One question I get so often is “how to get my husband to get rid of all his crap?”
I don’t have a magical formula to convince him to give up the ill-fitting company leather jacket from twenty years ago, or the questionable ‘comedy’ VHS from the 1990s – but I do have seven tips to help you navigate the conversations and process of decluttering with someone else in your home.
When most of us decide to become a minimalist we have laser eyes for everything that has got to go – and a lot of it is OTHER PEOPLE’S STUFF. Whether it is teens, grown kids, or your spouse these people like their things and do have some say over what happens to it.
We often find that the issue moves away from the STUFF in your home and becomes a RELATIONSHIP issue.
So, these are tips on decluttering when your spouse isn’t on board, but really, it’s marriage advice too. Because the goal is to declutter our home while preserving the relationships of those in our home. We don’t want to become minimalist at the cost of peace in our relationships.
Seven Tips for When Your Spouse Doesn’t Want to Declutter
1. Talk about the common vision
Sounds too simple right? But the more you can talk about the vision you each have for your space, the more you can find places where your vision overlaps and get excited about what you do agree on.
Having a vision is always more motivating because you are doing tasks for the sake of moving towards your vision rather than doing tasks for the sake of chores.
- Use this free worksheet to set some vision for your home
2. Quit trying to change them
If ex-boyfriends have taught us nothing it is that you cannot change people.
And really, when you feel like the person you love wishes you were different it feels crappy. It lays the foundation for resentment.
There is a difference in encouraging them to be their best, vs manipulating and shaming them for who they are
3. Declutter your own stuff first
The most common piece of advice, for a good reason.
Actions speak louder than words.
And you really don’t need a lot of words when your partner can see you feel lighter and have more space and mental clarity in your home.
4. Let communal items have communal input
I would pile up the ‘communal items’ that I thought we should get rid of and offered my husband a chance to go through them and grab what he wanted.
Because really, this is his home too and his stuff too. And we would all want someone to give us say about the things we wish to keep in our home.
5. Learn their why
You may not agree that your husband needs to keep the Pottie Tang VHS, but you can still ask why he wishes to….. like really, why???
Because we all keep things for a reason and that reason doesn’t need to make sense to us – just knowing they know their reason and they like it can let you off the hook of making this the issue you have conflict over.
6. Offer support
It is a hard step, but if you are willing to offer your support in helping them organize things it can be a game-changer.
It shows you are willing to let them figure things out, it shows you are empowering them to create the space they want too, and it gets things more organized which just feels like less clutter.
7. Let it be ok to disagree
Marriage is so weird right!? It is putting two different people, with different opinions, different tastes, different views on the world into ONE HOME. It is not easy and it is not without differences, which can feel like conflict.
It is ok to not see eye to eye. It is normal to disagree with your spouse.
As I mentioned in this episode, peace at all costs is not peace. At the end of the day, WHAT is in your home matters less than WHO is in there with you making it feel like home.
If this has helped you….
If you have like this episode, please share it with someone else who can use it.
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THE LIFE COACHING SESSION CONTEST!
To enter: share a photo of you listening to the podcast to your IG story and tag me in it!
Winner: gets a full hour life coaching session for themselves or to gift.
Some examples of topics you could get coaching on (all issues I have coached women on in the past):
- Parenting with more peace
- Shifting away from negative self-talk
- Handling your own perfectionism in motherhood
- Loving the people in your home even though they drive you crazy
- Showing up for yourself and the goals you want to achieve
- Being the mom you want to be
- Handling daily stress in motherhood
- Having more fun with your spouse and your kids
- Making big life decisions
- Preparing for a hard season of life
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