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91. What are your motives (Enneagram + Motherhood)

One tool I use in my life coaching is the Enneagram. It is a self-discovery tool that brings more awareness to your stress habits, your strengths, your behaviour patterns and it is all based on your MOTIVES – why you are doing something, what you are avoiding or moving towards. 

Books recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you. 

I have been working on a series of episodes that feature moms sharing their motherhood experience through the lens of the Enneagram. To introduce this series I wanted to give you a brief rundown of the Enneagram types – as it pertains to their motives.  What their desires and fears for all of the nine enneagram types. 

If you want a more thorough explanation of all the 9 Enneagram Types then head to episode 17:  Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types)

In this episode, I reference Richard Rohr, an OG Enneagram Teacher whose book I am citing. You can find his book right here. 

To get support:

Ask me questions about the Enneagram or finding your type in the Simple on Purpose Facebook Community

Get life coaching from Shawna using the Enneagram as a tool for personal growth

Message me on Instagram to share your Enneagram + Motherhood Experience

Woman laying on couch with hat on face text overlay reads "What are your motives? The Enneagram + Motherhood"

Full episode transcript:

Hello friends and welcome I am Shawna your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose. 

And this is the place for you if the clutter feels like too much if life feels too busy if motherhood is overwhelming if your marriage feels like it’s slipping, these are all signs to us that we’ve been living on autopilot, just letting life happen at us, rather than us being in the driver’s seat, being proactive, being intentional, and I know, because I’ve been there. Three and a half years into motherhood. I was three kids in and I learned about minimalism and decided to declutter my home. As I did that, I realized I’ve been living my whole life on autopilot, just letting it pile up, just letting it happen. And I wanted to take control, I wanted to live on purpose. I wanted to take action and build a life, the home the relationships and mindsets that I craved, the one that God made me for, I wanted to set a vision for my life, I wanted to show up for my life, based on my personal values who I want it to be. So if you are on this journey, then let me come alongside you. I am a mom of three, I am a trained life coach, and your nerdy girlfriend who believes that this is our life, we should enjoy it. Let’s dig in. Today, I’m going to open up a series I’m going to do on parenting through the enneagram the enneagram if you haven’t heard it, and I’m sure you have because it’s having a day, the enneagram is a self-discovery tool. So it’s kind of like Myers brigg, or disk. But the enneagram looks a lot at our inner motives. What is driving us and what we desire. What we are motivated by that is powerful stuff. So it’s not just like you’re an introvert extrovert, it’s like, what is driving you underneath that? Are you driven by success, or by needing to help people or by needing to keep the peace, there’s different motivations we have. Although our outward actions might look very similar, we’re doing one thing, but driven towards it for a different reason. So on this episode, I’m going to run through very quickly the nine types. And then the following episodes I’m going to share with you other moms sharing their experience on what it’s like to be that enneagram type and how it shows up in their parenting. And I will say for types 123. And maybe four, I have about three moms each, each of those types. The other ones, I just have one mom. So if you are a type 56789 and I think even a four, and you would like to share a couple minutes of your experience as parenting through that enneagram type, please get in touch with me, you can find me on Instagram at simple on purpose.ca. You can email me at Shawna at simple on purpose.ca. And let me know I would love to form these to be more robust and have the voices of a lot more women in them. So to give you a rundown, and if you want a really thorough rundown, head on way back to Episode 17, where I cover all of the nine types in detail. And I’ll link that in the show notes. So you don’t have to scroll back and all that stuff. But I want to just do it really briefly here. And maybe you’ll hear a little bit of what type you think you could be. So keep your ears open for that. And if you want help identifying your type, come on into the simple on purpose community Facebook group, share your questions there. And I will help you with that. So another thing to keep in mind as you’re considering all of these nine types, and they go 123456789123456789, so they kind of make the circle. But whatever type you are, you can pick up qualities on either side of you. For instance, the one would pick up qualities of the nine or the two, the two would pick up qualities of the one or the three and so on. So I’m going to run through the nine types briefly, and I’m going to share information from Richard Rohr, one of the Oji enneagram professionals. The first type type one is the perfectionist and they have the need to be perfect in some people hear this and be like, I’m not a perfectionist. But really, it’s a basic desire to be good, to be balanced, to have integrity to be whole. The next one is the type to also called the helper and they have a need to be needed. And nobody likes to feel like oh, I just need to be needed. Like that doesn’t feel good. But what’s underneath that is this real big fear of just wanting to be wanted. Feeling like that’s how I get love by serving others. That’s how I express my value and earn my value. The type

three is the achiever, they have the need to succeed. And they have a basic desire motivation to feel valuable and worthwhile. And they do this through being a success orient oriented person. The type four also called the romantic, they even need to be special, and they have this desire to find themselves and they want to have this identity and the significance. They can be fixated on what’s missing, searching for the meaning and all of this. They will avoid the ordinary in the month. deign, the type five the observer has a need to perceive, and this is driven by this need to observe and perceive things so that they are capable so that they are competent, they do not. They fear being useless or helpless or incapable. These are very perceptive people, very innovative people, sometimes even secretive or isolated. Type six, the questioner also known as the loyalist, they have a need for security, they are driven by the need for support for security for guidance, and they have this fear of being without that, some people will think that they’re just naturally anxious, it’s an anxious person. But underneath that, they’re very committed. They’re very loyal to those people who give them security. And yes, there is a suspicious side to them, where they are kind of judging things to see what is going to be safe. And they’re just also very warm. And they’re the person you go to if you want a snack, or you need a Kleenex, they probably just got it in their purse with them, they’re always prepared. The adventure type seven, the enthusiast these are fun people. And they have this basic desire to have fun to be satisfied to be content, because they are avoiding the feeling of being deprived or being in pain, they have the need to avoid pain. Type eight, the assert are also called the challenger or the maverick, I think that is a cool name, they have the need to be against, they do not want to be harmed or controlled by others. So they have this motive to be protective, and be in control of their own life. They are self confident they are decisive, some might view them as confrontational. But it’s all motivated by this need to be self reliant, and avoid feeling weak or dependent. And finally, type nine, the peacemaker, they have a need to avoid. And that means avoid conflict often avoid discomfort. So they have this inner drive to maintain peace, peace of mind within peace around them. And it’s driven also by this fear of if there is disconnect, if there is discomfort, they will be separated from others, they will lose their connection to others. So what you will see in a type nine is someone who is receptive, agreeable, and generally pleasant to be around because they do want to avoid conflict. Now, keep in mind something else. For all of these types. What we learn from the enneagram is how we act when we’re stressed and how we act when we’re healthy. So once we kind of know our type, we’re going to look at the growth line, how do we act when we are secure and in a state of growth, for the type nine, they’re going to move to the type three. And how do we act when we’re stressed when we are feeling insecure, we are going to move to our stress line in the type nine moves to the type six. So each of these types move to a different number on the enneagram. So it’s not like we’re just locked in one box. And that’s who we are, we’re kind of dancing around this depending on our level of emotional health. So that is the enneagram. In a nutshell, I’m going to follow up now with each of these moms sharing and thank you to all of the moms who agreed to share I know this has been months in the making, because it has been hard to get people to send things in I know I forget all the time, too. I totally know how it goes. So thank you to the moms who are giving a voice to all of the types out there. And like I said, if you want to contribute yours, do contact me at simple on purpose dot c on Instagram or jump in the Facebook group if you want help identifying your type. And I will also mention here that for those of you who are also interested in life coaching, the enneagram is a tool I use in life coaching, if you know your type, or if you want to know your type and be coached alongside it, I will use the information of what your type tells are your stress points, your health points, and how you can grow through that type through the life coaching experience. So if you’re interested in that, get in touch with me otherwise, let’s head on out to the next episode. I’m going to start with type one, and roll these out throughout the week. So I would love to hear from you along the way. As you’re listening. I would love it if you would share a screenshot of the

episode tag me on Instagram. Tell me what your type is if you know that and I would just love to see all of us supporting these moms who have given a voice to their motherhood experience as we go through these episodes. Alright, I will see you in the next episode.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

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