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94. Type 3 Mom (the Achiever), Enneagram + Motherhood

The Type 3 on the Enneagram is also known as the Achiever or the Performer. 

They are motivated by a need to be successful and they are natural checklist-makers and goal getters. 

What is it like to be a Type 3 Mom?

I have three Type 3 moms sharing their experience on how their type empowers them and how it shows up in times of stress. 

When a Type 3 is in stress they take on the qualities of the Type 9 and become more detached and apathetic and stubborn. 

When they are in a place of growth they move towards the qualities of the Type 6 and become more cooperative and a team player focussed on the greater good rather than the personal goal. 

 

When a Type three faces a challenge they apply logic to solve the problem. They are part of the Competency Group. They detach from their feelings by staying in an active role to work on the goal and “figure it out”. 

 

I think the Type 3s offer us a lot of encouragement to ‘raise the bar’ and I know that myself, as a Type 9, looks to the energy and drive of the Type 3 in my life to encourage me with that. 

If you want coaching by your Enneagram type, book a consult call to learn more. 

Thank you to these three wonderful moms who shared today!

Thank you, Veronica, Shannon and Stef (You can find Stef Gass at the Mompreneur Mastermind Podcast)

 

Full transcript 

Hey friends, it’s Shawna,your nerdy girlfriend and Life Coach from simple on purpose.ca.

This is the podcast for the busy mom on the go, I aim to keep all of the episodes under 20 minutes. And I want to just jam-packed them with ideas and stories and information on how you can simplify your life, slow down and show up for your life on purpose being very purposeful, very, very intentional with the life you want to build into and how you want to show up in it every single day.

So we’re continuing on with the enneagram series and we’re covering enneagram threes. Today I have three mums sharing about a bit about their motherhood experience as being in an enneagram three. The Enneagram Type 3 is also called the achiever, they get things done, they like goals, they have their checklists, and I love the threes my husband’s a three. And since we learned each other’s enneagram types over the years, I have so much more appreciation for the qualities that he brings into our life, our family, our marriage as a three that I don’t just naturally have on my own.

So when a three is in stress, when they’re feeling stressed out, they’re not at their healthiest, they move towards a type nine, which is called the peacemaker. But at the nine at their more unhealthy qualities, they are very disengaged, they’re stubborn, they’re apathetic, they’re very withdrawn. When a type three is in a place of health, they’re feeling like they’re showing up with healthy motives from a healthy place, they move towards the type six, the loyalist, they become more of a team player, they’re more cooperative, they’re more committed to the goal of the good of the group rather than their own personal self image and having to meet a goal that will satisfy that

The type three is part of the competency group. And I’ve been explaining that there’s our harmonic groups, which is the way that we deal with things when they don’t go our way. And then each of the enneagram types are grouped into one of these three groups, these harmonic groups, and the type three belongs to the competency group. I know I’m saying group a lot in my confusing, but the competency group are the enneagram types that will solve their problems using logic more than feelings. And a type three is well known to be really out of touch with their feelings, they use staying busy and achievement as a way of kind of not paying attention to it kind of repressing it.

So when a type three is faced with a problem, they’re going to focus on being efficient, being capable taking action, just focus on the goals. And the way that Hudson and Riso explain it in The Wisdom of the Enneagram is this kind of motto the three has, “there’s an efficient solution to this, we just need to get to work.” So they’re less about operating within the system and the culture and what’s expected of them like a type one would be, they’ll do that to an extent as long as it’s serving them. Otherwise, they’re going to keep driving forward with their goals and what they think is important to them, and how they can present themselves and keep achieving in the world.

Now, we need these types threes, as you’re going to hear from these three moms, these three moms can help create a standard, like raise the bar, I love the first lady, Veronica, sharing how she’s three, she’s raising a son who’s a nine because that’s my dynamic with me and my husband. And I do look to the type three is a bar raiser. And I know that my qualities as a nine also bring him down a little bit that he can become more in touch with the relational aspects of achievement.

What I really hear though, when listening to these type threes, and this is something I coach on type threes a lot is that they have this drive to achieve. And that is fantastic. Don’t lose that. But make sure you’re having that drive direct you towards the things that matter. So make achievement matter make your achievements matter.

You’re also going to hear these moms share some things like I just really like being control. And that’s a theme here you’re going to hear all of the moms probably say something like that, because all of the enneagram types love control, but for different reasons.

So thank you to these three wonderful moms, Veronica, Shannon and Stef, for sharing what empowers them about being a three and how that three shows up when they’re under stress. And I’m going to also link to Stef Gass She has been a podcast coach that I have worked with and I love her. So make sure you check her out if you are interested in living in that world of mompreneurs. I’ll link her podcast in the show notes.

My name is Veronica Breton. I am an enneagram three and I have three sons, ages 1620 and 23. And I’ve done a lot of reflection on motherhood as an enneagram three and achiever. And I tell you first of all, I am so grateful that there was no Pinterest when my children were young, because as an enneagram, three, I put so much pressure on myself when I first became a mom to do everything perfect. And so I would stamp their birthday party invitations by hand. And oh my goodness, I spent so much time trying to make everything so special. And even, I would decided to cook all natural for a while and I would buy my own wheat and millet. It was just waste so much to keep up with. I’m so glad that I finally came to the realization that that is not who God made me to be. And I could still be a good mom. Without having to go through all that effort in trouble. I’m more of a Amazon mom now but a Pinterest prom. So as my kids have grown older, I think that my achiever personality has really shown itself to push them because teenagers by nature can be lazy. And a no excuses, Mom, take action. Don’t give me any excuses, no barriers, never tell me you can’t do something. Just I want you to tell me how you’re going to get it done. And that means that I have an enneagram nine son who is a slot. And that causes a lot of conflict for us. So I work really hard to push him out of that softness, but try to appreciate where he’s at. I try really hard to understand where each of them where they’re at and meet them where they’re at, to push them to the next level to be who God created them to be. That’s it. They they all say that I’m a no BS no excuses, mom. And I’m more of the the driven. I raised the bar in her house. Instead of their dad, who is more of the nurturer. I’m the bar raiser. So All right, thank you so much.

I’m Shannon, on a three wing two. And I’m the mom of four kids, three young adult college age sense and a 16 year old daughter still at home. Being a three has had some distinct advantages in my parenting for sure. I think threes are accustomed to looking for opportunities to succeed. And that translates well to parenting. It was very important to me to help my kids find success in areas that were meaningful to them, and grow in their own confidence. And I was always on the lookout for those opportunities. Of course, we have to remember that success isn’t always on our terms, it can look very different for each kid. But honestly, seeing my kids grow and find their lane and flourish in their areas of interest and expertise was honestly one of the greatest delights in parenting. For me. Something else that comes to mind is this specific challenge that I faced when my kids were much younger, I work full time now that I was a stay at home mom for many years. And when you’re a super productive three, who is ambitious and likes feeling like things are getting accomplished. That’s kind of the opposite of motherhood really, which is you know, that daily diligent faithfulness, which is precious, but you may not see results for your efforts for many years. And I think that can be a challenge to any mom, but especially for threes who just kind of need to check off that box that can be hard. I remember when I was a young mom, a much older mom once told me do one thing every day that can’t be undone. And that saved my sanity more than once. So I’m just passing that similar advice on to any other three moms out there. To find a way to do something that is intellectually stimulating or challenging to you something you can own. And something you can actually complete. It doesn’t have to be big. But that’s important for your mental health, which makes you a better mom.

Hey, there. So I’m Stefanie Gass from the mompreneur Mastermind Show and Shawna asked me to share the following with you. I am an enneagram number three wing to my business is that I am a clarity coach for Christian mompreneurs I help them uncover their God led calling the spiritual gifts that they have, and then create a business out of that using podcasting and passive courses or coaching as a way to monetize those gifts. It empowers me by being a three wing to in my business because I’m just naturally an action taker. So instead of thinking which can also be a con right, I take massive action and I feel really at home in business. I feel like That is a place for me that I’m really comfortable and that I’m able to just show up in a really big way. And God has really given me these gifts of leadership, and all of those things. Now, in contrast, in my parenting, being an enneagram, three can sometimes be difficult because I’m so comfortable in work. It’s a stretch for me to feel really confident and comfortable in parenting. But that is what the most beautiful thing about that is that once you recognize some of the weaknesses that you inherently have, you can focus on them and make them work for you. So I just have to intentionally set up boundaries, I set up boundaries in my work life so that I can be really present as a parent, I turn off, actually delete the social media apps every single weekend so that I can be with my two boys. I also have to schedule in playtime and schedule and really fun things. That way, as a three, it works for my personality type, because it’s now an action plan, right? It’s something scheduled and planned in which as a natural achiever. Now it feels really good. Now it feels really natural. So those are some of the hacks and ways that I’ve been able to be more present intentional Mama, being a three and it’s just something that you can’t I constantly pray over and work with and partner with God on is how can I move more towards my enneagram two wing when it comes to parenting? Now how my enneagram three shows up in stress is that I love to be in control. I love to be proactive, it really stresses me out, to not have a plan not to be proactive and to be found in a reactive state where I’m struggling to catch up or I feel deadlines approaching. It makes me really uncomfortable. Being proactive, is my happy place. It’s having things organized, orderly planned, and then taking massive action just again, that action. So stress, that’s how it shows up. But again, knowing that about myself gives me a lot of perspective to make sure that when something is coming up, I can get my ducks in order. That’s why I thrive with a morning routine with an evening routine with boundaries, laser solid boundaries in my in my work life so that I can be more proactive in all the other areas of my life. And then managing stress from a proactive place, setting myself up for success by pre planning, pre pre coordinating, setting all of the little things up so that I am ready before things happen for seeing what’s coming and doing my best to stay in front of it. There you go. That is the there are The Chronicles of an Enneagram three.

Thank you again ladies for sharing your experience for coming on sharing your insights and coming at it with humility but also encouragement of how we can work with our strengths and how we can manage what feels like a weakness to us and use it to our advantage. I found that really inspiring and encouraging. I hope you do too.

We’re going to wrap up this week hearing from the type fours and next week I’m going to share 5,6,7,8,9 with you. I don’t have as long as episodes for that because they don’t have many as many volunteers so if you are a mom listening and you’re willing to volunteer your voice onto those episodes next week, please do get in touch with me. You can find me on Instagram at @simpleonpurpose.ca

 

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