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92. Type 1 Mom (the Perfectionist), Enneagram + Motherhood

I have three moms sharing a few minutes each about their experience of motherhood as being a Type 1 on the Enneagram. As part of a series I am doing on all the nine enneagram types called Enneagram + Motherhood

Type 1s are also called the Perfectionist or Reformer. 

I am explaining a bit more details about Type 1s and taking referencing information taught in the Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso and Hudson

Books recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you. 

When it comes to dealing with problems or not getting their way, they rely on COMPETENCY. 

In Enneagram talk: they are part of the Competency Group when it comes to their Harmonic Style. 

I briefly explain with this means and what it looks like for the Type 1. 

 

I also explain what growth and stress look like for an Enneagram Type 1.

These are called the Line of Integration (what you do when you are emotionally healthy) and Line of Disintegration (what you do when you are unhealthy and stressed).

Then we hear from three moms who are so kind to share their own self-awareness and insights into the struggles and strengths of being a Type 1. I love that they also share how they manage the hurdles and I have helpful takeaways from what they share. 

 

Thank you, Louise, Jacquie and Liz for sharing your experience with us!

You can find Louise at Talk Nerdy to Me

and you can find Liz at Glow

 

Are you a type 5,6,7,8 or 9 who wants to share their motherhood experience? If so, then message me on Instagram and let me know!

Ask your Enneagram questions in the Facebook community

Get coached by your Enneagram Type with Shawna Scafe, Certified Coach Practitioner and Transformational Life Coach

Mom and daughter laughing in kitchen with text overlay "the type 1 mom, the enneagram and motherhood"

Full transcript (unedited)

Hey, friends, it’s Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. And I’m just gonna dive right in because we are talking about the enneagram. And I have three amazing moms who have recorded and shared with me with their experience in motherhood is like as being a type one. type one also called the perfectionist, the reformer. So if you’ve listened to the last episode, if not, I encourage you to go do that I run through the nine types. And now moving forward, I’m going to share these voices of these moms by enneagram type on what their motherhood experience is like. So first of all, thank you mamas, thank you for sharing. Thank you for giving a voice to this, I found this whole experience so enlightening, to listen to each type and just sit with it. And, and I love that these moms are also offering how they deal with the stressors in their life by their type. So you’re going to hear in from these three moms, Jackie is going to mention that she moves in growth to a type seven as a type one, when they’re in growth, they move towards a type seven. So I mentioned in the last episode, that whatever type you are, when you are in a place of growth, and emotionally healthy, you will move to another type on the enneagram, you’ll pick up the positive qualities of that type. And when you are in a place of stress, you’re going to move to another number on the enneagram. These are called the lines, the lines of disintegration and the lines of integration. But I’ll just call them stress and growth. So the type one, when it is in a place of growth, it moves towards a type seven, it becomes more impulsive, more joyful, more spontaneous. When it isn’t a place of stress, it moves towards type four, it becomes irrational, a little bit more Moody, I’m also going to share with each of these episodes, something you don’t hear often. And that is the harmonic groups, also called the coping groups. And this is how each of the types deal with problems deal with not getting their way. And the type one is part of the competency groups. So when they have a problem, they are going to deal with it by being correct and organized and sensible. They remove their feelings from it. And they channel that energy into activities into getting things done. They want to work with, with the system of what works with the culture. They want to do what’s right, they want to be good. And they get irritated at people who disregard the rules. So I’m taking this information from the book The wisdom of the enneagram by Riso and Hudson. And they say this at a glance at a glance type one, I’m sure we can solve this like sensible, mature adults that is their general at a glance approach to problem solving when they don’t get their way. So I hope that this has been helpful for you. If you’re wondering if you’re type one, this information can help you. But let’s now listen to the three mums who have shared their own experience. And what I asked for our moms to share what empowers you? What about being that type empowers you in your motherhood? And what happens when you’re stressed? What What does stress look like for you. And I’m just so thankful that these moms are sharing this because it is humbling to share this and it’s also so insightful. Their insights into their strengths and their struggles and how they deal with them is just really eye opening. And I found it wildly encouraging that they are sharing this experience. And I’m learning from it too. As we go along, I’m going to share any of the social media information that these women have shared with me if they want to do some of these women are my online friends. Some I’ve just met through this project. And some of them don’t have online platforms that they want to share on. So keep an eye in the shownotes for that. If you need to catch the show notes and you can’t find out how to do them. Go to simple on purpose.ca. Click Listen, and they’re all there for you. Alright, let’s listen to the lease Jackie and Liz.

Hi, my name is Louise Chapman. I am a mom of three. And I blog at Talk Nerdy to Me. My kids are ages eight to 14. So I’ve entered the wild stage of teenagers, which means there is so much more to learn. I am a type one perfectionist or reformer. So I like to just try and like learn as much as I can about each stage I guess so that I can be prepared for what might happen and what attitudes I may face. Okay, so I’m just going to talk about what empowers me first and then what causes me stress and how I act in stress. So empowers me. Like I feel really good with order and routine. So I’m always very prepared for anything, whether it’s school lunches or a trip or having next season’s clothes ready. So I feel like I’m really prepared. My kids have routine. And yeah, I’m a teacher in real life, but So, you know, I don’t I don’t mind teaching my own kids. So I’m pretty good at pivoting, adapting and learning. Now stress is when I feel that either my kids aren’t listening or something unexpected happens like illness, and I’ve got to go to work. And I don’t have childcare. And it just makes me feel really panicky when I can’t plan for everything, and I can’t cover all my bases. So when I feel a loss of control, that’s very stressful to me. And I feel like I have to have Plan A, B, and C ready at all times. So it might look like I’m a bit of a stress case. But really, I’m just preparing for anything possible that could happen. Another negative when I am stressed is I can get critical, more so maybe towards my husband and my kids. So I kind of take it out on him a bit. And then I am also a little bit preachy. So yeah, I’m very curious to hear about all the other types. But that’s just a bit about me as a type one parent of kids ages eight to 14.

Hi, my name is Jacquie Graves, I am an enneagram. One, I have two daughters. One is 11. And one is 13. One of the biggest ways that my oneness comes out in my parenting is my need for structure and control. I love to have order, and I get off schedule. Because of my love of structure, and the fact that I don’t waver too much from this, my girls see consistency in my parenting. ones are pretty responsible and want to do the right thing. And that comes through my parenting as well. I emphasize this a lot to my girls, and they can see me modeling that in my life. Several of these things that serve me well at times can also be a source of stress. Because of these high expectations I set for myself and others, I contend to give off the message that it’s not okay to make mistakes. And I will notice all the problems. The most obvious one is messes. I joke that my girls will be telling their therapist when they’re older. My mom just made me clean my entire childhood. But it’s other things as well. And I tend to leave little room for error. I have had to train myself to let things go and ask, Is this really a big deal? What is this hurting, I have to intentionally make sure I remind my girls and physically say to them, making this mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. Or this mistake doesn’t define who you are as a person. That inner critic is so loud and one and is always telling me about all the mistakes I’m making as a parent. So I have to tell myself this message as well and train my brain to ignore that voice and give myself grace. No one is ever judging me as harshly as I judge myself. I am thankful though that I go to a seven and a half. And I can be fun and spontaneous and my parenting. I love surprising our girls with fun and adventure.

Hey, Shawna, this is Liz Edwards. And I wanted to send you a quick memo to kind of chat in a little bit about being an enneagram one and how that plays into my parenting. So obviously, with the enneagram, one par for the course i’m going to kind of hit on the negative things. But um, you know, always looking for the areas of improvement. But I would say the big thing is just when things don’t go as I expect them or that I have planned them out to be or the way that I think they should be that anger is pretty quick to come out. And I take it out on my kids. And I’ve learned obviously that that’s not healthy, and that it really does a number on them. And so what’s really cool, though, is that my kids and I have a pretty open line of communication. So sometimes I’ve given that then that permission to say, hey mom, like, that’s not very kind or mom that makes me feel this way, which has been really, really cool to see. But I’ve you know, I’ve also learned that when I talk to my kids about maybe their behavior or certain things, I’m trying really hard not to use the words. That’s right. And that’s wrong. It’s more so like, Okay, well, this is a healthier option, or this isn’t a healthy option. So that’s been been interesting. And then I would say the positive side being an enneagram one and really focused on like, social justice and the thing you know, being right in the world and taking care of people what is coolest so the company that I’ve helped start is called glow. And we focus on giving circles and people making an impact in the world, changing the world through giving circles. And it’s cool because my kids have been such a big part of it. Like we talked about it and I I show them and I connect them with the outside world outside of their little bubble here in the suburbs of Nashville. So that’s been a really positive thing is that my kids get to see the justice that is happening through my company. So anyway as kind of a shortened version, very short version of what it’s like to parent as an enneagram one.

Thank you so much, ladies for sharing that it was so great to hear from you and hear about your experiences being a type one. As I mentioned in the previous episode, I would love to hear from more moms who are type four or 5678 and nine to help round out the voices of motherhood on this project that I’m doing. So if you are willing to share one to two minutes of a voice recording, sharing how your type empowers you and how it shows up in stress, please contact me. I’m on Instagram at simple on purpose.ca where you can email me Shawna at simple on purpose.ca Alright, and we’ll head on over to type two

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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