I never had ambitions to write….or blog. I just wanted a space to share my c-section story and hopefully help out some other moms who felt as overwhelmed with motherhood as I did/do.
But, as with any process you stick with over time, it will change you.
Blogging has given me a voice. It has allowed me string together my ideas, plucking them from an imaginary bubble. Hanging each word on a line, to form each single sentence. The craft of pinning these pieces up in a decorative fashion has made me feel creative. It has pressed and permitted me to voice my opinions. Forced me to analyze, commit to and defend these opinions.
I’ve almost quit countless times. I even took a break in December – though you may not have noticed because I pre-scheduled everything for the whole month. ‘Look, I’m quitting blogging for a month, now just let me not quit and line up a month’s worth of posts’.
I still learned a lot in December. Most notably that I felt more free. My family wasn’t always having to work around me ‘needing to write’ in the cramped free time we seem to have, I sought out new passions that have been idle because blogging takes so much time to do ‘successfully’ (especially with three small kids under three).
I almost deleted the whole blog shebang, I was so fed up with the rat race that was flickering on my screen everyday making me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. In fact, I’ve always been embarrassed to tell people about my blog. To the point where I’ve avoided it. I mean, I’m obviously pretty open about my generally awkward and nerdy self. Yet, I felt like I had to validate my blogging in terms of how it has been ‘successful’. Having to validate it as success was taking all the enjoyment out of it.
Then I said, screw successful.
I’m so over that word, and that notion.
Success in life: ‘good’ schools, ‘good’ jobs, happy marriage, starter home, two ‘working’ vehicles, two babies, bigger home, family pet, winters in Mexico, retire with money to do all the living you couldn’t do because you were too busy working at a job you hated for 40 years and cleaning your stuffed garage every Saturday.
Success in blogging: constant growth in pageviews, fresh content every week, guest posting for great sites, working with well known brands, increase in followers, more pageviews, more fresh content, more growth, more output.
If I am making goals to live life more intentionally for my passions rather than what others dictate as success, then I should be doing the same for blogging. I just have to give myself permission to enjoy it rather than validate it.
In these past four years I’ve learned that I need to keep writing for one reason, the only reason, I’m passionate about it. I like it. I enjoy it. I may not have much hustle, but I do have a lot of heart. I think success in blogging is better measured by merging your hustle and your heart in a way that doesn’t take parts of you that you don’t want to forfeit to blogging. For me, this part was free time.
So Le Blog remains le open. I’ll be writing for this great community I’ve found. Writing for myself because apparently I do love writing. Writing to share my journeys, failures, successes because you tell me that you are in it too. We are all looking for a village, and there are sometimes when it is ok to find parts of it online.
I’m not revolutionizing blogging, apparently this is called ‘slow blogging’ and I’m just learning about it now. So maybe the name is aptly suited (for this blogger)…..
As I nestle into slow blogging and write from the heart (and to relieve that Scottish lady in my brain narrating my life) make sure you also follow me on Facebook and Instagram, cause that’s where I put on my comfy pants, pour us a glass of wine to have a lady chat, mom to mom, girlfriend to girlfriend, wife to wife.
And to all of you who dropped me text messages, emails, comments, private messages – you have kept this blog going each and every time I was ready to shut er down. Which means you have kept me going. Thank you.