When I got into the world of ‘Mommy Blogging’ it was easy to swim in the pool of writing and reading about parenting.
After all, with two toddlers at sixteen months apart I had a permanent stool at the swim-up bar in the parenting pool. And I wasn’t leaving. Not even to pee. Cause really, that’s what chlorine is for.
Just joking…..or am I? (a little Health Inspector humour there for ya).
Then as my kids became toddlers and were less physically dependent on me I felt like I was being released from this tiny stagnant uriney pool of water. I could have physical free range to make a complete meal; leave for the day without throbbing breasts; sleep through the night; wear clothes that didn’t have elastic panels, snaps and buckles; let them run in the yard while I read a book.
Around this time I also started hearing a little voice asking, ‘Hey Shawna, who are you beyond motherhood?‘. I joined a fabulous group of ladies who write about so much more than being a mother and I felt inspired by their constant wit and insight into a smattering of topics. I wanted to break out of the ‘Mommy Blogger’ yard and run down the streets writing about anything and everything.
Now I am pregnant again and due any day. I will be cannon-balling right back into that pool of parents who are clutching cups of coffee, assessing nap schedules and spending hours of their life in the same chair nursing and rocking their tiny dependent offspring.
Right now you see ‘just a mom‘ and maybe some days (months, years) that’s all I get to be. What I’ve learned is that motherhood is a process that breaks me down and rebuilds me. Every day in motherhood I’m learning about my own insecurities, weaknesses and strengths as a woman, wife and mom.
I have learned to live in complete monotony and useless circadian rhythms and to take ownership over things I am passionate about. I see that it is up to me to make choices to find passion in my daily life. It may not look how I expected or what I see others doing. But when I find happiness in perfection in everyday moments, I know that being ‘just a mom’ is a gift, a season, a privilege, a trial, and it is worth showing up for.