physical clutter impacting the mental clutter

Recognizing how our home contributes to stress

 
Myths we believe about decluttering 
It is a one and done thing 

One size fits all

 
Other points we cover
How to decide what minimalism looks like for you

Advice for the women struggling get started with minimalism 

Does she regret getting rid of anything?

 

You can hear her advice, stories and sweet mumma encouragement on her podcast the Wholesome Mumma and on Instagram at Wholesome Mumma 

 

Related posts:

Declutter the 'what if I need it one day?' items

How I started decluttering

 



 

Full transcript (unedited)

 

Welcome to the Simple on Purpose podcast. I'm so glad you're here. These episodes are often all under 20 minutes, I aim to keep them jam packed with just enough insight tips, advice, encouragement, stories that will help you get re centered and refocused on the things that really matter to you in your life, simplifying, and getting rid of the distractions so that you can show up for the things that matter the most on purpose.

Today, I'm talking with my friend Elise, who is a mom of three, she's got a new baby named Lola, Isn't that adorable? So I've gotten to know at least the group that we're in, and I just really admire her I'm really drawn to her. She has this warmth about her. She's so encouraging. And she really has a heart for moms to feel peace in motherhood real piece, and actually talks about a bit in our chat. It's something that she craved because she shared she was living with this mindset that if I'm struggling with motherhood, then I'm doing motherhood well, and who wants freedom from that? I know I do.

And we look at social media and the culture and there seems to be th...]]>
Shawna Scafe 27:41
108. [Coaching Session] Seeking joy in motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/more-joy-mom-life-coach/ Wed, 03 Mar 2021 01:13:55 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12364 This is the final part of the coaching session with Laura, the mom of a 4-year-old and 1.5 year old . In this part of the coaching call, we wrap up with how to take ACTION that moves her in the direction she wants to go as a mom. She is getting anchored in what she wants out of motherhood (joy), and making a plan on how she wants to get it.      If you haven't yet, make sure you listen to part 1 here, and part 2 here    Enjoying the early days of motherhood When you are at home with small kids it can feel monotonous and boring. There is a lot of pressure to 'enjoy these days'.  A crucial part here is not aiming for 100% enjoyment - but rather allowing for the full range of experience that comes with motherhood.    Loneliness in motherhood When we start to think about how lonely we are, we can snowball into all the ways we feel it and keep our mind spinning about how it might always be this way and wonder what is wrong with our friendships, etc.  Part of stopping this cycle is to take an ACTION that pulls us out of it.    Gratitude practice Laura mentioned that gratitude is something that naturally leads to joy for her. She wants SEEK JOY in motherhood and will use a gratitude practice as an intentional way of doing this.    You will find what you are looking for Our brain has a confirmation bias to prove what it believes is true. It is constantly seeking evidence to line up with what we are believing. This is important to pay attention to the narrative we are spinning in (this is hard, I'm rejected, I am lonely, whatever it may be) because our brain will make it ITS JOB to find evidence. Often we are in a narrative that was set on auto-pilot - so if we want to be intentional about showing up from a new narrative, then we need to also tell our brain something NEW and HELPFUL to be searching for.    Thank you so much to LAURA for volunteering and being vulnerable!  This is the real honest truth of motherhood - sometimes it is messy and hard and lonely and the best thing we can do is share that with other moms. So we can live in a culture of motherhood that is supportive, truthful and encouraging.    Also mentioned: The Life on Purpose Workbook The Life on Purpose Roadmap Course Email shawna@simpleonpurpose.ca for any questions Book a coaching consult here, if you want to learn more about Life on Purpose coaching with Shawna    This is the final part of the coaching session with Laura, the mom of a 4-year-old and 1.5 year old . - In this part of the coaching call, we wrap up with how to take ACTION that moves her in the direction she wants to go as a mom.
In this part of the coaching call, we wrap up with how to take ACTION that moves her in the direction she wants to go as a mom. She is getting anchored in what she wants out of motherhood (joy), and making a plan on how she wants to get it. 

 

 

If you haven't yet, make sure you listen to part 1 here, and part 2 here 

 
Enjoying the early days of motherhood
When you are at home with small kids it can feel monotonous and boring.

There is a lot of pressure to 'enjoy these days'. 

A crucial part here is not aiming for 100% enjoyment - but rather allowing for the full range of experience that comes with motherhood. 

 
Loneliness in motherhood
When we start to think about how lonely we are, we can snowball into all the ways we feel it and keep our mind spinning about how it might always be this way and wonder what is wrong with our friendships, etc. 

Part of stopping this cycle is to take an ACTION that pulls us out of it. 

 
Gratitude practice
Laura mentioned that gratitude is something that naturally leads to joy for her. She wants SEEK JOY in motherhood and will use a gratitude practice as an intentional way of doing this. 

 
You will find what you are looking for
Our brain has a confirmation bias to prove what it believes is true. It is constantly seeking evidence to line up with what we are believing. This is important to pay attention to the narrative we are spinning in (this is hard, I'm rejected, I am lonely, whatever it may be) because our brain will make it ITS JOB to find evidence.

Often we are in a narrative that was set on auto-pilot - so if we want to be intentional about showing up from a new narrative, then we need to also tell our brain something NEW and HELPFUL to be searching for. 

 

Thank you so much to LAURA for volunteering and being vulnerable!  This is the real honest truth of motherhood - sometimes it is messy and hard and lonely and the best thing we can do is share that with other moms. So we can live in a culture of motherhood that is supportive, truthful and encouraging. 

 

Also mentioned:

The Life on Purpose Workbook

The Life on Purpose Roadmap Course

Email shawna@simpleonpurpose.ca for any questions

Book a coaching consult here, if you want to learn more about Life on Purpose coaching with Shawna 

 

]]>
Shawna Scafe 22:17
107. [Coaching Session] Being and loving the mom you ARE (self-recognition and values) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/values-and-self-recognition-mom/ Wed, 03 Mar 2021 00:59:53 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12361 This is part 2 of my life coaching call with Laura. We are continuing the conversation with an exploration of what values she wants to bring into her parenting.  This portion of the coaching session was getting clarity on WHERE Laura wants to go as a mom, what it looks like for her to be a mom on purpose.    Head on over and catch part 1 right here.    Values-based parenting  When we are living in line with our values we feel more fulfilled, purposeful and at peace with how we are acting and behaving.  This is why it is so important to know your values - they inform you of what is important to you and where you want to direct your energies.   What you are in control of as a mom  So many of us moms want to control the outcome of our children. We want to control how they feel about things, what they do/don't do, how they think about us or others. But all of this is NOT in our control.  What is in our control is how we decide to show up (think, feel, act) - and our values are our compass on that.    Loving the mom you are Part of loving WHO you are as a mom is recognizing what makes you unique. I love to do this with a list of all the things I think my kids will remember about me as their mom.  Self-recognition of ourselves helps us step out of comparison with others.    We wrap up with part 3 of this session.    This is part 2 of my life coaching call with Laura. We are continuing the conversation with an exploration of what values she wants to bring into her parenting.  - This portion of the coaching session was getting clarity on WHERE Laura wants to go as ...
This portion of the coaching session was getting clarity on WHERE Laura wants to go as a mom, what it looks like for her to be a mom on purpose. 



 

Head on over and catch part 1 right here. 
 
Values-based parenting 
When we are living in line with our values we feel more fulfilled, purposeful and at peace with how we are acting and behaving. 

This is why it is so important to know your values - they inform you of what is important to you and where you want to direct your energies.

 
What you are in control of as a mom 
So many of us moms want to control the outcome of our children. We want to control how they feel about things, what they do/don't do, how they think about us or others. But all of this is NOT in our control. 

What is in our control is how we decide to show up (think, feel, act) - and our values are our compass on that. 

 
Loving the mom you are
Part of loving WHO you are as a mom is recognizing what makes you unique. I love to do this with a list of all the things I think my kids will remember about me as their mom. 

Self-recognition of ourselves helps us step out of comparison with others. 

 

We wrap up with part 3 of this session. 

 

]]>
Shawna Scafe 23:40
106. [Coaching Session] Mom life, negative emotion, uncomfortable feelings https://simpleonpurpose.ca/momlife-coaching-session/ Wed, 03 Mar 2021 00:37:53 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12357 This is a Coaching Session I had with Laura, who is looking for coaching support on dealing with jealousy of when her kids prefer her husband to her - and with setting up a motherhood mantra for herself to anchor herself in motherhood.    I have divided this coaching session into three episodes.  In this first one, we cover awareness. We work on identifying the problem, seeing how it impacts her life and how we can shift away from judgement and fear of it.  In part two we will talk about being a Mom on Purpose and in part three we will talk about ways to bring joy into motherhood.    Life coaching session on intentional parenting and uncomfortable emotions: Starting with awareness. Paying attention to how you are feeling, what you are thinking and how you are showing up.  Laura mentions she is a Type 4 on the Enneagram to learn more about that check out this episode on the Type 4 Mom  Understanding how we are perpetuating negative experiences in our life Self-judgement layers on the problem  Dealing with uncomfortable or negative emotions Experiencing emotions rather than identifying with emotions.  Head on over to part 2 of this call.  Join the Simple on Purpose Community Facebook group   This is a Coaching Session I had with Laura, who is looking for coaching support on dealing with jealousy of when her kids prefer her husband to her - and with setting up a motherhood mantra for herself to anchor herself in motherhood.  -   -
 

I have divided this coaching session into three episodes. 

In this first one, we cover awareness. We work on identifying the problem, seeing how it impacts her life and how we can shift away from judgement and fear of it. 

In part two we will talk about being a Mom on Purpose and in part three we will talk about ways to bring joy into motherhood. 

 
Life coaching session on intentional parenting and uncomfortable emotions:

* Starting with awareness. Paying attention to how you are feeling, what you are thinking and how you are showing up. 
* Laura mentions she is a Type 4 on the Enneagram to learn more about that check out this episode on the Type 4 Mom 
* Understanding how we are perpetuating negative experiences in our life
* Self-judgement layers on the problem 
* Dealing with uncomfortable or negative emotions
* Experiencing emotions rather than identifying with emotions. 

Head on over to part 2 of this call. 

Join the Simple on Purpose Community Facebook group

 

]]>
Shawna Scafe 19:38
105. Do you TRUST yourself to show up for YOU? https://simpleonpurpose.ca/build-self-trust/ Mon, 22 Feb 2021 21:23:35 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12333 There have been a lot of changes I wanted to make in my life, but I didn't trust myself to follow through and do them. So I stopped setting goals and making promises to myself.  This is something I have bee through and coach many women on - the issue of not trusting yourself creates a situation where you don't believe you CAN do it, you stop looking for ways to learn, you look to others for the solution and validation and you spin where you are - in indecisiveness, anxiety and maybe apathy.      Showing up for others but not ourselves Often this situation shows up in women who still 'get things done' - but they are doing things FOR other people, whether held by accountability or expectation or role. But they don't 'get things done' for THEMSELVES, they don't show up for themselves and do what they said they would do.  Can you relate to the situation of not trusting yourself? We might have an idea of what we want, but we waver on it, we doubt it.  We might try something new,  but we are insecure about it the whole time, we half show up. We might want to address an issue but we shrink away from it We might want to make a big change, but don’t believe it is possible We aren’t sure we are capable, that we know enough, that we are strong enough We don’t trust ourselves to do the thing we set out to do   What do you use as evidence that you can't trust yourself? how you have failed you did it wrong you didn't feel confident or motivated enough you've never done it before other people do it better/easier/faster   I used to not trust myself, and I'm sharing that in this episode: How I went through most of my adult life, not trusting muself. In fact, angry at who I was and what I wasn't doing with my life.  The promises I made to myself that I would break How I am learning to become someone I can trust with my life   What happens when you trust yourself? What happens when you FOLLOW THROUGH on what you say you want to do? I feel like I have been experiencing this over the past few years. I have taken back my power. I feel in control of my life. It feels possible to me that I can really do whatever I WANT to do in my life.  ACTION:  I'm giving you a couple of simple questions to get yourself started with building back the trust in yourself.    More resources mentioned in this episode: My C-Section and the Feelings I was Ashamed to Admit Mom No Matter What The Annual Simple on Purpose Survey The Life on Purpose ROADMAP COURSE Book a consult call to learn about 1:1 coaching with Shawna Let's be Instagram friends Bring your questions to the closed Facebook Group     FULL TRANSCRIPT Hey, friends. Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast, episode 105. This is the podcast for moms who want to simplify their home, their heart and their life and slow down to show up and enjoy their actual life, the actual life you have without overhauling it. In the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community Facebook group, we were talking about our plans for the week. And I shared that I'm spending it mostly on coaching calls, but then it's also my son's 10th. Birthday 10. My oldest is going to be 10. So it just takes me immediately back, as it always does. When you think about a birthday, you think about the birth day. And with him, he was a C section, it was an emergency c section. And at that time, I was so disappointed in my birthing experience it disappointed in my body, I felt disconnected from my son. And I was just so sad and confused about what was supposed to be this heart exploding experience. So I'm a new mom and I reached out to other moms who had babies and tried to talk to them about it. Many of them didn't have an emergency c section. And they they were just like, yeah, I didn't really have that experience. And I looked up on online forums, to see that I wasn't alone just for an echo that you're not alone, There have been a lot of changes I wanted to make in my life, but I didn't trust myself to follow through and do them. So I stopped setting goals and making promises to myself.  - This is something I have bee through and coach many women on - the issu...
This is something I have bee through and coach many women on - the issue of not trusting yourself creates a situation where you don't believe you CAN do it, you stop looking for ways to learn, you look to others for the solution and validation and you spin where you are - in indecisiveness, anxiety and maybe apathy. 

 

 

Showing up for others but not ourselves
Often this situation shows up in women who still 'get things done' - but they are doing things FOR other people, whether held by accountability or expectation or role. But they don't 'get things done' for THEMSELVES, they don't show up for themselves and do what they said they would do. 
Can you relate to the situation of not trusting yourself?

* We might have an idea of what we want, but we waver on it, we doubt it. 
* We might try something new,  but we are insecure about it the whole time, we half show up.
* We might want to address an issue but we shrink away from it
* We might want to make a big change, but don’t believe it is possible
* We aren’t sure we are capable, that we know enough, that we are strong enough
* We don’t trust ourselves to do the thing we set out to do

 
What do you use as evidence that you can't trust yourself?

* how you have failed
* you did it wrong
* you didn't feel confident or motivated enough
* you've never done it before
* other people do it better/easier/faster

 
I used to not trust myself, and I'm sharing that in this episode:

* How I went through most of my adult life, not trusting muself. In fact, angry at who I was and what I wasn't doing with my life. 
* The promises I made to myself that I would break
* How I am learning to become someone I can trust with my life

 
What happens when you trust yourself? What happens when you FOLLOW THROUGH on what you say you want to do?
I feel like I have been experiencing this over the past few years. I have taken back my power. I feel in control of my life. It feels possible to me that I can really do whatever I WANT to do in my life. 

ACTION:  I'm giving you a couple of simple questions to get yourself started with building back the trust in yourself. 

 
More resources mentioned in this episode:
My C-Section and the Feelings I was Ashamed to Admit

Mom No Matter What

The Annual Simple on Purpose Survey

The Life on Purpose ROADMAP COURSE

Book a consult call to learn about 1:1 coaching with Shawna

Let's be Instagram friends

Bring your questions to the closed Facebook Group

 



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey,]]>
Shawna Scafe 16:29
104. Dress like you are 30 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/30-year-old-mom-style/ Wed, 17 Feb 2021 17:58:34 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12326 How should a 30 something-year-old dress? I have asked this question for some years as I decluttered my closet and focussed on creating a closet of clothes I love to wear. I don’t want it to be the latest trends, but the clothes I enjoy and feel like ‘me’. I’m not a fashion blogger but when the memes went around this month making fun of millennial moms who wear skinny jeans and side parts I felt like I wanted to encourage other millennial moms to focus on building up a closet of clothes they LOVE to wear and not what Gen Z tells us is ‘in’ right now.    Millennial Mom vs Trendy Youth What being a ‘trendy’ youth is all about.  Playing with clothes to see what you like and learn more about yourself What being a millennial mom is all about. Knowing more of who you are and making choices in line with that   How to declutter and create a closet of clothes you love Declutter the items you don’t love to wear, torn, unused, etc.  Then start a pinboard of looks you love Look for a theme in what you are pinning Name your style (bring it to the Simple on Purpose Group if you want help with that) Use this style as your guide for what you buy/bring into your closet Don’t focus on trends, focus on what your style is and what you feel great in   Mentioned in this episode The Instagram of me being a totally unfun anxious mom on a family walk Bring your ideas and conversation to the Facebook group     FULL TRANSCRIPT OF THIS EPISODE   This is the podcast for anyone who wants to simplify their homes, feel overwhelmed by clutter? - their heart. Do you feel like you're just kind of angry and resentful all the time? And their life - Do you feel like you're busy, you're on the go, you're just reacting to things. This is a place where I want to help you simplify those things so that you can have the time and space and energy to show up well for the things that matter the most to you in your life. So this past weekend, we've had a four day weekend as a family, it was a pro D day Valentine's Day family day here in BC, British Columbia. So I take I took four days off work It was so it was weird. But it also felt really good. And we just took our time playing games and puzzles, and going skating and going for walks. And maybe you caught my recent Instagram post about the walk that broke my brain, you can go check that out there. If you want to see just a lovely ball of anxiety that I can sometimes be with my family. And it was a great time. It was great overall, I mean, there's good parts and there's hard parts every single day. So we just keep going, we keep rolling with it. Alright, so one thing I want to remind you guys of is to leave a review, leave a review in your podcast player, because the podcast player loves them gives us authority in the podcast player. And I really love to read them. I love it when I come across one and especially if I recognize the name, but I didn't recognize this name from Australia. HealwithmeAIP. I loved your thoughtful review. So thank you so much. I read it over breakfast and I told my husband this morning, someone called me quirky. And he's like, What? That's not weird. Like, hasn't that happened before? Like you are quirky and I was like, Oh, okay. And I kind of laughed as I reflected on it because I used to want to define my personal style as quirky French girl. So you totally call me out on this secret byline I'm trying to promote. And I'm going to talk about naming your style later because I want to talk about style and dressing like you're 30 Okay, I'm 38 but come on - this is for everyone in their 30s or whatever dressing like you're 30 So I had other episodes planned, but this meme has taken over the internet conversation. And it applies to most of the women born in the 80s. So a discussion broke out on tik tok about which hair part looks best. Okay, first of all, not on Tik Tok. I just rely on on my Instagram friends to share... How should a 30 something-year-old dress? I have asked this question for some years as I decluttered my closet and focussed on creating a closet of clothes I love to wear. I don’t want it to be the latest trends, I have asked this question for some years as I decluttered my closet and focussed on creating a closet of clothes I love to wear. I don’t want it to be the latest trends, but the clothes I enjoy and feel like ‘me’.

I’m not a fashion blogger but when the memes went around this month making fun of millennial moms who wear skinny jeans and side parts I felt like I wanted to encourage other millennial moms to focus on building up a closet of clothes they LOVE to wear and not what Gen Z tells us is ‘in’ right now. 


 
Millennial Mom vs Trendy Youth

What being a ‘trendy’ youth is all about.  Playing with clothes to see what you like and learn more about yourself
What being a millennial mom is all about. Knowing more of who you are and making choices in line with that

 
How to declutter and create a closet of clothes you love

Declutter the items you don’t love to wear, torn, unused, etc. 
Then start a pinboard of looks you love
Look for a theme in what you are pinning
Name your style (bring it to the Simple on Purpose Group if you want help with that)
Use this style as your guide for what you buy/bring into your closet
Don’t focus on trends, focus on what your style is and what you feel great in

 

Mentioned in this episode

The Instagram of me being a totally unfun anxious mom on a family walk

Bring your ideas and conversation to the Facebook group

 



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT OF THIS EPISODE

 

This is the podcast for anyone who wants to simplify their homes, feel overwhelmed by clutter? - their heart. Do you feel like you're just kind of angry and resentful all the time? And their life - Do you feel like you're busy, you're on the go, you're just reacting to things. This is a place where I want to help you simplify those things so that you can have the time and space and energy to show up well for the things that matter the most to you in your life.

So this past weekend, we've had a four day weekend as a family, it was a pro D day Valentine's Day family day here in BC, British Columbia. So I take I took four days off work It was so it was weird. But it also felt really good. And we just took our time playing games and puzzles, and going skating and going for walks. And maybe you caught my recent Instagram post about the walk that broke my brain, you can go check that out there. If you want to see just a lovely ball of anxiety that I can sometimes be with my family. And it was a great time. It was great overall, I mean, there's good parts and there's hard parts every single day. So we just keep going, we keep rolling with it.

Alright, so one thing I want to remind you guys of is to leave a review, leave a review in your podcast player, because the podcast player loves them gives us authority in the podcast player. And I really love to read them. I love it when I come across one and especially if I recognize the name, but I didn't recognize this name from Australia. HealwithmeAIP. I loved your thoughtful review. So thank you so much. I read it over breakfast and I told my husband this morning, someone called me quirky. And he's like, What? That's not weird. Like, hasn't that happened before? Like you are quirky and I was like, Oh, okay. And I kind of laughed as I reflected on it because I used to want to define my personal style as quirky French girl. So you totally call me out on this secret byline I'm tryin...]]>
Shawna Scafe 11:34
103. Habits of a debt-crushing family (with Bethany + Corey Adkins) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/debt-repayment-family-habits/ Thu, 11 Feb 2021 22:18:32 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12317 We all can think of some financial goals we want to meet (debt-repayment, emergency savings) and maybe we know what habits could get us there - but DOING it is the hard work. And I find it so helpful to hear what other people are doing and what it looks like in action in real life.  Today I'm sharing the rest of my conversation with Bethany and Corey from the Millenial Mission Podcast about what their debt-free journey has been and in this part, they are sharing a lot about the habits they have formed and mindsets that have supported them in persisting and making an impact.  Developing habits to pay off debt as a family Three changes that have made a big impact on lowering the debt Knowing what money is coming in and what is going out The debt snowball (coined by Dave Ramsey) The financial freedom a budget can bring you Weekly budget check-ins and monthly budget reviews Addressing the problem before it becomes a problem Spouses supporting one another in budget accountability What to do when you have a spouse who is not on the same page as you with the finances How debt repayment has impacted their marriage and parenting Not doing it perfectly  Trusting God with finances, especially during the pandemic Making sacrifices as a family When you aren’t able to pay off debt and not giving up Surrendering your life and money to God Being intentional and faithful with finances and how that shows up in the other areas of your life Encouragement to just get started and get a system in place to know what you are doing with your money More resources Listen to the first part one: Starting the Debt-Free Journey How to Own Your Finances So They Don't Own You Download the free budget worksheet Find Bethany and Corey on Instagram        Full transcript 0:08 Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girl and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. So welcome for those of you who are new to simple on purpose. This is a place that I just want to share tips and stories and encouragement for you to simplify your home, your heart and your life. And part of life is finances right, we would all like our finances to be simpler. And in the life on purpose workbook and the life on purpose roadmap, there's a section on finances, where you can set the goals and habits you want to have there. And I think all of us probably can think of the goals we want when it comes to our finances. We want debt repayment, we want emergency savings, we want retirement savings, and so on. And maybe some of us even have an idea on what habits will get us there. We know logically, we need to make a budget we need to cut expenses. But doing it putting it into action is a whole other situation. And I don't know about you, but when I am trying to create a new habit or make a change in my life, I find it so helpful to hear the experiences of other people. And that's why I wanted to interview Bethany and Corey from the millennial mission podcast. This is the second part of my conversation with Bethany and Corey. In the first episode, the first part of this interview, they share their story about making a big lifestyle change, they moved to a place where it was cheaper to live. And they started to take actions to pay off their debt. And in this episode, they're sharing more practical tips about budgeting about working together. Because that is really helpful information we want to see like what does it look like in action as a couple as a family. But as we all know, this isn't just about numbers. This is about so much more. And Bethany and Corey they also share how it seeped into all of the rest of their life. How trusting God with their finances, turned into trusting God with their life and being intentional with their money, created an atmosphere where they really wanted to be intentional with their life. When we recorded this episode in December, We all can think of some financial goals we want to meet (debt-repayment, emergency savings) and maybe we know what habits could get us there - but DOING it is the hard work. And I find it so helpful to hear what other people are doing and what it look...


Today I'm sharing the rest of my conversation with Bethany and Corey from the Millenial Mission Podcast about what their debt-free journey has been and in this part, they are sharing a lot about the habits they have formed and mindsets that have supported them in persisting and making an impact. 
Developing habits to pay off debt as a family

Three changes that have made a big impact on lowering the debt
Knowing what money is coming in and what is going out
The debt snowball (coined by Dave Ramsey)
The financial freedom a budget can bring you
Weekly budget check-ins and monthly budget reviews
Addressing the problem before it becomes a problem
Spouses supporting one another in budget accountability
What to do when you have a spouse who is not on the same page as you with the finances
How debt repayment has impacted their marriage and parenting
Not doing it perfectly 
Trusting God with finances, especially during the pandemic
Making sacrifices as a family
When you aren’t able to pay off debt and not giving up
Surrendering your life and money to God
Being intentional and faithful with finances and how that shows up in the other areas of your life
Encouragement to just get started and get a system in place to know what you are doing with your money

More resources
Listen to the first part one: Starting the Debt-Free Journey

How to Own Your Finances So They Don't Own You

Download the free budget worksheet

Find Bethany and Corey on Instagram 

 



 




 





Full transcript
0:08
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girl and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. So welcome for those of you who are new to simple on purpose. This is a place that I just want to share tips and stories and encouragement for you to simplify your home, your heart and your life. And part of life is finances right, we would all like our finances to be simpler. And in the life on purpose workbook and the life on purpose roadmap, there's a section on finances, where you can set the goals and habits you want to have there. And I think all of us probably can think of the goals we want when it comes to our finances. We want debt repayment, we want emergency savings, we want retirement savings, and so on. And maybe some of us even have an idea on what habits will get us there. We know logically, we need to make a budget we need to cut expenses. But doing it putting it into action is a whole other situation. And I don't know about you, but when I am trying to create a new habit or make a change in my life, I find it so helpful to hear the experiences of other people. And that's why I wanted to interview Bethany and Corey from the millennial mission podcast. This is the second part of my conversation with Bethany and Corey. In the first episode, the first part of this interview,]]>
Shawna Scafe 25:23
102. Starting the Debt-Free Journey (With Bethany + Corey Adkins) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/start-debt-free-journey/ Thu, 11 Feb 2021 21:36:51 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12314 Wonder what it would be like to make a BIG CHANGE that starts your debt-free journey?  Today we are hearing from Bethany and Corey on their story of what that looked like in their life. When they decide to give up the 'good life' for the 'better life' and by better I mean hard and uncomfortable but moving towards financial freedom.    I love hearing real-life stories from real people who are making the hard decisions that allow them to TAKE CONTROL and start steering their life in a new direction - one that is in line with their values and the call they feel on their life.  Bethany and Corey share a lot about what it looked like to bring God into the decision to make a move and get serious about changing their lifestyle. This episode is part one of two.  Bethany and Corey's story about staring their debt-free journey How they were raised to view finances and debt “Even though you know all the right things you can be very easily deceived” “It was little things that added up” How they handled the debt conversation between them Decreasing the budget to account for leaving a job to become a stay at home mom Using credits cards for regular spending versus paying in cash Wanting to give your kids everything and buying them things Making a big location move to support the debt-free journey Feeling a calling on their lives to make the big move When life seems to be good but you aren’t living fully inline with your faith When life is uncomfortable but also very uncomfortable Giving up your ‘good’ life as you know it for something ‘better’ Starting a new job in a new town and taking time to build it up Acting like you don’t have any extra money and putting extra dollars towards debt Myths we believe about finances that can get us into trouble Playing the ‘credit card game’ The comparison game  “You have to find happiness in the pits. You have to find happiness in the crappy two-bedroom apartment and the junky car you have to try and start four times, if you can be happy there - you can be happy anywhere. But so often we get it backwards” Keeping up with the Joneses  The cultural assumption ‘you deserve nice things’ Find the Adkins at the Millenial Mission Podcast and on Instagram @bethanyandcorey.  In the next episode, we talk about more practical budgeting tips, how debt repayment as impacted their family and that season of life where they weren’t making progress. So go check that out too.    FULL TRANSCRIPT 0:08 Welcome to Episode 102. There's kind of this line you cross as a podcaster. Once you've done 100 episodes you like I, I powered to do, I held out, I did the thing. So it feels so great to be in the triple digits. And it feels even better. When I hear from you guys hear the episodes you're liking you bring it into the Facebook community, and ask for more topics. So I just love this podcast. And I love the community and the conversation that it is creating. And like I said in the other episodes, we are doing bathroom rentals. So there is some drilling and hammering going on. Just bear with us. All right, I'm also sharing something today that I don't do often. And that is interviews. Today I'm sharing two episodes, I've broken them up into two from my talk with the Atkins, Bethany and Corey Atkins, the having podcast called the millennial mission. And I was on their podcast in the fall, I met Bethany through a podcast mastermind group that I was a part of. And I really loved what their podcast did for about being a millennial, but still being on a mission being really purposeful in their life. And so I recorded with them back in fall. And we recorded this in December, because I just really loved their story. And I thought it would be encouraging to many of you who are interested in less debt, going debt free moving towards financial freedom. Because Bethany and Corey have story. They had debt, and it was growing. Wonder what it would be like to make a BIG CHANGE that starts your debt-free journey?  - Today we are hearing from Bethany and Corey on their story of what that looked like in their life. When they decide to give up the 'good life' for the 'better lif...
Today we are hearing from Bethany and Corey on their story of what that looked like in their life. When they decide to give up the 'good life' for the 'better life' and by better I mean hard and uncomfortable but moving towards financial freedom. 

 

I love hearing real-life stories from real people who are making the hard decisions that allow them to TAKE CONTROL and start steering their life in a new direction - one that is in line with their values and the call they feel on their life. 

Bethany and Corey share a lot about what it looked like to bring God into the decision to make a move and get serious about changing their lifestyle.

This episode is part one of two. 
Bethany and Corey's story about staring their debt-free journey

How they were raised to view finances and debt
“Even though you know all the right things you can be very easily deceived”
“It was little things that added up”
How they handled the debt conversation between them
Decreasing the budget to account for leaving a job to become a stay at home mom
Using credits cards for regular spending versus paying in cash
Wanting to give your kids everything and buying them things
Making a big location move to support the debt-free journey
Feeling a calling on their lives to make the big move
When life seems to be good but you aren’t living fully inline with your faith
When life is uncomfortable but also very uncomfortable
Giving up your ‘good’ life as you know it for something ‘better’
Starting a new job in a new town and taking time to build it up
Acting like you don’t have any extra money and putting extra dollars towards debt
Myths we believe about finances that can get us into trouble
Playing the ‘credit card game’
The comparison game 
“You have to find happiness in the pits. You have to find happiness in the crappy two-bedroom apartment and the junky car you have to try and start four times, if you can be happy there - you can be happy anywhere. But so often we get it backwards”
Keeping up with the Joneses 
The cultural assumption ‘you deserve nice things’

Find the Adkins at the Millenial Mission Podcast and on Instagram @bethanyandcorey

In the next episode, we talk about more practical budgeting tips, how debt repayment as impacted their family and that season of life where they weren’t making progress. So go check that out too. 



 
FULL TRANSCRIPT
0:08
Welcome to Episode 102. There's kind of this line you cross as a podcaster. Once you've done 100 episodes you like I, I powered to do, I held out, I did the thing. So it feels so great to be in the triple digits.

And it feels even better. When I hear from you guys hear the episodes you're liking you bring it into the Facebook community, and ask for more topics. So I just love this podcast. And I love the community and the conversation that it is creating. And like I said in the other episodes, we are doing bathroom rentals. So there is some drilling and hammering going on. Just bear with us.

All right, I'm also sharing something today that I don't do often. And that is interviews. Today I'm sharing two episodes, I've broken them up into two from my talk with the Atkins, Bethany and Corey Atkins, the having podcast called the millennial mission.]]>
Shawna Scafe 32:43
101. Finding the time, planning the day and stress responses (Life Coaching Q+A for moms who want to live on purpose) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/finding-time-plan-your-day-stress/ Tue, 09 Feb 2021 20:58:32 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12304 Today I'm sharing some of a LIVE Q+A I did in FB community last month A few times each month I ask for questions and sometimes on a certain topic, then I come on and answer them live In this Q+A I am answering questions about putting your head in the sand, planning your day, finding the time when you feel like it is hard to find the time, and how much work it is to change your thoughts and behaviours.  I also mention the Life on Purpose Roadmap - which is the condensed and simple course that takes you from reactive and feeling stressed about your life, to setting a direction for the nine areas of your life and taking control of your time, energy and space.  Topics covered in this Q+A episode: Putting your head in the sand Knowing your stress responses What are you doing when you fight, flight or freeze Recognizing when you are in a stress response Planning your day, finding freedom in a plan Things that have helped me to plan over the years Setting plans with your spouse through a calendar meeting When you feel like there isn't enough time Making hard things even harder Choosing thoughts that empower you rather than demotivate you Our thoughts create our feelings and we are motivated by how we feel It takes a lot of energy to change behaviours and thoughts, here is why Listen to the episode on decluttering What if I Need This One Day? items Learn more about the Life on Purpose Roadmap course Bring your own questions to the Simple on Purpose Community group       FULL TRANSCRIPT Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is your place and your time mama to just slow down - let's just slow down. Let's simplify things. I want to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. So that you can have more time, less distractions, more energy and space to show up for what's really important to you, what really matters to you, what is in line with who you want to be your personal values, and how you want to show up. So before we jump in today, I want to remind you that I have this self-paced course you have been asking for over the years, the Life on Purpose Roadmap, this is the course you need if you want to get started with intentional living, and I mean, intentional living, like feeling like you have a purpose in your big whole life, but also acting that out on a daily level. So this course guides you through knowing what you want in the nine areas of your life, setting out your personal values, planning your day, and relying on more than just willpower because willpower is a myth, guys. And I bust that myth in this course, and putting it all into action. As with these podcasts and everything I do, I'm on the go like you guys - so I make it small and condensed, jam-packed. All of the lessons are about 20 minutes. And you can just stream the audio like a podcast. One of my students just emailed me the other day to let me know she listens in her car with her kids or at skating lessons, she brings in a workbook and she does a bit in there. And I just love it. Because finding these pockets of time to do the work can be possible. It can even be easy, I dare say. So if you want more direction, clarity and motivation, and living your life with more purpose and feeling in control of your life, rather than feeling like your life controls you then head on over to the life on purpose academy.ca and click the life on purpose roadmap. Today, I'm sharing a live q&a that I have done in the Facebook community group last month. So a few times each month I asked the members for questions, and sometimes it's on a certain topic, then I come on and answer them live. Because I want this Facebook community to be a place for you to go a little bit deeper get deeper support. This is a place where you can share your wins sharing what works. It's a place where you can get ideas from other moms. So I'm often trying to generate that conversation ask... Today I'm sharing some of a LIVE Q+A I did in FB community last month - A few times each month I ask for questions and sometimes on a certain topic, then I come on and answer them live - In this Q+A I am answering questions about putting your head in...
A few times each month I ask for questions and sometimes on a certain topic, then I come on and answer them live

In this Q+A I am answering questions about putting your head in the sand, planning your day, finding the time when you feel like it is hard to find the time, and how much work it is to change your thoughts and behaviours. 



I also mention the Life on Purpose Roadmap - which is the condensed and simple course that takes you from reactive and feeling stressed about your life, to setting a direction for the nine areas of your life and taking control of your time, energy and space. 

Topics covered in this Q+A episode:

* Putting your head in the sand
* Knowing your stress responses
* What are you doing when you fight, flight or freeze
* Recognizing when you are in a stress response
* Planning your day, finding freedom in a plan
* Things that have helped me to plan over the years
* Setting plans with your spouse through a calendar meeting
* When you feel like there isn't enough time
* Making hard things even harder
* Choosing thoughts that empower you rather than demotivate you
* Our thoughts create our feelings and we are motivated by how we feel
* It takes a lot of energy to change behaviours and thoughts, here is why

Listen to the episode on decluttering What if I Need This One Day? items

Learn more about the Life on Purpose Roadmap course

Bring your own questions to the Simple on Purpose Community group

 

 



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is your place and your time mama to just slow down - let's just slow down. Let's simplify things. I want to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. So that you can have more time, less distractions, more energy and space to show up for what's really important to you, what really matters to you, what is in line with who you want to be your personal values, and how you want to show up.

So before we jump in today, I want to remind you that I have this self-paced course you have been asking for over the years, the Life on Purpose Roadmap, this is the course you need if you want to get started with intentional living, and I mean, intentional living, like feeling like you have a purpose in your big whole life, but also acting that out on a daily level.

So this course guides you through knowing what you want in the nine areas of your life, setting out your personal values, planning your day, and relying on more than just willpower because willpower is a myth, guys. And I bust that myth in this course, and putting it all into action.

As with these podcasts and everything I do, I'm on the go like you guys - so I make it small and condensed, jam-packed. All of the lessons are about 20 minutes. And you can just stream the audio like a podcast. One of my students just emailed me the other day to let me know she listens in her car with her kids or at skating lessons, she brings in a workbook and she does a bit in there. And I just love it. Because finding these pockets of time to do the work can be possible. It can even be easy, I dare say.

So if you want more direction,]]>
Shawna Scafe 14:12
100. Type 9 Mom (the Peacemaker), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/type-9-mom-enneagram/ Fri, 05 Feb 2021 23:11:04 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12288  We did it friends! I am proud of us! We finished the Enneagram and Motherhood series featuring moms from all over the continent sharing what it is like to parent through the lens of their Enneagram type.  Today we wrap up with the Type 9, which we all know they don't mind being left to the last ("it's fine, whatever works for you!") I say that because I am a Type 9 too.  But this is also my 100th podcast episode so it feels like a nice way to wrap up this endeavour I have been on to grow this podcast into a place that serves and empowers women to strip away the distractions and show up well for their lives.   And I think the Enneagram gives us tools to do this because it gives us awareness and language around how we show up in stress and growth - this is great information to help us redirect ourselves in times of stress - and to really pour into our strengths with mindfulness, truth and love.   In this episode, we hear from two moms sharing their Type 9 Mom experience. Thank you to Lindsey and Angelica for sharing! The Type 9, we discuss: What motivates the type 9 How they act when in a place of growth (integration) How they respond when stressed (disintegration) Their approach to dealing with things that don't go their way (harmonic group) I also share about my own experience as a Type 9 mom. Ways I look for a connection with my kids, struggling to say YES when it means I'll be getting uncomfortable, reconciling with the anger I feel in motherhood and my desire to deny or rationalize away the negative emotions, and so on.  I mention an episode and post on When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? you can read that post here and you can listen to the podcast version of it Episode 16 When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids   You can bring any of your questions to the Simple on Purpose Community Group Drop me a line on Instagram to let me know you are listening! And if you are interested in life coaching with me, book a free consult call here to learn about it and see if it is a fit for you.      FULL TRANSCRIPT I'm so excited to round out our episodes on the enneagram with the type nine and I know the tight nines hate waiting to be last. But also we're okay with it. Because we're a type nine, it's fine, it's okay. Being a type nine and always coming at the end of the list is like when your last name starts with a Zed, and you're always called on last in school. But here's my special little treat for you type nines. You're Episode 100, you're the 100th episode of the simple on purpose podcast. I know this is usually a celebratory episode for lots of podcasters. And maybe I'll do something for 101. But I'm just glad to make this one about my type the type nine and just make a space for us type nines. This is such a type nine thing to say. So the type nine is also called the peacemaker, or the mediator, the type nine is motivated by the need to avoid conflict. So that's why they're called peacemakers because they want to avoid the opposite of what they feel as peace which would be conflict to them. And they want to maintain peace and harmony and really avoid disconnection from others. I also want to give you a heads up as you're listening to the the audio here, there is some background noise, we are doing renovations in our home. So there are some noises you are going to hear. So you're not wondering if it's happening on your end just a heads up. In times of stress, they move towards the type six, the loyalist or skeptic, they become more anxious, they're looking to others for guidance, they become more passive, and inactive. When they are in a place of growth. The type three is what they move towards the achiever, they become more focused, action oriented, not looking to others to merge two buttons and putting themselves out there as they step into the truth that they are worth their own time and energy. The type nine has a reputation for being very sloth l...  We did it friends! I am proud of us! We finished the Enneagram and Motherhood series featuring moms from all over the continent sharing what it is like to parent through the lens of their Enneagram type.  - Today we wrap up with the Type 9,
Today we wrap up with the Type 9, which we all know they don't mind being left to the last ("it's fine, whatever works for you!") I say that because I am a Type 9 too. 

But this is also my 100th podcast episode so it feels like a nice way to wrap up this endeavour I have been on to grow this podcast into a place that serves and empowers women to strip away the distractions and show up well for their lives. 

 And I think the Enneagram gives us tools to do this because it gives us awareness and language around how we show up in stress and growth - this is great information to help us redirect ourselves in times of stress - and to really pour into our strengths with mindfulness, truth and love.



 

In this episode, we hear from two moms sharing their Type 9 Mom experience. Thank you to Lindsey and Angelica for sharing!

The Type 9, we discuss:

* What motivates the type 9
* How they act when in a place of growth (integration)
* How they respond when stressed (disintegration)
* Their approach to dealing with things that don't go their way (harmonic group)

I also share about my own experience as a Type 9 mom. Ways I look for a connection with my kids, struggling to say YES when it means I'll be getting uncomfortable, reconciling with the anger I feel in motherhood and my desire to deny or rationalize away the negative emotions, and so on. 

I mention an episode and post on When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? you can read that post here and you can listen to the podcast version of it Episode 16 When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids

 

You can bring any of your questions to the Simple on Purpose Community Group

Drop me a line on Instagram to let me know you are listening!

And if you are interested in life coaching with me, book a free consult call here to learn about it and see if it is a fit for you. 

 

 



FULL TRANSCRIPT

I'm so excited to round out our episodes on the enneagram with the type nine and I know the tight nines hate waiting to be last. But also we're okay with it. Because we're a type nine, it's fine, it's okay. Being a type nine and always coming at the end of the list is like when your last name starts with a Zed, and you're always called on last in school. But here's my special little treat for you type nines. You're Episode 100, you're the 100th episode of the simple on purpose podcast. I know this is usually a celebratory episode for lots of podcasters. And maybe I'll do something for 101. But I'm just glad to make this one about my type the type nine and just make a space for us type nines. This is such a type nine thing to say.

So the type nine is also called the peacemaker, or the mediator, the type nine is motivated by the need to avoid conflict. So that's why they're called peacemakers because they want to avoid the opposite of what they feel as peace which wou...]]>
Shawna Scafe 14:28
99. Type 8 Mom (the Challenger), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/type-8-mom-enneagram/ Fri, 05 Feb 2021 21:25:29 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12284 The Type 8 is also known as the Maverick - they are confident, assertive and make natural leaders.  Today I have three Type 8 moms sharing how their Enneagram type empowers them in their motherhood and how it shows up in stress.   To open up I share some details on the Type 8: What motivates them How they move towards The Helper in times of growth How they move towards The Observer in times of stress The two other sides to the type 8 (the wings) What the Gut Triad is, how the Type 8 shows up in line with their intuition/gut Thank you to the moms who shared what their experience is as Type 8 moms - Stacie, Ellen and Melissa.  You can find Melissa at Live with Audacity Join the Simple on Purpose Community to ask your questions around the enneagram and livng simple, on purpose.  If you can't click links in these show notes then head to www.simpleonpurpose.ca and click LISTEN, you can find all the show notes and episode transcripts there.  FULL TRANSCRIPT For those who are new welcome, I am Shawna, mom of three in small town Canada. I am a trained life coach, a certified transformational life coach, a certified bird nerd. And I wear that with a badge of honour even though my kids make fun of me. But I am proud to be the Lady Nerd that I am. So simple on purpose is a place where I want to help you simplify your home, your heart, your life, to slow down and show up for the things that really matter the most to you the things that you want to place the highest value on in your life. We've been covering a series on the enneagram, which is a self-discovery tool that looks at our inner motives. So lots of personality profiling will look at your outer behaviours and other qualities and other actions. But the enneagram takes us deeper, and it's looking at the things that are driving us. So we've been covering all of the types of the enneagram and hearing from mums, who are sharing a couple minutes on their experience of what it's like to be that type how their type empowers them, and how their type shows up under stress. Today we're hearing from three type eight mums. The type eight is also called the challenger or the maverick I really like that name, the maverick, the type eight is motivated by the need to feel strong and in control. And they want to avoid the feeling of being weak or powerless. You've heard me mentioned over these episodes about the wings, and we can take on qualities of the type right beside us. So the type A, it can take on the wing of the seven right beside at the adventure and be more spontaneous. It can also take on the wing of the peacemaker, the number nine right beside it and be more warm. When the type eight is in a place of growth and health. They move towards the qualities of a type to the helper. So they shift their energy towards caring, they become more tender-hearted, which can really feel vulnerable and scary to a type eight. But it allows them to show up to support to connect with others from a place of generosity and respect. When they are in a place of stress. They move towards the type five, the observer, things get overwhelming. They retreat, they strategize. They're collecting information and just trying to sort things out on how they can come back into the situation. If they stay in this place, they can probably become high strung and stop taking good care of themselves and their needs. I've also been sharing harmonic groups, and this is categorizing each of the enneagram types into different ways that they handle things when they don't go their way. The type eight is part of the reactive group, they want to express how they are feeling and measure the response of others. The type eight will want to express their powerful energy as a way to say that they're angry, something's wrong and also as a way of keeping their guard up, keeping a distance and avoid relying or becoming dependent on other people. The Type 8 is also known as the Maverick - they are confident, assertive and make natural leaders.  Today I have three Type 8 moms sharing how their Enneagram type empowers them in their motherhood and how it shows up in stress. -   - Today I have three Type 8 moms sharing how their Enneagram type empowers them in their motherhood and how it shows up in stress.

 

To open up I share some details on the Type 8:

* What motivates them
* How they move towards The Helper in times of growth
* How they move towards The Observer in times of stress
* The two other sides to the type 8 (the wings)
* What the Gut Triad is, how the Type 8 shows up in line with their intuition/gut

Thank you to the moms who shared what their experience is as Type 8 moms - Stacie, Ellen and Melissa. 

You can find Melissa at Live with Audacity

Join the Simple on Purpose Community to ask your questions around the enneagram and livng simple, on purpose. 

If you can't click links in these show notes then head to www.simpleonpurpose.ca and click LISTEN, you can find all the show notes and episode transcripts there. 



FULL TRANSCRIPT

For those who are new welcome, I am Shawna, mom of three in small town Canada. I am a trained life coach, a certified transformational life coach, a certified bird nerd. And I wear that with a badge of honour even though my kids make fun of me. But I am proud to be the Lady Nerd that I am.

So simple on purpose is a place where I want to help you simplify your home, your heart, your life, to slow down and show up for the things that really matter the most to you the things that you want to place the highest value on in your life.

We've been covering a series on the enneagram, which is a self-discovery tool that looks at our inner motives. So lots of personality profiling will look at your outer behaviours and other qualities and other actions. But the enneagram takes us deeper, and it's looking at the things that are driving us. So we've been covering all of the types of the enneagram and hearing from mums, who are sharing a couple minutes on their experience of what it's like to be that type how their type empowers them, and how their type shows up under stress.

Today we're hearing from three type eight mums. The type eight is also called the challenger or the maverick I really like that name, the maverick, the type eight is motivated by the need to feel strong and in control. And they want to avoid the feeling of being weak or powerless.

You've heard me mentioned over these episodes about the wings, and we can take on qualities of the type right beside us. So the type A, it can take on the wing of the seven right beside at the adventure and be more spontaneous. It can also take on the wing of the peacemaker, the number nine right beside it and be more warm.

When the type eight is in a place of growth and health. They move towards the qualities of a type to the helper. So they shift their energy towards caring, they become more tender-hearted, which can really feel vulnerable and scary to a type eight. But it allows them to show up to support to connect with others from a place of generosity and respect.

When they are in a place of stress. They move towards the type five, the observer, things get overwhelming. They retreat, they strategize. They're collecting information and just trying to sort things out on how they can come back into the situation. If they stay in this place, they can probably become high strung and stop taking good care of themselves and their needs.

I've also been sharing harmonic groups, and this is categorizing each of the enneagram typ...]]>
Shawna Scafe 12:01
98. Type 7 Mom (the Adventurer), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/type-7-mom-enneagram/ Fri, 05 Feb 2021 02:15:06 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12271 The Type 7 on the Enneagram is also called the Enthusiast, or Fun Ninjas (as my friend Julia coined them) They are spontaneous and open to new experiences. In this episode, two Type 7 moms share how their Enneagram type empowers them in motherhood and how it shows up in times of stress.  I also discuss: What motivates the Type 7 What growth looks like as the move towards Type 5 What stress looks like as the move towards Type 1 How they handle it when things don't go their way through a positive reframing How noticing other Enneagram Types and learning about them helps us have more appreciation for the inner experience of other moms in our lives   Ask Shawna questions about living simple, on purpose in the Simple on Purpose Facebook community  Find Shawna on Instagram   FULL TRANSCRIPT Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend.ca. Welcome to simplify this podcast. This is a place for you to come if you want to simplify your home, your heart, your life, slow down, pay attention to what matters to you, what's important to you, what's in line with your personal values, and show up well for that. Today, we are covering the enneagram type seven, and I have some fun mom's sharing about being a type seven mum. The type seven is also called the adventure or the enthusiast, or fun ninjas, as my friend Julia has coined them, and I just love that name, hey, Julia, they are motivated by the need to be happy, have great experiences. And underneath that is a need to avoid pain or suffering. This is why they're always on the go to the next best thing. They're spontaneous. And for me as a type nine, who is very comfort bound, I have found so much freedom in learning about the type seven and seeing that there are people in the world who are comfortable with risk and excitement, even people like my own sister, it has made me love them more. And I just look to them to kind of be my fun Ninjas in my life. In stress, the type seven will move towards the qualities of a type one, they'll become critical, impatient, imposing limits on their own behaviors. When they are in a place of growth, they move towards the type five, the observer, they get more quiet and introspective, they can ride that anxiety that they often push away and start to make clear choices about what they want. For their harmonic groups, how they deal with things when things don't go their way. They take a positive outlook like the type two and the type nine, they are going to reframe the situation. And the type seven specifically wants to avoid seeing the problems around them in within them and instead focus on staying positive and happy and meeting their own needs. They're overwhelmed by the idea of meeting the needs of others. So they reframe things, and can have the stance to issues like there may be a problem, but I'm fine. So months ago, when I put out the call asking mums of different enneagram types to share their experience, you know who sent me one that night, a type seven, they are just ready to go. So let's hear from these two wonderful type sevens. Jacqueline and Sarah. Hi, I'm Jacqueline and I am a type seven on the enneagram. I am a mom to four daughters who range in age from seven to almost 13. Knowing my type on the enneagram has been really helpful for understanding myself. And I see being a seven having lots of positives and negatives. As a parent. For the positive, I'm very good at coming up with creative solutions and being flexible. My kids trade bedrooms frequently based on what happens to be working at the time and what people need. I don't feel particularly worried about changing my mind later. So I'm quick to try different solutions and thinking creatively. And I don't feel too committed to anything being long term. So if two kids are getting along great and feel lonely at bedtime, I'm don't have any trouble setting up a mattress on the floor so they can be together longer withou... The Type 7 on the Enneagram is also called the Enthusiast, or Fun Ninjas (as my friend Julia coined them) - They are spontaneous and open to new experiences. - In this episode, two Type 7 moms share how their Enneagram type empowers them in motherhoo...
They are spontaneous and open to new experiences.

In this episode, two Type 7 moms share how their Enneagram type empowers them in motherhood and how it shows up in times of stress. 



I also discuss:

* What motivates the Type 7
* What growth looks like as the move towards Type 5
* What stress looks like as the move towards Type 1
* How they handle it when things don't go their way through a positive reframing
* How noticing other Enneagram Types and learning about them helps us have more appreciation for the inner experience of other moms in our lives

 

Ask Shawna questions about living simple, on purpose in the Simple on Purpose Facebook community 

Find Shawna on Instagram



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend.ca. Welcome to simplify this podcast. This is a place for you to come if you want to simplify your home, your heart, your life, slow down, pay attention to what matters to you, what's important to you, what's in line with your personal values, and show up well for that.

Today, we are covering the enneagram type seven, and I have some fun mom's sharing about being a type seven mum. The type seven is also called the adventure or the enthusiast, or fun ninjas, as my friend Julia has coined them, and I just love that name, hey, Julia, they are motivated by the need to be happy, have great experiences. And underneath that is a need to avoid pain or suffering. This is why they're always on the go to the next best thing. They're spontaneous.

And for me as a type nine, who is very comfort bound, I have found so much freedom in learning about the type seven and seeing that there are people in the world who are comfortable with risk and excitement, even people like my own sister, it has made me love them more. And I just look to them to kind of be my fun Ninjas in my life.

In stress, the type seven will move towards the qualities of a type one, they'll become critical, impatient, imposing limits on their own behaviors. When they are in a place of growth, they move towards the type five, the observer, they get more quiet and introspective, they can ride that anxiety that they often push away and start to make clear choices about what they want.

For their harmonic groups, how they deal with things when things don't go their way. They take a positive outlook like the type two and the type nine, they are going to reframe the situation. And the type seven specifically wants to avoid seeing the problems around them in within them and instead focus on staying positive and happy and meeting their own needs. They're overwhelmed by the idea of meeting the needs of others. So they reframe things, and can have the stance to issues like there may be a problem, but I'm fine.

So months ago, when I put out the call asking mums of different enneagram types to share their experience, you know who sent me one that night, a type seven, they are just ready to go. So let's hear from these two wonderful type sevens. Jacqueline and Sarah.

Hi, I'm Jacqueline and I am a type seven on the enneagram. I am a mom to four daughters who range in age from seven to almost 13. Knowing my type on the enneagram has been really helpful for understanding myself. And I see being a seven having lots of positives and negatives. As a parent. For the positive, I'm very good at coming up with creative solutions and being flexib...]]>
Shawna Scafe 9:54
97. Type 6 Mom (the Loyalist), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/enneagram-type-6-mom/ Tue, 02 Feb 2021 21:42:04 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12248 Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast! For moms on the go who want nuggets of information and encouragement that helps them live with more peace, purpose and presence in their daily lives.  We are continuing with our series on the Enneagram and Motherhood where we hear from moms on what their motherhood experience is like through the lens of the Enneagram This episode is about the Type 6 Mom, also called the Loyalist or the Skeptic.    In this episode, I explain: The common traits of the Type 6 Their need for support and guidance Their need for independence  Being a skeptic and slow to trust Being a loyalist and putting your faith in the others who have the answers Type 6 living in their own head, with the worst-case scenario and projected fears How the Type 6 reacts when things don't go their way Their stress response (fight, flight and freeze) when faced with FEAR Growth for the Type 6, and stress for the Type 6 We hear from two wonderful moms sharing their experience, thank you to Tiffany and Kristin!   Links: Listen to the Intro Episode, rundown of the 9 types of the Enneagram Ask any Enneagram questions in the Simple on Purpose Community Group Book a consult call to learn about life coaching with the Enneagram See all the episodes in this Enneagram and Motherhood Series See all the Show Notes for the podcast episodes    FULL TRANSCRIPT Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple and purpose.ca Welcome to this simple on purpose podcast. For those of you who are new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three in small-town Canada. And I am a trained life coach who is passionate about helping moms show up for their lives show up Well. It is always my mission on every coaching call I have on every episode on everything I share, to help you look at your life in a little bit of a different way that brings you more peace, more purpose and more presence into your daily life. That is what I'm passionate about you showing up for your life and enjoying it because this is your life, you should enjoy it. So we are continuing on with the enneagram series. And if you're not sure what the enneagram is head back a few episodes to the run through of the nine basic types. It's called What are your motives or something like that? what's motivating you I forget. So I have shared each type in their own episode. And on each episode, we have moms sharing what their motherhood experiences like through the lens of the enneagram. So today, we are talking about the type six, the type six is known to be fearful. They're always thinking of the worst case scenario, they really live in their head with a lot of their fears and planning how to avoid them. And I think it can really be exhausting. When they're in their head like that some sixes also failed to see their real dangers of life, the real worst case scenarios, versus these mentally manufactured fears that kind of a runaway train that their brain can take them on. They are called the loyalist or the skeptic because of their relationship to others. They question and doubt themselves and often look to external sources for answers and guidance. But with skepticism, can I trust them? Can I trust what they're saying. And when they decide they can trust them, they are loyal to that person that authority that system. Something that is interesting is what the six does with fear, they fight flight or freeze so they might flight they might try to control their environment that's very typical of a six and planning and stressing and doing, they might fight they might go against fear head on, and this is called a counter phobic six, they're just gonna go right into it, just jump right in and address it just get it over with and then they might freeze they might just comply with the rules of the system, they can be very compliant when there is a culture or a system in place that t... Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast! For moms on the go who want nuggets of information and encouragement that helps them live with more peace, purpose and presence in their daily lives.  - We are continuing with our series on the Enneagram and M...
We are continuing with our series on the Enneagram and Motherhood where we hear from moms on what their motherhood experience is like through the lens of the Enneagram

This episode is about the Type 6 Mom, also called the Loyalist or the Skeptic. 

 

In this episode, I explain:

* The common traits of the Type 6
* Their need for support and guidance
* Their need for independence 
* Being a skeptic and slow to trust
* Being a loyalist and putting your faith in the others who have the answers
* Type 6 living in their own head, with the worst-case scenario and projected fears
* How the Type 6 reacts when things don't go their way
* Their stress response (fight, flight and freeze) when faced with FEAR
* Growth for the Type 6, and stress for the Type 6

We hear from two wonderful moms sharing their experience, thank you to Tiffany and Kristin!

 

Links:

Listen to the Intro Episode, rundown of the 9 types of the Enneagram

Ask any Enneagram questions in the Simple on Purpose Community Group

Book a consult call to learn about life coaching with the Enneagram

See all the episodes in this Enneagram and Motherhood Series

See all the Show Notes for the podcast episodes 



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple and purpose.ca Welcome to this simple on purpose podcast.

For those of you who are new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three in small-town Canada. And I am a trained life coach who is passionate about helping moms show up for their lives show up Well. It is always my mission on every coaching call I have on every episode on everything I share, to help you look at your life in a little bit of a different way that brings you more peace, more purpose and more presence into your daily life. That is what I'm passionate about you showing up for your life and enjoying it because this is your life, you should enjoy it.

So we are continuing on with the enneagram series. And if you're not sure what the enneagram is head back a few episodes to the run through of the nine basic types. It's called What are your motives or something like that? what's motivating you I forget. So I have shared each type in their own episode. And on each episode, we have moms sharing what their motherhood experiences like through the lens of the enneagram.

So today, we are talking about the type six, the type six is known to be fearful. They're always thinking of the worst case scenario, they really live in their head with a lot of their fears and planning how to avoid them. And I think it can really be exhausting. When they're in their head like that some sixes also failed to see their real dangers of life, the real worst case scenarios, versus these mentally manufactured fears that kind of a runaway train that their brain can take them on.]]>
Shawna Scafe 10:10
96. Type 5 Mom (the Observer), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/type-5-enneagram-mom/ Mon, 01 Feb 2021 21:56:01 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12232 The Type 5 on the Enneagram is also called the Investigator. They are someone who is watching and observing and analyzing how everything works.  They gather knowledge on how things work and how to navigate the world with their competence.  They do have a focus on managing their own needs well so that they aren't reliant on others. Let's hear from Liz and Melissa on how being an Enneagram Type 5 empowers their motherhood and how it shows up in stress.      When the Type 5 is in stress they move towards the Type 7 (adventurer) and become more restless and agitated. When they are in a place of growth they move towards the full body empowerment of a Type 8 (maverick). I also discuss the Harmonic Groups, this is how the Enneagram Types handle problems.  The Type 5 belongs to the Competency Group, meaning they rely on logic (rather than emotion) to handle their problems.    In this episode we will hear from Liz Squires, you can find her here at Fearless Birth Project And Melissa, from Enneagram Paths.  Thank you, ladies, for sharing your motherhood journey with us and giving a voice to the Type 5 experience.    Make sure to tag me in your Instagram and show some love to the ladies who have been coming on to share their stories! If you want to listen to the LIVE Q+A where I answer the difference between the Type 4 and Type 5 then head over to the Simple on Purpose Community group to watch it.      FULL TRANSCRIPT I'm really excited to continue on this series that we're doing enneagram. And for those of you who haven't heard of the enneagram, and you want to go back and listen to it, head on back a few episodes to what are your motives. The enneagram looks at our motives, more than it looks at our outward behavior. Like being an introverted extrovert, it looks at why we're doing it instead of just what we're doing. It's a really fascinating tool that I love to use in my coaching, that has just helped me so much in my life, in my relationships in my parenting, I just have a lot of passion for it. I think it is very powerful and brings a lot of awareness to us in our showing up in our life. And you know, me, I'm all about showing up for life showing up well for your actual life. So today, we're covering the type five, also known as the observer, or the investigator. And I have a couple of great type fives sharing with me. One is one of my online friends, Liz Squires, and the other one is an enneagram coach herself, Melissa. So thank you to both of those ladies for being the type fives who will come out of the shell, and share with us today. So the type five, the observer, there's someone who are always watching, they're always observing and analyzing how the world works, they really want to figure it out. So that they can use this knowledge as a way of making themselves capable and competent in the world. They long to be capable and competent. And they are also someone who has a skill of reducing their own needs, so that they are not reliant on other people, they keep their needs very minimal and meet them themselves. So when the type five is in a place of stress, they move towards the type seven, they become restless, agitated, distracted, scattered. When they are in a place of growth and strength, they move towards the type eight, and more so in that they take on the confidence in the empowered stands of a type eight, as they kind of fill up their whole body full of empowerment, because the type five lives in their head a lot. They want to be capable, they want to figure things out, they rely a lot on thinking about it, figuring it out, finding a way, and they spend a lot of time in their mind. So when they are in a place of strength, they're going to occupy their entire body and their mind as well. As I've explained in the past episodes, we're talking about the harmonic groups. And these are categorized in the enneagram types by how they solve their problems. The Type 5 on the Enneagram is also called the Investigator. They are someone who is watching and observing and analyzing how everything works.  They gather knowledge on how things work and how to navigate the world with their competence.  -
They do have a focus on managing their own needs well so that they aren't reliant on others. Let's hear from Liz and Melissa on how being an Enneagram Type 5 empowers their motherhood and how it shows up in stress. 

 


 

When the Type 5 is in stress they move towards the Type 7 (adventurer) and become more restless and agitated.

When they are in a place of growth they move towards the full body empowerment of a Type 8 (maverick).

I also discuss the Harmonic Groups, this is how the Enneagram Types handle problems. 

The Type 5 belongs to the Competency Group, meaning they rely on logic (rather than emotion) to handle their problems. 

 

In this episode we will hear from Liz Squires, you can find her here at Fearless Birth Project And Melissa, from Enneagram Paths. 

Thank you, ladies, for sharing your motherhood journey with us and giving a voice to the Type 5 experience. 

 

Make sure to tag me in your Instagram and show some love to the ladies who have been coming on to share their stories!

If you want to listen to the LIVE Q+A where I answer the difference between the Type 4 and Type 5 then head over to the Simple on Purpose Community group to watch it. 

 



 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

I'm really excited to continue on this series that we're doing enneagram. And for those of you who haven't heard of the enneagram, and you want to go back and listen to it, head on back a few episodes to what are your motives. The enneagram looks at our motives, more than it looks at our outward behavior. Like being an introverted extrovert, it looks at why we're doing it instead of just what we're doing.

It's a really fascinating tool that I love to use in my coaching, that has just helped me so much in my life, in my relationships in my parenting, I just have a lot of passion for it. I think it is very powerful and brings a lot of awareness to us in our showing up in our life. And you know, me, I'm all about showing up for life showing up well for your actual life.

So today, we're covering the type five, also known as the observer, or the investigator. And I have a couple of great type fives sharing with me. One is one of my online friends, Liz Squires, and the other one is an enneagram coach herself, Melissa. So thank you to both of those ladies for being the type fives who will come out of the shell, and share with us today.

So the type five, the observer, there's someone who are always watching, they're always observing and analyzing how the world works, they really want to figure it out. So that they can use this knowledge as a way of making themselves capable and competent in the world. They long to be capable and competent. And they are also someone who has a skill of reducing their own needs, so that they are not reliant on other people, they keep their needs very minimal and meet them themselves.

So when the type five is in a place of stress, they move towards the type seven, they become restless, agitated, distracted, scattered.]]>
Shawna Scafe 8:31
95. Type 4 Mom (the Individualist), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/type-4-enneagram-mom/ Sat, 30 Jan 2021 00:11:25 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12223 The Type 4 on the Enneagram is also called the Individualist, or the Romantic. They have a reputation of being artistic, expressive and willing to feel a range of emotions.  Which I think makes them very brave and they hold a lot of space for those in suffering and those who long to express themselves.      The Type 4 is part of the reactive group when it comes to dealing with problems. This means they respond/express themselves and look for an emotional response from those around them. A Type 4 craves been seen and supported in these times.  Which makes them so adept at expression and emotional attunement.    When in a place of growth the Type 4 will move towards the Type 1 and become more objective and practical. When in stress they will move towards the Type 2 and become clingy and look for reassurance from others.    Thank you to the two moms sharing their experience with us today.  Thank you Shawna and Laura. You can find Laura at Fjord Creative.    In the Simple on Purpose Community group, I did a LIVE Q+A on the Enneagram and one of the questions I answered was how to tell the difference between the Type 4 and the Type 5. Head here if you want to see it (and other lives) And to join the Simple Saturdays email (it is FUN email that comes out twice a month!) sign up for that right here   FULL TRANSCRIPT At simple on purpose, I am all about helping you simplify your life, whether it is your home, your heart, your general life, so that you can slow down, pay attention to the things that matter most to you, and show up well for them. I want you to enjoy your life, I want you to enjoy motherhood, enjoy your job, enjoy your home, I want you to enjoy the life you actually have. We are continuing on this week with our series on the enneagram and motherhood. And today I have a couple of type fours sharing. The type fours are also called the individualist or the romantic, they are very expressive, they are known as artistic types, they are known as people who can just hold a lot of emotional space, they're very open to experiencing and feeling and making space for their whole emotional range, which I think makes them very brave. When a type four is under stress, and they're not feeling very healthy, they're going to move towards the qualities of a type two, they are going to be clingy and look for reassurance look to a lot of the people around them for reassurance and validation. When they are in a healthier place, they move towards the qualities of the type one not so much the perfectionist and critical qualities, but the qualities of the type one that allow them to step out of that fantasy world in their mind, and come in and engage in the real life world to be more objective, and to apply themselves to whatever they want to do with a more practical approach rather than an emotional repro approach. So I've been explaining the harmonic groups through these episodes. And that is how each type deals with problems when things don't go their way. And the type fours are part of the reactive group, which means they are the enneagram types, who will react strongly and look for a response from others. So they're very expressive. When a type four is handling problems, and things aren't going their way they seek being seen, they seek someone who can understand them and support them, because they really fear that no one is going to support them and care for them. So they have different strategies depending on how healthy they're feeling with how they will do that. But Hudson and Riso again, I'm referencing The Wisdom of the Enneagram book, they have this motto that the type four adopts with how they deal with problems, and it is I feel really hurt and I need to express myself. So expressing themselves is a way that they are seen in the world. And the type fours are known for a lot of amazing artistic achievements in our world. And like I said, The Type 4 on the Enneagram is also called the Individualist, or the Romantic. They have a reputation of being artistic, expressive and willing to feel a range of emotions.  - Which I think makes them very brave and they hold a lot of space for those ...
Which I think makes them very brave and they hold a lot of space for those in suffering and those who long to express themselves. 

 

 

The Type 4 is part of the reactive group when it comes to dealing with problems. This means they respond/express themselves and look for an emotional response from those around them. A Type 4 craves been seen and supported in these times. 

Which makes them so adept at expression and emotional attunement. 

 

When in a place of growth the Type 4 will move towards the Type 1 and become more objective and practical. When in stress they will move towards the Type 2 and become clingy and look for reassurance from others. 

 

Thank you to the two moms sharing their experience with us today. 

Thank you Shawna and Laura. You can find Laura at Fjord Creative. 

 

In the Simple on Purpose Community group, I did a LIVE Q+A on the Enneagram and one of the questions I answered was how to tell the difference between the Type 4 and the Type 5. Head here if you want to see it (and other lives)

And to join the Simple Saturdays email (it is FUN email that comes out twice a month!) sign up for that right here

 



FULL TRANSCRIPT

At simple on purpose, I am all about helping you simplify your life, whether it is your home, your heart, your general life, so that you can slow down, pay attention to the things that matter most to you, and show up well for them. I want you to enjoy your life, I want you to enjoy motherhood, enjoy your job, enjoy your home, I want you to enjoy the life you actually have.

We are continuing on this week with our series on the enneagram and motherhood. And today I have a couple of type fours sharing. The type fours are also called the individualist or the romantic, they are very expressive, they are known as artistic types, they are known as people who can just hold a lot of emotional space, they're very open to experiencing and feeling and making space for their whole emotional range, which I think makes them very brave.

When a type four is under stress, and they're not feeling very healthy, they're going to move towards the qualities of a type two, they are going to be clingy and look for reassurance look to a lot of the people around them for reassurance and validation.

When they are in a healthier place, they move towards the qualities of the type one not so much the perfectionist and critical qualities, but the qualities of the type one that allow them to step out of that fantasy world in their mind, and come in and engage in the real life world to be more objective, and to apply themselves to whatever they want to do with a more practical approach rather than an emotional repro approach.

So I've been explaining the harmonic groups through these episodes. And that is how each type deals with problems when things don't go their way. And the type fours are part of the reactive group, which means they are the enneagram types, who will react strongly and look for a response from others. So they're very expressive. When a type four is handling problems, and things aren't going their way they seek being seen, they seek someone who can understand them and support them,]]>
Shawna Scafe 11:58
94. Type 3 Mom (the Achiever), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/type-3-enneagram-mom/ Fri, 29 Jan 2021 00:08:49 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12214 The Type 3 on the Enneagram is also known as the Achiever or the Performer.  They are motivated by a need to be successful and they are natural checklist-makers and goal getters.  What is it like to be a Type 3 Mom?   I have three Type 3 moms sharing their experience on how their type empowers them and how it shows up in times of stress.  When a Type 3 is in stress they take on the qualities of the Type 9 and become more detached and apathetic and stubborn.  When they are in a place of growth they move towards the qualities of the Type 6 and become more cooperative and a team player focussed on the greater good rather than the personal goal.    When a Type three faces a challenge they apply logic to solve the problem. They are part of the Competency Group. They detach from their feelings by staying in an active role to work on the goal and "figure it out".    I think the Type 3s offer us a lot of encouragement to 'raise the bar' and I know that myself, as a Type 9, looks to the energy and drive of the Type 3 in my life to encourage me with that.  If you want coaching by your Enneagram type, book a consult call to learn more.  Thank you to these three wonderful moms who shared today! Thank you, Veronica, Shannon and Stef (You can find Stef Gass at the Mompreneur Mastermind Podcast)   Full transcript  Hey friends, it's Shawna,your nerdy girlfriend and Life Coach from simple on purpose.ca. This is the podcast for the busy mom on the go, I aim to keep all of the episodes under 20 minutes. And I want to just jam-packed them with ideas and stories and information on how you can simplify your life, slow down and show up for your life on purpose being very purposeful, very, very intentional with the life you want to build into and how you want to show up in it every single day. So we're continuing on with the enneagram series and we're covering enneagram threes. Today I have three mums sharing about a bit about their motherhood experience as being in an enneagram three. The Enneagram Type 3 is also called the achiever, they get things done, they like goals, they have their checklists, and I love the threes my husband's a three. And since we learned each other's enneagram types over the years, I have so much more appreciation for the qualities that he brings into our life, our family, our marriage as a three that I don't just naturally have on my own. So when a three is in stress, when they're feeling stressed out, they're not at their healthiest, they move towards a type nine, which is called the peacemaker. But at the nine at their more unhealthy qualities, they are very disengaged, they're stubborn, they're apathetic, they're very withdrawn. When a type three is in a place of health, they're feeling like they're showing up with healthy motives from a healthy place, they move towards the type six, the loyalist, they become more of a team player, they're more cooperative, they're more committed to the goal of the good of the group rather than their own personal self image and having to meet a goal that will satisfy that The type three is part of the competency group. And I've been explaining that there's our harmonic groups, which is the way that we deal with things when they don't go our way. And then each of the enneagram types are grouped into one of these three groups, these harmonic groups, and the type three belongs to the competency group. I know I'm saying group a lot in my confusing, but the competency group are the enneagram types that will solve their problems using logic more than feelings. And a type three is well known to be really out of touch with their feelings, they use staying busy and achievement as a way of kind of not paying attention to it kind of repressing it. So when a type three is faced with a problem, they're going to focus on being efficient, being capable taking action, just focus on the goals. The Type 3 on the Enneagram is also known as the Achiever or the Performer.  - They are motivated by a need to be successful and they are natural checklist-makers and goal getters.  - What is it like to be a Type 3 Mom? -   -
They are motivated by a need to be successful and they are natural checklist-makers and goal getters. 

What is it like to be a Type 3 Mom?

 

I have three Type 3 moms sharing their experience on how their type empowers them and how it shows up in times of stress. 

When a Type 3 is in stress they take on the qualities of the Type 9 and become more detached and apathetic and stubborn. 

When they are in a place of growth they move towards the qualities of the Type 6 and become more cooperative and a team player focussed on the greater good rather than the personal goal. 

 

When a Type three faces a challenge they apply logic to solve the problem. They are part of the Competency Group. They detach from their feelings by staying in an active role to work on the goal and "figure it out". 

 

I think the Type 3s offer us a lot of encouragement to 'raise the bar' and I know that myself, as a Type 9, looks to the energy and drive of the Type 3 in my life to encourage me with that. 

If you want coaching by your Enneagram type, book a consult call to learn more. 

Thank you to these three wonderful moms who shared today!

Thank you, Veronica, Shannon and Stef (You can find Stef Gass at the Mompreneur Mastermind Podcast)



 

Full transcript 

Hey friends, it's Shawna,your nerdy girlfriend and Life Coach from simple on purpose.ca.

This is the podcast for the busy mom on the go, I aim to keep all of the episodes under 20 minutes. And I want to just jam-packed them with ideas and stories and information on how you can simplify your life, slow down and show up for your life on purpose being very purposeful, very, very intentional with the life you want to build into and how you want to show up in it every single day.

So we're continuing on with the enneagram series and we're covering enneagram threes. Today I have three mums sharing about a bit about their motherhood experience as being in an enneagram three. The Enneagram Type 3 is also called the achiever, they get things done, they like goals, they have their checklists, and I love the threes my husband's a three. And since we learned each other's enneagram types over the years, I have so much more appreciation for the qualities that he brings into our life, our family, our marriage as a three that I don't just naturally have on my own.

So when a three is in stress, when they're feeling stressed out, they're not at their healthiest, they move towards a type nine, which is called the peacemaker. But at the nine at their more unhealthy qualities, they are very disengaged, they're stubborn, they're apathetic, they're very withdrawn. When a type three is in a place of health, they're feeling like they're showing up with healthy motives from a healthy place, they move towards the type six, the loyalist, they become more of a team player, they're more cooperative, they're more committed to the goal of the good of the group rather than their own personal self image and having to meet a goal that will satisfy that

The type three is part of the competency group. And I've been explaining that there's our harmonic groups, which is the way that we deal with things when they don't go our way. And then each of the enneagram types are grouped into one of these three groups, these harmonic groups, and the type three belongs to the competency group.]]>
Shawna Scafe 13:59
93. Type 2 Mom (the Helper), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/type-2-mom-enneagram/ Tue, 26 Jan 2021 21:31:40 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12209 The Type 2 on the Enneagram is also known as The Helper. For this reason, a lot of us can identify as a possible Type 2 - especially in North America where this is a cultural expectation that women are 'helpers'.  This can lead to people-pleasing, but not all people-pleasers are Type 2s.  Some things that set the Enneagram Type 2 apart: They cope with problems by focussing on the needs of others rather than themselves Their relationships are built with a culture of 'helping' They find their value in helping others I explain what the Type 2 can look like in times of growth and in times of stress.  I also outline how to differentiate a common mistype with Type 9s.  Three moms are sharing their experience of being a Type 2 mom and outlining what feels like a struggle and what feels like a strength for them when it comes to motherhood.  Thank you to Louise, Aimee and Jessica for sharing with us! You can find Louise here.  You can find Jessica right here.  Books recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and make a purchase I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.  Links: The Wisdom of the Enneagram book Get answers to your questions about the Enneagram in the Simple on Purpose Community Facebook Group Book a consult call to learn about life coaching with the Enneagram Share your Enneagram + Motherhood Experience, looking to hear from types 5,6,7,8 and 9 - message me if you are up for it   Episode Transcript  Hey friends, it's Shawna, your Nerdy Girlfriend and Life Coach from Simple on Purpose. This is the podcast for the mom on the go, I aim to keep all of the episodes short to the point and filled with tips and advice and insight to help you simplify slow down and show up for your life because this is your life, you should enjoy it. Today we're continuing on with the type twos of the enneagram the type two mamas who are sharing their experience of what it is like to be a type two. And if the enneagram is new to you head back a couple of episodes I do a run through on all of the nine types of the enneagram. So the type two also known as the helper, as I mentioned before, there are directions we take when we are in growth and directions we take when we are in stress, and the type two will move towards the type for when they are in a healthy place in their growing and they will become more self nurturing, more sensitive, more recognizing of their own needs their own desires, in a way more self actualizing and self aware. When they are under stress, they move towards a type eight, the rebel the maverick and they become more aggressive and more argumentative. As you listen to these three moms. Today you're going to hear Louise mentioned that she takes on the type three traits. Since type three is right beside the type two, you can pick up qualities of the type right beside you this these are called the wings. So she takes on type three traits and the type three is the achiever. Now the type two is a type that many of us can identify with naturally, because it's called the helper and in North America, we have this culture that women are helpers. In fact, many of us even want to be viewed as a helper and we will become people pleasers. Now I coach a lot of people pleasers, but not all of them are type twos, there is a little bit of digging, we have to do underneath all of that underneath the behavior of being a people pleaser. One really common mistake because this is my own is that a type nine can mistyped themselves as a type two. And on the surface type nine in type two can look very similar. They tend to merge with what others want. They come across as very supportive of others. But what sets the type two apart is that you're helping others as a way to secure their value with them. A type nine will help others in order to avoid conflict or disconnect. I like to think of it as a type nine will offer support. The Type 2 on the Enneagram is also known as The Helper. For this reason, a lot of us can identify as a possible Type 2 - especially in North America where this is a cultural expectation that women are 'helpers'.  -


This can lead to people-pleasing, but not all people-pleasers are Type 2s. 

Some things that set the Enneagram Type 2 apart:

* They cope with problems by focussing on the needs of others rather than themselves
* Their relationships are built with a culture of 'helping'
* They find their value in helping others

I explain what the Type 2 can look like in times of growth and in times of stress. 

I also outline how to differentiate a common mistype with Type 9s. 

Three moms are sharing their experience of being a Type 2 mom and outlining what feels like a struggle and what feels like a strength for them when it comes to motherhood. 

Thank you to Louise, Aimee and Jessica for sharing with us!

You can find Louise here. 

You can find Jessica right here. 
Books recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and make a purchase I will be compensated at no additional cost to you. 
Links:

The Wisdom of the Enneagram book

Get answers to your questions about the Enneagram in the Simple on Purpose Community Facebook Group

Book a consult call to learn about life coaching with the Enneagram

Share your Enneagram + Motherhood Experience, looking to hear from types 5,6,7,8 and 9 - message me if you are up for it



 

Episode Transcript 

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your Nerdy Girlfriend and Life Coach from Simple on Purpose.

This is the podcast for the mom on the go, I aim to keep all of the episodes short to the point and filled with tips and advice and insight to help you simplify slow down and show up for your life because this is your life, you should enjoy it. Today we're continuing on with the type twos of the enneagram the type two mamas who are sharing their experience of what it is like to be a type two. And if the enneagram is new to you head back a couple of episodes I do a run through on all of the nine types of the enneagram. So the type two also known as the helper, as I mentioned before, there are directions we take when we are in growth and directions we take when we are in stress, and the type two will move towards the type for when they are in a healthy place in their growing and they will become more self nurturing, more sensitive, more recognizing of their own needs their own desires, in a way more self actualizing and self aware. When they are under stress, they move towards a type eight, the rebel the maverick and they become more aggressive and more argumentative. As you listen to these three moms. Today you're going to hear Louise mentioned that she takes on the type three traits. Since type three is right beside the type two, you can pick up qualities of the type right beside you this these are called the wings. So she takes on type three traits and the type three is the achiever. Now the type two is a type that many of us can identify with naturally, because it's called the helper and in North America,]]>
Shawna Scafe 10:04
92. Type 1 Mom (the Perfectionist), Enneagram + Motherhood https://simpleonpurpose.ca/type-1-enneagram-mom/ Tue, 26 Jan 2021 20:34:06 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12206 I have three moms sharing a few minutes each about their experience of motherhood as being a Type 1 on the Enneagram. As part of a series I am doing on all the nine enneagram types called Enneagram + Motherhood Type 1s are also called the Perfectionist or Reformer.  I am explaining a bit more details about Type 1s and taking referencing information taught in the Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso and Hudson Books recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.  When it comes to dealing with problems or not getting their way, they rely on COMPETENCY.  In Enneagram talk: they are part of the Competency Group when it comes to their Harmonic Style.  I briefly explain with this means and what it looks like for the Type 1.    I also explain what growth and stress look like for an Enneagram Type 1. These are called the Line of Integration (what you do when you are emotionally healthy) and Line of Disintegration (what you do when you are unhealthy and stressed). Then we hear from three moms who are so kind to share their own self-awareness and insights into the struggles and strengths of being a Type 1. I love that they also share how they manage the hurdles and I have helpful takeaways from what they share.    Thank you, Louise, Jacquie and Liz for sharing your experience with us! You can find Louise at Talk Nerdy to Me and you can find Liz at Glow   Are you a type 5,6,7,8 or 9 who wants to share their motherhood experience? If so, then message me on Instagram and let me know! Ask your Enneagram questions in the Facebook community Get coached by your Enneagram Type with Shawna Scafe, Certified Coach Practitioner and Transformational Life Coach Full transcript (unedited) Hey, friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. And I'm just gonna dive right in because we are talking about the enneagram. And I have three amazing moms who have recorded and shared with me with their experience in motherhood is like as being a type one. type one also called the perfectionist, the reformer. So if you've listened to the last episode, if not, I encourage you to go do that I run through the nine types. And now moving forward, I'm going to share these voices of these moms by enneagram type on what their motherhood experience is like. So first of all, thank you mamas, thank you for sharing. Thank you for giving a voice to this, I found this whole experience so enlightening, to listen to each type and just sit with it. And, and I love that these moms are also offering how they deal with the stressors in their life by their type. So you're going to hear in from these three moms, Jackie is going to mention that she moves in growth to a type seven as a type one, when they're in growth, they move towards a type seven. So I mentioned in the last episode, that whatever type you are, when you are in a place of growth, and emotionally healthy, you will move to another type on the enneagram, you'll pick up the positive qualities of that type. And when you are in a place of stress, you're going to move to another number on the enneagram. These are called the lines, the lines of disintegration and the lines of integration. But I'll just call them stress and growth. So the type one, when it is in a place of growth, it moves towards a type seven, it becomes more impulsive, more joyful, more spontaneous. When it isn't a place of stress, it moves towards type four, it becomes irrational, a little bit more Moody, I'm also going to share with each of these episodes, something you don't hear often. And that is the harmonic groups, also called the coping groups. And this is how each of the types deal with problems deal with not getting their way. And the type one is part of the competency groups. So when they have a problem, they are going to deal with it by being correct and organ... I have three moms sharing a few minutes each about their experience of motherhood as being a Type 1 on the Enneagram. As part of a series I am doing on all the nine enneagram types called Enneagram + Motherhood

Type 1s are also called the Perfectionist or Reformer. 
I am explaining a bit more details about Type 1s and taking referencing information taught in the Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso and Hudson
Books recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you. 
When it comes to dealing with problems or not getting their way, they rely on COMPETENCY. 

In Enneagram talk: they are part of the Competency Group when it comes to their Harmonic Style. 

I briefly explain with this means and what it looks like for the Type 1. 

 

I also explain what growth and stress look like for an Enneagram Type 1.

These are called the Line of Integration (what you do when you are emotionally healthy) and Line of Disintegration (what you do when you are unhealthy and stressed).

Then we hear from three moms who are so kind to share their own self-awareness and insights into the struggles and strengths of being a Type 1. I love that they also share how they manage the hurdles and I have helpful takeaways from what they share. 

 
Thank you, Louise, Jacquie and Liz for sharing your experience with us!
You can find Louise at Talk Nerdy to Me

and you can find Liz at Glow

 

Are you a type 5,6,7,8 or 9 who wants to share their motherhood experience? If so, then message me on Instagram and let me know!

Ask your Enneagram questions in the Facebook community

Get coached by your Enneagram Type with Shawna Scafe, Certified Coach Practitioner and Transformational Life Coach



Full transcript (unedited)

Hey, friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. And I'm just gonna dive right in because we are talking about the enneagram. And I have three amazing moms who have recorded and shared with me with their experience in motherhood is like as being a type one. type one also called the perfectionist, the reformer. So if you've listened to the last episode, if not, I encourage you to go do that I run through the nine types. And now moving forward, I'm going to share these voices of these moms by enneagram type on what their motherhood experience is like. So first of all, thank you mamas, thank you for sharing. Thank you for giving a voice to this, I found this whole experience so enlightening, to listen to each type and just sit with it. And, and I love that these moms are also offering how they deal with the stressors in their life by their type. So you're going to hear in from these three moms, Jackie is going to mention that she moves in growth to a type seven as a type one, when they're in growth, they move towards a type seven. So I mentioned in the last episode, that whatever type you are, when you are in a place of growth, and emotionally healthy, you will move to another type on the enneagram, you'll pick up the positive qualities of that type. And when you are in a place of stress,]]>
Shawna Scafe 11:04
91. What are your motives (Enneagram + Motherhood) https://simpleonpurpose.ca/enneagram-motherhood-motives/ Tue, 26 Jan 2021 20:13:24 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12203 One tool I use in my life coaching is the Enneagram. It is a self-discovery tool that brings more awareness to your stress habits, your strengths, your behaviour patterns and it is all based on your MOTIVES - why you are doing something, what you are avoiding or moving towards.  Books recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.  I have been working on a series of episodes that feature moms sharing their motherhood experience through the lens of the Enneagram. To introduce this series I wanted to give you a brief rundown of the Enneagram types - as it pertains to their motives.  What their desires and fears for all of the nine enneagram types.  If you want a more thorough explanation of all the 9 Enneagram Types then head to episode 17:  Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types) In this episode, I reference Richard Rohr, an OG Enneagram Teacher whose book I am citing. You can find his book right here.  To get support: Ask me questions about the Enneagram or finding your type in the Simple on Purpose Facebook Community Get life coaching from Shawna using the Enneagram as a tool for personal growth Message me on Instagram to share your Enneagram + Motherhood Experience Full episode transcript: Hello friends and welcome I am Shawna your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.  And this is the place for you if the clutter feels like too much if life feels too busy if motherhood is overwhelming if your marriage feels like it's slipping, these are all signs to us that we've been living on autopilot, just letting life happen at us, rather than us being in the driver's seat, being proactive, being intentional, and I know, because I've been there. Three and a half years into motherhood. I was three kids in and I learned about minimalism and decided to declutter my home. As I did that, I realized I've been living my whole life on autopilot, just letting it pile up, just letting it happen. And I wanted to take control, I wanted to live on purpose. I wanted to take action and build a life, the home the relationships and mindsets that I craved, the one that God made me for, I wanted to set a vision for my life, I wanted to show up for my life, based on my personal values who I want it to be. So if you are on this journey, then let me come alongside you. I am a mom of three, I am a trained life coach, and your nerdy girlfriend who believes that this is our life, we should enjoy it. Let's dig in. Today, I'm going to open up a series I'm going to do on parenting through the enneagram the enneagram if you haven't heard it, and I'm sure you have because it's having a day, the enneagram is a self-discovery tool. So it's kind of like Myers brigg, or disk. But the enneagram looks a lot at our inner motives. What is driving us and what we desire. What we are motivated by that is powerful stuff. So it's not just like you're an introvert extrovert, it's like, what is driving you underneath that? Are you driven by success, or by needing to help people or by needing to keep the peace, there's different motivations we have. Although our outward actions might look very similar, we're doing one thing, but driven towards it for a different reason. So on this episode, I'm going to run through very quickly the nine types. And then the following episodes I'm going to share with you other moms sharing their experience on what it's like to be that enneagram type and how it shows up in their parenting. And I will say for types 123. And maybe four, I have about three moms each, each of those types. The other ones, I just have one mom. So if you are a type 56789 and I think even a four, and you would like to share a couple minutes of your experience as parenting through that enneagram type, please get in touch with me, you can find me on Instagram at simple on purpose.ca. One tool I use in my life coaching is the Enneagram. It is a self-discovery tool that brings more awareness to your stress habits, your strengths, your behaviour patterns and it is all based on your MOTIVES - why you are doing something,

Books recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you. 
I have been working on a series of episodes that feature moms sharing their motherhood experience through the lens of the Enneagram. To introduce this series I wanted to give you a brief rundown of the Enneagram types - as it pertains to their motives.  What their desires and fears for all of the nine enneagram types. 

If you want a more thorough explanation of all the 9 Enneagram Types then head to episode 17:  Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types)

In this episode, I reference Richard Rohr, an OG Enneagram Teacher whose book I am citing. You can find his book right here. 
To get support:
Ask me questions about the Enneagram or finding your type in the Simple on Purpose Facebook Community

Get life coaching from Shawna using the Enneagram as a tool for personal growth

Message me on Instagram to share your Enneagram + Motherhood Experience


Full episode transcript:
Hello friends and welcome I am Shawna your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose. 

And this is the place for you if the clutter feels like too much if life feels too busy if motherhood is overwhelming if your marriage feels like it's slipping, these are all signs to us that we've been living on autopilot, just letting life happen at us, rather than us being in the driver's seat, being proactive, being intentional, and I know, because I've been there. Three and a half years into motherhood. I was three kids in and I learned about minimalism and decided to declutter my home. As I did that, I realized I've been living my whole life on autopilot, just letting it pile up, just letting it happen. And I wanted to take control, I wanted to live on purpose. I wanted to take action and build a life, the home the relationships and mindsets that I craved, the one that God made me for, I wanted to set a vision for my life, I wanted to show up for my life, based on my personal values who I want it to be. So if you are on this journey, then let me come alongside you. I am a mom of three, I am a trained life coach, and your nerdy girlfriend who believes that this is our life, we should enjoy it. Let's dig in. Today, I'm going to open up a series I'm going to do on parenting through the enneagram the enneagram if you haven't heard it, and I'm sure you have because it's having a day, the enneagram is a self-discovery tool. So it's kind of like Myers brigg, or disk. But the enneagram looks a lot at our inner motives. What is driving us and what we desire. What we are motivated by that is powerful stuff. So it's not just like you're an introvert extrovert, it's like, what is driving you underneath that? Are you driven by success, or by needing to help people or by needing to keep the peace, there's different motivations we have. Although our outward actions might look very similar, we're doing one thing, but driven towards it for a different reason. So on this episode, I'm going to run through very quickly the nine types.]]>
Shawna Scafe 9:55
90. Declutter ‘what if I need it one day?’ items from your home with THIS shift https://simpleonpurpose.ca/declutter-what-if-i-need-it-one-day/ Wed, 20 Jan 2021 23:00:53 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12184 What if I need it one day? Ask this question can leave you holding onto a lot of items that you really don't 'need' in your life.  From old magazines, to old chargers, to clothes, to kitchen gadgets.  This is a fear-based question that gives us some anxiety and then we make our decisions from this anxious place rather than from a place of abundance and the desire to fill our home with LIFE-GIVING things.  In this episode, I will walk you through how this question has held me back and how I have coached myself to new questions that bring me more freedom and peace in decluttering.  Links to topics mentioned on this episode: The Finnish Way (great book on the art of SISU - on my list of Cozy Faves) The Simple on Purpose Facebook Community Group (see past Q+A Lives *make sure to answer the entry questions) Identity Clutter (read the post here) Scarcity vs Abundance (the not-enough mindset, on this episode) The Simple Saturdays Email (sign up for the FUN bi-weekly email!) Renae's Great Clutter Clear Out Challenge (sign up for the free 5-day challenge)   Full episode transcript (unedited) Hey friends at Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach. From Simple on Purpose.ca This is our time where we stop, slow down, simplify, remove the drams and distractions on our lives so that we can show up for what matters the most to us show up with more peace, more purpose and presence for our actual lives. I'm so glad you're here. If it's your first time here, welcome. I'm Shawna I am a mom of three who decided that I would try out minimalism years ago, and it just sent me on this to jet trajectory. It's hard to declutter my home, which turned me into decluttering my life and my heart. And I am a trained life coach helping other women do the same show up for their lives with more purpose, peace and presence. So how have you been this January, where I live in British Columbia, where I live, it's icy. And you might know I walk my kids to the school bus every morning. It's a few blocks away, but we have to go down this hill. And I'm just like, submitted to it, I sit on my butt, I got my snow pants on and I slide down that hill, like I get speed, I end up like bumping into my daughter and pushing her down to. So I'm going to wear out the butt on my snow bands. It's fine. I'm still having fun. I'm showing up for that. I just love sledding, it is so much fun. Even if it's my only way of protecting my body from fall I just go with it, I'm going to fall in advance. So that's life here where I live in BC, we still have a little bit of a winter hanging on. And that's fine. I don't mind it. I really love getting out in the morning and walking the kids to school. Sometimes I even get my active minutes that way. But it's just such a nice way to start the day, I have a personal goal to get outside every single day. And a book that really inspired me to do this is a book called The Finnish way. The Finnish art of C Su and si su is that term for just real grit and persistence and not taking the easy way out. And that book just changed my whole view on how of lightweight I am. One other thing that I started doing since I read that book is I will zap myself with cold water in the shower. Just try and build up my tolerance to cold water. There's so many good endorphins that are released in your body when you are dunked in cold water. So I just want to hit it that I want to hit those good old endorphins. So that's my own personal challenge. I'm totally going off topic. Here's the topic I want to talk about today. decluttering things in your home when you think what if I need that one day? This was a question that was asked in the Facebook group recently because I said, Bring me all your questions I want to do a live. And that question is when I have too much to say on like I have a whole post on it. But I wanted to bring it back here, elaborate on it and share an episode with you here. By the way, What if I need it one day? Ask this question can leave you holding onto a lot of items that you really don't 'need' in your life.  - From old magazines, to old chargers, to clothes, to kitchen gadgets.  -
From old magazines, to old chargers, to clothes, to kitchen gadgets. 

This is a fear-based question that gives us some anxiety and then we make our decisions from this anxious place rather than from a place of abundance and the desire to fill our home with LIFE-GIVING things. 



In this episode, I will walk you through how this question has held me back and how I have coached myself to new questions that bring me more freedom and peace in decluttering. 

Links to topics mentioned on this episode:

The Finnish Way (great book on the art of SISU - on my list of Cozy Faves)

The Simple on Purpose Facebook Community Group (see past Q+A Lives *make sure to answer the entry questions)

Identity Clutter (read the post here)

Scarcity vs Abundance (the not-enough mindset, on this episode)

The Simple Saturdays Email (sign up for the FUN bi-weekly email!)

Renae's Great Clutter Clear Out Challenge (sign up for the free 5-day challenge)

 



Full episode transcript (unedited)

Hey friends at Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach. From Simple on Purpose.ca This is our time where we stop, slow down, simplify, remove the drams and distractions on our lives so that we can show up for what matters the most to us show up with more peace, more purpose and presence for our actual lives. I'm so glad you're here. If it's your first time here, welcome. I'm Shawna I am a mom of three who decided that I would try out minimalism years ago, and it just sent me on this to jet trajectory. It's hard to declutter my home, which turned me into decluttering my life and my heart. And I am a trained life coach helping other women do the same show up for their lives with more purpose, peace and presence. So how have you been this January, where I live in British Columbia, where I live, it's icy. And you might know I walk my kids to the school bus every morning. It's a few blocks away, but we have to go down this hill. And I'm just like, submitted to it, I sit on my butt, I got my snow pants on and I slide down that hill, like I get speed, I end up like bumping into my daughter and pushing her down to. So I'm going to wear out the butt on my snow bands. It's fine. I'm still having fun. I'm showing up for that. I just love sledding, it is so much fun. Even if it's my only way of protecting my body from fall I just go with it, I'm going to fall in advance. So that's life here where I live in BC, we still have a little bit of a winter hanging on. And that's fine. I don't mind it. I really love getting out in the morning and walking the kids to school. Sometimes I even get my active minutes that way. But it's just such a nice way to start the day, I have a personal goal to get outside every single day. And a book that really inspired me to do this is a book called The Finnish way. The Finnish art of C Su and si su is that term for just real grit and persistence and not taking the easy way out. And that book just changed my whole view on how of lightweight I am. One other thing that I started doing since I read that book is I wi...]]>
Shawna Scafe 14:10
88. How to plan yearly goals and habits in the 9 areas of life https://simpleonpurpose.ca/plan-year-on-purpose-life/ Fri, 08 Jan 2021 20:10:10 +0000 https://simpleonpurpose.ca/?p=12173 Welcome to the New Year friends! This is the time we feel this resolution to make things new, as we flip over the calendar. There is a lot of thought given to resolutions, goals and habits to make. And all of that is good - when it is in line with your LIFE ON PURPOSE Life on Purpose is turning off the autopilot - being reactive, just living on default. When we do the things we have always done, thing what we have always thought we will keep getting more of the same. Do you like where you autopilot life is taking you? Or do you want to redirect it? Life on Purpose is living with INTENTION, and it needs two things: knowing who you want to be, how you want to show up (values) knowing where you want to go (vision) I will share with you my strategy for setting out my yearly goals and habits. And remember, all of this work is NOT about overhauling your whole life and getting to 100% in all nine areas of your life, it is about being someone who does simple meaningful things, consistently, towards their vision and values.    Steps to plan out your yearly goals and habits  Values - take time to get clear on your personal values Vision - write out what you want and long for and aspire to in the nine areas of your life Home, family, love, friendships, health, work, inner expression, outer expression, finances Take stock, evaluate where you are right now. This helps you set a path on the direction to take forward. Ask: What is working? What is not? What do I want more of? What do I want less of? Combine these (values, vision, evaluation) to identify the goals and habits that will move you towards your vision and values in this area of your life.    Some of my goals and habits I want to do in 2021 We have been doing this work for the past five years and continue to modify and refine where we want to go and how we want to get there.  In this episode, I am sharing some of the goals and habits I am setting for this year ahead: Home: filing papers, digitizing kid's artwork, routine deep cleanings Kids: family meetings, hikes (with friends! Which combines my family vision and friend vision for the year) Health: last year I worked a lot of sleep and vegetables. This year I am working on movement and nourishing lunches Outer: get outside (daily), make music easier (piano project) Inner: devotion goals, reading a book a month, memorizing scripture Finances: making more debt-free purchases, more detailed tracking of expenses   I also answered some of the questions sent in to me about planning life on purpose: How to pick the values and vision God has for my life? How do I get my husband more involved in setting goals and habits together? What planner do you use? I feel overwhelmed about planning my life on purpose, where do I even start?   Ways to get support with intentional living this year The Life on Purpose Roadmap. A self-guided course that addresses the hurdles, excuses and distractions that keep you from knowing what you want, planning it and taking action on it.  The Life on Purpose Academy. Weekly group coaching calls for the next ten weeks. This gives you support, accountability, consistency and so much insight into what holds you back and how to keep moving forward.    Remember that doing all of this is about SHOWING UP for yourself, not about overhauling your life.  Small things matter the most, so choose the small things that will move you closer to your vision and values.    Planning your life on purpose, more resources mentioned in the episode Permission to grieve blog post Are you stuck on autopilot? episode Live your values free worksheets Live your vision free worksheets The Life on Purpose Workbook  The GO CLEAN Instagram account How empathy can transform your parenting episode Family meetings blog post and mentioned on this episode The Life on Purpose Roadmap self-paced course Welcome to the New Year friends! This is the time we feel this resolution to make things new, as we flip over the calendar. There is a lot of thought given to resolutions, goals and habits to make. And all of that is good - when it is in line with your...


Life on Purpose is turning off the autopilot - being reactive, just living on default. When we do the things we have always done, thing what we have always thought we will keep getting more of the same. Do you like where you autopilot life is taking you? Or do you want to redirect it?
Life on Purpose is living with INTENTION, and it needs two things:

* knowing who you want to be, how you want to show up (values)
* knowing where you want to go (vision)

I will share with you my strategy for setting out my yearly goals and habits. And remember, all of this work is NOT about overhauling your whole life and getting to 100% in all nine areas of your life, it is about being someone who does simple meaningful things, consistently, towards their vision and values. 

 
Steps to plan out your yearly goals and habits 

* Values - take time to get clear on your personal values
* Vision - write out what you want and long for and aspire to in the nine areas of your life

* Home, family, love, friendships, health, work, inner expression, outer expression, finances


* Take stock, evaluate where you are right now. This helps you set a path on the direction to take forward. Ask: What is working? What is not? What do I want more of? What do I want less of?
* Combine these (values, vision, evaluation) to identify the goals and habits that will move you towards your vision and values in this area of your life. 

 
Some of my goals and habits I want to do in 2021
We have been doing this work for the past five years and continue to modify and refine where we want to go and how we want to get there.  In this episode, I am sharing some of the goals and habits I am setting for this year ahead:

* Home: filing papers, digitizing kid's artwork, routine deep cleanings
* Kids: family meetings, hikes (with friends! Which combines my family vision and friend vision for the year)
* Health: last year I worked a lot of sleep and vegetables. This year I am working on movement and nourishing lunches
* Outer: get outside (daily), make music easier (piano project)
* Inner: devotion goals, reading a book a month, memorizing scripture
* Finances: making more debt-free purchases, more detailed tracking of expenses

 
I also answered some of the questions sent in to me about planning life on purpose:

* How to pick the values and vision God has for my life?
* How do I get my husband more involved in setting goals and habits together?
* What planner do you use?
* I feel overwhelmed about planning my life on purpose, where do I even start?

 
Ways to get support with intentional living this year
The Life on Purpose Roadmap. A self-guided course that addresses the hurdles, excuses and distractions that keep you from knowing what you want, planning it and taking action on it. 

The Life on Purpose Academy. Weekly group coaching calls for the next ten weeks. This gives you support, accountability, consistency and so much insight into what holds you back and how to keep moving forward. 

 

Remember that doing all of this is about SHOWING UP for yourself,]]>