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97. Type 6 Mom (the Loyalist), Enneagram + Motherhood

Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast! For moms on the go who want nuggets of information and encouragement that helps them live with more peace, purpose and presence in their daily lives. 

We are continuing with our series on the Enneagram and Motherhood where we hear from moms on what their motherhood experience is like through the lens of the Enneagram

This episode is about the Type 6 Mom, also called the Loyalist or the Skeptic. 

In this episode, I explain:

  • The common traits of the Type 6
  • Their need for support and guidance
  • Their need for independence 
  • Being a skeptic and slow to trust
  • Being a loyalist and putting your faith in the others who have the answers
  • Type 6 living in their own head, with the worst-case scenario and projected fears
  • How the Type 6 reacts when things don’t go their way
  • Their stress response (fight, flight and freeze) when faced with FEAR
  • Growth for the Type 6, and stress for the Type 6

We hear from two wonderful moms sharing their experience, thank you to Tiffany and Kristin!

 

Links:

Listen to the Intro Episode, rundown of the 9 types of the Enneagram

Ask any Enneagram questions in the Simple on Purpose Community Group

Book a consult call to learn about life coaching with the Enneagram

See all the episodes in this Enneagram and Motherhood Series

See all the Show Notes for the podcast episodes 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey friends it’s Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple and purpose.ca Welcome to this simple on purpose podcast.

For those of you who are new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three in small-town Canada. And I am a trained life coach who is passionate about helping moms show up for their lives show up Well. It is always my mission on every coaching call I have on every episode on everything I share, to help you look at your life in a little bit of a different way that brings you more peace, more purpose and more presence into your daily life. That is what I’m passionate about you showing up for your life and enjoying it because this is your life, you should enjoy it.

So we are continuing on with the enneagram series. And if you’re not sure what the enneagram is head back a few episodes to the run through of the nine basic types. It’s called What are your motives or something like that? what’s motivating you I forget. So I have shared each type in their own episode. And on each episode, we have moms sharing what their motherhood experiences like through the lens of the enneagram.

So today, we are talking about the type six, the type six is known to be fearful. They’re always thinking of the worst case scenario, they really live in their head with a lot of their fears and planning how to avoid them. And I think it can really be exhausting. When they’re in their head like that some sixes also failed to see their real dangers of life, the real worst case scenarios, versus these mentally manufactured fears that kind of a runaway train that their brain can take them on.

They are called the loyalist or the skeptic because of their relationship to others. They question and doubt themselves and often look to external sources for answers and guidance. But with skepticism, can I trust them? Can I trust what they’re saying. And when they decide they can trust them, they are loyal to that person that authority that system.

Something that is interesting is what the six does with fear, they fight flight or freeze so they might flight they might try to control their environment that’s very typical of a six and planning and stressing and doing, they might fight they might go against fear head on, and this is called a counter phobic six, they’re just gonna go right into it, just jump right in and address it just get it over with and then they might freeze they might just comply with the rules of the system, they can be very compliant when there is a culture or a system in place that they trust.

When the six is in a place of growth and health. They move towards the qualities of the type nine, the peacemaker, they empathize more with others, they’re more trusting and relaxed, they become more grounded in their bodies. And when they are in a place of stress, they move towards a type three, they can be closed off from others, maybe they become driven and arrogant, kind of really focused on being a workaholic, whatever their task is at hand.

I’ve been explaining the harmonic groups, how you deal with things when things don’t go your way. And the type six is part of the reactive group. They react strongly to generate a response and those around them. And the sixes generally react with defensiveness as a way to maintain their independence as they navigate between wanting support and guidance, but also not wanting to be dependent on others.

So I feel like a lot of us as moms can relate to the type six and you’re going to hear these moms talking about the anxiety they have in motherhood and in parenting. Am I doing it right? Are we safe are we prepared this is something many moms can relate to but a type six, this narrative in their mind, it’s a lot louder and probably in a lot more areas of their life. Their work to do is to find the answers within themselves and trust themselves.

So I want to thank Kristin and Tiffany for being just so open and sharing the type sixes are also just very warm and caring. They are great at creating support structures in their communities. So I want to thank them for sharing their experience. Let’s hear from Tiffany and Kristin.

Hi, my name is Tiffany and I’m an enneagram six. I’m a mom to two kids ages 11 and eight and I parent them with my partner who is also their father. So as a six, safety and security are very important to me. How that showed up when my kids were babies is that I practice a lot of attachment parenting styles. I co slept with them and nursed them until they were about two years old. The other part of that being a six is that I had a lot of anxiety with my older one I had postpartum depression and anxiety and with my younger one I had a lot of anxiety while I was pregnant with her and it pretty much disappeared after she was born, other than my regular anxiety. But as a parent you never really know if you’re making the right choice because you never you just never know and So, as a six, that definitely shows up because I have a lot of insecurity about whether I am making the right choices. So when I’m in stress, I doubt myself, I second guess my choices. And I often look for validation from external sources. in public, I can be more strict because I’m insecure. And I feel like I’m being judged for how I’m handling a meltdown or whatever else is happening. However, as a six, I’m also empowered by my preparedness. So I always tried to make sure I had snacks and diapers and changes of clothes and all of those things. And I hit that mark, most of the time, although if I ever messed up, I was very hard on myself course. And I think another thing about success is that community is really important. So I’ve always sought out community, which has helped me be a better parent. And also I try to create a community with my kids were their friends feel loved and included and supported whenever they’re in our home. So being a six as a parent is good and bad. But I would say it’s no worse than any other number. Thank you.

My name is Kristen. And I’m a mom to two little girls, one who just started kindergarten, this year, she’ll be six and a few weeks, and one who is two and a half, I guess closer to three than two and a half at this point. I’m an enneagram, type six. That’s something that I learned about myself before I became a parent, which I think is great for all parents to learn more about themselves, especially through the enneagram before they become a parent, because I think it helps understand kind of how you show up as a parent. For me, being a type six mom shows up in stress, when I can’t control things, which happens a lot in motherhood. When I feel like things are unknown, or unsecure things, not being able to keep my kids safe, not knowing what’s going to happen to them, when I send them off to school, things like that can can show up in stress and causes a lot of anxiety with like the newborn stage, and not being able to know what was going on with kids. My kids that was that was a really stressful time. But I think what’s the most empowering thing about being an enneagram Six mom is that because my brain is always going and I’m always preparing for the worst and always trying to prevent and plan and figure out what I would do. I’m a really prepared mom. And when things do arise, I think that I’m able to sort of jump into action because I’ve spent so much mental energy already in the day to day just thinking about what I would do in these different situations. So I think in that regard, it is really empowering for me as a mom, because it makes me feel like I know what I’m doing even if I don’t always know what I’m doing. But just knowing that I’ve already thought this through and I can sort of just jump in to action and make a decision.

Thank you so much Tiffany and Kristin for sharing that with us for being the voice for the type sixes and what that experience is like, This week, we’re going to wrap up with type Seven, eight, and nine. And I have had so much fun putting these episodes together, they’ve actually been months in the making. There’s moms who sent me this back in the fall. And now I’m just getting this all together and adding more voices in it, people are volunteering. So thank you to all of the moms who are collaborating to make this series happen. And if you’ve been listening and you wonder what your enneagram type is or how you can grow within your enneagram type or anything about that, come on over to the simple on purpose community and Facebook. Share your questions there. I will go on live and answer them I’ll write you back. And if you are interested in being coached life coach on any obstacle, you’re having any goal you want to meet and you want to bring the enneagram into that conversation. Contact me I do coach with the enneagram you can book a console call to learn what coaching is like how I run the program and see if it is a fit for you. totally up to you. If that’s something you’re looking for. I’ll link that in the show notes. And on whatever podcast player you’re on. If you can’t find the show notes, head on over to simple on purpose.ca. Click listen and you’ll find them all there. Alright guys, I’ll follow up with type seven coming your way this week. Have a good one.

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