When I got into the world of ‘Mommy Blogging’ it was easy to swim in the pool of writing and reading about parenting.
After all, with two toddlers at sixteen months apart I had a permanent stool at the swim-up bar in the parenting pool. And I wasn’t leaving. Not even to pee. Cause really, that’s what chlorine is for.
Just joking…..or am I? (a little Health Inspector humour there for ya).
Then as my kids became toddlers and were less physically dependent on me I felt like I was being released from this tiny stagnant uriney pool of water. I could have physical free range to make a complete meal; leave for the day without throbbing breasts; sleep through the night; wear clothes that didn’t have elastic panels, snaps and buckles; let them run in the yard while I read a book.
Around this time I also started hearing a little voice asking, ‘Hey Shawna, who are you beyond motherhood?‘. I joined a fabulous group of ladies who write about so much more than being a mother and I felt inspired by their constant wit and insight into a smattering of topics. I wanted to break out of the ‘Mommy Blogger’ yard and run down the streets writing about anything and everything.
Now I am pregnant again and due any day. I will be cannon-balling right back into that pool of parents who are clutching cups of coffee, assessing nap schedules and spending hours of their life in the same chair nursing and rocking their tiny dependent offspring.
Right now you see ‘just a mom‘ and maybe some days (months, years) that’s all I get to be. What I’ve learned is that motherhood is a process that breaks me down and rebuilds me. Every day in motherhood I’m learning about my own insecurities, weaknesses and strengths as a woman, wife and mom.
I have learned to live in complete monotony and useless circadian rhythms and to take ownership over things I am passionate about. I see that it is up to me to make choices to find passion in my daily life. It may not look how I expected or what I see others doing. But when I find happiness in perfection in everyday moments, I know that being ‘just a mom’ is a gift, a season, a privilege, a trial, and it is worth showing up for.
____
I love this post almost as much as I love you. You can be everything and anything you want, and if anybody tries to put you in a box, I’mma gonna take ’em out back and beat the crap outta them.
Your comment means a lot to me – I know you’ve been there with your kids too and have that freedom now, so it’s great to hear a fellow mom giving such support. And if anyone ever tries to put me in a box, all you Blunties are my secret weapon…very scary secret weapon lol.
Love this post, can completely relate. I remember when my eldest was about 18 months I felt like less of just a mom. Then again at about 18 months with my second 🙂
I think most parents, at some point in their parenting gig, find this to be their same issue to. I know I have! One thing I try to embrace is that while I am going full swing at the motherhood game, I need to remember those things that make me feel whole outside of parenting. For me, that is really simple stuff like blogging or chatting with a non parent friend about non parent stuff.
I have come to believe there is no such thing as “just a mom”. Yet it takes up such brain space for just long enough to wear is down. I hope all goes well with your delivery! I think you are a fabulous writer. And live the part about learning to live in complete monogamy. Because this will all change. And we must learn the balance of enjoying each moment for what it bestows and finding the places where we fill ourselves up with us stuff. Thank you for your thoughts!
Love,
Shalagh