stay at home mom vs working mom

Have kids they said! It will be fun they said!

It is also challenging, heart wrenching, exhausting, and endless.

Four years and three kids in I can tell you, One: I have no clue what I’m really doing,  and Two: no, like really, I just make waffles, drink coffee and say a prayer that we will all make it through the day without endless tantrums and napping strikes. I’m home with the kids and my husband works full time. I gave up my career to be a stay at home mom by choice, but don’t feel sorry for me.

I can also say I know something about being a working mom. I went back to work part time when I was pregnant with Lenayah. I finally wore white again and was refreshed to bring back the ‘professional’ part of myself. It was a good experience, to a point. It was now two jobs, one at work and one at home, that I had to catch up on each time I left. It was our family time cut in half that I couldn’t make up anywhere else. I truly don’t know how some of you ladies work and mom it up, it is exhausting! I wish I could buy you all a meal service subscription so you never have to cook dinners again!

Oh, I suppose we could get into a debate on who has more meaning in their life; who has it it easier and harder: stay at home moms or working moms. Sure, but that would be clickbait! And sure, my page views would rocket! And sure, all my blogging goals would be fulfilled this month! Move over old Shawna! SHAWNA 2.0 IS HERE WITH CONTROVERSY AND BLOGGING SUCCESS!!!! BOOYAH!….. but, to me it’s not to be a heated debate. Big blogging goals aside, the only issue is that every mom is different and does what works for her family.

What I will say is that, for me, being a stay at home has been the most imperfectly perfect situation. Despite the picture painted of stay at home moms that they are constantly frazzled and disheveled with never a moment to herself, possible Stockholm syndrome from being held hostage by toddlers. I’m not a victim of my children or slave to my husband.

What motherhood looks like changes like seasons. Even within every day there are high highs and low lows. But every day is my own choice. Right now I’m sitting on a deck with a fresh coffee while the kids play in the yard and the exersaucer beside me. Right now I’m writing because this blog is my passion and maybe one day will be my business. Right now I’m being interrupted at the rate of once every 1.5 minutes and this post will likely take me four attempts to complete (status update: it took five tries!)

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Sure, there are days where I hope nobody stops by because I can’t remember if I put on deodorant, can’t find the source of that horrible smell in the bathroom and Lenayah keeps bringing all the tampons out of my room and interrogating me on what they are for. There are days the kids are so hard to handle that my husband walks in the door and I walk right out to have some peace. But this was all my choice. Being a stay at home doesn’t make me a martyr, a hero, or a watered down, impassive version of myself living in sweat pants. It does have some perks, not just limited to catnaps and mismatched fuzzy socks.

Being a SAHM/WAHM can be tough, but I just think of the reasons I prefer my stay at home mom life to my Working office-bound life:

  1. The only cell phone policy is ‘Maaaawwwwm, you HAVE to say, ‘say cheese sauce!’ ‘. I can spend all day texting my friends, communicating primarily in emojis and posting pics of my laundry to Instagram
  2. I can make waffles and espresso 24/7 and get no side-eye about coffee breaks and over-brunching
  3. When (read: IF) I do a workout at naptime, I can stay smelly or even treat myself to a shower without the hassle of having a sailor shower in the work bathroom that everyone stress poops in
  4. There are no agendas. Want moms over for tea? Go for it! Want to go to the park? Pack up those snacks. Want to spend the day in PJs learning Spanish from Dora and Arrested Development? Eres la mujer!!!
  5. Two words: Second Breakfasts. They are SO a thing! So is ‘Boozy Popsicle on the Deck’ Time and ‘Mom’s Special Coffee’ O’clock.
  6. Ninety percent of my daily problems and interpersonal dramas can be resolved with fruit snacks, bandaids and convincing my kids that their toys can come to life and emote sadness if they are mean to one another.
  7. If I don’t like someone’s crappy behaviour I can send them to their room or take their toys away. Then pull them close to me and smush their warm face against mine and all is well again
  8. I am in full control of the important things in life like, my thermostat, disposal of expired condiments in the fridge, toilet paper selection and what passes as an ergonomically correct work space.

I might have to buy myself one of Brim Papery’s mugs…..

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Of course the ultimate reason is that I can be with my kids while they are still small. This is the life I wanted to live rather the living I wanted to earn. It is the choice that was right for us, especially since we are trying to live our life ‘On Purpose‘.

I would love to hear your reasons on why you think being a SAHM trumps work life, or visa versa! Leave them on the Facebook Page!

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